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The apartment had been silent for most of the night. Not even a mouse was moving or the sound of Enjolras frantically scribbling out his latest speech or a report. Combeferre counted that as a success, as Enjolras had been doing his usual working until he dropped act again, but thankfully after much persuasion Enjolras decided to go to bed as the cause would have more success if he was awake. Combeferre may or may not have done a victory jig when Enjolras had closed his text book and put the lid of his pen back on, and claimed that he was tired.
Even though this could be a success in the eyes of many and they could use this opportunity to get some well earned sleep, Combeferre wasn't tired at all. He did try to get to sleep, but he found that he couldn't. It wasn't that the bed was too hard or too soft-in fact that he never did experience that problem, as he spent the extra money that he had on a quality mattress, and it was worth it, even though the food budget went back down to ramen again. The pillow wasn't too hot or too cold and even though Combeferre had turned it around several times to make himself comfortable, he couldn't get to sleep no matter how much he fluffed up his pillow.
You know that feeling when you are trying to get to sleep, but your mind goes into that mode where it seems to bring up and analyse every single moment of your past? The feeling that your brain is flicking through all of your memories quickly as if it was choosing a program to watch on the television, even though there is nothing on. This feeling was happening to Combeferre, and it was the thing that was preventing him from sleeping, and the feeling wouldn't go away no matter how many sheep he counted or deep breaths that he took.
His brain wasn't analysing anything from his past, such as the time he called a teacher 'Mum,' when he was sixteen and all of the embarrassing and idiotic things that he had done in his whole life, that he tried to shove in a dark corner of his mind and he hoped that they wouldn't reach the light of day.
But it was analysing what was going to happen one day, that could be soon or later, but Combeferre didn't know when it was going to happen and that was making it worse. Combeferre was the type of person who liked organisation and routine-one of the many traits that he shared with Enjolras. While Enjolras liked everything to be done to the complete second as most things were, apart from his own needs, Combeferre allowed things to have more leniency, but they had to be planned out in advance, to make sure they had space for a change of plans. The problem was that he didn't know when the whole 'revolution,' that Enjolras and the rest of their group had been planning for years now was going to happen.
However Combeferre was sensing that it was going to happen soon, and to be honest it scared him shitless. He knew that he believed in the new world almost as much as Enjolras, but the fear of the consequences of it, were more terrifying than the forces that were going to happen to them if they didn't succeed. The path to their revolution only had two turns, and once they went down one turn, they would never be able to turn back to the comforting mundane life that they currently lived in.
Combeferre sighed as he pulled himself from his bed and shoved his glasses on his face, as it was clear that he wasn't going to be sleeping that night, no matter how many sheep that he counted. To be honest there was no point in counting sheep, as it would lead to his mind Enjolras starting a rant on how society is a flock of sheep and how people don't make up their own minds about things and how they stick to status quo. Combeferre did love Enjolras, but at the moment , he didn't need to have a physical Enjolras or one in his head droning on about the future.
Padding his way into the living room, Combeferre had no idea about how he was going to pass the time until the morning light would shine through the poorly fitted blinds in the window. The blinds used to be fitted properly and they used to open and shut, but they lost that ability after Bahorel and Courfeyrac thought it would be a good idea to throw about a ball in the living room, and as a result of that the window got smashed and the blinds got damaged, and neither Courfeyrac or Bahorel had paid them back for damaging the blinds despite their claims that they would do so.
Combeferre could have watched the television, but he decided against that when he remembered that Enjolras's hearing was really sensitive and even the slightest of noises could rouse him from slumber, and Combeferre was set on Enjolras sleeping for as long as possible. Combeferre also decided that he wouldn't do any school work of any kind, mostly as he would feel like a hypocrite, as he set the rule of not doing school work after eleven at night, and if it applied to Enjolras, it should have applied to him as well.
As those methods of stress relief were out, Combeferre thought of the only thing that he could do now was pull out the mixing bowl and a wooden spoon and bake something.
He didn't know where or when he started to stress bake, but it really didn't matter to be honest. For as long as he could remember, in moments of complete and utter stress he would start to bake. There was a calming feeling of watching a cake rise and the smell of sweetness that followed. There was the satisfying feeling of working out frustrations as you kneaded out bread dough. There was also a sense of happiness that you feel you stirred batter into the perfect silky smooth consistency.
And you got a treat at the end of all the stress of the day, and as a result of that, Combeferre thought that his stress baking was a rather good way to let out frustration. Whenever he was feeling anxious about something or he was angry or just upset, the oven would be switched on and Combeferre would make cakes and pastries and other treats.
The stress baking would always be at its worst during exam time and Combeferre would spend the whole day making his friends cakes at the same time as doing last minute revision. His friends didn't find out about his stress baking during his exams until Joly and Feuilly walked in into the apartment to find Combeferre looking over anatomy notes while making devil's food cake and crying over the fear of failing the exam. But recently the thing that was stressing him out the most was his best friend.
It wasn't that he thought that Enjolras was stupid for thinking that he could change the world, in fact that he believe with all his heart that Enjolras could do that. Combeferre believed that he and all of his friends could do it eventually with all of his heart and nothing could ever change that.
The part of what he was rather worried about was when his friends and Enjolras, especially talked about dying for the cause and becoming martyrs for it. He believed in the cause, he really did. But he also believed in a way to achieve it in a more peaceful manner.
Sighing to himself Combeferre shook his head to try and get those thoughts out of mind, as he started to look for the ingredients for what he was going to make. Combeferre would make certain things depending on the mood that he was feeling. Meringue of all kinds were made when he was at his happiest, as only featherweight meringues were the only thing that could show how happy he felt at certain moments. Lemon cake or just plain sponges were made during moments when he was experiencing writers block on his school work, as when Combeferre couldn't be creative when writing about the human heart, his baking wasn't creative either.
Bread was only reserved for when he was angry, and Combeferre rarely made bread. The only time that he made bread is when he was really annoyed and he needed to take out his frustrations on something and even though he sometimes wanted to punch someone in the face, he couldn't, instead he took out his frustration on the dough. Enjolras and Courfeyrac knew to leave Combeferre alone when he was making bread, and if they wanted to talk to him or at least give him a hug, they would wait for the bread to be in the oven, or they were at the risk of getting a bag of flour thrown at them.
When Combeferre was particularly worried about something, he would always make chocolate cake. Chocolate cake was only reserved for when he was worried, as it was the most comforting out of all cakes and baked goods to Combeferre. And right now, Combeferre was making a chocolate cake and nothing could stop him.
Combeferre never used recipes when he baked, he didn't need to. All the cakes and baked goods that he ever made were recipes that were etched into his memory and he doubted that he would ever forget them. Every time that he baked, he would be comforted by the warm feeling and smells from his grandmother's kitchen. He could even remember the songs that his grandmother would sing as she sieved flour and decorated fairy cakes. Even the horrendous coloured apron that his grandmother wore, brought back happy memories for Combeferre, even though he hated the apron with a passion as it looked like old wallpaper.
Combeferre took all the ingredients that he needed and he started to methodically add them to the bowl without second thought or even considering the measurements. Even though he never really made chocolate cake, it was still one of his favourite recipes and it was the first recipe that he learnt off by heart.
The kitchen was turning into a mess, but Combeferre didn't even really care about it. It was two o'clock in the morning and he was making a chocolate cake to take his mind off his fear of the future, the cleaning could be done later. Combeferre didn't even care that the bag of flour split everywhere and it covered his pajamas, or the fact that he dropped an egg and it split on the floor. It was two in the morning and not even the ever so perfect Combeferre, could be ever so perfect at this time in the morning.
Combeferre managed to get himself lost in the notion of baking, the sound of the mixer managed to drone out the noise of the constant worry in his head. During the times where he would keep thinking about Enjolras talking about becoming a martyr, he would turn the mixer up faster. Cake batter went everywhere and it splattered on his glasses. It was a messy way to get the thoughts out of his head, but it was worth the mess. And besides mess could be cleaned up easily, but death couldn't be.
Once the cake was in the oven, Combeferre sat himself down on the kitchen table with the baking bowl with the leftover cake mixture and a spoon. Combeferre knew that he shouldn't be eating uncooked cake mixture, but he couldn't care what Joly was going to say about it. What Joly didn't know, wouldn't kill him.
Quiet footsteps padded softly into the kitchen from the hallway and into the kitchen. Before Combeferre even looked up from his bowl of cake mixture, Enjolras was sitting in the chair across from him with horrible bedhead and a spoon that he was dipping into the bowl of mixture. Combeferre only gave Enjolras a small smile before he shoved the bowl in Enjolras's direction.
Enjolras dipped his spoon into the mixture several times and he licked the spoon clean like a cat. After three spoons of cake mixture, Enjolras put his spoon down and passed the bowl back to Combeferre. "Chocolate cake." Enjolras stated as he wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his shirt. "Is there anything in particular that is making you worried?"
Combeferre sighed before taking a mouthful of cake batter, despite being a rather great speaker and being able to go into great detail when answering a question, Enjolras was rather blunt when he was asking them. But it didn't help that Enjolras had known him for years and knew basically everything about him. And Enjolras had been the victim of many stressed out late night baking sessions.
"There is nothing that is making me worried." Combeferre said with a smile. "The only thing that is making me worried, is that you aren't getting enough sleep. Shouldn't you be in bed now?"
"I could be asking you the same thing," Enjolras said with a raised eyebrow. "You are making chocolate cake at two in the morning, it is definitely a sign that something is worrying you."
Combeferre dipped his spoon into the batter before answering his best friend. He tried to think what to say, and it was proving to be rather difficult. But then again, it wasn't every day you had the chance to tell your best friend, 'I'm getting rather worried about this revolutionary stuff. I believe in the cause as much as you do, but I don't want you to become a martyr for it, as you have so much to live for, and I don't know what I would do without you being my little brother.' Combeferre never planned that he would ever tell Enjolras that and he knew that even if he told Enjolras that, Enjolras would do what he feared anyway.
"What do you think the new world is going to be like , once you have that revolution you always talk about?" Combeferre asked as he passed the bowl of cake mix back to Enjolras.
Enjolras's eyes took on a dreamy, glassy sort of look that Combeferre had only seen him sport when he was in a speech talking about the 'new world,' that he must have talked about at least a thousand times, but Combeferre never got tired of hearing about. "Can't you just imagine it? A world where people don't have to be scared of what others may think of others may think of who they love and what they are. A world where people like Feuilly don't need to work their fingers to the bone to just get by in the world. A world where people will just look at Jehan and they will not question who they are and they will only pay attention to their words. A world where Joly and Bossuet can make their way to the hospital without having to worry about the bills in the future. A world that we can only dream of, a world that can give us everything that the people deserve, the right-,"
"To be free." Combeferre said softy.
Enjolras nodded, with a determined look on his face. "And we will achieve it, if we fight for it."
Combeferre didn't speak for several minutes, instead of even looking at his best friend, he stared at the bowl of cake mix and stirred it slowly with his spoon to put off talking to Enjolras. He knew that Enjolras wasn't going to like what his concerns made him worry about, as he knew that Enjolras wanted the new world as soon as possible and he knew the risks, but Combeferre wasn't wanting Enjolras to take them. It was too dangerous and so much could do dreadfully wrong in a short time.
Enjolras looked at him for several minutes with a look of concern carved into the marble wall that was his face. A look that was so rarely used it was a slight surprise to Combeferre to see it. Reaching over, Enjolras put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, trying to be as comforting as he could be. Courfeyrac and Bahorel often joked that Enjolras had the emotional range of a teaspoon, but a simple shoulder squeeze from his was worth a bucket full of emotions from him, and Combeferre was extremely grateful for the gesture.
"There is something that is worrying you, and I don't like seeing you worried , 'Ferre." Enjolras said softly after giving his shoulder another firm squeeze.
Combeferre knew that he should talk about what was worrying him, but finding the words to say was a difficult task to do. Combeferre knew that he would need to tell Enjolras his worries sometime, otherwise the amount of chocolate cakes would build up and he would soon have a bakery of untold secrets and anxiety.
"Do you ever think that there is a way we can get the new world without drastic measures?" Combeferre asked after a few more tense minutes. "There must be a way to do it without fighting for it." Combeferre knew that Enjolras would reply with a shake of his head , but there still had to be hope for managing to change the world without being so drastic about it.
Enjolras shook his head slightly. "I know that you hope that we don't resort to violence, but the measure of violence is important, that has to be an option for us to achieve our goal. You know that a riot gets more attention than just a simple protest."
"But there is a greater risk, Enjolras." Combeferre said with a slight edge to his voice. He noticed the way that Enjolras winced slightly.
"I know that there a risk, Combeferre. There are risks for everything in life, and this is just one of them." Enjolras said calmly. "Do you not think that the Amis are aware of it? They all know the risks, they knew that the occasion may happen and they are prepared for that."
"I don't care if they are prepared for it. It is something that we shouldn't be ready for!" Combeferre hissed. He didn't expect himself to get so wound up about his whole conversation, but all emotion came flooding into him when he thought about his friends, some of the most precious humans that have danced into his life-getting hurt and especially Enjolras. The last protest they had got nasty and Enjolras ended up getting a broken rib and a black eye from it, and Feuilly managed to get his wrist broken-and that lead to some financial issues. The rest of their friends were fortunate and they only got minor bruises and scrapes-but it was still one of the most terrifying moments in Combeferre life, watching Enjolras get swept into the crowd and the sound of police cars in the distance among the screams.
"Why have you become so cynical lately?" Enjolras asked in a hiss. "You are becoming like Grantaire. Do you not believe that we will succeed?"
Combeferre sighed and pinched his nose and counted to ten before answering. "I do believe that we will succeed, but we need to get it done in a more peaceful manner than what has happened. One of us is going to get really badly hurt one day, and it will be you." He knew that this wasn't the kindest thing that he would say that morning, but it had been the greatest concern that had been floating in his head for months and it had to be said, whenever he or Enjolras liked it.
Enjolras sat back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest and gave Combeferre a deadly look. "If that happens, I will consider it a blessing then. I can be a martyr and I can set off a spark of revolution then."
"The only difference between suicide and martyrdom is press coverage." Combeferre exclaimed as he banged his fist on the table. "You have so much to live for and you are wasting it on one cause."
"I would keep on dying for the one cause, if it meant that we achieved our goal, than to live a coward and not die for anything that I care about."
"But I don't want you to die at all." Combeferre said in a whisper.
The harsh look that Enjolras was sporting on his face, quickly sobered to a concerned look, that Combeferre or any of the Amis saw on Enjolras's face. Combeferre could swear that Enjolras's eyes looked sad. Enjolras was silent for a few painful moments before the look of sudden realization came on his face. "Is this the reason that you are worried?" He asked quietly,
Combeferre closed his eyes and nodded slowly. Even admitting this was painful to Combeferre and he was expecting the concern to soon wash off Enjolras and be replaced with anger that was ignited by the fact that his guide was worried about a small detail that was actually a big deal to other people.
"I just don't want you to get hurt." Combeferre admitted.
"I'm not a child, Combeferre." Enjolras said softly.
"I know that you are not, but you are my little brother and I don't want you to get hurt. I don't know what I would do without you."
"You would help guide the world to freedom, if something should happen to me." Enjolras said with a nod of finality. "I don't see why you are so worried over me, I'm sure that you would be perfectly fine without me."
"It's is not just you that I am worried about, don't want you to take that to your head, as you know how vain you get." Combeferre said with a small laugh as he attempted to loosen up the incredibly tense atmosphere with a joke. It wasn't working well, but Courfeyrac was always the one with the ability to make a joke and at least crack a few smiles, even in the tenses of times.
"Combeferre," Enjolras said with a small sigh, as he placed a hand over his best friend's. "You know that the new world is going to come soon, and there are going to be some casualties before we get our goal."
"But isn't there a better way of doing things?" Combeferre asked. "There must be."
"No one is going to listen to us if we just protest, and we need to take matters into our own hands." Enjolras said calmly. "I want the children of the world today to experience the new world tomorrow. It pains me to make them wait for it. I'm sure that it gives you pain as well."
Combeferre nodded slowly . He knew that there was no other answer. Enjolras was right as always. The one thing that made Combeferre fight for the cause was the concept of the children of tomorrow being able to have a good life, in a new world and they would never have to think about what life was like before the revolution that the group was planning. There was no point in fighting with Enjolras over his desire for the new world.
There is a word for it, you know. There is a word for you willing to give up what you believe in for your best friend, even if you don't believe in what your friend believes in. Some call it devotion. Some call it loyalty. Combeferre is sure that there is another word for it, but he can't think of it at the moment, but he will think of it once the new world was rising, even though it might be some time later at an unknown day.
"What do you think what should we should do now?" Combeferre asked. The oven timer went off with a soft ping and it filled the room even though it was quiet. "It is clear that things are going to happen one way or the other to get the goal that we want."
Enjolras stood up and went over to the oven and put on the flowery oven gloves on his hands and took the chocolate cake out of the oven. Almost immediately the sweet aroma of the cake and chocolate filled the room in a delightful fashion. The cake was soon cut up and placed onto two small plates. "I think that we should eat cake and we will cross the bridge when we need to, but at the moment there is cake that is needing to eaten and I don't know about you, but I am rather hungry at the moment."
Combeferre let out a soft chuckle before he put a fork full of cake in his mouth, he didn't care that Joly would be screaming at him and Enjolras and eating a chocolate cake at three in the morning, but after the conversation that they had and all of his worries, the cake was definitely needed.
Enjolras hummed in delight as he soon went onto his second piece of cake, not too long after Combeferre had only eaten a few mouthfuls of his piece. "I swear that this is the best cake that you have made in a while 'Ferre." Enjolras said with a mouthful of cake. "You should get worried more often, if you keep making cakes like this."
Combeferre let out a chuckle at his normally dignified friend's comment with his mouth full of cake, it was so strange to see Enjolras with a lack of decorum and it was rather amusing. "With you Enjolras, you make me worried all the time. You should be thankful that you haven't gotten fat from all the chocolate cakes that I would make all the time, as that is how worried I am about you."
"What things about me that make you worried then?" Enjolras asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Well for a start," Combeferre said with a smirk as he started to count of all of his points with his fingers. "it is a very long list, something include, your shocking amount of hair product that you use, the time that you got dreadlocks was a rather worrying time for me and Courfeyrac." Combeferre said with a laugh, as Enjolras flinched from the memory of the dreads, that he thought were a good way to protest against social norm –but it ended up being his worst mistake. "But I think that your love for France is rather concerning and that tops the list."
"You love France almost as much as I do." Enjolras said. "You don't need to make fun of me."
"You are right, mon ami," Combeferre said with a smile gracing his face. "And since I love France so much, I am going to follow you on whatever you do, as I believe that you will know best and what is right."
"I knew that you were a man of heart, 'Ferre, but I imagined that you would be like this over a slice of cake."
"You would be surprised about the wisdom that I spurt when I am sleep deprived and eating a chocolate worry cake. Maybe I should make it a full time profession. What do you think of the concept of a bakery and a used book store together? We could call it 'One cake more, another bun another calorie. I thought that it is rather good. "
Enjolras snorted out loudly before bursting out into a loud chuckle that echoed happily around the room and it made Combeferre let out a small laugh as well. It wasn't that often that Enjolras would laugh loudly and like the way that he was currently doing, but it was one of the nicest sounds ever imagined. Enjolras had the laughter that could easily beat St Nicholas during a completion to see who could 'Ho, Ho ho,' the loudest.
"I think that this is the proof my friend, that we should be in bed by now, as your normal rapier sharp wit has gone down tremendously after some cake mix. Maybe it is the raw egg that is making you go crazy, Joly wouldn't be happy with you."
"How you wound me, Enjolras!" Combeferre exclaimed as he placed a dramatic hand over his heart. "Anyway, you ate the cake mix as well, Joly would murder you if he found out."
"Where I go, I am dragging you with me. Even if it is through hell, I am not going alone. Who else would keep me from going crazy?" Enjolras said as he wiped the crumbs away from his chin, even though he missed a large smear of chocolate icing that was on the corner of his mouth.
"You are right, Enjolras. I will follow you wherever you go and that is even into the dark." Combeferre said as he wrapped an arm around his best friend who was really more of a little brother to him. No matter what Enjolras would want to do even if the methods were not the way Combeferre would prefer them to be, he would be on the front with Enjolras and Courfeyrac and he would protect them no matter the cost.
The new world was coming soon and the dawn was rising.
Enjolras only replied with a tired smile and a yawn.
The apartment was soon silent for that night, once more. And not even the bothersome thoughts that annoyed Combeferre couldn't wake him from the slumber that he was now sharing with his little brother. They slept slumped over on the sofa together with cake all over their faces with an arm wrapped around each other, content with the fact that they were perfectly safe and they were waiting for the dawn to come when the world decided that it needed the much needed light that Enjolras and the rest of the Amis were going to bring one day.
