Total Drama Insanity

Well, everyone, I've decided to create a Total Drama Island fic. Why you may ask? Well, considering how many fanfics have already been created dealing with Total Drama Island…I figured that I couldn't go too wrong. And I figured I could probably create a fic that's a parody of sorts, as you can tell by the title.

Nonetheless, let me know what you think of this fic, and if there's anything I can do better. Feel free to leave me any suggestions in your reviews.

Chapter 1: Introducing The Campers

Blaineley was standing outside the docks of Total Drama Island holding a microphone. She had a big smile on her face, and looked eager to begin the show.

"Hello everyone, and welcome to the next season of Total Drama Island! I'm your host, Blaineley!" she exclaimed. "You're probably wondering what happened to Chris and why he isn't hosting this season. To make a long story short, he's in prison for turning the island into a toxic dump. So if you're not happy that I've replaced him, then too bad! Deal with it!"

"Anyways," she continued. "Due to the fact that I did not feel like watching audition tapes, I decided to include campers that have already competed in previous seasons. First of all, let's welcome Owen, the winner of the original Total Drama Island!"

Shortly afterwards, a yacht arrived, and standing onboard was Owen, who was eating a delicious hamburger.

"Hey Blaineley. I thought you were-"

"Of course not, silly! Everyone knows I'm hotter than a boiling volcano!" Blaineley cut off Owen. "And I also happen to know a very good doctor."

FLASHBACK

Blaineley was strapped to an operating table, and a mad doctor approached her.

"Don't worry, this is a completely safe medical procedure! Unfortunately due to budget cuts, I won't be able to use anesthesia! But it will be over in just a jiffy!"

Blaineley immediately screamed, but unfortunately due to her bandages she wasn't able to do so effectively. All she could do really was watch as the mad doctor pulled out a bunch of medical instruments.

"By the way, I heard about what happened to Chris. He's in prison for making the island radioactive, right?" he asked.

"Mm-hmm…apparently it wasn't such a good idea to start mutating the local life, now was it? He got what he deserved…and I got what I deserved because they picked me to be in charge of the show!" Blaineley squealed.

Meanwhile at a maximum security prison…

"This isn't fair! Let me out of here! I didn't do anything to deserve this! I am perfect, I tell you! Perfect!" he screamed, shaking the bars as he did so.

Chris peeled his hair out in frustration. How could the government do this to the hottest man in the world? Apparently they were jealous of his good looks. And he heard on the newspaper that they hired Blaineley to take over the show as a replacement. This infuriated him to no end.

"How can this get any worse?" he asked.

Chris's question was then answered when a rather obese inmate known by the name of "Chubby" went up to him. He looked angry for some strange reason. Maybe he didn't have lunch.

"Um…hello?" greeted the former millionaire.

For a moment it looked like he was going to attack him…but then Chubby recognized him as the host of Total Drama Island. However, this did not prove fortunate for Chris at all.

"Hey I know you! You're Chris Maclean, the host of Total Drama Island! I am such a big fan!" he squealed. He picked up Chris and began hugging him tightly.

"We're going to be the best of friends!" he squealed once again.

"Someone kill me!" screamed Chris.

Back to the campers…

"Wow, Chris certainly has a rough life ahead of him." spoke Owen.

"Anyways, let's welcome our next contestant…who by the way managed to win Total Drama Revenge of the Island! At least he did so in the American version…I don't understand why they keep mixing the winners and the runner-ups around. Their brains must be scrambled or something." Blaineley stated.

"Lightning is in the house!" exclaimed Lightning as he walked towards the dock.

"So, how does it feel to have worn the fourth season? It must be nice to have your own stadium. " asked the hostess.

"It sure does! Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll be able to give Cameron a wedgie this season!" exclaimed the jock.

"Alright then…let's welcome our third contestant…Gwen!" greeted Blaineley.

"Oh look. I'm back for another round of Total Drama Island." said the goth girl.

"How does it feel to be back after missing out on the fourth season?" greeted the blonde.

"I really don't know what to say. I just hope that I don't have to eat eucalyptus again." Gwen explained.

"Our fourth contestant is Dawn!" exclaimed Blaineley.

As it turns out, the moonchild was busy meditating, and therefore she did not seem to notice them. Blaineley was not amused that she wasn't paying attention to her, and she immediately pulled out a foghorn.

"Wake up!" demanded the angry former talk show host.

Dawn immediately jumped in surprise. "Huh? What? Sorry. I must have gone into a trance. I'm pleased to meet you all." apologized Dawn.

"So, are you happy to be in the fifth season?" asked Blaineley.

"Just as long as I don't get framed for stealing from others again. Stupid Scott." she mumbled.

"Scott is a jerk! Lightning is glad that he ended up being crippled! I sure would love to get him a wedgie, that's for sure!" replied Lightning.

"Well, it looks like you're going to get your chance because our next contestant is Scott!" answered Blaineley.

"WHAT?!" Dawn and Lightning both screamed.

Scott chuckled to himself as the yacht pulled over to the dock.

"Heh heh, it's good to be back." he chuckled to himself.

"I see that you've been cured from your paralysis. Are you ready for another season of Total Drama Island?" Blaineley asked.

"I sure am. Heh heh." answered Scott.

Immediately, Owen and Gwen got the feeling that Scott was a total jerk, and that they wouldn't be enjoying the show with him around.

"Our next contestant is another fan favorite, please welcome Zoey!" welcomed Blaineley.

"Hi everyone! It's nice to be on the show again." greeted Zoey.

"So, are you ready for another season?" asked the hostess.

"As long as I'll get to be with Mike. He's the perfect boyfriend!" replied the indie chick.

"Well guess what! He's one of the contestants too!" said Blaineley.

Zoey was very happy about this, to say the very least. As soon as Mike arrived on the island, she immediately gave him a great big hug.

"It's nice to see you too, Zoey." answered Mike.

"Our eighth contestant is a fan favorite, and is possibly the craziest person in the world! Please welcome Izzy!" shouted Blaineley.

"Woohoo! I'm back for another season!" squealed Izzy.

"I bet you're excited." said Blaineley.

"You bet I am! I'm going to rock this island! And best of all, the RCMP will never get me alive!" exclaimed the fiery redhead, raising her hands into the air.

"Sheesh, and people call me crazy." thought Mike, who began to wonder if Izzy was an escaped asylum inmate.

"We've got even more contestants coming! Say hello to Sam!" yelled Blaineley.

Unsurprisingly, Sam was making out with his girlfriend Dakota, and therefore wasn't paying attention. Once again, Blaineley got angry and resorted to using the foghorn.

"Quit making out and introduce yourselves already!" she screamed.

"Whoops sorry! I might have not been paying attention." apologized Sam.

"Sheesh, take it easy! You're not the only one whose a celebrity, you know." complained Dakota.

"Mm-hmm sure. So Sam, have you been looking forward to another season of Total Drama Island? Or have you been just sitting at home playing video games?" asked Blaineley.

"Both, actually." replied Sam.

"As for you Dakota, I see that you're no longer a mutant." stated the hostess.

"Believe me, it took ages for those scientists to finally turn me back to normal. But it feels great to be back on the island again." answered Dakota.

"Shame, I actually enjoyed how you looked when you were a mutant." replied Sam.

"Am I going to become a mutant again?" the fame monger asked Dawn. "You warned me that disasters would happen if I stayed on the island…and well…"

"Nope. I do not sense any mutations to any of the campers happening in the near future…except for maybe memetic mutations. But it's not like I'm perfect." answered Dawn.

Dakota let out a sigh of relief.

"Speaking of mutants, guess who's going to be competing this time!" yelled Blaineley.

"Do you have an indoors voice?" asked Gwen.

"Not when I'm greeting contestants!" exclaimed Blaineley.

Soon enough the next boat arrived, and on it was another camper that had experienced mutation…like Dakota, he had mysteriously turned back to normal, and was now wearing a horseshoe around his neck.

"Hey everyone. I'm surprised you've brought me back after what happened during Total Drama World Tour to be honest…to think I would end up becoming a creature from The Lord of The Rings that wanted nothing less than to obtain the million dollar prize money…I'm glad that I've finally come back to my senses." explained Ezekiel.

"What's that around your neck?" asked Owen.

"Oh that. My dad gave it towards me to give it good luck…hopefully that way I won't end up becoming a monster like I did last season. It felt so weird." Ezekiel stated.

"Tell me about it." answered Dakota.

"Here comes Cameron!" exclaimed Blaineley.

"Hi everyone! It's good to be back on the island, and it's great to see you all again." greeted Cameron.

Unfortunately for the bubble boy, Lightning lived up to his name when he ran up behind him and before he could react, gave him a wedgie, causing him to grimace.

"Aargh! What was that for!" he screamed.

"Hey look everyone! He's wearing Hello Kitty underwear!" Lightning taunted.

"Did you really have to give him a wedgie?" inquired Dawn.

"But giving wedgies is fun!" he answered.

"Not to me." whimpered the nerd.

"Says you!" retorted the jock.

"You can save the wedgies for later, because right now we're welcoming yet another contestant! Here comes Tyler!" screeched Blaineley.

"I sure hope Lindsay is here this season…it just wouldn't be the same without her." said Tyler as he stepped onto the dock.

"Actually, she is. Her boat is coming up right now." Blaineley explained.

Tyler immediately smiled at the sight of his girlfriend.

"Hey Skyler! I see that you've one of the contestants too…am I right?" asked Lindsay.

"Mm-hmm. And my name is Tyler! Don't you remember?" asked Tyler.

"Of course I remember! Your name is Phil!" Lindsay exclaimed.

Tyler facepalmed. Why was his name so hard for his girlfriend to remember? It's not like any of the other contestants had trouble remembering it.

"Our next contestant is Heather." explained Blaineley.

Gwen groaned.

"I thought you were dead." answered Cameron.

"Of course I'm not dead! Who the heck even dies on this stupid show! I certainly don't, that's for sure!" yelled Heather.

"Didn't you perish in the zeppelin explosion?" asked Lightning.

"Ah yes…about that…let's just say that I'm glad I had health insurance." answered Heather.

"I still don't understand how you survived." Dawn stated.

"Shut up!" exclaimed Heather.

"Our next contestant for some reason, never talks." Blaineley stated.

Immediately, Dawn realized who it was, and she immediately smiled.

B simply waved to his fellow campers.

"Does he ever talk?" asked Gwen.

"Apparently not." answered Tyler.

Izzy herself was particularly curious.

"Hello…is there anyone there? Hello?! C'mon, say something!" Izzy demanded.

B simply shrugged.

"It's a good thing we have Dawn to translate." thought Cameron.

"For our next contestant, we have Duncan!" shouted Blaineley.

Duncan arrived on the island, looking indifferent like Gwen.

"I don't really see why you want me on the show so bad, you know? Then again, it's not like I have anything better to do." stated the bully.

"He reminds me of Lightning." thought Cameron.

Immediately, Gwen gave Duncan a hug.

"I missed you too…I guess." he answered.

"Now let's welcome his ex-girlfriend Courtney!" exclaimed Blaineley.

"Oh no…" thought Duncan.

"Before you make me participate in any more horrible challenges, I'll let you know that I have the right to a lawyer!" yelled out Courtney.

"Sheesh." thought Zoey.

"Yeah yeah yeah, who cares? Let's welcome Brick, shall we?" said Blaineley.

As soon as Brick arrived on the island, he immediately gave his fellow campers a military salute.

"You're not going to make me drop down and give you twenty, are you?" asked Tyler.

"What? Of course not. I'm just here so I can stay in shape. And maybe get some prize money too. And of course make new friends." answered Brick.

"Nice to see you again, Brick!" greeted Zoey.

"Should I drop down and give you twenty?" asked Mike.

"If you want you can give me twenty dollars." shrugged the cadet.

"Sorry, I don't have that money on me. I spent it all on getting that pendant for Zoey." answered the teen with multi-personality disaster.

"Very well then." he said.

"Once again, let's welcome another contestant. Here comes Cody!" exclaimed Blaineley.

"Um, hi?" asked Cody. "I was expecting Chris."

"He's behind bars! He can rot in Hell for all I care!" exclaimed the hostess.

"OK…" whimpered Cody.

"Anyways, let's welcome your little girlfriend Sierra…" answered Blaineley.

"Oh no…" he thought.

Immediately, Sierra pounced on top of Cody and began making out with him.

"I thought we agreed to be friends!" he exclaimed.

"That looks like fun! Let me try!" exclaimed Izzy.

Gwen simply facepalmed. "Sheesh, and to think I turned Cody down every time he tried to go out with me…" she muttered.

"Our last contestant is Alejandro!" yelled Blaineley.

Unsurprisingly, several of the Total Drama Island campers fell for his good looks…but the other contestants simply groaned, remembering all the horrible things he had done last season. And how had he recovered anyway? Did a wizard heal him or something? If so, that might have explained why Scott was in tip-top shape as well.

"So, how does it feel to be back?" asked the hostess of Total Drama.

"I'm just glad not to have to wear that suit that makes me look like Darth Vader anymore. Did Chris think what happened to me was a joke or what? Sheesh, and people say I'm evil." answered Alejandro.

"Now then, let me explain what you're all going to get if you win this particular season of Total Drama Island." Blaineley explained. "If you manage to win this season…you'll be getting one million dollars…"

Most of the campers smiled at the thought of winning that kind of money…

"-and fifty cents." continued Blaineley.

The campers then sweatdropped.

"Is Chef still cooking?" asked Owen.

The sound of an oven exploding confirmed this theory.

"Dang nabbit! I knew I shouldn't have bought that oven on Ebay! Now I'm going to have to go and get another one…" grumbled Chef.

Confessional: Time To Confess To All The Horrible Things You've Ever Done…Or Just Stop By To Talk To Yourself

Owen: You know it's funny…if I hadn't thrown the hundred thousand dollars away for a chance to win a million…there probably wouldn't even be a fifth season…

Gwen: *yawn* This show is the same every year…one camper wins, the others get nothing. And that's what always happens to me.

Heather: Why is it that every time I compete something bad always happens to me? The first time I participated on this show I had my head shaved!

Duncan: I wonder if I can make another million on this show…then again it's not like I enjoy this show in the first place.

Izzy: Million dollars and fifty cents here I come!

Zoey: I just hope that I don't get eliminated by a jock again.

Mike: Did Blaineley really have to include Scott as a contestant? It's not like anyone likes him…I sure don't anyway.

Scott: *he is rubbing his hands together*

Alejandro: *he is smiling to the camera*

Cody: *he is covered with kiss marks*

Sierra: Maybe if I win this season, Cody will finally love me! Then again it probably doesn't work that way…*sigh*

Brick: *he is giving a military salute*

Courtney: If I don't win the show this time, I'm going to sue it into oblivion!

Cameron: Getting a wedgie hurts.

Lightning: *he is flexing his muscles*

Lindsay: What was I going to say again?

Tyler: I just hope that I don't encounter any more chickens…*shudder*

Dakota: I sure hope Dawn is right and I don't end up being mutated again…

Ezekiel: *sigh* I'm probably going to be voted off first again…

Sam: *he is playing a videogame*

B: *he is simply smiling and waving to the camera*

After introducing all the campers, Blaineley began to feel exhausted. Talking to all the campers had taken away all her energy, and she wanted to take a nice relaxing break. After changing into her rather revealing swimsuit, she decided to go over and have a nice relaxing soak in the hot tub she had reserved for herself personally. However, just when she was about to step in…

"GRAARGGHHH!" screamed a teenage boy, who emerged from the water.

"Aah! Who the heck are you!" screamed Blaineley

The teenager was wearing a white shirt and blue jeans, had blonde hair, was wearing glasses, and above all else, he looked angry.

"My name is James! But what does that even matter? This fanfic sucks! It's not original at all! Everyone is completely out of character! Chris isn't even the host of the show! This fanfic is complete and utter garbage! I demand Ohforftheloveofpete to take it off the site immediately!" screamed the boy.

"I don't think the author's making them that out of character…wait, what am I saying? Get out of here now! I need my privacy!" demanded Blaineley.

"Not until the author deletes this piece of garbage!" exclaimed James.

"But if he does that, we won't see the end of the story…and therefore we won't get to see who wins the season…wait where was I? Ah yes, security!" exclaimed Blaineley.

Two security guards immediately grabbed James by the arms and took him away.

"Don't think this is over, Ohforftheloveofpete! I will not rest until this fanfic is off of forever!" bellowed James as he was dragged away.

And the fifth season of Total Drama Island is underway…what do you think is going to happen? And what do you think of James? Has any one of you encountered someone like him before? I know I have…in fact, I included him as a take that, if you get what I'm saying.

In the next chapter, the contestants are going to be assigned teams…which team will they end up in, you ask? You'll find out.