Gandalf ran into the bushes, lifted his robes and squatted down. This is a great way to start an adventure, he thought to himself sarcastically. His stomach rumbled. That's the last time I eat curry in Mordor. God knows what they put in it! Disgusting sounds ensued, accompanied by equally disgusting smells. I could really do with that Throne about now.

Having just returned from a holiday overseas, Gandalf had visited his old buddy, Sauron of Mordor. But now he was calling himself the Dark Lord Sauron (on his Dark Throne) and had forged himself a nice, shiny new Ring. How pretentious! I leave him alone for a few centuries and look what happens! he thought.

Having completed his natural, but disgusting task, Gandalf stood up, pushed his robes back into place, and resumed his travels through Middle Earth. Approaching a fork in the road, he consulted the map Sauron had given him. All along the edge of the hand drawn parchment were little flowers and smiling faces. Sauron wasn't quite the same as he was in magic school when he and Gandalf had shared a room. The guy was nuts!

The directions said head west, so he took the left path (which was as close to west as he could tell) and continued on. The wizard pulled out his pipe and a pouch of leaf and started patting down his robes, looking for a lighter. Oh right, they don't exist in this world, he thought. Wish I had a Ring like Sauron's, it looked pretty cool. And the wizard laughed to himself. It was quite an evil sound. Soon, Gandy old boy, soon...

Gandalf managed to make fire the old fashioned way (rubbing two squirrels together really fast) and lit up. Taking a long, inhuman drag, the wizard's eyes glazed over and he staggered on along the path.

"That's good stuff, man," he said to himself out loud.

"What is?" came a voice out of nowhere, scaring the bejesus out of Gandalf.

"Who, what, where?" cried the wizard in apparent confusion.

Out from a hedge came a small, hairy footed creature of about half a man's height. Some would say he was a 'halfling', but Gandalf saw him as a 'short-arse'.

"Oh, it's you, Dingo," said Gandalf, recognizing the tiny creature.

Dingo Braggins, the short-arse (actually, he preferred the term 'hobbit', but no-one else had heard of them at this time) shot the wizard a dirty look, spying the pipe in Gandalf's mouth.

"So that's what's so good, huh?" he accused the tall wizard. "That's my leaf, you know. You didn't pay for it."

Gandalf looked down at the little critter, stood as tall as he could and boomed in an imposing wizard-like manner, "A Wizard never steals, Master Braggins. A Wizard takes precisely what he wants to take!"

The two eyed each other for a few seconds, then both burst into laughter. "Gandalf, you silly old coot, where have you been?!" Dingo asked.

"I've been to Mordor, visiting a Queen," he replied in poor rhyme.

Dingo gave him a look and asked, "Queen?"

"Well, not really, but it's the best I could come up with that rhymed."

Dingo gave him another look. "Don't give up your day job." He shook his head in disbelief. The wizard and short-arse continued on the path and Dingo asked, "So, where are we going now?"

Gandalf smirked evilly, "I'm gunna get me a nice magic ring: Narya, the Ring of Fire." But his evil chuckling was cut short by another rumbling in his stomach. He quickly passed his pipe to Dingo and fled into the bushes once more.

Dingo, trying not to listen (or smell!) the actions of Gandalf in the verge, laughed at him. "Sounds like you already have a Ring of Fire!"

Gandalf groaned in reply. Yep, a great way to start an adventure, he thought. Food poisoning and a smart-ass comedian.

-o-

A/N: This continues on in the same tradition as Sauron's Throne (which, if you find this at all funnny, you should also enjoy) being set around the time of the forging of the One Ring. You don't HAVE to read Sauron's Throne, but you really, really should. :) Those that HAVE read it know what I mean (I hope!)

I have no real idea where this story is going, apart from the first little adventure where Gandalf gets his own Ring. (And I'm not even sure how THAT will happen!) It could go anywhere... and probably will! So buckle up, and hang on to your lunch!