Hasbro and their authorized licencies own the G.I. Joe and Cobra characters.
All right. Finally starting another G.I. Joe story on here; another semi-goofy idea I've had for a little while. I finally finished writing out the first part, and decided to post it as a chapter. Might only end up being a two-chapter story, but …. Hope it amuses/entertains; feel free to let me know what you think. (By the way, I changed the ending to my other Joe story, "Bad Dream within a Dream", yesterday (6/25/05), although it's not listed as having been updated since March. If anyone is so inclined, you're welcome to check that out, too :) )
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"Oh, Zarana …" Destro murmured.
"'Oh, Zarana?'" repeated the angry voice which jarred the metal-headed terrorist into sudden awakeness.
"Wha? … Oh, Baroness," Destro managed. "Is it morning already?"
"' Oh, Zarana'?" the dark-haired woman said again, with menace.
"What?" Destro shifted uncomfortably. "Oh – the dream. No, my dear … I was saying 'No, Zarana, get away from my – that thing…' I was dreaming that she was about to fool around with my … large, fast-action missile launcher, that's all. My dear?"
The Baroness was about to slap him … but, glaring at his stainless steel face, thought better of it.
"Hah! I knew there was a reason I slept in this thing – " Destro began to gloat …
Until the Baroness punched him in his gut.
"Ow," he grumbled. "I have got to stop dreaming …."
Suddenly, a familiar, evil hiss came over the room's communication's console. "Faceless Evil to Four Eyes and Tin Head! Faceless Evil to Four Eyes and Tin Head!"
"Saved by the radio," the Baroness said darkly.
"And this morning gets better and better," Destro groaned. "Next time, I demand to choose the code names!" He stared at the console for a moment.
"Well?" the Baroness asked. "I'm not answering that!"
"Urg, very well …. 'Tin Head' … speaking," Destro said with distaste. "Activating security scramblers … now."
The picture screen activated, revealing Cobra Commander. "Greetings, Tin H – I mean, Destro."
"Have a care, Commander," Destro growled.
"Hey!" Cobra Commander replied. "I could have made your radio code-name 'Metal Head'."
"Touche," Destro conceded.
"Cobra Commander," the Baroness, who had put on her Cobra leathers while the two men had begun conversing, interjected, "is there a particular reason why you have contacted us so early in the day?"
"What, disturbed that I didn't allow the two of you to laze about all morning, like a pair of slovenly slackers?"
"We are not currently on assignment!" the Baroness snapped. "What we do on our own time – "
"ALL time is my time!" the Commander interrupted. "Your time, Destro's … and soon, the entire world's! Ha ha ha ha!"
"Heard THAT one before …" the Baroness muttered.
"The Baroness does have a legitimate question," Destro pointed out. "Why are you contacting us, Cobra Commander?"
"Oh. Well, I could have told you already, if you two hadn't babbled away …." Destro scowled underneath his mask. "Operatives of G.I. Joe have been spotted in Marseille."
"Hm …" Destro murmured.
"So?" the Baroness snapped. "We can't be the only Cobra operatives currently in France! Send someone not on sabbatical to deal with the G.I. Joe flunkies!"
"You are trying my patience, Baroness!" the mirror-faced leader replied. "I will send whomever I choose! I am Cobra Commander! Besides …" he added, with a hint of a smirk in his voice, "this mission may be of some … personal relevance. Intelligence indicates that the Joe team is digging into the past of a prominent member of the Cobra hierarchy. One with European background and an … annoying accent."
"What?" the Baroness asked. "Major Bludd is Australian – "
"That's not who he means," Destro winced.
"How DARE you call my accent annoying!" the Baroness cried, whirling at Destro.
"I didn't say it, he did – " Destro protested.
"But you knew what he meant!" the Baroness exclaimed.
"Look," Cobra Commander interjected, "I don't have time to deal with your domestic squabbles. When you're done bickering, Televiper Lewis will give you the exact location of your operation. Stop the Joes from digging up anything, and see if you can actually kill a couple of them off before I arrive. I won't hold my breath," he muttered to himself. "CO-BRA out!"
Destro shut off the communicator, and set about looking for his wrist rockets. Meanwhile, the Baroness continued venting.
"I'll bet ZARANA doesn't have an annoying accent!" she exclaimed.
"She can change her voice," Destro muttered.
"What?"
"Nothing, my dear." Destro put his hands to his helmet. It really was beginning to look like it was going to be a very bad day.
