The Constant, Sequel to The Thirteenth Step

Chapter 1: Michael


As Morgan thumbed through the file in front of him, he glanced up at Reid who was sitting across the table. Feeling eyes on him, Reid looked up at him and smiled, then went back to reading from the file he had. A slight smile crept across Morgan's lips as his eyes moved downward toward the crime scene photo he was holding. They were at the local police department, looking at some cold cases after they had given a small seminar. There had been quite a few new recruits and it was time for a refresher course in what exactly the Behavioral Analysis Unit did and how they can be utilized. It allowed for a good question and answer period for anyone interested in the field and about profiling unknown subjects in general.

Reid was frowning. Nothing was jumping out at him from the information he was glancing over. After a few more minutes of what seemed like comfortable silence, Morgan could see Reid was getting restless and soon enough, Reid spoke up. "Do you want some coffee?" He was about to get up and get some water and thought he'd offer.

"Uhh…" Morgan checked his watch, considering it, but then shook his head. "Nah, it's almost time for lunch. Thanks, though." He was in the mood for something more refreshing than coffee.

"Okay, I'll be right back," Reid said as he stood. He was quick to push his chair in, taking a glance around the precinct for his other team members, just to be sure where they were.

"BRB," Morgan mumbled, teasing Reid.

"Huh?" Reid's expression was a confused one. His brow knitted tightly as he frowned, not sure if he heard Morgan correctly at all.

"Never mind," Morgan's eyes looked up at Reid as he smirked, but then he got serious again. "Hey, don't get lost. We're gonna leave as soon as Hotch comes back."

Reid ignored Morgan's comment; he knew this place like the back of his hand, but wanting to be ready for a quick exit, he closed the file he'd been studying and picked up his satchel from the floor, hanging it over his shoulder.

Morgan smiled with his eyes while he watched Reid… being Reid, and as he continued to watch Reid walk away, the happiness in his eyes seemed to fade. Getting paired up with Reid always felt special since... well, since... what happened. Morgan closed his eyes and sighed, reminding himself of that realization that it felt like he never saw Reid anymore. And when he did, it was all business; a dull and lifeless version of what he knew was possible. Some kidding here and there, a few private moments of bonding that kept their friendship secure, but it just wasn't the same.

It was a delicate and thoughtful compromise; a joint effort to make it work. They both loved their jobs and they both still cared for each other so, it really wasn't that hard… It wasn't hard to pretend that everything was okay, because it actually was. Morgan just told himself that what had happened between them almost two years ago was all a dream. It just happened to be one of those dreams that stay with you long after you've opened your eyes.

Reid faintly grinned out the side of his mouth as he walked across the room after figuring out Morgan was teasing him with texting lingo. He turned down the hallway and then into the break room, making his way directly to the coffee and water cooler. He couldn't help but notice how suddenly tense he felt and he shook his arms just a bit, hoping to loosen up. But really, there was no question as to why he was tense. All it took was that smirk from Morgan and Reid felt like he couldn't see straight, pun greatly noted. He blew out a breath and tried to distract himself by reciting the book he reread on the way over. His lips moved to the words in his head as he grabbed a disposable cup until something caught his attention. He couldn't take his eyes off of his hand holding the white styrofoam, noting the contrasts of color …and as if on cue, he fell into rolling waves of his deepest thoughts.

This had happened innumerous times. Morgan would do one thing that made Reid burn for him so badly that it hurt… all over again. And if it wasn't emotionally suffocating, it was sexually frustrating, leaving him with extremely inconvenient erections that he had to suffer through or find some way to take care of without disrupting work, not to mention try to hide. There was no doubt that the past lingered and Reid had little control of it.

It's for the best, Reid kept telling himself. As long as he didn't act on his emotions, everything would be okay.

From the other room, Morgan watched as a deputy headed in the same direction as Reid and he wondered what that was about because it seemed like the kid was following or looking for Reid. "Huh," he let slip from his lips, knowing the motivation lifting him from his chair wasn't innocent.

At the sound of footsteps approaching, Reid pulled himself from his trance and poured some coffee before he remembered he wanted water. "Damn it," he said under his breath. But not wanting to waste it, he quickly went ahead and started fixing it up how he liked it. He could feel someone standing at a distance behind him.

"Dr. Reid?"

Reid turned around while stirring two stir-sticks in his, what would be, underappreciated cup of coffee. "Yeah?" He saw a young uniformed man who had styled short hair, deep brown eyes, long eye lashes and an attractive smile. "I mean, yes, I'm Dr. Reid." Reid could tell he was Mexican, but maybe only on one side of his family, like his father is Mexican and his mother Caucasian, or vice versa. He was a petite man, standing at about 5'9" with a toned build. Reid smiled at him able to tell this man was shy at coming to speak with him.

The young man practically blushed at Reid and his smile widened as he looked down to the floor. He made eye contact again while holding out his hand to Reid for a hand shake. "Hi… I'm… My name is Michael… Michael Ortega."

"I don't, uhh…" Reid rubbed his free hand lightly against his the front of his torso while slightly shaking his head.

"Oh," the young man smiled wide again. "That's cool."

"So… Michael Ortega," Reid started, "How can I help you?" Reid scrunched his nose and sniffed, letting his eyes focus in on the face of the young man, intrigued by him. He felt sought out by Michael and was curious about that.

"I just want to say that your presentation, uhh, with your team," Michael laughed quietly, interrupting himself. He wished he could go back and edit his words. He almost gave Reid all the credit. "It was pretty exciting. I really enjoyed it."

Reid nodded and smiled. "Oh, no, yeah! We enjoy doing it. You know, anything we can do to help." Reid was wearing a goofy, enthusiastic grin.

"I heard the guys out there saying that you're a genius." This young man was still beaming at Reid.

Reid waited for some kind of question to follow to prompt evidence of such a claim, but that didn't happen. "I, uhh…" Reid tried to think of a way to say Yes without rambling. He'd been working so hard on trying not to do that, especially with people he didn't know. "Yes… It's true, I am."

Morgan stood out of sight at the entrance of the break room so he could over hear the conversation.

The young man smiled again, obviously impressed, even after not hearing anything to back it up, but then his smile faded and he looked around to make sure they were alone. "I was wondering," Michael started, "Do you think you'd like to go out sometime?"

Reid's brow rose and then he glanced over Michael's shoulder toward the door way and then back to Michael, inadvertently matching Michael's secrecy and tone. "Go… out?"

"Yeah, I know this great club here in the city. Or maybe I can take you out to dinner?"

Morgan's jaw dropped when he heard that. Reid was getting asked out by another man. He could feel the jealously consuming him instantly. The throbbing of his pounding heart reached his temples and he rested his back against the wall, taking deep controlled breaths as he turned his ear toward the conversation.

"Uhh…" Reid frowned a little bit, but then corrected himself and nervously smiled. "I, uhh…" he cleared his throat, "I'm not…" he suddenly realized that he didn't know the right response. He didn't know whether to say that he wasn't gay or that he wasn't interested. Either way, he was taking too long to answer.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Michael looked mortified. He knew he was taking a huge risk asking, but he really didn't want to offend Dr. Reid.

"No, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to give the impression-"

"You didn't," Michael said quickly as he smiled faintly. He paused a second trying to work up some nerve. "There's … There's just something about you. I don't know if it's your hands or the way you speak or just how," Michael looked over his shoulders again and then leaned in closer to Reid, "…how good looking you are… I would have never forgiven myself if I didn't ask."

Woah... Not only had he once been in Michael's shoes, but Reid was impressed by the man's confidence. "Really?" Reid let out a nervous laugh. Michael nodded while biting his lower lip. Reid looked to the floor, finding it increasingly difficult to look Michael in the eye as his face got hot. He ran his fingertips between his head and ear, attempting to move his hair away from the side of his face. This was a new experience for him and it gave him a quite an ego boost. "I'm actually quite flattered," he admitted as nervous energy shot through his entire body. When he could feel the sweat under his arms, he knew he was more than flattered. In fact, Reid was having trouble getting rid of his grin. Even as short lived as it was, not having Morgan's affections at his side for so long had been very lonely. It was nice that someone, even if it was another man, found him worthy of gushing over. At this very moment, he felt like he could absorb the feeling it gave him like a sponge, but he knew he needed to change the subject. "Uhh, so… are you interested in profiling?"

"It's one of the most interesting fields I could ever imagine. You mentioned some books, right?"

Reid lit up and adjusted the strap of his satchel into a different area on his shoulder. "Yeah, yeah, Roy Hazelwood's The Evil That Men Do and there's Mind Hunter. It's written by John Douglas and Mark Olshaker. I, uhh…" While juggling his cup of coffee, Reid began reaching to pull his satchel around to his front. Michael was surprised when he actually pulled out a copy of Mind Hunter. "Here, borrow mine."

"Really?" Michael took the book from Reid, purposely touching Reid's fingers with his own.

Reid pulled his hand back quickly out of habit, but there was a charge left on his skin that told him that he in fact was interested in Michael. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. Reid blinked several times and stumbled over his thoughts trying to respond to Michael. "Uhh, yeah, there's a lot of literature out there. This one is a memoir. It'll get you started." Reid gave him a closed mouthed smile and tucked his hand into his pocket.

"How can I get it back to you?"

"Oh," Reid reached into his breast pocket and pulled out one of his business cards he had ready to hand out. "Just call me."

Michael smiled having received Dr. Spencer Reid's direct line. It wasn't much, but it was something. "Great, thank you."

"You're welcome," Reid smiled with him, still flattered at the obvious adulation. And it was still hard to make eye contact without blushing so Reid let his eyes fall to the floor for just a second, trying to cool off. This is ridiculous, he thought. What is happening?

Morgan could hear the nervous laughter between the boys and rolled his eyes. Without even looking into the room, he could see all the rainbows bouncing off the walls. He wondered when the wedding was. He decided it was time to interrupt. "Come on, Reid. We gotta go," he practically ordered, stepping into the break room.

Reid almost choked on the drink of coffee he had just taken. By the look on Morgan's face, Reid knew he had to have heard everything.

Michael turned around and feasted his eyes on Morgan, but that was short lived because Morgan gave him the dirtiest look; the If Looks Could Kill expression holding its merit.

"I'll be right out," Reid told Morgan, hoping he would just leave. And he did, but not before glaring at Reid too. Michael turned back around to face Reid, looking a little stunned by the obvious scene that Morgan had just made. That wasn't awkward at all, Reid thought, cringing to himself. It was time to go. Reid was a little disappointed at not having just a bit more time to get to know Michael. He seemed young and eager to learn and Reid knew how hard that was to come by. He tried to convince himself that's all it was, anyway. "It was nice meeting you, Michael." Reid gave a soft smile and began to walk around him to leave.

"Hey, Dr. Reid?" Michael reached out and clutched onto the inside of Reid's elbow, but let go as soon as he realized that maybe he shouldn't have done that.

Reid looked at the young man's hand as he pulled it back and then let his nose take in the scent of the air surrounding him… Michael smelled so good. I'm not doing this again, he told himself. He looked into Michael's eyes, their bodies very much within each other's personal space, and waited for him to say what he needed to say because Michael taking hold of him made Reid think of how aggressive he had been trying to lean Morgan in his direction. He could understand Michael's behavior completely and he wasn't uneasy about it at all.

"I hope you change your mind. I think we could have a great time together."

Reid couldn't stop watching Michael's mouth as he spoke. He wondered if Michael already knew; if he could sense his interest. Reid could feel familiar sensations at his center and pushed them back as deeply as he could. He licked his lips and swallowed, feeling how dry his mouth was. He couldn't help but wish they were alone. Reid felt if he had never had his experience with Morgan, he wouldn't have the slightest interest in this man, or at the least would have never acted on his interest, but after Morgan, certain doors had been left open.

He would have let himself stand there for another minute, just breathing Michael in, but Reid could feel something pulling him away. It was his loyalty to Morgan; it still had a tight hold on him and for once, he hated it. Reid just reminded himself he was working and that his team was minutes from leaving… He told himself it was simple. He had to go… Without saying another word, Reid stepped away and then waved, finally turning his back to Michael and leaving.

When Reid reached the table where he and Morgan had been sitting at, Morgan was standing there, impatiently waiting. Ooh, boy, he could feel how jealous Morgan was and it was pretty uncomfortable. "Ready?" Reid asked, but didn't look at him.

"What the hell was that?"

"What the hell was what?" Reid snapped back at Morgan quietly, but very quickly, still not making any eye contact as he opened the file he had been reading and stacked the papers neatly, only to close it again. Out of habit, his hand straightened the file so that its bottom edge ran parallel to the edge of the table.

"You know exactly what I'm talkin' about." Morgan had such a cross look on his face.

When Reid glanced up at Morgan and saw his expression, he got pissed. He couldn't believe Morgan would think it would be okay to act like he was. Reid calmly walked around the table and just about stood inside of Morgan's personal space. "Do you really want to know what that was?" Morgan insisted with his eye brows that Yes! he was waiting for an answer. Reid leaned into Morgan even closer, drilling Morgan's eyes with his own. "That… was none of your business."

Just then, JJ and Hotch walked up to the table and Morgan started to back away as he stared into Reid's eyes, not recognizing him.

"Reid… Morgan, are we ready?" Hotch asked, emphasizing Reid's name to get him to relax his aggressive stance toward Morgan.

JJ grabbed the files on the table, tip toeing around Morgan and Reid and walked them over to the deputy she had received them from. When she headed back, she saw Reid leaving in a hurry, swiftly weaving through strangers to get outside. When she reached Hotch, Morgan began stepping away, answering a phone call on his way out. She exchanged a look with Hotch and Hotch let out a heavy sigh as he rubbed his forehead. "I'm getting too old for this," he tried to joke.

JJ cringed and then tried to give a reassuring smile. "Hopefully it's nothing."

When JJ and Hotch made it outside, JJ saw that Reid had taken her place in the front passenger seat of the Suburban. Morgan was standing outside, still on that phone call. When they hopped into the Suburban, Reid immediately spoke up. "Please… just don't say anything," he groaned. "I don't wanna talk about it."

JJ tucked her lips into her mouth when she made eye contact with Hotch as he looked at her in the rear view mirror. She reached forward and softly grabbed Reid's right shoulder and squeezed it a couple times. She was a little surprised when he brought his left hand to hers and gripped onto her fingertips, giving a squeeze back.

When Morgan opened the left rear door, Reid's hand fell away from JJ's and he cleared his throat, staring straight ahead. Hotch let Morgan get settled and they headed down the road. Morgan put on his sunglasses and stared out the window for a little while, but before long, his eyes found their way back to Reid. He could see that Reid was still upset because he was staring at his hands instead of looking out the windows like he usually did.

Morgan didn't feel comfortable getting that jealous after all this time and he already regretted it. He felt like an asshole, but was quick to recognize what it all meant. He still had some deep feelings for Reid. No matter how easy they had made things for each other in their day to day life and how good things had been, witnessing Reid get asked out by another man had upset him enough to undo all that. That or he'd been fooling himself this entire time.


Reid wrinkled his nose as he reached into his locker to remove some items to take home. He had left two books in there that he wanted to finish reading by tomorrow night. He also grabbed his lunch bag and pair of shoes that he'd left there at work all week. All was quiet in the lowly lit room and Reid knew that not many people were still there. After all, he was getting ready to leave for home himself. It surprised him when he heard a knock at the door, which he knew he'd left open. He let out a nervous laugh and smiled when he saw it was Morgan.

"You startled me…" He waited for Morgan to say something, but Morgan just smiled a little bit and chuckled once. The last thing Reid wanted was to create another scene and chance an argument, so he did what he always did and pretended everything was okay. "Hey, did you get through that pile Hotch gave you? It took me three hours to get through mine."

"Yeah… You know… Nothin' a couple pots of coffee couldn't handle."

Reid nodded in absolute agreement, smiling at Morgan's comment. He put the two books into his satchel and squished the lunch bag flat so it would also fit inside. He pulled his shoes from the locker and shut the door softly. He adjusted the strap where it sat on his shoulder as he bit his lips into his mouth and began his walk to the door. "See you tomorrow," he tried not to make too much eye contact with his goodbye.

As Reid moved to pass Morgan at the doorway, Morgan gently grabbed his arm. Reid looked to their feet and then to Morgan's eyes. "I'm sorry. You know that, right?"

"I do. It's okay," Reid knew that wouldn't suffice.

"It's not okay." Morgan paused at the familiarity of the words being said. "I want you to be happy, Reid. What happened today was just a punch to my gut and I'm sure it's only one of many to come. You are… such a…" he wanted to say something nice like 'wonderful person', but he didn't finish his thought and only gave a gentle squeeze of Reid's arm still in his hand before letting out a sigh. Honestly, he wondered why Reid was single. If anyone would take the time to get to know him, they would fall head over heels. Reid should have been beatin' 'em off with a stick as far as Morgan was concerned. Today shouldn't have come as any big surprise.

Reid squinted at Morgan, looking at him pretty hard and wondered what was going on. Since the day it had ended, Morgan had never, not once, stopped him to talk about anything related to what had happened between them. When Morgan licked his lips, the butterflies in Reid's stomach made themselves known. Standing so close to Morgan felt surreal and he could sense that tightness in his chest as his anticipation level rose. He wanted to tell Morgan to step away or… or somehow get his own feet to move, but he knew none of that was what he really wanted. Wanting to remain absolutely calm, he tried to slow his quickening breaths; he knew this moment might change everything.

Morgan smiled just a little bit and shook his head. "Never mind," he said softly. Reid couldn't stop from staring at Morgan as Morgan stared back at him, obviously feeling that same connection. He still had a hold of Reid's arm and was just beginning to loosen his grip. As he did, Morgan pulled himself from Reid's eyes and looked at his hair, taking a very slight step back. "Ya know… I never did like that haircut. I'm glad you're letting it grow out some." He continued to look Reid over and Reid was desperately trying to not think about how he had loved it when Morgan pulled his hair during sex.

Reid noticed immediately when Morgan's expression turned from slight disapproval to sad disappointment. He could see it coming; Morgan had to get something off of his chest. Reid braced himself knowing that anything Morgan had to say would be hard to hear. "You don't geek out anymore, you know… You're so quiet. I don't see that twinkle in your eye cuz you don't get excited much anymore… You aren't the same kid I used to know."

Reid licked his lips and let out a breath. "I, uhh… A lot of things have happened, Morgan. Neither…" he swallowed nervously, "Neither of us are the… same." Reid cocked his head as Morgan let him go and then he took in a deep breath. "Are you okay?"

Morgan slipped his hands into his pockets and lowered his head. He had a slight smile and his eyes held a subtle twinkle when they met Reid's again. "After, uhh… after everything that happened, we just sorta fell off the map, didn't we? We don't talk a lot … You don't go out into the field much anymore so we don't get partnered up." Morgan glanced away, toward the wall, nervous to spill, but he looked back at Reid and let his confession out. "I… I miss you, man."

It was obvious Morgan was straining his words through his tightening throat, attempting to hold back tears. He wanted to be strong, but Reid could see right through him. He could hear how difficult it was for Morgan to say those last words and he squeezed his hand into a fist, trying to fight his own rush of emotions. He swallowed slow and hard as he tried to think of something to say, absolutely clueless. He had not only spent almost the last two years trying to get over Morgan, but he had been through so much personally and with his team at the BAU as well. Morgan was right.

"Are ya gonna say anything?" Morgan's face was so sad.

"Morgan, I-I," he couldn't stop the stutter and was thankful when Morgan cut him off, more than ready to get to his point.

"I can't stop thinkin' about you, Reid."

Reid just stood there. His heart began to ache as it tried so very hard to push blood through his veins. He could feel the sweat evaporating from his forehead and rubbed his hand down the side of his face. Why can't I let you go? He started to chew on his lips and he remained still, trying not to focus on how light headed he suddenly felt. The silence that followed was the kind that empties the oxygen from rooms. It was awkward as hell and so very suffocating. Reid told himself to stick to the plan. They weren't together and it was for the best.

"I can't get you off my mind. It's been two years, Reid…" he looked at the ceiling and Reid could see how wet his eyes were. "I don't know how I've managed this long…pretending, but I can't do it anymore." When Morgan's eyes met with Reid's again, he pressed his lips together and sighed through his nose. "I miss what we had. I still think about it. Every last detail." Why aren't you saying anything?! "Don't you miss it?"

"Every day…" Reid admitted, trying to blink back the overwhelming emotions that were still rushing him, filling his chest. He couldn't believe he let himself say those two little words. Reid's voice had shaken and he had spoken so softly… even he could hear the honesty of his words. He closed his eyes and chided himself knowing that opened a door for Morgan.

Morgan got a puzzled look on his face that rapidly mixed with irritation. "Come at me then! What are you waiting for?"

"Morgan," Reid started, but only a frustrated sigh followed. This moment had really caught him way off guard. He thought they had laid everything to rest. He really had no idea Morgan still felt this way.

"We were so close to something…" Morgan recalled as he shook his head with his eyes closed. "I know it's been a long time… but… come on, man." His eyes shot around the room and he took a quick glance toward the doorway behind him. "Why hold back?" He waited for Reid to say something.

Reid's eyes shifted back and forth. "I don't know… All we did was end up hurting each other. I don't want to go through that again. I can't imagine that you would either."

Morgan stiffened his lower lip and nodded because he remembered it all like it was yesterday, but none of that mattered to him anymore. "Come on, Reid, let's try again." As soon as he said those words to Reid, it felt like the heaviest of weights had been lifted from his chest and he begged Reid to say Yes with his eyes.

Reid shook his head and let his eyes meet Morgan's as he tried to swallow back his fear of saying what he knew was going to hurt his best friend. "…I can't, Morgan. I'm sorry."

Reid's tone ended the conversation and Morgan felt their arms brush against each other as Reid walked beside him to leave the room. Morgan dropped his head and stayed put until he was sure Reid had made it to the elevator. "I'm not giving up, Reid…" he whispered.


I created this chapter June 27 and I've been working on it this long. Got chapter 2 and 3 started! I'm excited! Are you guys along for the ride? Leave me some love!