Hello Readers,
Just a few short disclaimers and then down to business: first and for most I do not own any of the rights to Dragon Age: Origins or Awakening. With that said I wanted to give some background information on my story's ideas.
For several weeks I have been reading fan fics and wondering what I should write about in Dragon Age. Most of the ideas I came up with had already been done by other people. Not that I could not have my retelling on the stories, but I do not like to seem too cliché. So I just decided to sit down and start writing and this is what came of it. I know it seems to start more in the middle of the story, than in the beginning, but hopefully a little later on you will see why I started here. I wanted a different approach to the Cousland character without having her be completely heroic or completely selfish. I like shades of gray and moral ambiguities. I also wanted to play up the idea of just how young the last two wardens are, while both have had responsibilities this is not just some chore they can walk away from. They know deep down they have to be heroes. But how does one simply become a hero? It's an idea I like playing with. The dialogue between Alistair and Shirl might sound a little childish at first, but it is planned.
I think that is about it. Thanks for reading and enjoy the story.
Prismelf
Warden's Burden
Chapter 1: Outskirts of Lothering
Shirl's sword connected with Alistair's. She watched as he started to step back shifting his weight from his right foot to his left foot. He would disengage and shield himself to block her next blow. She took advantage of his momentary break and snapped out with her shield arm. Catching the man off guard and unbalanced. She stepped into the blow putting her weigh and momentum into the swing. She knew Alistair never saw the blow coming.
Their shields cracked together in a thunderous roar. Shirl's follow through used Alistair's shifting weight against him and he tumbled to the ground in a heap. His shield still pressed firmly against his chest. He hit the ground and she heard the breath leave his body in a whoosh.
Shirl watched him for several seconds trying to regain his bearings. He blinked several times. Probably trying to figure out why he can suddenly see the night sky. She thought as she sheathed her sword and hooked her shield across her back. She hesitated only for moment before reaching down a hand to help him back up to his feet. Alistair grabbed her offered her hand. She pulled him to his feet and bent to receive his sword he had dropped when she knocked him down.
"Great, now I'm going to have a bruise on my pride that will match the bruise on my backside. Maker's breath, Shirl. Where in the world did you learn to hit like that?" Alistair asked rubbing the back of his head with his free hand.
Handing him his weapon, she looked over the blade. It was durable and weighty, too weighty for her taste, more of a wrist breaker style than she liked. The pommel and handle were worn and the blade had evident marks of having been put to the gritting stone several times before. "You need a new sword, Alistair. This one has seen better days."
He took the sword from her and sheathed it. Strapping his shield across his back he replied, "Yes, I know but there is sentimental value to it. It's the sword I receive upon joining the Grey Wardens. It was used only slightly then, but it seems I have added to the collection of dents it possesses."
Shirl snorted and crossed her arms. "Added to them? Alistair, I hate to say it, but you did not add half the marks that blade has." She waved a dismissive hand, "First chance we get I'm getting you a new sword. Perhaps something not so weighty, that thing will break your wrist."
"Hey, I happen to like my sword. Sentimental value aside, it has served me well. Besides, you can't just toss it out like it's a piece of filth. It's still my sword! You don't get to tell me when it is no longer of any use to me." Alistair replied sharply.
"Stop acting like such a child. I'm getting you a new sword." She turned to walk back toward their camp, when his hand on her upper arm stopped her.
"Stop acting all high and mighty, Shirl. You don't have to be a teryn's daughter here." His voice was soft and quiet. "I know what you must have gone through seeing your family betrayed by someone you thought was a friend. I…felt the same way after Ostagar."
"Is that why you got all weepy and emotional on me before we reached Lothering?" Her voice was like ice, sharp and cool. "What you did was abandoned your senses and left me to take up the banner. Yes, you might understand what grief is, but you will never understand what I had to go through just to get here." She remembered how alone she had felt running away with Duncan into the night after her family had been slaughtered like cattle by Arl Howe's men. She had been scared and wanted nothing more than to curl up into a little ball and rock herself to sleep. Except she hadn't. Something inside of her had snapped. She felt rage and fear, sadness and pity for her situation yet she could not make herself cry. Survival was all that mattered. Her feelings were unimportant to just surviving the days ahead of her. She did not even let her thoughts drift to what tomorrow would bring. She simply let herself be content with just getting by day to day. Thinking ahead made her feel the emptiness and pain of her lost loved ones. "I know what it is to lose the ones I care about, Alistair, but I did not let my emotions get the better of me. They did not run my life." She turned away again. She did not want to see the hurt creep into his eyes or the fury that would be twisting his face at her causal disregard for his emotions. She found it sickening and irrational. Shaking off his hand she said, "You are getting a new sword and that's that." She walked away. She sensed him fall into step behind her.
"Wait a moment!" he shouted after her. "What right do you think you have over me, Shirl?"
Shirl stopped again and whirled about her amber eyes glittering with anger. Okay, this is getting old. Stop acting like a naïve child you idiot man! She thought as she said "I took that right went you decided to make me leader! You, who are the Senior Grey Warden, made me the Newest Recruit your leader because for whatever half assed reason you seem to hate being in charge." Alistair came to a stop in front of her his normal light brown eyes turned black as he glared down at her.
"Half- assed reasons? I have my reasons, okay, half-assed or not. But at least I'm not lacking emotions. As we walked through Lothering you casually regarded everything coolly and calculated the risk of even helping poor refugees. You helped, but only because you saw something in it for you." He paused and pointed a finger at her face. "I bet you haven't cried once since your family died. So the chances of you having an emotional break down are highly likely. Great! So when it matters most you are going to completely crash on us. Or slit all of throats while we sleep…I'm not certain which it will be with you."
Her eyes narrowed. "How dare you!" Her hand twitched she really wanted to reach for her sword. She wanted to run this annoying man through. "You will not speak to me in such a manner. Grey Warden or not I'm still the daughter of a teryn! Know your place, peasant!"
"Oh, forgive me, my lady, did I strike a nerve. Good, I hope it smarts." He snapped back. "At least I know now you are capable of some emotional response, there for a moment I thought you really had died at the Joining and came back as a zombie."
"You are so childish!"
"I'm childish, you're the one keeps saying that. Can't you think of a better retort?"
"UGH! You are so infuriating!" She spun away again. Why am I letting him get to me? She berated herself. She could feel the heat on her cheeks. Her face must have been bright red. No one had dared speak to her like that; she was Bryce Cousland's daughter. People were polite and respectful to her. No one, not even her oldest friend Ser Gilmore, had dared to use such candid words with her. She stalked back into camp and tossed her shield and sword unceremoniously down in front of her bedroll.
"That was most impressive. I just about laughed out loud at the sight of you putting him in his place." Morrigan's chilly voice snaked out from the opposite side of the camp fire.
"Do not start, Morrigan. Really not in the mood right at the moment," Shirl started to unroll her bedroll. She ripped at the buckles and snapped the blankets out over the ground like she was trying to beat the dirt from them. A child! He had called her a child! She was not acting like a child; he was with his weepy and melancholy moods. He was supposed to be the leader not her! She did not mind the responsibility but he had waivered his right to question her when he had backed down all too willingly from the post of leader.
A sharp bark from across camp followed by a surprised yelp broke through Shirl's thoughts. Oh crap, Toby! She had forgotten in the heat of the moment how protective the hound was of her. She dropped her blankets on the ground and hastily walked back to where she had left Alistair standing.
She found him still standing in their sparring area, but his hands were up in front of him in a nonthreatening gesture. In front of him Toby, her tan and white mabiri warhound, stood. Toby's ears were flat against his skull and he crouched low to the ground. His deep throated growl rumbled in his chest like distant thunder foretelling a coming storm.
As she approached the pair, Alistair gave her a pleading look. "Call him off."
Shirl stood behind the hound for a split-second appraising the situation. She could have been really mean at that moment. But she was too tired to keep arguing with Alistair he was…emotionally draining on her. She made a gesture at Toby and in a commanding voice said, "Leave it, Toby. He's not worth it." The hound straightened but did not stop growling nor did he make any other attempt to let Alistair pass by. "Toby, I said leave it."
Toby cocked his head slightly in her direction and then barked. He looked back at Alistair and then looked back at her and barked again.
"What in Andraste's name does he want?"
Shirl placed a hand to her chin and regarded her dog. After several moments she replied, "I think he wants us to apologize to each other." She could hardly believe it herself. Toby was smart, he had proven that time and time again, but why would he even want her and Alistair to apologize to each other. As if reading her thoughts, Toby walked over and sat down next to her. He muzzled her hand and then glared as sharply as a dog could at Alistair.
"Maker's Breath you can't be serious? Your dog wants us to be nice to each other?"
Shirl glanced down at Toby. He nodded and muzzled her hand again. Shirl smiled at him. I believe my dog is more human than me at times. She thought, patting Toby on the head. Toby leaned against her leg enjoying the reward of his good deed. "Alright, you mangy mutt." Shirl spoke through gritted teeth. "I will apologize."
"You were serious. Your dog really wants us to apologize to each other." Alistair stated more than asked. Lowering his hands slowly he looked at Toby, who let out a quick bark in response to his statement like question, and then he fixed gazes with Shirl.
"You know, you are prettier when you smile."
Shirl's eyes widened, "What?"
Alistair blushed and looked away, "Nothing, I just…" He sighed and looked down at his booted feet. "I'm sorry." He said.
Shirl was not certain what to say, she knew that she should apologize in kind, but Alistair's previous comment had caught her off guard. He thinks I'm pretty? Me, in my armor, covered in sweat and dried blood and Maker knows what else. She flinched visibly at not having had a bath in weeks. She had rinsed herself off in creeks and streams they had found along the way, but nothing could compare to a hot bath. The aches and pains of the open road just seemed to disappear once in a hot bath. She had always looked forward to a bath after a long trip on the road. One of her guilty little pleasures that she had let herself indulge in from time to time.
Shirl shook her head. Her smile broadened and she noticed she did not have to force it. "You are a strange man, Alistair." Was all she could think of to say, "And I'm sorry too…I think perhaps we got off on the wrong foot this evening. We are both tired, stressed and emotionally unstable at the moment, perhaps sparring was not the best idea to…"
"I want to spar with you again tomorrow." Alistair said suddenly he looked up and his blush deepened. "It's good to keep in shape and well it's been a while since I have had a decent sparring partner. You might actually be able to teach me a thing or two. That is if you want to continue to spar with me and my ratty old sword?" He smiled at her.
Shirl blinked in surprise at his request "You still want to spar with me?" She asked even more confused then she had been by his saying she was pretty. What is this man playing at? She wandered. He has to have his reasons, but what are they?
"Why not? I want you to show me how to do that shield thingy that you did earlier."
"Which shield thingy?"
The blush on his cheeks seemed to evaporate and his eyes took on a gleam that Shirl could not exactly place. "The move where you knocked me on my ass."
"Oh, that one." She shrugged. Toby whined and leaned against her leg again. She knelt down in front of the dog and scratched behind his ears. She glanced back over her shoulder at Alistair. "I guess I could teach you how to do that. But not tonight I think we both need some sleep." She stood up and walked away. "Good night, Alistair. Don't forget to wake me for my watch." She raised a hand up in a mock farewell as she headed back into camp to finish setting up her bedroll. Just as she was getting out of ear shot she heard Toby yip playfully.
"Hey, stop that. I'm not a sheep you don't have to herd me. Okay, okay, I'm going. Maker help me! Your dog is sodden crazy, Shirl!" She heard Alistair call out.
Shirl smiled as she wrapped herself up in her blankets and lied down under the open sky. The heavens above glittered brightly. The beauty of the night sky had never eluded her. She was always amazed at the distant twinkling stars. As a child she had hoped the stories of the stars being the souls of those who had pasted on where true. If they were then she hoped her father and mother were up there watching over her right at the moment.
Perhaps the night sky is the Maker's heaven and only at night can the souls of dead watch the living. If you two are up there watching me, whisper to the Maker for me. I'm going to need all the help I can get down here. Can you hear me, mother, and father? I miss you both. I will find Fergus. You will be avenged. I hope you are watching me and I hope…you are proud. Can you actually believe it, father? Me, a Grey Warden. Who would have thought…? She almost laughed out loud at the idea. She turned her head slightly to the right. There she could just make out the sleeping forms of her other three companions.
Leliana was curled up on her side facing away from her. Where as Sten was sitting cross legged, back straight and his eyes closed facing toward the fire. He looked like he was meditating; maybe it was a qunari way of sleeping. Morrigan slept a little distance from the fire on her back with hands behind her head if her eyes had been open Shirl could of swore Morrigan too searched the stars for something lost. They were a ragtag group. Each one unique and strange in their own way and every one of them were running away from something.
Shirl felt a familiar warm body lie down at her back. Absently she reached a hand back and patted Toby's head. The war hound licked her hand and snuggled up next to her, the same way he had every night since she had gotten him as a puppy. He was her personal traveling furnace. Yes, we are a strange lot. The last two Grey Wardens of Ferelden, a Witch of the Wilds, a qunari, a crazy cloistered sister and a war hound who thinks he's human. I really know how to pick them don't I?
Alistair had claimed first watch of the night when they had first set up camp. She could hear him shuffling around on the opposite side of the fire. Sounded like he was putting more wood on the fire, the warmth of the flames and the dog at her back made her eyes droop closed in contentment. She could not explain the feeling of peace she had in that moment. It was warm and inviting. The last thought she remembered having as she fell asleep was it was the first time in a long time she felt she could sleep the whole night through since her family's murder.
