Hellooooooo... In short: One-shot parodies of Harry Potter :D Yay ^^

Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter Universe. Or A Very Potter Musical or Sequel.

(Btw, in this one-shot just think of AVPM-Voldy and AVPM-Quirrel.)


Harry Potter and the Parodies of Randomness

The Drunken Escapades of the Dark Lord and his Servant

A hooded person was making his (or her) way up the stairs of a huge mansion on seemingly wobbly legs. "La! La-la-la… La-la-laa-alala!" By the persons humming you could clearly deduce it was a man, a very drunk man. He unlocked the door with a wave of his wand and tried to sneak in (failing miserably as he stumbled over his feet and knocking over a large marble statue that seemed way too heavy to be knocked over by a wandering drunk).

"And where have you been?" A beautiful, yet creepy-looking, woman said from an armchair in a dark corner in a shrill voice, obviously upset.

"Woups…" The man giggled drunkenly. "Be'adricksss! I wasjusouonaguysnighout…" he slurred. How she was able to comprehend anything of what he said is beyond everyone.

The woman (Be'adricksss) sobbed. Or more like wailed.

"Aw come-come," he hiccupped, "c'mon Bellzzz, we-wewerejus…we were jus' try*burp*tryin' to 'ave some fun you know?" His voice almost reached the same level as her high-pitched sobbing (wailing) as he reached the end of the sentence, trying to smile in a not-at-all-creepy way. It didn't work.

The woman sobbed (wailed) again. "Doubtlessly at a brothel. I can smell the perfume from here." It seemed that everytime she reached the end of a sentence her voice got an octave higher. She also seemed to be on the verge of tears.

"Funny ssstorry tha'… we-we akshually ended up *giggles* ad-at a *giggles*" he lowered his voice to a whisper and giggled some more, "a gay bar!" The man was reduced to a crying and giggling heap of drunkenness.

The woman looked terrified at the thought of that.

"You-you wanna know who else was there?" The man seemed to have regained soberness for a little while.

"Who?"

"Dumbledore! Can you believe it? *hiccup* Albus friggin' Dumbledore is gay!"

"Ooh… That explains a lot."

"Anyway… when Lucius got picked up by some weird guy as pale as me who glittered everytime someone directed a UV-lamp at him – Yaxley had one – we finally realized that we were at the totally wrong place, so me and Squirrel-"

"Always Quirrel! It's always him, isn't it?" The woman suddenly shrieked, leaving the man looking somewhere between confused and scared for his life. "Why is it always Quirrel? 'Oh, me and Quirrel did this', 'Quirrel said the funniest thing yesterday…' ALWAYS QUIRREL!"

The man now looked somewhere between adorably sad-puppy-like and confused. "I… I didn't…"

"OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T! YOU NEVER DO! WHAT ABOUT MY FEELINGS?" She stormed off upstairs and was heard sobbing (wailing) like a banshee-version of Moaning Myrtle throughout the entire city, when suddenly, another wobbly-legged, drunken man appeared in the doorway.

"Squirrel!" The first drunken man, who seemed to have lost his soberness and reversed to his drunkenness, called out and hugged the second drunk. "Dude, you *giggles* you won't believe what Bells jus' screamed at me *giggles hysterically*!"

"What Voldemort?"

"*Whispers in ear and tries desperately not to be reduced into another heap of hysterically crying/giggling heap of drunkenness*"

Both of them were reduced into said pile and then found somewhere else in Britain entirely the following morning, snoring loudly and impossible to wake up. Curiously enough, they both seemed to lack their reproductive organs.