Lady Deveire Zapaledy stood under a willow tree, watching the pair of deer as they stopped in front of her, unaware of her presence as they gently touched noses with each other, identifying each other. Deveire smiled to herself, hidden amongst the hanging leaves and vines of the weeping willow.
Suddenly the deer perked their ears and turned their heads towards a spot a few feet to Deveire's right. They quickly darted away.
"Lady Deveire!" someone called, coming out of the castle behind the willow tree. Deveire made an irritated noise and emerged from the drooping foliage, facing the person calling her name.
The monk jumped and clutched his throat, obviously startled. "Lady Deveire, you gave me quite a fright."
Deveire smiled. "Sorry, Brother Colin. I was watching nature run its course."
"I could see that," Brother Colin said lightly, dusting his robes off as if he had just come out of a dust- and dirt-ridden room. "Sorry for scaring off your friends…had I known you were watching them…."
Deveire shook her head, making her way back to the castle. "It's alright, Brother Colin."
She went back into the castle, the monk following her.
"A messenger came a few weeks ago," Brother Colin said, catching up to Deveire and walking beside her. "Apparently we're going to have guests in the morn…."
Deveire frowned a little, heading into the Lord's Tower where she lived. "Guests? What kind?"
"Well," Brother Colin piped up excitedly, "there's the king—"
Deveire whirled around, nearly tripping on the first step to the top level. "King ARTHUR?"
Brother Colin nodded and took Deveire's wrists in his hands. "He's coming tomorrow morning." He was grinning so much Deveire could see all of his teeth. "He's bringing the Knights of the Round Table with him. Isn't this exciting!"
Deveire looked absolutely thunderstruck. She stared at the young monk with wide eyes. "King…Arthur…is coming HERE? Why, Brother Colin, WHY?"
Brother Colin blinked, looking a bit confused. "You're not happy?"
Deveire spun back around and made her way up the stairs, bunching her huge skirts around her waist as she went up. "Am I not happy? Brother Colin, ARE WE GOING TO SHOW THIS CASTLE TO THE KING IN THIS BLOODY STATE?"
Brother Colin winced at her language, running to keep up after Deveire. "We've been cleaning up and preparing for the king to come…."
"Oh!" Deveire cried, turning around, in the middle of the stone stairwell, to face the monk, and her eyes flashed with an almost insane anger. "Ohh, yes, prepare the entire castle but fail to mention it to the person who LIVES in it!" She continued up the stairs. "Oh, great. 'Lady Deveire, we've been cleaning the castle for a month because the king is coming and we wanted to let you know at the eleventh hour!' NO, I DON'T…MIND!"
She furiously kicked the wooden door open and trudged inside.
Brother Colin stood outside, looking crestfallen at the top of the stairs. "Milady…."
"Don't expect me for dinner," she said, and slammed the door in his face.
Deveire opened her eyes to the sound of Brother Colin screaming, which had been faint, and was steadily getting louder as he ran up the stairs in the Lord's Tower. Then, all of a sudden, the monk burst through the wooden door, out of breath, arms flailing.
"He's HERE! Milady, His Majesty is HERE!" He paused. "What are you DOING?"
Deveire raised an eyebrow from under the bed sheets. She was lying on her stomach with the bed sheets covering her entirely and with her feet on her pillows. "I was sleeping, Brother Colin," she muttered. "You should try it sometime."
"Byaw!" Brother Colin said, waving a dismissing hand frantically. "Get dressed, milady, King Arthur has arrived with the Knights of…."
But Deveire had already gotten out of bed and was now pulling on the outermost layer of her favorite sapphire blue velvet dress. Brother Colin blinked, and as Deveire walked by, she said, "You know all I really care about are the Knights, right?"
Brother Colin sighed and rolled his eyes, following her down the stairs and shutting the door behind him.
As Deveire entered the main chamber of the castle, she saw all them standing there, looking a little shy and confused. Yet there was a certain amount of bravery in their mannerisms.
"Good morning, my liege," Deveire said, curtseying as she made her way towards the king and his knights.
"Good morning," King Arthur said, bowing. "You must be Lady Zapaledy."
"Please, call me Lady Deveire."
King Arthur smiled. "I will most certainly. If you call me Arthur."
Deveire nodded in return. "That I will do, my liege." She looked at the Knights. "Good morning to you, fair knights."
Arthur turned to his knights. "Well? Don't just stand there and gawk, introduce yourselves!"
"I'm Sir Launcelot," said the tallest one. "Sir Launcelot the Brave."
"Sir Bedevere," the one with the stubborn helmet said.
"Sir Robin," added the one with the red hair. "Sir Robin the uh…Not-So-Brave-As-Sir-Launcelot." He glanced nervously at Launcelot as he said this.
"Sir Galahad the Chaste," said the one with the cute-ish face.
"Or so they say," all the other Knights and Arthur said in unison. This got a look from Sir Galahad.
Arthur sighed merrily. "Of course, you may all call them whatever they wish you to call them."
"Except for 'Bloody Peasant,'" Robin said. That got reprimanding looks from everyone, including Deveire.
Deveire motioned for them to follow her into the South Wing, where all the sleeping chambers were. "What brings you to Castle Adasia, Arthur?"
"Well," he began, "we had just gotten back from a battle—"
"During which Robin soiled his armour…."
"Galahad, hush," Arthur snapped, turning back around and failing to notice the slap fight Robin and Galahad started. "We had just gotten back from battle when a messenger came to us stating that Camelot had been destroyed."
"Devastating, really, it was," Galahad said to Deveire almost sarcastically, running away from Robin to walk sort of beside her. "'T'was a silly place."
Deveire grinned a little and went back to listening to Arthur.
"Since Camelot had been destroyed, we had no place to go. So I sent the messenger away to a castle that I had heard of…Castle Adasia. I asked him to ask the owners if it was alright that we would stay there until Camelot was rebuilt."
"Did they give the okay?" Robin asked, looking like a little kid listening to an adult telling a fairytale.
Everyone just stared.
Deveire finally got to the door leading into the South Wing. She stopped in front of it and turned to Arthur and the Knights. "Now, I assure all of you are welcome in this castle. However, since I am the Lady of Castle Adasia, I must set some ground rules. Rule Number One: No horses in the castle." Launcelot paled. Deveire looked at him oddly, then nodded. "Take care of it after I'm finished. Rule Number Two: Breakfast, tea, lunch, tea…tea, dinner, and tea. Point blank. No tardiness from any of you. Rule Number Three: Your rooms are not set in stone. If absolutely needed, you may trade rooms. Rule Number Four: No rooming together."
There was a long…long silence after that, during which Deveire silently noted Launcelot's face turning red.
"Rule Number Five: No burning down the castle. Rule Number Six…well…there isn't a Rule Number Six. Rule Number Seven—"
"Wait," Bedevere interrupted. "How is there a rule seven…but no rule six?"
Deveire opened her mouth to say something…then frowned. "I really don't know. Rule Number Seven, the last rule: No raping the women in the castle. Including me. Especially me. Most importantly me."
They all nodded, then Deveire turned and opened the huge doors to the South Wing.
The Knights stared.
The entire length of the corridor was extremely holy, given the fact that every inch of wall from ceiling to floor was entirely covered in crucifixes. One long, slender red velvet carpet extended down the hall, and a spectrum of colours shone through the floor-to-ceiling stained glass window at the very end of the hall.
"I just thought of Rule Number Six," Robin whispered to Galahad. "No deeds that may be unholy are to be done in this wing."
"That's the truth."
"Now," Deveire said, "I live in the Lord's Tower. I guess the most important rule is no one is allowed in that room. No guests, at least. Do you know where that is?"
They all shook their heads no.
"Good. Pick your rooms, get some rest, I'll meet you all tomorrow in the dining hall. If you need me before then, look for Brother Colin, and he'll come and get me."
And with that, Deveire strode out of the South Wing and shut the gargantuan doors behind her.
Whew...my first Monty Python fanfiction! Let me know what you think.
