I loved him from afar.

My heart stuttered at the sight of him. He was there, walking alone along the oval grounds. He was looking ahead, his sight so focused underneath those lenses. With his plain shirt that he always wore and those pair of gray sneakers, he never knew that in those moments, he stole my heart.

I was always aware of him. He became my world at some point. His presence filled my dreams, which I have grown to love. Honestly, I rather live in my dreams for I knew he lived in them. I dreamt that I had the courage of approaching him, and fate was kind enough to let me near him. I guess I am just too conscious of his presence.

I'm afraid at times whether I loved him really for him, or I loved him with my idea of him. I will never know the answer for there was never an opportunity to know.

Maybe, I didn't want to chance anything between us. I suppose, a single semester of seating beside him, not speaking, was enough for me. I was his friend, but not the friend I'd like to be. It was enough. I am content that he knows I exist. I am content he does not know what I feel.

We often talked before but our topics purely revolved around academics. We often spend a lot of time together because we were partners in every activity.

My mind screamed that the fortunate series of events were my chance. I didn't do anything. I think that everything will just fall into place. I still have enough pride inside myself to know that what I may or may not be doing is right or maybe it's working against fate, which is giving me a chance to breathe.

I hastened my pace because I was trying to avoid his attention, though a huge part of my heart wishes he'd just notice me as much as I notice him. Life doesn't work that way I suppose.

Nobody knew I loved him except I.

I yearned for his embrace. His broad shoulders would support me as much as he could. He was my impossible dream that all odds run against but I know what I wouldn't give just to have him just once in my life the way I wanted him.

In my story, I was the protagonist of my own adventure but a failure due to my own disjuncture. I prayed and hoped every single time for something I wasn't destined to have.

He had the connection with his friends that I couldn't ever have. Maybe in his mind, I was just another classmate who was childish enough to annoy him or worse, I didn't even cross his mind. In a span of more than four months, I never gained the trust he guarded with his demure personality the same way he never gave me the confidence of doing so.

As he walked along that cemented pavement, I chose to walk the other way.

It was time to face reality and wake up from my bittersweet dream.

I never loved him. I just loved the idea of loving him.

Maybe.

As I was walking away from him, I knew that this meant that little by little I should forget him. I felt a pang in my heart. I can't but I know I should.

I clutched on my books tightly to get a grip of myself. Why should I let myself feel tortured towards a person I knew I had no worth?

"Bella?"

I heard a deep voice call for me. My heart fluttered. I recognize that voice anywhere. I turned around slowly. I need to get a grip on myself. I am such an embarrassing person as of the moment.

I tried to control the enthusiasm in my voice. My fingers were shaking slightly because of nervousness.

"Hey Edward."

My heart fluttered so hard that I felt my whole body getting weak because of it. My breathing became shallow and heavy. I was getting nervous.

"How have you been?"

He smiled.

Maybe life is letting me dream a bit longer.

Still, I love him from afar.