Disclaimers: They're not mine, but I promise I'll have them back by midnight.

A/N: All mistakes and British spellings are mine.


Your Denial

I just kissed Sara; I don't believe I actually just kissed Sara. I've wanted to do that for so long, and my god can she kiss. My insides melted within two seconds and all I could do was react. I just kissed Sara. Wow.

My car decided to break down this morning so she offered me a lift home after work, I asked her in for breakfast to return the favour. We had a perfectly nice breakfast, just chatting and relaxing and to be honest I have no idea how I went from chatting with her to kissing her, it just seemed to happen. She stood so close to me as I was running the water to wash up, insisting she should help me, and she smelt so good, I just couldn't stop myself. Her close proximity was making it impossible not to kiss her.

Seconds later I was pinned between the counter and her heavenly body, being kissed stupid and loving every single second.

So why am I now, not five minutes later standing here alone, confused as hell?

As I pulled back from the kiss needing to catch my breath she suddenly moved back from me, panic clear in her eyes and before I could ask what was up she mumbled something about being sorry then ran out. What the hell? Did it seem like I was complaining?

I followed her as soon as my shaky legs would allow but her car had already gone, I tried her cell but she must have turned it off and I don't know her home number.

I have no idea why she bolted like that, maybe she thinks I didn't want her to kiss me, but I'm sure I initiated it.

Whatever it is she obviously doesn't want to talk about it right now, maybe she just needs to get her head around it. Although it can't be all that much of a shock, I've been giving her signals for weeks. Trying to gauge her reactions, and I'm damn sure she's been flirting right back.

Well, there's nothing I can do right now, so I guess I'll just have to be patient, not a virtue of mine but I don't have a choice. I'll pull her aside at work if I get the chance and talk to her about it.

- - - - - - - - - -

I got to work early tonight hoping to catch Sara and I'm pleasantly surprised when she pops her head into the break room where I'd been waiting and asks if she can talk to me.

I tell her to come to my office and we walk there in silence. I can't wait to get her alone again; all I've been able to think about all day is kissing her, having her amazing mouth on mine again.

I close the door behind us as we enter my office and close the blinds to, giving us as much privacy as possible.

"Hey gorgeous." I say walking towards her; need to kiss her now.

"Erm, Hi." She replies. She looks panicked again so I stop walking towards her.

I'm getting a bit of an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach about this. Maybe it's a different issue she's having, maybe she doesn't want this and I've just made a total ass out of myself.

"What's up?" I ask her.

"I just wanted to apologize for this morning, I shouldn't have done that. I'm really sorry. I hope it's not going to be uncomfortable for us to work together now?"

What the hell is she talking about?

"It's okay Sara, you don't have to apologize, you didn't do anything. It was me and I very much wanted you to kiss me." And I want her to do it again.

"I know and that's why I'm sorry."

Now I'm really confused.

"I don't understand."

"I know we've been doing this flirting thing for weeks but I only got that you actually meant it when we kissed. And that's why I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I don't have feelings for you like that, that's why I shouldn't have kissed you. I shouldn't have given you the impression I was interested in that type of relationship with you."

I'm totally lost for words, the way she kissed me I was sure she felt something, how could she not have? Why in the hell did she kiss me back then?

I break the awkward silence with a question. "Can I ask why you kissed me back? I mean I know I initiated the kiss but the way you kissed me back I was sure..." I trail off, I think I'll just leave that there; I don't want to make an even bigger ass out of myself.

"I...I don't want to talk about it, it doesn't matter. I just wanted to apologize. Hopefully we'll be able to forget about it, but If it's going to be awkward then..."

Forget it? How am I supposed to forget that kiss?

"It's fine, thanks for clearing it up." Like hell it is but if she wants it this way, that's the way she'll have it. My ego is a little bruised right now so I'm not in the mood to argue with her.

"Okay, good, well I'm gonna get to work. See you later." She practically runs out of my office as she finishes talking.

I sit at my desk going over our conversation and I just can't make sense of it. I know she felt something in that kiss, you don't pin someone and kiss them like that just to not hurt their feelings with rejection. A short kiss maybe but the intensity of her kiss left me breathless and I can't believe she felt nothing at all. She wouldn't even tell me why she kissed my back in the first place, just said she didn't want to talk about it. So there must be something for her to want to keep it to herself.

So maybe it was a spur of the moment thing and after thinking about it she decided it wouldn't be a good idea for us to be involved. That I understand. But if that was it, you'd think she'd have just told me.

I get the feeling there is a whole lot more going on here than she's letting on and I fully intend to get to the bottom of it.

- - - - - - - - - -

Unfortunately for Sara we get assigned the same case today, I'm more than happy though. I want to know how she's going to act around me now.

The drive to the scene is perfectly fine; we make small talk and act as if nothing happened, just as she wants.

Once we're there she's all business. That's one of the reasons I love working with her. Her world narrows to just the scene and I get to watch her working the evidence, looking for anything at all that could be a clue, anything at all that looks to be out of place. You can almost hear that amazing mind of hers working away trying to solve the puzzle.

Once we have everything back at the lab she's just as meticulous. Checking and rechecking things to make sure she's right, to make sure she hasn't missed anything. What I wouldn't give to have her focus all that attention on me.

She did seem a little distracted tonight though, but that's understandable.

While we were processing the vics house I couldn't help but notice her as she raked her eyes over me. She didn't realise I was standing right by a mirror. I watched her eyes trail down my back and linger on my backside before continuing down my legs. When she lifted her eyes and saw my slightly puzzled expression reflected back at her she blushed a shocking shade of red and left the room.

That wasn't the only time I saw her checking me out either. Not that I minded, the hunger in her eyes was having a very pleasant affect on my body.

Okay, so we kiss, then tells me she's not interested and then ogles me practically all night. I can't make head or tail of what's going on here.

I'm standing by my locker after shift collecting my stuff ready to head home when she walks in. I want to ask her about today but I think it's best I sort through my own confusion first, actually think of something to say.

"Hey Cath, you want to grab breakfast?"

Being around her right now isn't a good idea, I'm confused enough. "I can't, I'm having breakfast with Lindsey before school."

"Okay, maybe some other time."

"Yeah." I reply.

"I'll see you tonight then." Her eyes have been flicking from my eyes to my mouth for the past few seconds and it's starting to affect me. This would be a lot easier if I'd never kissed her, that way I wouldn't know what I was missing.

"Yeah, I'll see you later." Is my absent minded reply.

I'm twice as confused now as I was before.

- - - - - - - - - -

Things continue like this for days, one minute she's acting normal, next she's flirting with me and checking me out constantly, and then she starts pushing me away. It's baffling to say the least.

I decided to talk to her about it today; I hope we can sort it out because the constant state of confusion isn't good for my sanity.

I paged her a few minutes ago and I'm waiting for her in my office now. I know work isn't the best place for this but I doubt she'd come to my place. Which is probably for the best, time alone with her is a strange experience these days. Depending on what mood she's in and I didn't want to go anywhere public in case she reacts badly.

"Hey Cat, what's up?" She asks placing a hand on my shoulder.

I jump about three feet in the air. I'd got up after paging her to put a file away and had stood like an idiot by the filing cabinet lost in thought. So I didn't even hear Sara come in.

"I didn't mean to startle you, you okay?"

"Yeah sorry, I'm fine, I was just thinking."

"Want to talk about it?"

"I was thinking about you actually." I figure I won't mess around, there's enough of that going on.

She smiles at me before replying and I feel my stomach flip, I adore her smile. "Nothing bad I hope?"

"I'm not sure." I'm not sure of much when it comes to her these days her.

She hadn't moved her hand from my shoulder and I watch mesmerised as it slowly makes its way down my arm, brushing the back of my hand before retreating, leaving goose bumps in its wake.

"I don't like the sound of that, what do I have to do to fix it?" The little smirk I'm graced with once she finishes talking it sexy as hell and I want to kiss her already.

She has however, managed to totally and utterly baffle me with her actions yet again.

All I can think is 'what the hell?' That and my body has now decided to react to her closeness; well just great.

Since I can't find the words I decide a little action is in order. That and I really want to, although I know I shouldn't; I close the distance between us and bring our lips together. Showing her exactly what's on my mind.

Kissing her is just as amazing as I remember; it's so very intense, just like everything else about her. She brings her hands up to my hips and pulls me closer as her tongue makes its way into my mouth. I want so much to slide my hands through her hair but I don't want to break the moment, I'm enjoying this far too much.

I can't help gasp as she gently bites my bottom lip, god that felt good. My body starts screaming for more almost immediately, telling me just how much it enjoys her ministrations.

She groans into our kiss and I can't help whimper in response. She's so good at this.

Unfortunately for me the noise seems to bring her back to reality and she immediately jumps back from me. Damn.

She looks just as panicked as she did last time this happened and I need to do something quick, before she runs again.

I grab her arm just as she looks like she's about to bolt.

"Sara please don't run, talk to me."

She doesn't answer me, god am I confused. I've never in my whole life had someone react like this to a simple kiss.

"Please, just talk to me; I want to understand what's up."

"Catherine...I...That shouldn't have happened. I need to go."

"I don't understand. Why shouldn't it have happened?" I know she enjoyed the kiss. That much was plainly obvious, so I don't understand what's going on with her.

"I'm not gay."

"I never said you were. I'm not either." What's that got to do with this?

"I don't want to get into this; I've already told you I don't want a relationship with you, or any other woman for that matter. I'm straight okay."

"Then how can you kiss me like that?" If that's how she kisses me when she doesn't want to, god help me if she meant it.

"I don't know, it just happened."

"For the second time."

"Okay so it shouldn't have happened again. Can we please just drop it?"

"Sara I don't want to drop it. There's obviously something going on here, something between us and I think we should work it out, whatever it is."

She pulls her arm from my grip and takes a few steps back. "There's nothing going on. There never was. There never will be. I'm sorry if I gave you any other impression but I'm not attracted to you and I'm not gay. I can't be."

"You can't be?" What the hell does she mean by that?

I don't get an answer thought because she turns and leaves.

"Damn it!" I say into my now empty office.


Thanks for reading.

Sam