DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight, nor am I making any money off of this story. The characters aren't mine blah blah blah don't sue me.
AN: Okay, I know what you're thinking. . .'Another story, really?' And yes, this is another story, and I figured taking a break from Vexation would give me a little time to get over this writers block I'm experiencing. Anyway, this is a whole new story with a pairing that I've never tried before, but we're keeping it with the La Push werewolves. What else right? Their obviously my favorite men :)
But for once I'm not writing an OC! Weird right? I know, anyway I'm ranting, and this is a Bella/Sam story that takes place after New Moon. Sam never imprints on Emily. Bella never goes and becomes friends with Jake, she eventually gets over her depression stage (not saying she isn't still totally messed up, cause she is.) I just hate being a depressing writer and I don't think it's necessary for her to be so weak in this. Of course she'll start out that way, but in this story she'll actually grow a backbone. Hopefully. And who better than to teach her but the Alpha of our pretty pack of werewolves?
What World is This?
Chapter 1
BellaPOV
You never truly understand life until its bitched slapped you to the ground, and then pushed you further; burying you up to your throat in hate, and pain and every other terrible thing in the world, to the point where you're gagging on the Earth and pleading for it to end.
No, you never understand how cruel the world is until you experience firsthand, until you're desperately trying to gasp in air, and you suffocate slowly from the momentous amount of anger welling up inside you. You resent everyone and everything and eventually, you grow to hate yourself, and you're helpless to the truth. You can lie to everyone, your family, your friends, but you can't lie to yourself. And that deep seated hate will eat at you, decaying you slowly until there isn't anything left, and finally, you snap, and there will be no forgiveness when you do.
I knew this, I lived this and I was pathetic. I knew the truth and I did nothing. I left myself to wilt away, to curl into myself and die, because I hated myself for making him leave. He was my world, and I was stupid enough to let him control me that way, to lose focus of everything else around me and become nothing when he took that away from me. I was eighteen years old and I would age, and grow and eventually die, and he wouldn't. Not ever. He'd be beautiful, and frozen at the perpetual age of seventeen. He'd live forever, and in a perfect world I pictured myself at his side, frozen in time with him, content in his arms for the rest of our immortal lives.
But this isn't a perfect world. This wasn't even a world for me anymore. Not now that he was gone. It wasn't so hard to think about him anymore, it didn't hurt anymore because I was passed the hurt, passed the depression, I just was, and the startling truth about that was, while my body would continue forward in life, my mind would be stuck at seventeen, before my birthday party, before my entire world fell apart and I was happy. I'd remain there, and I'd be content to do so. Because there was no world without him, and I refused to live like he never existed.
"Bella." The dulled voice sounded through my bedroom door, ripping me unceremoniously out of my thoughts. I realized with a jolt that I'd been starring at the same two paragraphs of an essay due in English Monday for a good two hours.
"Yeah, Dad?" I asked back through the thick wood door separating us.
"Are you almost ready?"
My mind was blank. Ready for what…? I tried to remember if we had plans today. I never had plans, so you'd think I would remember if we did. He obviously took my silence as confusion. His voice came back a little bit more accusatory than normal.
"The Black's barbeque, ring any bells?" He reminded me tersely. Oops.
"Uh… yeah, dad. Be out in a bit!" I shouted, in a rush now. How could I forget about this? My dad had been looking forward to this all week and I forgot. Ugh.
"Alright." He mumbled gruffly, but I ignored it.
I rushed around my room, glaring at all the offending clothes strewn all over the floor. All of which, were of course dirty. When had I become so unorganized? I threw open my closet doors, searching for something decent to wear to this party, something that wouldn't make me look as bad as I usually did. I knew my dad was antsy to get to this thing, and I didn't want to burden him with my haggard appearance.
A thin piece of material caught my eye from the corner of my closet. It was a red dress Alice had bought me a couple weeks before my birthday. I cringed at the reminder of my best friend but pushed on and pulled the dress out anyway. It wasn't as extravagant as the pixie-like Cullen usually preferred, and I automatically appreciated that fact. It was short though, shorter than what I'd usually wear and maybe a bit too dressy for a barbeque, but it was a step up from the sweatpants and ratty t-shirt I was currently wearing.
I went into the bathroom next, to scrutinize my appearance. It'd been a while since I'd actually looked in the mirror. I was horrified at what I saw. My long dark hair was limp and dull, hanging around my face. My usually pale skin had lost all hints of color; my cheeks once hinted with pink were void of the usually annoying blush. I missed it. I was also thinner than I remember being, and considering I wasn't all that big to begin with, the weight loss was anything but flattering.
I didn't even meet my own eyes in the mirror, afraid of what I'd see.
I swung open the bathroom door hard and called out to Charlie, "Do I have enough time to take a shower?"
"We don't have to be at Billy's for an hour. . ." I didn't even wait for him to finish speaking before the bathroom door was shut again and I was hopping into the shower.
Washing my hair was terrible, even with its lank appearance there were a mass amount of tangles. I washed it twice just to make sure, and left in a deep conditioner. I continued to wash my body and shave my legs, already feeling the tiniest bit better for the normalcy of the actions.
When I got out of the shower there was color in my cheeks and for that I was thankful. I blow dried my hair and then let it hang natural, the long strands curling at the end and giving my hair a fullness that it was seriously lacking before. I slipped on the red dress, and almost threw it right back off. It was shorter than I anticipated, coming to an end halfway down my thighs. Even with the weight loss the dress clung in the right places, the sweetheart neckline gave me cleavage I didn't know I even had, and the half sleeves covered the protruding bones on my shoulders.
All in all, it wasn't too bad. It was actually pretty casual looking even despite what I'd originally thought of it. I looked back into the mirror and decided a little bit of makeup was in order. I put on the tiniest bit of blush to make sure some color remained in my face, and some smokey eye shadow with a thin line of eyeliner and then mascara. It wasn't overkill, but it made me look more alive than I had in a while.
I'd spent a little over a half hour in the bathroom and Charlie would be sure to come bugging me soon so we could leave, so I hurried to my room and found the only shoes in my closet that would ever actually go with this dress and strapped them on. They were white with a wedge heel that would decrease the chance of me falling flat on my face.
Just as I'd buckled the little strap by my ankle my dad was yelling up to me.
"Hurry it up, Bells!"
"Coming!" And again I was rushing. I hurried down the hallway but slowed when I got to the stairs so I wouldn't trip. My dad looked up as I reached the bottom landing and I couldn't tell what his expression meant. There was clearly shock and a little bit of pride, but I think I also saw a bit of worry that I couldn't decipher the reason behind.
"You look good, Bells. Let's head out." And that was all there was said about it.
The ride to Charlie's best friend's house was silent, and I honestly couldn't complain. I was too busy wondering if I looked like I was trying too hard. Alice would be proud. . . and then all knew worry developed in my head. Could Alice see me? Would she think I was moving on? Would that stop them from coming back?
I grew anxious with the thoughts and by the time we reached Billy's house I was a complete wreck. What if just something as simple as making an effort in my appearance would make Alice think that I was fine without them? I wasn't fine, not at all. I needed them. I'd always need them, him.
All of my anxiety melted when we entered Billy's house. I hadn't really paid much attention to anything around me until we'd stepped through the door and I was weirdly astonished by all the people that fit into the small house. Actually, while I took in the surroundings, I noted that I wasn't really a lot of people, but the sheer size of the people, the men, sent me reeling.
"Holy crap, what do they feed these kids?" I whispered to my dad.
Before he could answer, another gruff voice cut him off, and drew my attention to Billy Black's wheel chair prone form, beside him I could only assume was his son Jacob, but Jacob wasn't the baby-faced boy I remember from when I first moved here. He was built like a brick house, tall and muscular, enough to rival Emmett and taller than him still, probably standing around 6'6" in height. His long hair was cut short and his boy-ish features were gone. He looked like a man, and not that I usually noticed that kind of thing anymore, but he was an attractive one at that.
"Charlie! Bella! I'm glad you could make it." His smile was large, matching the one his son was now sending my way. I gave a hesitant smile in return, and apparently that was all Jacob needed because he bounded across the small distance between us and enveloped me into a hug, pulling me up into his arms and lifting my feet clean off the floor.
"Wow, Jake," I wheezed, "You've gotten big."
He finally put me down and held me at arm's length. "It wouldn't seem like such a big difference if you'd come around more often." His chastising was playful and I found myself smiling in earnest now.
"I'll take it from here, Charlie." He told my dad, pulling me under his arm and keeping me there. My head barely grazed his chest and I felt indescribably small in that moment, "I'm gonna introduce her to the guys," Jacob continued and then led me away, leaving a proud looking Charlie. Obviously he was happy with my easy going behavior. I don't think I could deny Jacob his happiness even if I wanted to.
Jacob pulled me along with him into another part of the house and then out of the house all together. There were five other guys standing around a fire pit in Jacob's back yard, all of them just as big as he was.
"Guys this is Bella Swan, Bella this is Sam, Paul, Quil, Jared and Embry." He introduced, motioning to each large russet skinned man in front of me. They all looked like brothers and as each one stepped forward to shake hands with me, I met their eyes and smiled. Feeling like I owed Jake's friends at least that courtesy.
Quil was probably the shortest out of the guys, but he was one of the beefiest, and his large hand consumed mine when he shook it. He gave me a flirty smile as he moved away from me to let in Embry's lean frame. His smile lacked the flirty nature of his friends', but compensated with its warmth.
Jared seemed like he was always smiling, while Paul, who he was obviously closest to was the complete opposite, with a scowl permanently stuck on his face. The prior shook my hand as well while the former hung back.
The last person to greet me was Sam, who out of all of them looked the oldest and most mature. He was taller than the others, even taller than Jacob and his hard face wasn't as closed off as Paul's but not nearly as open as any of the other four guys. He looked so observant and calculating that I was almost nervous to shake his hand, like he would reprimand me for it if I did it wrong.
Sam's russet skin was rich in color and contrasted with his thick black hair that hung nearly to his eyes. His eyes were what had me stuck on him, not even his full lips or hard jawline kept my gaze. His dark brown, nearly black eyes hypnotized me, holding me prisoner in their depth. He held my hand longer than strictly needed, and his strict face morphed into complete awe for a few seconds as he met my eyes.
And then, as soon as it happened it was gone and he was closed off again, leaving me to wonder what the hell it was that just happened.
Jake pulled me back into his embrace but when I looked up to see if he noticed his friends weird reaction he wasn't looking at me at all, but starred at Sam with a knowing look, one that if I was honest with myself looked anything but happy.
Things were a little awkward after that. Sam didn't say anything to me, and like Paul he hung back, sitting on a chair across the fire from me, the furthest away from me as possible. Even with his distance I noticed that as time went on Sam's gaze never wavered from my face, and I wasn't the only one who noticed. Jacob grew a bit possessive, which I didn't really understand. The rest of the guys seemed oblivious to the tension going on around us, or so I assumed.
An hour or so after we got outside Billy rolled out on the deck to tell us the food was ready. I went to stand up from my chair but Jacob insisted on getting me a plate, and not to risk falling in the dark with my heels on. The comment had some of the guys laughing as they got up to go get their own plates. I felt the telltale blush cover my cheeks. My eyes cast downward in an attempt to hide it.
When I looked back up I met coal colored eyes. Sam. I hadn't noticed that he didn't get up like the others. He was leaning back in his chair, almost cat like with the way his long legs stretched out in front of him. It faintly reminded me of vampires with the pure power of his position, even when he looked completely comfortable.
"Aren't you hungry?" I asked without really thinking about it. The silence, which I usually enjoyed, was making me antsy. He was just staring at me, not even blinking, just looking right through me into my soul and I couldn't help but stare back.
"Not in the general sense, no." He answered back, a smirk pulling his lips. I just nodded, not exactly knowing how to react to something like that.
"How are you doing?" He asked suddenly, and I wasn't under any false pretense that the question was him simply being polite. There was meaning behind it, meaning that I didn't really want to think about.
"I'm fine thanks," I answered casually, not meeting his eyes.
"You know that isn't what I meant. I was there, Isabella. I was the one who found you and carried you home that night." He leaned towards me, throwing away any sort of casual composure.
"I'm fine. It's really none of your business anyway. I don't even know you, And its Bella, not Isabella." the words came out harsher than intended but I didn't take them back. I couldn't. They were true. It wasn't any of his business how I was dealing with my problems. Just because he found me in the woods doesn't mean he had the right to ask me such a personal question now.
"Bella, is a nickname, and nicknames are only used by friends, and as you stated, you don't know me. So Isabella is what I'll call you, and honestly, Isabella, you'd assume you would thank me for finding you by at least being civil." The smirk on his attractive face had my eyes narrowing.
"How dare you—" I was cut off by Jake calling my name as he and the rest of the guys came back outside with mountains of food. He handed me a plate with more than anything I'd be able to eat, and Paul handed Sam one as well, obviously well aware that his friend stayed back for a reason.
Jacob pulled me back into his side and I watched as the smirk on Sam's face melted into a neutral expression once more.
"How's my girl doing?" Jacob asked me comradely, tugging on a piece of my long hair and watching as the curl bounced back, his usually sunny smile brightening his face.
"Jacob." Sam's hard voice moved Jake's attention away from me. "Don't forget you have work in the morning."
I didn't understand why Sam needed to tell Jake that now, but Jacob seemed to understand.
"Aw, Sam." He whined, "I was going to hang out with Bells tomorrow."
There was a sort of teasing lilt to Jake's voice that I didn't understand but from my view from across the fire, Sam's face was becoming harder, the mask slowly slipping to show the first sign of anger I'd ever seen on his face,
"Then I guess you'll have to cancel won't you?" Sam answered the same time I did.
"You were?" I asked, baffled at when we'd decided on this. Last time I checked, Jake hadn't made plans with me.
"Maybe Bells can hang around here while I work in the morning, one of you guys could keep her company I bet." Jacob smiled at the obviously tense atmosphere. All of them mumbled their agreement but Sam, and I understood that the look in his eyes was no longer one of anger, it was pure undiluted mischief.
Their eyes swept to me, as though waiting for my response and all I could do was nod because my brain hadn't really connected to my body yet.
Sam's knowing eyes kept me prisoner for the remainder of the evening, even when my eyes would wander, they'd always return back to his, and they'd always meet his gaze with no hesitation. There was something about him that I couldn't put my finger on that drew me in.
What I did know was that I didn't feel the ache in my chest at all that night and that had me worrying more than anything else did. Because if one night with these rowdy teenage boys could make me forget my world, I don't know what more time with them could do.
And I wasn't sure if I really had it in me to find out.
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