A Lady for a Lonely Roo by Soft-Kitty of the Drunken Tavern Juniors

Disclaimer: I SOOOOOOO do not own the Penguins of Madagascar.


Chapter 1: Tea Begins with Marlene

The morning sun shone brightly in its heavenly cradle, bringing radiance to the numerous residents of the Central Park Zoo. A cool breeze passed over the Zoo, bringing equilibrium to the hot summer day. The breeze was appreciated by those already outside, as the Zoo started to bustle with activity; a typical summer day. It was the start of a fresh one as well, and most of the animals took their time with their morning rituals. In fact, it was the start of a new week, which meant they had no visitors to entertain. The Zoo was theirs for the day, and a little penguin named Private knew just how to spend it.

"Bye, Skippah! I'm off to have tea with Marlene." said the chubby penguin, his left foot already on the bottommost rung of the ladder.

"I really don't care Private." said Skipper, before lifting a cup of coffee to his beak and flipping the television on to the Channel 5 Morning News.

"Oh alright then." muttered the chubby penguin. "I'll be back soon."

The walk over to Marlene's was a chance for Private to mull over the subject of their next tea talk. With nothing but speculations in his mind, he arrived at Marlene's cave.

"Hello Marlene! I'm here." called Private as he strode in.

The chubby penguin looked around the habitat for his otter friend, but paused when she was nowhere to be seen. His beak forming a smile, he darted towards her bed, yelling "BOO!" as he pulled aside the sheets. There was no Marlene underneath the sheet, only a lumpy pillow.

"Oh, very clever Marlene!" he chuckled, replacing the sheets.

He tiptoed to her cabinet, silently grabbing the handles of the door, and pulled it open in a one swift move. "GOTCHA!"

He pushed aside Marlene's various costumes and personal items, expecting the otter to come out laughing from behind them. He was met with disappointment, as no one was inside except his upper half.

"Not here either, huh?" he said in mild frustration, reorganizing the things in the cabinet.

He studied the habitat for another minute, darting to and fro, until he inevitably accepted the fact that Marlene wasn't here. In fact, she hadn't even begun making the tea. Private exited the habitat worriedly, making his way home quickly.

"Back so early Private?" muttered Skipper as he saw the youngling descend. "What? Marlene gossip about you? Say something you didn't like? Honestly, I don't even know why you go over there. Women just never stop talking!"

"No, it's that Skippah." Private whispered hastily. "Marlene's not even home!"

"Maybe she's gone to gossip with those chimps waiting for the water to boil or something like that." his leader said with a roll of the eyes.

"No, she hasn't even begun making the tea!"

The commando's look of mirth shifted quickly to narrowed eyes of suspicion as he called Rico and Kowalski.

"Marlene is missing. I want this Zoo searched top to bottom. Commence Operation: Otter Hunt!"

The penguins spread all over the Zoo, doing a thorough search of each habitat and exhibit, until they finally rendezvoused at the Zoovenir Shop.

"Sorry Skipper, I couldn't find her." said Kowalski, jumping out of his belly slide.

"Nuh-huh!" grunted Rico, coming to a halt beside Kowalski.

"I did a double check, but I didn't see her." reported Private, joining his comrades.

"We checked everywhere in the Zoo!" muttered Skipper. "Well, except for the Joey's place."

"And why didn't you check it Skipper?" asked the intellectual.

"Are you kidding? That place is an absolute off-limits area; it's the most avoided spot in the Zoo! Right behind the Poison Dart Frog exhibit that is."

"For all we know Marlene might be there." suggested Private, with a nod from Kowalski.

"Marlene? In Joey's place? Seriously?" jeered the flat-headed leader, his eyebrow raised and his flippers on his waist.

"It's highly unlikely she'd be with Barry or out of the Zoo, which leaves the Kangaroo Habitat as our final guess before we declare her kidnapped." explained Kowalski.

"Alright! Fine! We search Joey's place, but I'm not laying a scaly foot in that whacko's turf!" relented Skipper with a groan of exasperation.

The quartet quickly made their way to the wall separating the Kangaroo Habitat from the rest of the Zoo. Just as they were about to leap onto the wall, they heard a high-pitched, girlish giggle coming from within.

"I've always wondered how Joey laughs, but that was just downright disturbing!" whispered Kowalski with a shudder.

"Quiet!" hissed Skipper as he pressed the side of his face against the wall. "I can hear voices."

The others imitated their leader. They strained, and after a brief pause for their hearing to adjust they heard a faint voice.

"You are so funny Joey!" the voice said loudly, before erupting into a fit of giggles.

"Marlene!" the penguins whispered as one, before moving away from the wall.

"What's Marlene doing in the Kangaroo Habitat?" Skipper whispered in disbelief.

The others raised their shoulders in a shrug, just as perplexed as their leader.

"Stop that!" cried Marlene, her giggles escalating to a laugh.

"Is he … torturing her?" Skipper asked tentatively, his eyes squinting in discomfort as the otter's cackling grew louder.

"Since when does someone laugh when they're being tortured?" Kowalski asked, his brows knit in confusion.

"Meh!" protested Rico, thumping his chest proudly.

"No, he meant when they're the ones being tortured, not you doing the torturing." explained Private, pressing the side of his face against the wall.

"Ohhhhh! Ah dunnoh." said scarred bird with a shrug.

"Well, there was that one time with the laughing gas…" Kowalski said slowly, his flipper rubbing the bottom of his beak in contemplation.

"HELLO?" Skipper hissed. "Can we get back to 'What is Marlene doing in Joey's place?' before you continue thinking about killing someone with laughs?"

Before anyone else could speak, Private, frantically whispered "Marlene's coming!"

The other penguins started in surprise, as Skipper wordlessly signaled Rico. The maniac vomited a grandfather clock, and placed it quickly on the ground.

"That Joey … so hilarious." giggled Marlene as she leapt over the wall. She paused, eyeing the clock suspiciously. "What on earth?"

The penguins remained frozen in their respective positions, their bodies bent and angled behind the large clock, completely concealing them from the otter. She took a step towards the clock before shaking her head and sprinting in the direction of her habitat. Skipper gave a signal with his flipper. The penguins jumped out from behind their hiding place before proceeding to their own habitat.

"What in the name of sweet and sour smoked salmon was Marlene doing with that whacko?" mumbled Skipper as he paced the lair. "I need to find out why, but how?"

"Private, you should get a move on." Kowalski said sternly to the chubby penguin watching his leader pace. "Isn't Marlene expecting you for tea?"

Private turned to Kowalski, but before he got the first syllable out, he was interrupted by Skipper bellowing, "PERFECT!"

The commando made his way over to the youngling and grabbed him by the shoulders. "We can use Private!"

"Use me for what Skippah?" asked Private nervously as Skipper dragged him to the ladder.

"You're going undercover Private." whispered the commando as Kowalski and Rico watched them curiously. "Find out what Marlene was doing with Joey!"

"I doubt it's anything bad!" complained Private, rubbing his shoulders when Skipper released him. "I don't like spying."

"Actually Private, spying and going undercover share certain similarities, but there are differences." explained Kowalski, sparing the youngling from Skipper's angry retort. "Spying generally deals with gathering information discreetly without needing to interact with the target, such as reading their diaries when they aren't around or watching them go to the bathroom. What Skipper means by going undercover is that you remain in contact with the target while gathering information in a similarly subtle fashion, even adopting a sympathetic demeanor to earn their trust and eventually, their secrets."

"What he said." Skipper said after a long pause. "Wait, you watch others go to the bathroom?"

"I'm not proud of it." the scientist said emotionlessly, before turning to Private. "With your innocent personality, Marlene would not hesitate to confide in you."

"But – but how am I supposed to get the information out of her without making it look too obvious?" asked the youngling worriedly.

"Be like a detective!" Skipper groaned exasperatedly. "Ask something remotely related to what you want to know without alerting the suspect."

"But Marlene's our friend; I don't want to spy on her!" he protested, crossing his flippers on his chest.

Skipper grabbed his shoulders and pulled him until their beaks almost touched. All of Private's resolve melted away as his eyes met his leader's, ablaze with a vicious fury.

"You will go over there, have some tea with Marlene, and find out what she was doing in Joey's habitat." hissed Skipper so venomously that Private felt faint. "DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?"

"Aye-aye sir!" whimpered Private before being thrown out the hatch.

He landed with a thud on the fake ice floe, shuddering in fear. He massaged his rump as he got up and stared at the top of Marlene's cave. He inhaled deeply and walked casually up to her habitat.

"Oh well, here goes nothing."