Truly, Madly, Deeply
Agatsuma Soubi.
Ritsuka stared at the words. They were on a tombstone. Just a plain rectangular slab of light gray stone. No adornments, no angels, no eloquent or pretty phrases, no flowers. No nothing.
He ran his hand through his shoulder length hair, past where his ears used to be and rested the hand on the tombstone. In his other hand he held a bouquet.
"It's been a long time…four years since you died. Sorry for only visiting you now, though this will probably be the last. I just came to have one more conversation with you, my therapist says it will give me some closure."
Ritsuka kneeled in front of the grave.
"You were a lot of firsts for me, weren't you Soubi?" he murmured to the tombstone, "First fighter, first love, first time…"
The wind howled harshly, ruffling his hair and causing him to huddle in his coat.
Ritsuka gave a mirthless chuckle.
"You consumed me, shook my little world apart with your appearance. Made me live, yet nearly destroyed me. So full of contradictions," he mused.
He stared at the grave for a while before speaking again.
"I wonder if you ever really loved me? Funny that I ask you that question now that your dead… It's been four long years and I'm twenty now. I've grown up quite a bit. I'm going to university, studying art. I thought it would be a fitting subject, though I'm sure the people that knew us would disagree. They'd probably think it was unhealthy but I find that I like it. My reason for choosing that subject may have been you, but the reason I'm still in it is me. I was so dependent back then, I don't know how you stood me. Then again while I needed someone, you needed to be needed. We fed off each other in the best and worst ways."
Ritsuka leaned forwards and rested his head on the tombstone.
"We were the most desperate pair I've ever known, not even my mom managed to get to our level even when she was caught up in Seimei. Did you know I left? I stopped living with my mom when I turned seventeen, I'm living on my own now, and things are better this way.
Love was never enough for us, was it? When given an inch we reached for a mile… We were so entwined with each other I don't know how I survived your death. I do know it's past time I moved on though."
Ritsuka sighed.
"I- I found my other partner. I found the other loveless. We're one of the top fighters, and we live up to our name, we don't love each other. There's just cold practicality and ruthless efficiency. A need so cold it renders all bonds broken in its wake, it strips the soul and leaves a withered husk. Sort of how I felt when you died, and that is what Loveless embodies."
"Ritsuka!"
The young adult turned towards the car seating his friends that were waiting for him and called back, "Coming, give me a minute!"
He turned back towards the grave and pulled a small butterfly shaped wind chime out his coat pocket. It tinkled as he hung it from the tombstone.
"You would have probably liked this with your obsession with butterflies. I didn't think you were quite so similar. After all you could make choices, you could fight back, those butterflies trapped in glass and dissected couldn't."
He reached out a fingertip and touched the chimes attached to the butterfly.
"I guess in death you have the freedom and peace you never had in life, not even with me. And I…" Ritsuka smiled bitterly, "I remain true to my name. I am loveless. I suppose I should be glad that I loved one person truly, madly, deeply, but I really can't say I'm grateful."
Ritsuka stood up, laid down the bouquet and turned.
He walked back to the car with his friends in it, scarf and jacket fluttering behind him, they saw his lips move but they didn't hear the whispered, "Goodbye Soubi," that carried on the wind long after they were gone.
