Heartbroken
"Anyone who has lost something they thought was theirs forever finally comes to realize that nothing really belongs to them."
I had been seeing Dovewing for three moons now.
I mean, I know it is forbidden, but love has its own rules.
And what the heart wants, the heart gets.
The moon was hanging in the sky, just slightly before a half-moon. Silverpelt was scattered among the dark sky, and I knew it was time.
It's time to see my beloved.
Glancing at my sleeping clan-mates, I slowly heave myself to my paws. I noticed Russetfur twitch in her sleep as I stood up, and I paused for a moment, excuses running through my mind to tell if I happened to wake her up.
When Russetfur didn't move any longer, I let out a sigh of relief and I slowly slipped outside of the den.
It was almost impossible to see in the darkness , for the other Clans. Us ShadowClan cats are used to being able to see in the dark, because I mean, we're always in the shade of the trees.
But for me, I'm always in the darkness.
Throughout my life, I had never been much of a talker. I love cats, don't get me wrong but they always catch me in a pissy mood, and then I'll snap at them. It doesn't end there. I'll go on a rant, and because of my behavior, they have learned to keep away from me.
But only Dovewing can see past this feature. She can see the real me, and that's one reason why I love her so.
I crept along the edge of the camp, and as soon as I was close enough, I leaped out of the camp. The grass let out a small ruffle underneath my weight, but over the moons I learned how to keep mostly silent. Deciding that I was safe, I padded towards the direction of the ThunderClan border.
I was thrilled to see the gray she-cat already sitting there, waiting for my arrival.
"Hey" She mewed seductively as I twined my tail around hers.
"Hello, bright eyes" I murmured in her ear. She nudged me playfully, and I rejoiced at her touch.
"So how's my handsome Nightwhisper?" She asked, her robin-blue eyes met mine, and they shone a blue-gray under the moonlight.
"I'm quite fine. And how about a she-cat such as yourself?" I asked, most formally as I could muster.
"Very well" She replied, touching her nose against mine. I purred in delight as she blinked her beautiful eyes at me.
"You're beautiful, Dovewing" I whispered. She let out a small smile.
"I love you, Nightwhisper" She meowed quietly.
"I love you too" I replied, my voice matching hers. I closed my eyes and rested the bottom of my chin on her head affectionately.
There was a moment of comforting silence before Dovewing spoke up.
"Nightwhisper, I don't want to leave you. Ever" Dovewing suddenly said. I tore away from her to look deep within her eyes. What was she talking about, anyway?
I let out a small laugh at her sentence.
"I don't want to leave you, either. You're my everything, and without you I wouldn't be alive" I replied
I could almost see tears well up in her eyes.
"Shh .. Don't cry" I whispered, giving her a gentle lick in between her ears.
"I'm here for you now, and until the end of time" I meowed quietly.
"Thank you, Nightwhisper. Thank you for everything" Dovewing responded sadly.
She ducked out of my lick and gazed at me. Her saddened blue eyes locked on my honey-brown ones.
"I'm sorry, I have to go. Goodbye, and remember that I'll love you for an eternity, my love" She said.
She leaned into me and pressed her nose against mine.
"Farewell" She whispered, before turning and sprinting back to ThunderClan before I was able to speak.
"Dovewing! Wait!" I cried, but she continued to run as if she hadn't heard me.
Why did Dovewing sound like I wasn't going to see her again?
With a heavy heart, I trudged back to ShadowClan solemnly.
Upon entering camp, I was able to see the faint light of dawn rise above the trees. My heart seemed to weigh a ton as I crawled into my nest. I curled up in my bed beside Russetfur, and coiled myself into a lump of fur. With that, I drifted off into an uncomfortable, dreamless sleep.
I awoke at sunhigh, and to my surprise, I wasn't awoken earlier.
'Well it was a good sleep' I chirped to myself. As I exited the den, I saw Blackstar huddled close to Russetfur. Their expressions were grave, and it sent a shiver down my back. Ignoring it, I trotted over to the fresh-kill pile. There was a choice between a finch and a frog. I wasn't in the mood for frog at the time, so finch it was. I picked up the bird in my jaws and pulled it away into my lonely corner.
I ate it slowly so I was able to savor the taste. The taste of forest sang on my taste-buds, but for some reason, it wasn't as assuring as it used to be. Something in me told me that something about today was … Off. Something is wrong, and I can feel it in me.
I shrugged off the feeling and discarded the scraps of my finch. To get my mind off of what my mind was telling me, I slunk out into the forest for a good hunt.
Hunting was successful. I came back with two frogs, one squirrel, and a robin. My clan-mates casted me smiles at my catches, but not one came over to congratulate me. This, left a void within my heart. I wish I could be accepted by them … But I have Dovewing. Speaking of whom, I couldn't wait to see my love that night. I needed to let my feelings out.
Not just my love for her, but my loneliness in camp. I'm done with it, seriously! I've been putting up with is since my mother died in a battle. My grief caused me to send out my wrath at whomever was talking to me.
And now I'm alone.
Nightwhisper, Nightwhisper. You're such a failure.
I lowered my head and watched the life and world revolve around me. I let out a sigh. I wish I had a friend in my Clan … Just one, at least.
Pretty soon, the peak of dusk befell the world, and I couldn't be more relieved in my life. Not only would I see Dovewing once more, but I would have the night to myself. After Dovewing of course.
Soon as the sign of Silverpelt flooded the sky, I padded out of camp. It's not like anyone would notice, anyway. I broke into a run to warm my pelt of the chilly air, and the cold was gone when I found my favorite, gray she-cat.
"Hey Lovely Dovely!" I purred in greeting. She let out a small, sad smile. My smile fell into a frown of concern.
"Dovewing? What's wrong?" I asked, stepping forward.
"I'm sorry" I mewed softly. What was she talking about?
"Dovewing, there's nothing you need to be sorry about"
"I'm leaving" Dovewing's eyes avoided mine, and they met her paws instead. My chest exploded with sadness.
I could feel tears pricking in my eyes as I sank my claws into the ground as I registered what I just heard.
"W-What!? We're two hearts! Together forever!" I gasped. Dovewing shook her head.
"It cannot be. StarClan wishes for us to be separated in flesh and blood, but I will be with you in spirit" Dovewing looked up bravely and met my saddened eyes.
'She can't leave me! She can't!' I was screaming at myself on the inside.
"Why are you leaving me anyway?" I asked quietly. I hoped she hadn't heard my voice crack there, I wanted her to know that I can hold strong EVEN IF SHE WAS LEAVING ME.
I heard Dovewing suck in a short breath of the chilly air.
"I have a dieses" She said at last. I almost collapsed under my paws.
"What!? Why aren't you resting in camp!?" I cried out in worry. This she-cat is one crazy kitty!
Dovewing looked up at me defiantly.
"Do you THINK I want to die in my Clan? No! I want to spend my last moments with the one I love" She said defiantly. My mouth was still agape.
"Well Jayfeather can cure you better when you're in camp" I snapped. Dovewing CAN'T die on me!
Dovewing shook her head sadly.
"He tried, but he said my fate lies in the paws of StarClan now. No herb or treatment can cure me"
I was a loss for words for a moment.
"Well, does it hurt you?"
Dovewing stiffened the slightest.
"Yes. My back is in constant pain, I'm puking every time I eat, and my body feels about ready to shut down" She mewed miserably. Without another second wasted, I rushed in and I nuzzled her.
"I'm sorry this is happening to you" I whispered into her ear.
Dovewing let the tip of her tongue lick my ear as she settled on the grass below her. I followed shortly, snuggled in with her.
"Nightwhisper … I want you to know that I love you, okay?" She meowed hoarsely. My throat tightened bitterly at her pained voice, and broken soul.
"I love you too" I choked out. I twined my tail with her scrawny one as I listened intently to the beating of her rapid heart.
"Nightwhisper … I think this is the last time I'll see you … Here, at least" She said quietly.
I flattened my ears against my head.
"Don't say that yet, Dovewing" I said in my 'warning' voice. She couldn't even meet my concerning gaze.
"I'm ready to go soon. I'll be another one among the stars shortly here" She continued.
"Stop!" I ordered.
"I love you"
My sadness was overwhelming and I could feel myself burst out onto tears on my mates shoulder. The liquid leaking from my tear ducts dropped sullenly onto Dovewing's gray, matted fur.
"Nightwhisper, please don't think this is the end for us. There will be more chances I will see you. I will see you again. I know I will" Dovewing's voice came out hoarser and more quieter, and she stifled a weak cough.
I wanted to just sit there with her forever and embrace her in my grip; to heal her. To heal her sickened soul, to show her my love, to be there for her. Forever and ever.
But StarClan had other plans.
"I will see you again. In the stars. I promise you. I'll always be there, watching over and protecting you from here, and until my light has faded into nothingness" She paused.
"I won't be in pain anymore either. I can feel it. I can feel it coming …. Oh it's dizzying" Dovewing's eyes wandered to the ground.
"Dovewing?" I couldn't help my voice this time, it shook with sadness and heartache.
"I love you, Nightwhisper" She uttered her final words before her head lay limp against the ground. Her blue eyes stared up motionlessly, and soullessly.
I squeezed my eyes shut and let my tears roll off my face and onto her limp body.
"Dovewing, I thought we were forever. I'm sorry I didn't put more time into caring for you as a proper mate should've, and I wish I didn't take you for granted. Now that you're gone, I'm nothing anymore" I whispered. I didn't know if she could hear me or not, but she was gone.
I used to see Dovewing for three moons.
I know it is forbidden to love another cat from another Clan, but my heart was embraced with hers.
And what the heart wants, the heart gets.
Until part of my soul, died along with her.
And now I am nothing.
A/N: I'm sorry for the crappy ending. I wasn't sure what to write, or how to end it. Anyway, I hoped you liked it~
