Okay... So, first Fanfiction. I don't actually know when I wrote this first bit, but I found it on my computer and I was like "I can work with this :D" I have no beta-reader, since when I was looking for one I pretty much had a mini panic attack and said Screw it. So if there are any errors, please do point them out so I can fix them! Warnings: Character death to the extreme, murder, potential gore, suicidal ideation, potentially extreme OOC characters, especially Italy, Gerita, implied Prucan, implied past one-sided Pruita, and um... Well, I'll tell you what, if I have any new warnings I'll put them somewhere c:

I don't own Hetalia!

Prologue
Of pleasure and pain

Dear Diary,

Recently a few nations have mysteriously turned up dead, none of them had much in common that could have spurred these cruel deeds. That doesn't really matter though, all that matters is that they are dead and gone. I'm so deathly afraid of who will die next. Not because I think I will die, but because I don't want any more of my friends to die. I'm not at all worried about my life, there's no reason for such a useless fear. I am the killer after all.

You'd wonder why I did it, but I'd only tell you I didn't. It wasn't me really, just some brand of evil speaking with my voice. It was however my fault that this evil is here. I embraced the icy shadows, invited them into me. I didn't understand what the darkness had meant when it had said it could help me to stop Romano from giving Germany a hard time. I never wanted anyone to get hurt. I didn't want people to die! I can't stop it now. The darkness lives in me whether I like it or not and it will stop at nothing to rid the world of anyone who had 'wronged' me. The darkness uses me and twists me. I don't want anyone more to die.

I hope that when this is all over, that there is a survivor of my wrath that will find this and kill me. I don't think that the darkness would let them though. Maybe by that point it will be gone, but I wouldn't dare count on it. I don't count on anything anymore. The only thing I ever dare hope for are the fleeting moments in which the darkness rests and I am no longer choked by it. When it is awake, it is in control, not me. It speaks to me sometimes during these fleeting moments. It likes to tell me what it's going to do, but doesn't let me respond. Then it forces me into the very back of my mind where there is no more sight so I can't watch, but it always brings me back for the last breath. It wants to remind me that it's killing for my sake. I wish it wouldn't.

I'm not so sure how many I've killed so far. Not everyone that I've killed has been found yet. I don't even know if the ones I know I've killed are the only ones I've killed. I've killed humans too. Any human that makes an off-handed comment about my country or I or anyone that means anything to me, the darkness uses it as an excuse. I often push these things out of my mind until I can no longer remember anything but the agony of watching them die. Everything has become blurry in my mind, especially the things I don't want to forget, like the feeling of Germany sleeping soundly beside me, or the taste of handmade pasta. I think that's how the darkness is making me repent for pushing the pain from my mind: If I want to get rid of pain, I must also lose pleasure.

Maybe it is better I forget the pleasurable things in life too; it makes it easier to let go of my stubborn will to live and find a way not to. I would hate for what I'm leaving behind to plague my mind when I finally do have to end it.

I have to sleep soon; I want to wake up early before the evil does. I just want a second in which I'm not observing and being choked or being shrugged off by the people I try to warn. I'm not sure however that I will, even if the evil sometimes likes to sleep in, I often can't wake up before it. I've always been bad at waking up before others.

~Italy Veneziano

The story won't be in diary format, just the prologue c: Hope you enjoyed! I have several chapters lined up to be edited, so if there is any interest at all I can post chapter one fairly quickly! Suggestions are always welcome, so if you have an idea, and I haven't already come up with a contradicting one myself, I'll consider it.