(Disclaimer: Not mine. It all belongs to the good folks at NBC.)

(Note: Before someone asks me - I am not trying to spam ff net It might seem like I am - but I just have a backlog of fics that were never posted to this account. Spoilers for "Informed.")

Light, from a window with an open shade hits my eyes. I crack one eye open and look for her, only to see her side of the bed empty, the covers a mess, her pillow gone. Presumably on the floor.

She's not in the room and once I get out of bed, I do discover her pillow, lying on the floor. Not intentionally discarded, of course. Since she came back from whenever the Feds shipped her off to to do their dirty work for them, she's been a restless sleeper. Or not sleeping at all.

I grope around for my glasses and once they're on and I can see clearly, I leave the room to find her.

"Liv?" I see she's made herself at home on my couch and not for the first time, since she's returned. I know readjusting to normal life, after so long undercover isn't the easiest thing - but is getting out of hand.

"Early-morning infomercials that interesting, huh?"

"No."

"What's going on, Olivia? Have you just gone crazy and think you don't need sleep?"

"No."

"Has it got to do with our dear government shipped you off"-

Her gaze snaps to mine, suddenly. "I told you, John - leave it alone."

"I'm not going to leave it alone. You're too quiet..."

Her face tightens. "I'd tell you, if I could. But I can't."

"Good old Uncle Sam... what did they do? Threaten you into keeping your silence?"

"John - leave it alone. I can't tell you what I saw, what I did, where I was - any of it. If I could, I would."

"What the hell, Liv? You're not selling your story to a reporter..."

"Do you want me to get killed?" Her eyes flash and her voice rises, slightly. It's the most response I've gotten out of her since before she disappeared. "Is that what you want? Because it's not just some Federal operation at risk - it could be me, you - anyone attached to me, if I don't keep my mouth shut. And I don't want to have to disappear for good the next time."

Just how deep did she go?I wonder to myself, before I shake my head. "So you can't talk about it - did they give you clearance to see anyone before they sent you back here?"

"You mean a shrink?" She raises an eyebrow. "Yeah. Psych exam, before they put me on a plane. Couldn't send me back to active duty if I'd cracked."

"What'd you see? What's sticking with you?"

Olivia shakes her head - she'll never be able to give me the full answer to that question - I can sense it. "Enough that it made me miss SVU, that's for sure."