Title: Up Against The Wall

Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Captain Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Mentions Owen Harper

Warnings: Angst and fluff

Summary: Jack doesn't want Ianto to rely on anything else to make him feel good. Inspired by the song 'Up Against The Wall' by Boys Like Girls. Mentions of 'Cyberwoman' and 'Countrycide'

Author Notes: I'm hoping for more detail in this one :)

Disclaimer: I don't own the TV show or the characters.

The warm liquid ran down his throat, the smoky strong taste attacking his senses. The drink burned at the back of his throat and heated his body as it went down, clearing his mind of the burdens in his head. Placing the empty glass back on the table, he poured himself another shot. Breathing out a heavy breath, a breath fresh with whiskey and tears, he downed the shot once more. His eyes shut tight as the burning sensation hit the back of his throat once more.

He was doing it to forget. Every time his throat burned his mind concentrated on that sensation, not on all that had happened to him recently. Instead of cyber girlfriends and cannibals, he thought of the charred oak taste. Instead of guns to his head and bloodied knives to his neck, he thought of how much damage he was doing to himself. It was okay as long as he was the one doing the damage. He was in control.

As the rough liquid found its way into his body, his head buzzed. He felt good. He couldn't remember the last time he felt good. The only problem was that every time his glass was empty, so too did he feel. His heart sank in his chest as he looked at the glass bereft of the antidote to all his pain. He was just about to pour himself another glass when he heard a strong knock at the door.

He stopped, his eyes closing as the sound vibrated through his fuzzy head. He didn't really feel like getting up at that moment, and wasn't sure he'd getting his footing right if he did.

The knocking began once more, this time joined by a voice, "Ianto? I know you're in there, let me in."

Ianto sighed, rubbing his eyes and he got up slowly, shuffling towards the door. He'd know that American accent anywhere. He rested his forehead against it for a moment before opening it, a fairly good 'I'm fine and havn't been drinking myself into a stupor' look on his face, "Can I help you, Sir?"

"Not office hours." Jack pointed out, just a little bit out of breath, "Can I come in?"

"Hmm? Right, yeah. Sorry." Ianto moved out of the way, watching as Jack moved into his flat.

"Have you been drinking?" Jack raised his eyebrow curiously.

"What gave you that idea?" Ianto shut the door carefully, leaning against it for support.

"Well," Jack walked over to the table picking up the bottle of whiskey, "Other than the half empty bottle of Jack Daniels sitting on your table next to a recently used glass, the slur in your voice and the way you can't stand up straight? No real reason." Jack shrugged.

"You think you're clever don't you?" Ianto murmured, pushing away from the door to prove the captain wrong.

"Just observant."

"Why are you here Jack?"

"To see if you're okay, which judging by the looks of things, you aren't."

Ianto let out a heavy breath, still tasting that strong alcohol, "I'm fine."

"No you're not. I'm your friend Ianto, at least give me that much." Jack took slow tentative steps towards the Welshman, "You aren't okay at all. You lost your girlfriend and then you were almost eaten by cannibals. That has to be the very definition of 'not fine'."

"Okay," Ianto murmured, barely a whisper, "I'm not fine, but I'm not a walking train wreck either. I'm coping."

Ianto's eyes were on the floor. Jack was going to see through this, he knew he was. How could he not? He'd been caught with red eyes and half a bottle of whiskey down his throat, there couldn't have been anything worse for Jack to have walked in on. He lifted his hands just enough to look at them, noticing that they were shaking and scrunched them into fists until his knuckles went white. He didn't see an escape from this situation. Not without killing Jack and running anyway.

He felt Jack's hands hold his forearms softly and finally looked up, meeting soft blue eyes. What he saw in those shimmering blue pools surprised him. He didn't see pity, he didn't see hatred, all he saw was care. Unconditionally, the man before him cared and it made no sense. Everyone who had ever cared for the younger man hadn't lived long and yet here he was with Captain Jack Harkness looking at him like that. The one man who couldn't die was caring for him. It was like some strange paradox and nothing made sense. By all accounts, if you cared for Ianto Jones, you ran for cover and yet this man couldn't be stopped by the boundaries of death. It scared the hell out of Ianto.

"Why are you drinking Ianto?" Jack's voice was soft and soothing.

Ianto's head dropped, "Because…"

"Tell me." Jack urged.

"When…when I drink, I feel better. I don't think so much." He didn't know why he was telling Jack this, "And the less I think…"

"The less you think about Lisa? About the Beacons?" Jack offered the end of the sentence.

Ianto nodded, "I wish I'd never loved her."

"No you don't." Jack smiled and Ianto didn't. He was glad Jack understood but nervous as to what his reaction was going to be, "Ianto, I don't want you relying on alcohol to make yourself feel better."

"But-"

Jack cut him off, "I don't want you thinking that the only option you have is to get so drunk that you can't think straight."

"What else do I have?" Ianto whispered, looking into Jack's eyes again, begging for him to give him a better option.

"Me." Jack's voice was soft and welcoming.

Ianto stared at Jack, utterly confused, "What are you talking about?"

"I don't understand why you're so oblivious to my feelings for you Ianto Jones."

Ianto's head went down, again feeling uncomfortable. He had noticed. Jack wasn't exactly the type to be subtle about that type of thing. It was Jack though. Ianto had heard all the tales of Captain Jack Harkness; the man who'll sleep with anything that's willing. He didn't want to be that. He didn't want to be another one of Jack's stories.

Jack's lips ghosted over Ianto's jaw as he spoke, "I want to make you smile again. I want you to feel good about yourself. I want Gwen to play that stupid game of who snogged who and to be able to say 'Ianto'. I want you to be happy. Unless of course I've misread all the looks you've given me and I'm now making a complete arse of myself…"

"No," Ianto quickly assured, looking up at Jack, "I just…you're Jack Harkness."

"Was last time I checked, yeah." Jack chuckled.

"I don't want to be another story. I just don't, okay?" Ianto felt his stomach was in knots. He was so sure he'd given up his opportunity to taste Jack's lips. He didn't need the rest, sure it was an added bonus, but those lips…those tortured the young Welshman every day. The way they curved at the corners into that cocky smile, just begging to be kissed. That's all Ianto really wanted, and he wasn't sure he'd ever get it.

Jack smirked, "Don't believe the hype Ianto." This caught Ianto's attention and he looked back up at the older man, "I'm not Owen. I don't need sex to feel good about myself. If I did, I wouldn't be doing it with someone I work with. I have some tact. I don't talk about the people I care for. It's different for them." He sighed sadly, "Sometimes I hate rumours."

Ianto groaned in frustrated, "Just tell me what you want from me!"

"You! Christ Ianto, I thought I'd made this clear to you! No complications, no double meanings, I only want you. Is that really so hard to believe?"

"Yes." Ianto impulsively held Jack's waist close, "It's impossible to believe."

Jack tilted Ianto's face up to meet his eyes and leaned closer, grazing his lips against the younger man's. Ianto's breathing hitched as the taste and smell of the alcohol on his breath lingered with Jack's. He leaned closer, moving Jack into him so the taste was stronger. The kiss was lazy and exploratory. Ianto hadn't expected anything like it. The bitter whiskey flavoured was drowned out by the sweet taste of Jack. Every breath he took was of Jack and his head buzzed once more.

As Ianto pulled away, he leaned back into the door behind him, using it to keep him upright. Jack chuckled, his hands coming around Ianto's waist to hold him steady. Ianto pressed his forehead to Jack's.

"This is insane" Ianto mumbled.

"What?"

"Less than two months ago my girlfriend died."

"She died more than a year ago. She died in London."

"I know that now. I didn't then."

"So what's the problem?" Jack smiled impulsively.

"I've never even been with a guy before." Ianto's voice was so quiet, Jack could barely hear it.

"Good." Jack smirked, "I like the idea of being your first."

A/N: So I decided to try this new thing where I give a lot more detail. I've been reading fics lately with lots of detail and have thought 'THAT is what I'm missing'. I've been meaning to write this all year. I hope you like it :) As always, please review.

Cheers,
Gabz
xx