AN: I've wanted to write another fan-fiction about post-chuunin exam Gaara and how he builds bonds with his siblings. I came up with this a while ago and almost finished it, but my hard drive crashed and I lost all my editing. But thankfully I found the original notebook I wrote it in, and for something I wrote over a year ago, I don't really hate it, surprisingly (usually I despise any fan-fictions from my mid-teens, since I was irrationally angsty all the time). So I re-edited it a little, and I wanted to finally post it. :) (And I'll probably edit it again within the next week or so, so let me know if there are any obvious mistakes or if you have any suggestions).
Really long intro. Sorry; I wanted to set the scene a little.
Chapter 1
Crazy
I think it's around eleven o' clock at night right now. I sluggishly change into my pajamas, exhausted from the three-day mission that my siblings and I just returned home from. Since the three of us are still genin – even though none of us should be at that low of a rank; we're some of the strongest shinobi in our village – none of us got paid that much, even though it was a pretty tough mission. Apparently genin are "less experienced" and "less reliable" than chuunin and jounin are, so the person who hired us didn't have to pay as much. But I guess it has been okay, though. We all still live together, and our three salaries combined have been enough to keep us going since our father's recent death.
My father and I were never close, so that probably explains why I haven't been plagued by his absence. It seems like that's the case with my siblings, too. Actually, for me at least, it has been more tolerable not having him around.
For one thing, it's certainly a lot quieter now that it's just the three of us (I never knew my mother; she died when I was still just a baby). Sure, I talk to Temari sometimes, but other than that, the house usually stays very quiet. Gaara usually doesn't talk unless asked a direct question, and he silently enters and exits the house on a whim; I usually can't even tell if he's home or not. I can't help but wonder where he goes when he leaves at night. And… I've noticed that there's something different about him, ever since we got home from Konoha's recent chuunin exams. I can't quite place it yet – probably because we never talk – but I know that something has definitely changed. He's still so quiet and reserved, but he seems less hostile and a lot more cooperative during chores and missions. I'm not exactly ready to let my guard down, but it's been less nerve-wracking to be around him lately.
Not that there's been time to relax, anyway. We wake up early, work, come home late… Rinse and repeat.
Speaking of rinsing, I just brushed my teeth, and now I'm trying to wash my face as I compete for space in the bathroom with Temari. Thanks to my constant shoving, I manage to finish right before she does. I leave the bathroom and start to walk down the hallway toward the living room. All the lights are turned off, and it's pitch black except for the glow underneath the bathroom door, which Temari just slammed shut behind me.
I grope in the darkness, using the walls as guidance. I usually read a magazine or manga before falling asleep, and most of the ones that I haven't read yet are in the parlor. I still can't see anything, but I know I must be close to the parlor's light switch from having lived here so long. I take a few more steps, and I must have just turned the corner, because I can now see moonlight peeking through one of the circular windows in the living room. With another step towards the window, I can see that there's a full moon tonight. I immediately tense; I remember my uncle telling me when I was little that nights with full moons are when Gaara is the most unstable, and when his demon Shukaku has the most influence over him. Temari and I know too well to be careful and keep clear of him – I mean, we always do that, but even more than usual on nights like this… Let's just say that I learned that lesson the hard way a couple of years ago.
I figure that I should see if he's there before waltzing in and turning the light on – the kid likes the dark, so I wouldn't be too surprised to find him lurking here. Sure enough, I can see his crimson hair shining in the glow of the moonlight from the window. I can see the right side of his face, and he looks deep in concentration, with this expression in his eyes that reminds me of …panic? His shoulders are up right next to his ears, and he's sitting and leaning forward with his elbows on his thighs. He's got his left hand at his head, clawing at tufts of his hair, and he's panting the slightest bit.
"Shukaku…" I murmur to myself, almost mouthing it without making noise. But, with my luck, Gaara hears it. He lifts his head up and looks in my direction, probably not able to actually see me in the darkness.
"Kankuro?" Gaara calls cautiously, with this nervous and shaky tone of voice that I don't think I've ever heard from him before.
I need to get out of here, because I value my life. But my legs don't do as I tell them, and they lead me closer to where Gaara's sitting.
As the distance closes between us, I get a better look at him. I have to stifle a gasp; he's partially transformed into Shukaku. He has its ears, tail, and its form is also starting to show on his hands, left arm, and the upper right side of his face.
I stumble backwards to get some distance between us again. He's still looking at me, and it takes me a few moments to realize that he looks… Scared.
"I'm still in control…" he murmurs with a strained voice, "For now…" he continues almost inaudibly, but in the near-silent room I'm still able to hear him. I can see that he's trembling slightly. Against my better judgment, I walk closer to him again, and now I'm standing in front of him; I must be about three to four paces away.
I'm shaking too, and he notices, "You're scared of me…" he comments in a dejected tone. I nod nervously in response, "I am too," he adds in a murmur, frowning.
I sit next to him, on his right. I can't help but wonder what I'm getting myself into. It doesn't seem like he wants to hurt me, or at least not yet. But what if he loses control anyway? Or what if I accidentally piss him off? It scares me just to think about it.
He gives me this hesitant and anxious expression, like he's reluctant to let me be this close to him. He tenses up and eyes me cautiously, but he doesn't say anything.
My stomach suddenly twists with guilt and pity, "Gaara… Hey, look, I'm sorry-"
Gaara suddenly yells in pain and leans forward with his head in his hands. I see Shukaku's form rapidly possessing him; I jump to a standing position and start backing away from his nearly feral state, afraid to completely turn my back to him.
He looks up at me, keeping his hands at the sides of his head, and I yelp in alarm; the absence of the irises in his widened eyes startles me. And his mouth is hanging slightly open, like he's frozen in a state of shock.
My first instinct is to run away, but as I stumble to get away from him, he stands up and grabs my arm in an attempt to stop me. Shukaku's claws dig into my skin deeply, ripping skin off. I wince as a reflex to pain, and to my surprise, he suddenly pulls away.
"I'm sorry…" he murmurs in a strained voice, and he's starting to hyperventilate. It seems like he's fighting for control over his body and actions at this point – I hope he wins, "I'm… So sorry…" he wheezes. I freeze in place at the tone of his voice; it sounds so feeble. His eyes are still empty and white, which makes me really uncomfortable.
Blood starts dripping down my arm from the recent flash wound Gaara gave me, and we both stare at it numbly. He twitches suddenly, violently, and shouts in agony. I stagger backwards both in fear and surprise, and I slam my back into the wall.
Gaara yells again and falls to his knees with a loud thud. He leans forward, so far that his forehead touches the floor, and he clutches his head tightly.
"Oh!" I exclaim suddenly, realizing that him being so close to blood is what's making him struggle so much. I run to the bathroom to get the first aid kit… And I'm also eager to just get away from him when he's like this.
When I swing the bathroom door open, Temari screams, but clamps a hand over her mouth when she realizes it's just me.
"Kankuro! Oh, you're all right!" she exclaims. I can see her whole body shaking, "I thought you were…" she trails off, frowning. I get the first-aid kit from the cabinet and start cleaning and dressing my arm with thin white wraps.
"Your arm…" she murmurs, lightly touching her cheek with her hand.
"I'm fine, don't worry. It was… An accident," I say, and it sounds just as stupid as I thought it would.
"An 'accident?' But Kankuro, I don't-"
We both freeze as Gaara's groans and screams suddenly cease altogether.
"Stay here, okay?" I say as I head for the door, now finished bandaging my arm.
"Are you crazy?" she screeches. But I leave without hesitating, and as I head down the hallway, I begin to realize how "crazy" I really am. Or is it really being crazy? As scary as this situation is, and how many bad memories of Gaara I have, I can't get that expression he had earlier out of my mind. I feel somehow responsible for his pain as I suddenly realize that I know very little, if anything, about my little brother. And that realization is what propels my shaking legs all the way back to where Gaara is.
