I'm not sure if its blasphemous to to fill in this particular blank for Bella, but I couldn't resist. The idea of leaving these months to the imagination was a good one. Still, I find myself contemplating their contents.

It's hard to write something like this and not have the original teller inside your head suggesting ideas. That said, I did my best to use this idea without plagiarism or offense.

October

The clouds parted today. Rays of light reached down, threatening to slash their way through my haze. I should want this, nagged a tiny voice inside me, this sunny break amid the ominous stretch of rain and gray. But I ignored that voice and pushed it away. The light served only to further blacken the desolation around me. Passed over for more intriguing distractions, the loathsome orb no longer affects the things I do or don't do. Pulling my hood up, I shielded myself from the sun and it's searing reminder.

Stepping down from my truck, I counted the steps it took me to move across the parking lot and enter the grocery store. On this errand for Charlie, numbering my footsteps was a small something to keep my mind from wandering places it shouldn't go. I slipped past leftover puddles counting. One, two, three... just make it past the car. Twelve, thirteen, fourteen... around the abandoned shopping cart. Twenty-one, twenty-two... let me make it through this minute. Twenty-three... let me make it through this hour.

The sliding doors swished open, bringing my attention to my reason for coming here. Batteries. Charlie needed new batteries for the flat screen remote.

I was standing in the entrance, gazing across the store in search of the battery isle, when unexpectedly, a wall of seasonal items sprang forth to assault me. I paused long enough to catch my breath then slowly drifted past the offending Halloween costumes, desperately focusing on the task at hand. Cartoon figures and ghoulish masks faintly registered on the edges of my consciousness. I resumed counting, numbering each step it took to pass them by.

Out of the corner of my eye something struck me. I caught a glimpse of pale skin, hungry eyes, and a menacing smile. A dark trail of blood dripped from the fang of that menacing smile. I did a double take, realizing it was a large photo advertising the costume within.

My chest started hammering, drawing attention to the empty space it contained. I closed my eyes wincing and grasping hold of the shelving for support. It's a Halloween costume, I told myself. Such a ridiculous reminder.

Pushing the visual from my mind, I forced my self onward. Batteries for Charlie, I breathed to myself. Just finish this task and the oblivion of scouring bathroom tiles awaits you at home.

Oblivion didn't wait to find me. The next thing I noticed, I was standing in the living room replacing the old batteries. My physical journey home escapes me. I don't remember getting in my truck and starting it. I don't even remember purchasing the batteries. Yet the receipt is on the table, my car keys are in my pocket, and my truck is parked out front.

If it were not for the hole in my chest, I might think that aliens had abducted me and returned a vacant staring likeness. But I've lost days before and my never failing pain is a constant check point. It proves that some part of me persists when oblivion overtakes me. It's ruthless, suffocating, and leaden. It tears at my limbs and pounds at my head, only to implode in the space where my heart one resided. It plagues me throughout these lurches in time, tormenting me with the knowledge that I'm still alive.