"Sabine, no." Ezra pleaded, taking steps back.
The Mandalorian felt herself moving forward in a predatory stance. She felt like a hunter stalking her prey, moving in slowly against him. There was darkness all around them. She felt the rock ground under her shoes. She was in a dark cave-like place, stalking Ezra. There was like this electric buzz around her, pulsing around her and in her, moving throughout her with every heart beat.
Ezra's eyes were wide. She saw the worry on his face. She could almost smell it. He was pleading, begging for her to stop, to do something but she didn't understand. She just kept going forward, wondering if her teeth were barred like a wild animal. That's how she felt as she moved forward.
Ezra kept taking steps back before he tripped, falling on his back. Sabine felt herself smile, a small chuckle going through her as her prey fell victim. She watched him scramble to move. He was defenceless. No lightsaber. No Kanan. Just him.
And he was done.
Ezra was tripping every time he tried to get to his feet, looking back constantly to see how far away she was. Sabine didn't run after him. She just walked forward, following him, glaring him down.
"Sabine, Sabine please stop!" Ezra pleaded again, "this isn't you, please."
She ignited the dark saber in her hand, smiling as she took a larger step forward and her foot landed on his chest. She felt the wind pick up, chill moving through her but it added to the exhilaration. She felt stronger, powerful as she stared down at him, holding him down.
"Sabine…" Ezra whimpered as she raised the dark saber.
"Mine." Sabine hissed in the voice that wasn't her own, the spine curling voice of another.
She stabbed the dark saver into Ezra's chest, feeling her smile widen, her eyes almost dance and the air around her danced as well as she watched Ezra's eyes widen in fear and stare up at her, the light slowly draining from them…
Sabine lunged forward, a scream escaping her lips as she sat up, the ring of her scream echoing along the ship; however her own scream fell deaf to her own ears.
She was breathing rapidly, her hands shaking so rapidly that she felt herself losing feeling in them and getting nothing but a prickly, painful tingle all through her fingertips. She felt as though she couldn't breathe or catch her breath, that her heart was pounding so loud that it echoed in her ears, in her room. Things were a little blurry in the room.
Sabine was sure she heard someone calling her name, but it was like white noise to her. Soon she saw Hera in front of her. Even through the blurriness she could see that Hera's face was full of worry. Soon Kanan's voice and face was there too. She felt touches, their words echoing but no visible sound was coming out. It was giving her a headache. It was making things worse. She felt more fear coursing through her, almost stunning her. Her breathing got worse and she cringed whenever they would touch her. She looked around and saw Ezra and Zeb and even Chopper. Seeing them made it worse too, she felt more nauseous. She looked back forward and saw that Hera and Kanan's voices were softer, a bit more in control, but they were still empty sounds to her.
She heard a new voice come in, one that she recognized. Sabine stared forward blankly, her breathing still heavy as she heard sounds like almost a shooing, words being spoken of moving. Like it was a background to nothing, she saw Hera and Kanan move and recognized Rex sit in front of her. He was a bit more distanced than them. She saw him start to say something, actually recognizing that it was a voice coming from him, that she knew words were there but she couldn't distinctly make them out yet, but they weren't background noise.
Her attention was caught when he snapped his fingers first in front of her face and then she heard it closer to her ear. She focused on that and when Rex saw that her attention was caught on that he moved his hand in front of her again. She saw him speak again, hearing his voice a lot easier now. It was like a drift in an ocean, a tide going back and forth but she could hear him now. His voice wasn't hard and he wasn't yelling, but it was more like a commanding voice that brought her to him, out of her mind.
She soon realized as she kept staring at him, blinking more often now, that he was saying her name.
"Sabine!" Rex told her calmly, snapping his fingers again. The motion caught her attention again, actually hearing the whole sharpness of it now instead of it as a beacon sound over an ocean or fog.
"Sabine! Sabine look at me!" Rex said. His voice was now clear, though still moving like a tide to her, she could actually hear it as he brought her back into the present. She did look at him, though her eyes moved very slowly from his fingers to his face. Although she could hear him her head was still foggy and she still felt herself shaking. She still didn't have feelings in her hands.
"That's good." Rex told her, his voice not so commanding now, but it still had a calm edge to it. "Sabine, you're having a panic attack. I know that you are scared, but I need you to focus on my voice and listen to me. Can you try to nod?"
He made the motion and Sabine tried to gulp but it didn't work, but she tried to mimic what he was doing to let him know she was listening.
"That's great." Rex told her, "I need you to count to ten with me, okay?"
She didn't really answer, trying to nod but she didn't know if she actually made the motion or not. She stared at him and he waited a couple of seconds before starting.
"One…." Rex started, Sabine opened her mouth and a rasped squeak came out and she tried again to speak the 'two'.
She found her eyes wandering slightly to the side as she tried to speak, wondering where the others were before hearing the snapping from Rex's fingers again and his more commanding voice came out. Sabine immediately moved her head to look back at him.
"No, Sabine, look at me." Rex told her firmly, "don't look at them, only look at me."
She felt herself nod, though it felt like a floating feeling.
"Lets try again." Rex told her, "….One…."
She opened her mouth again and her voice, though shaky, came out.
"One." she repeated, a couple of seconds after him.
Rex nodded, showing visible encouragement and to test her. He watched her nod back, following his motions before he continued, "two….three…four…."
Sabine tried to follow him. By "three", she was counting at the same time he was. Rex kept the pace, watching her carefully as the two made constant eye-contact throughout the counting.
"…five…six…seven…" they did together. Sabine could start to feel her hands again, her fingers full of nothing but an ugly prickling feeling. But she felt that she could move them again, she could feel herself moving them despite how they were still shaking.
"…eight…nine…" Sabine realized that he was taking deep breaths between the numbers and soon realized that she was too, mimicking his example.
"…ten." Rex and Sabine said together. Sabine realized she was breathing a lot easier, her hands not shaking as much either. Her shoulders weren't shaking and she could actually hear silence. The pounding in her ears was gone. She could feel her heart beat again and although it was still fast, it no longer felt like it was literally moving out of her chest.
Rex was silent for a moment before he told her gently, "lets try that again, okay?"
Sabine nodded, gulping. Rex started it again, "One."
Sabine joined him with the others, "…two…three…four…five…six…"
The clone was taking breaths in between each number but they were smaller than before, more relaxing to get to a regular breathing rate again. Her head didn't hurt so much anymore and she didn't feel nauseous.
"…seven…eight…nine…ten." Rex stalled out the last number by a couple of seconds. He looked carefully at Sabine. Her breathing was still a little heavy, but it was regular. She wasn't hyperventilating anymore. And her hands were no longer shaking, but they were still curled, like trying to grasp something. She had a lot more colour to her face and her eyes didn't show panic any more.
"That was really good, Sabine." Rex told her, "do you want a glass of water?"
Sabine nodded, already her heavy breathing dying down again.
"I'm going to reach down to the floor and get it, okay." Rex told her.
Sabine nodded again and watched him as he leaned down off the bed a bit and he came back up with a glass of water in his hands. He held it out to her and Sabine carefully took it, using both hands. The shook slightly still so she gripped the cup tighter before bringing it to her lips and carefully taking a drink, slowly taking all of the water in one gulp. When she was done, she took a couple of deeper breaths before setting it down. Her hands were no longer shaking. She handed the cup back to Rex and he took it, setting it beside him on the bed.
"Lets try something else. Can you look around, slowly, and say five things that you see?" Rex asked her.
Sabine nodded again and then slowly moved her gaze from Rex to her room. She saw her desk first and mumbled, her voice still slightly uneasy, "desk…."
Her gaze went to something on the desk.
"Blue spray paint," she said, her voice a little louder, a little calmer, "…orange spray paint."
Her gaze then went to her boots that were right by her doorway.
"Boots," she answered.
The Mandalorian then looked up a bit more and saw Zeb, standing there with his arms crossed, watching her carefully with a face full of worry.
"Zeb." Sabine said, her voice coming off a lot lighter now, almost jokingly.
The words made Zeb and the others smile a bit. Sabine felt slightly relaxed too that a lot of the tension deflated. She looked at everyone's faces and saw, now that she could actually comprehend them, that they were all in their sleepwear. It looked weird to not see Hera in her pilot uniform or the others in their regular clothing. Hera and Kanan both looked more relieved from when she last saw them.
"You're going to have to teach me how to do that." Hera told Rex.
"That? It's not so hard. You and Kanan had a good start, but you needed to use a stronger voice because she couldn't comprehend yours. My brothers always called that tone my 'Captain Voice'. It catches people's attention," Rex answered. "One thing you did do wrong though was that you didn't give her enough space. With an overload like that, touching can make it worse and make the person feel more boxed in."
Sabine nodded, agreeing with him. She wasn't sure if she liked that he was talking about her when she was right there, but she agreed with what he said.
"Where did you learn to do that?" Ezra asked.
"My brothers would get nightmares all the time. Shinies especially. We had to know how to bring them back from. When soldiers couldn't do it on their own they would get me. Then Wolffe started having horrible nightmares after Order 66…sadly I had a lot of practice." Rex answered, his voice trailing off into more of a whisper as he ended the sentence.
"Well, we're glad you were here," Hera told him.
Rex just made a small grunt in reply before getting up. Sabine watched him and looked at everyone again. Rex scratched the back of his neck before he looked back at everyone, ending at Sabine.
"Umm…I would suggest that you shouldn't be alone again, Sabine, in case you have another nightmare." Rex told her.
Hera immediately took a step forward.
"I'll stay," she answered, looking at Sabine.
"I can stay, Hera." Kanan told her.
"No, you all can go get some rest." Hera answered as she stepped forward, moving to sit on the side of Sabine's bed. Sabine shook her head.
"I'll be fine." Sabine tried to tell them, but Hera shook her head.
Hera gently patted Sabine's leg to comfort her before looking back at the others. "Go, I'll stay with her."
Although reluctantly, the boys left the room, going one at a time. Ezra was the last one and he took one look back at the two girls on the bed before leaving, shutting the door behind them. Hera turned back to the younger girl and Sabine shook her head, moving to tuck some of her hair behind her ear.
"Hera, I'm sorry I woke you all up. You don't have to stay." Sabine told her.
The Twi'lek captain gave her a small smile.
"Nonsense." Hera told her gently. She looked around and asked her, "do you want to try drawing or painting something?" That always seemed to cheer her up.
Sabine shook her head, gently wrapping her arms around herself. She looked down and answered, "no, I…I'm not really in the mood."
Okay, that was not a good sign.
Hera nodded and then looked around before noticing the data pad on a table near Sabine's bed. She moved off the bed to get it before sitting at the edge of Sabine's bed again, but beside her.
"Lets relax and watch a holovid, hmm?" Hera suggested. Sabine didn't say anything against it and despite telling Hera that she didn't need to say, Sabine shifted over in the bed so there would be room for Hera to lay beside her.
The Twi'lek moved over in the bed to sit up against the pillows beside her. She stayed over the covers while Sabine stayed under them.
"Anything you want to watch in particular?" Hera asked, going through the film cache they had.
Sabine shrugged and leaned a little closer to Hera as the two settled against the pillows. Hera settled on a light comedy and moved so that her legs were folded up a bit and Hera placed the data pad against it as the movie started.
Hera and Sabine's eyes didn't turn from the datapad for a long time before Hera whispered, "do you want to talk about it?"
The young Madalorian was silent for a couple of seconds. For hours since the incident, from when Kanan and Hera asked she had told them she was fine. But the thoughts, the memories…she kept trying to push them back and ignore them but they still crept through, going through the cracks of her mind. She wanted to believe that she was fine, that if she thought it and said it enough times then she would have, but the nightmares proved her wrong.
She gulped before she whispered, her voice low with fear, "I killed Ezra. In my nightmare I killed Ezra."
Hera turned her head to look at her. She saw Sabine's eyes wide with fright again and that her hands were starting to shake again. Hera reached over and held her hands tightly. Sabine squeezed them, staring down at them.
"Sabine, that won't happen." Hera told her firmly.
"Hera, you weren't there." Sabine whispered, her voice breaking, "I almost did."
"Kanan told me what happened." Hera told her, her thumb moving across Sabine's hand in an attempt to comfort her. "That wasn't you, Sabine. You didn't have a choice."
"But I remember. I couldn't do anything. I should've tried harder." Sabine whispered.
Hera gently squeezed Sabine's hands.
"That wasn't you, Sabine. And there wasn't anything you could do…" Hera told her. She remembered Maul and an idea came to her mind, "but I know how you feel."
Sabine turned to look at her and her face twisted in confusion.
"I don't understand…" Sabine told her.
"Do you remember when Maul took us hostage on the ship?" Hera asked.
Sabine nodded.
"When we were going around the room, he was looking for the holocron in Kanan's room. He went into my mind and tried to force me to tell him where it was," Hera told her. "I know that it's not exactly the same as possession, but I know what it's like to have your mind violated and used against you. And I may not have wielded a weapon but what happened almost killed Ezra too."
Sabine sat there, quiet as her gaze moved from Hera's face to their intwined hands again. Hera gave Sabine a small smile and told her, "it didn't happen, Sabine. Ezra is safe. You are safe. It's all in the past."
"You weren't there." Sabine's voice broke again, worrying Hera again.
"I know, I wasn't. But what happened is back there on Dathomir. What's there is there and it didn't follow you. I know it must've been scary, but I promise that we are all okay. It didn't happen and it wasn't your fault. You're safe now, both you and Ezra." Hera told her gently.
The Mandalorian tried to keep in every word, holding it in to make her feel better. And in truth it did, but there was still fear in her. She still had the image of her nightmare wanting to replay itself but Sabine tried pushing it to the back of her mind again. She focused on Hera, that Hera was here and that made her feel better.
Sabine and Hera left it at that, Sabine silent as she looked towards the data pad and the movie that was now playing. She tried to distract her mind, focus on anything but the nightmare. Soon her anxiety dissipated. Sabine didn't notice herself leaning against Hera, her head resting against Hera's shoulder. Hera didn't say anything about it, but she just laid still, watching the film as well.
It was two hours into the film when Hera carefully looked over and noticed that Sabine was asleep again. Hera didn't know when Sabine went to sleep, but the Mandalorian didn't look troubled. Her face was calm and so was her breathing. Hera's presence had made her feel safe enough to fall asleep again.
Hera stayed still, starting another movie to entertain her. She didn't want to leave Sabine, not when she was getting some more sleep and not when she could easily go back into her nightmares.
It was two hours later when Hera felt Sabine shift beside her. Everyone would start getting up in two more hours or so. She heard the girl start to whimper, moaning and shaking. Her face twisted into an expression that looked like she was about to cry. Hera moved the data pad to the side and carefully moved an arm around Sabine, talking to her in a small, soothing voice and hoping that the girl could hear her, "Sabine? Sabine, it's not real. You're okay. It's not real, bring yourself back."
Hera kept talking to her, her voice smooth and careful as she stroked the girl's hair to try and do everything to comfort her so that Sabine wouldn't wake up in a panic again. The gentle touches and voice seemed to do their work though. Sabine's shaking slowly stopped and so did the whimpers. Hera sighed with relief, but kept up her soothing comforts until she saw Sabine's face calm again, the young Mandalorian subconsciously leaning into her.
The Twi'lek knew that this would not be the last night she spent with Sabine, but she hoped that they would not last too long.
