This sort of came to me in the middle of the night after not sleeping and the missing half the next day by sleeping, its a mess. This is my first ever attempt at writing for either Jac or Zosia so I'm not great with the characters. But anyway, I had a brief idea and added to it as I went along. Shout out to Matilda for her help and to Kat (HolbyFanKat) for reading through this xx

Hope you enjoy x


The mantel piece stood there, lined with photos, ornaments and children's drawings slotted between candles to hold them up. The shelf of life as they referred to it. The memories of the past 50 years all set out for the eyes of all that may past through. Every now and then a new card, a new drawing and another face had been added. But the originals never moved. Dust had gathered around the base of the frames but it was 'Ageing with grace' apparently. It showed just how long they'd been together.

So many years had passed since everything had come to a head. The longing looks, the stolen glances and the bitten tongues. Both too afraid of the consequences to ever speak a word. All that had changed now, today it was another kind of heart break, the kind that no one every truly recovers from. The kind there is never the opportunity to get back from. The kind that has the ability to break a person.

Zosia sat in her chair, the leaves outside the window rustling in the wind, the cascade of red, brown and yellow as they fell from the trees. Autumn had always been a special time of year for her. The weather changed rapidly, the late night sun turned to bitter frosts and the early dawn turned to icy walks as a cup of tea warmed the body. But this time it didn't feel the same. It had an air of discomfort, of sorrow. This time it hurt so badly.

The room around her lay littered with boxes, all but one sat sealed with long strips of brown tape. It seemed as if her whole life had been packed away, but the most sacred memories lay untouched. The wall above the mantel piece had a rim of where a mirror had hanged. The carpet slightly singed where the flames had lapped at the fabric on cold winters nights. Little marks of paint, that had been scrubbed at to try and remove but without much success. Every little detail adding to the story that was their life.

She stood up, taking the first photo from the left side of the mantel piece. She took some tissue from her dressing gown pocket and wiped away the dust that covered the white rose filled frame. She moved back to her chair and sat down. The photo resting on her lap. The picture inside showed Jac and Zosia both in long white dresses standing beneath a black metal arch while white roses climbed around them. They stood facing each other, smiles painted on both of their faces. She took the back off of the frame, releasing the picture. The writing on the back read 'Jac and Zosia, wedding 14th October 2016' in black cursive handwriting. The part below said 'I will always love you'. Zosia's face lit up slightly at that. It was in a different coloured ink to the part before and the letters were sharper. It was as if a different hand had written them. Zosia lent down and pulled up a scrapbook onto her lap as well. She turned to the first page, at the top in the cursive writing said '14th October 2016', she placed the photo onto the page securing the corners with little strips of tape. The frame was then discarded in the box beside her, and she left the scrapbook resting on the arm of the chair.

She took the next photo from the shelf of life and two of the drawings as well. She sat back down. Once again she undid the frame, the back of this photo read 'on this day we said goodbye to the little girl who ruled our lives' in cursive writing, then below that read 'you vowed to me you'd love her like your own, you never once swayed from that and for that and more you'll remain ever scared in my heart' the edges of the letters always fell bluntly to a close. She turned the picture back over in her hand, a little family portrait. Jac and Zosia stood proudly with Emma placed between them, the last time they were all under the same roof as she left for university. Zosia placed that a few pages on and taped it in. Then she proceeded to add a few little stickers to the page creating a boarder of a sort. She stacked that photo frame in the box with the previous one.

The two drawings were dated March 2018, one framed a child's perceptive of their life. Stick bodies, with large heads that were all out of proportion with each other. Two little dots for eyes and the smiles that took up half their faces. Two women with the little girl between them and then to the right side a man. The label on the back said 'Mummy, Zosia, Emma and Daddy.' Their perfect little family. The other picture was a vase of flowers, for mother's day addressed to both Jac and Zosia. These were the stuck in the page before the university leaving photo.

Another frame was taken into her grip along with a loose photo. Sitting back down on the chair once again she looked at the framed phot first. It depicted a scene of a birthday party, family members gathered round, a cake set out in front of Jac the 5 and 0 candles lit as everyone around her sang Happy Birthday. The mellowing of the consultant in her older age, the years of love, of hope and warmth filled her eyes. It had captured a truly beautiful moment. Zosia felt herself smile in memory, but then a wave of sadness hit as she remembered this would never happen again. She stuck the picture onto the next available page. The second smaller photo was of a baby, all new and innocent. Pink skin and tuffs of hair. A burping smile as it lay in its mothers arms. On the back it reads 'Sapphire Ellen, Born 24th November 2046 to Emma Naylor'. The day their lives had a whole new meaning. The day they became grandparents. A live below once again in the harsher hand read 'now it's up to you to tell the story's, to keep the old time alive and to pass on the words of wisdom that this life has taught us.' She held the photo to her chest and then kissed it gently before placing it onto a page in the book. Around it she spelt out Sapphire Ellen in little silver letters.

The mantel piece was growing barer, the next piece to the puzzle of them was a letter, its edges were slightly torn and the paper yellowing. Zosia unfolded it and began to read the smudging black ink, the writing changing every few lines as they had passed it between each other. Like the way you sent notes to your best friend in class at school trying your hardest to not get caught by the teacher. Zosia titled her head back and closed her eyes. She pictured the scene, she walked past Jac who was standing at the foot of a patients bed and let her hand brush hers slipping note between the other woman's fingers. She watched as Jac gave her a smirking smile, and she reminisced at the feeling of her heart rate increasing rapidly under Jac's gaze. By in her world now she read some of the sentences. 'I saw you earlier just sitting in your office, the door was open but you weren't paying any attention, you were too wrapped up in your work. But that's okay I understand your dedication. All I wanted to say is that your concentrating face is one of life's truest pleasures. Zxx' Zosia face filled with joy, she remember the exact moment as clear as day. A few lines below another one said 'stop getting all soppy on me March, it's not like you don't' live with me or anything! But that being said I have to admit you are rather cute. But don't let that go to your head, I can't deal with anymore know it all's on this ward there's only just enough room for me! Jxx' a laugh escaped Zosia's lips, she didn't half miss the Jac's wit. She refolded the paper and stuck it onto a clean page of the scrapbook, she added the tape to two opposite corners so to ensure it could be unfolded and read in the future.

The next photo she took down showed a full family Christmas, Jac, Zosia, Emma, Sapphire and Henry all sat amongst piles of wrapping paper and toys. Zosia sat lent against Jac as they both watched their 6 year old granddaughter tear at the paper to reveal her greatest dreams. The magic of Christmas captured so wonderfully, and the truth of what it meant to be loved. She undid the frame and slipped the photo out. On the back it read 'Christmas 2052' and a little below that 'Make this year even more special for me, I'll be there in spirit.' A tear fell down her cheek, Christmas was only 8 weeks away, everything still felt so raw. She picked up the Christmas themed stickers from beside her and decorated the next page before placing the photo in the middle of it. The box of frames was getting a little full at this point, but the mantel piece was slowly showing its wood.

The next photo was another face. In the early spring of 2053 Emma had fallen unexpectedly pregnant again. And in the autumn of the same year had given birth to their second grandchild Oscar Benjamin. His little face jumped out of the photo, his bright blue eyes glistened in the light as the camera shutter had blinked. On the back of the photo read 'Oscar Benjamin, born 4th October 2053' and then just under it read 'Now you must promise me he grows up to be whoever he wants to be. Let him be free, spread his wings and fly.' Zosia kissed the photo before placing it into the scrapbook.

There were three more photos, 3 more drawings and a single envelope that had lay unopened for the past 6 weeks. Zosia looked up as a van pulled up outside the house, the door was opened and the boxes were piled around her began to be taken out. She watched out of the window as the first was loaded onto the van. She has a sinking feeling as some of the memories shed associated with her life here begin to fade away. She took another photo and a drawing from the mantel piece. The drawing illustrated Jac and herself in their scrubs looking over what was meant to be a patient on the operating table. They both looked surprisingly grumpy considering how much they loved their jobs, they must have been caught on a bad day. On the back it said 'Sapphire Ellen, drawing of her nanny's doing their heart stuff'. And below that Jac had added 'Zosia may look like that on a daily basis but I'm the happiest one in that damn place. Now don't even deny it we all know it's true.' Zosia couldn't help but laugh, even now Jac knew just how to make her smile, to brighten her whole day in a single sentence. Her power still burns strong even in the bleakest moments. She took the photo and turned the page of the scrapbook. She stuck down the drawing and looked at the photo. It had been taken on their 40th wedding anniversary, neither of them had been able to even imagine getting that far. Not even in their wildest dreams, but there they were captured on camera dancing in each other's arms to their first dance song 'Yours – Ella Henderson'. They had found life's purest delight. One another. She added that one too the scrapbook as well.

Another photo was removed from the shelf of life. It was of their last day of work before taking retirement, they were surrounded by all of their colleagues and friends in one final party. To celebrate their years of dedication, support and achievement. They looked so happy, so full of life. Who knew 8 years later only one of them would be here to remember? The book of the photo said 'In memory of our lives at Holby City Hospital. We thank Darwin ward for changing our lives for the better.' And then once again below it read 'this place was always going to be the death of me, let's face it everyone knew it. But I'm just grateful I got to spend my time with you by my side.' Zosia felt herself wanting to giggle a little but knew it wasn't quite time yet. She added that photo to the next page along with a few balloon stickers to show the party mood. She took a drawing from the mantel piece, it looked to her like a few lines joined together, but apparently as she was told at the time in which she was given it, it was her and Jac hugging their friend's goodbye. Oscar never failed to put a smile on either of their faces.

The last drawing and the final photo were in Zosia's hands. She walked carefully back to her chair this time. She sat down. The photo was of Jac and herself at Emma's house for their daughters 50th birthday. They looked incredibly happy. Like proud parents should. They were sat hand in hand watching as their grandchildren now 18 and 11 looked contently at their gaming console. On the back it read 'if this is my last night with you, take me by the hand while we do what lovers do, it matters how this ends'. But this time the first sentence wasn't in the cursive black writing, it was in the harsh edged lettering. Jac had known. That photo was stuck into the scrapbook as well. The final piece of paper was a drawing done by Emma herself. It was in water colours, Zosia's body sat next to Jac's bed, her shoulder hunched over and head bowed. Their hands lay intertwined rested on the bed. Zosia was there again, she saw herself bend forward kissing her lovers cheek one final time. Before she slipped peaceful away. Gone but not forgotten. On the back of the drawing it read 'For the one who proved blood has no real meaning. You came into my life and for that fact lone I will be forever grateful but you made my mum ever so happy and every day I live I'm slightly jealous of the joy you two gave to each other. And now she's gone you're the only mum I have left. Love you forever and always, Emma xx' she had writing a little like Jac but the edges of her letter were smoother. Zosia began to cry. She added the picture to the scrapbook.

The very final piece to her marriage was in her hand, she turned to look at the now empty mantel piece. Every inch of her life now packed away or forgotten. She opened the envelope and pulled out the paper. 'Zosia, I always hoped I'd never have to write you this note. I always dreamed we'd go together. But unfortunately biology doesn't work in the same way. So from me I want to say take care of the children they will always need you. And from me this is goodbye for now, until we meet again my dear. Time flies make the most of what little you have left, I'll wait for you. Jac xx'

Emma walked into the room. Zosia put the letter into her pocket she wasn't quite ready to share that memory quite yet. She stood up from the chair and handed the scrapbook over to her daughter. The removal men came in and carried the chair out. Zosia reached the doorway of the living room and turned around. The room was empty and the mantel piece completely bare. Tears fell down her cheeks as she blew a kiss into what once the height of all life. So many memories all packed away. Now they were all locked away in her heart right where they should be. The front door shut behind her as she walked down the garden path for the very last time.


Thanks for reading, reviews are always welcome xx