I felt a growl escape from somewhere deep down inside of me as Bella pulled away from my kiss. It was becoming exceedingly common these days; I would push her limits, and she would quickly re-establish the physical boundaries between us. This had never been a problem until recent months, with the last few weeks becoming almost unbearable for me. Before, I had been too concerned for Bella's safety to advance any sort of intimate relationship between us, but things were different now. After she'd rushed to me in Italy and thwarted what would certainly have been a deadly encounter with the Volturi, I knew I could never hurt her. I had no doubts that I could control my response to the draw of her blood; powerful and beautiful as the scent could be. My love for Bella was more powerful than the melody her blood sang to my thirst. And I wanted, more than anything, to express that love in a tangible, physical way.
"I'm so sorry, Edward …" her voice trailed off as she wrapped both of her arms around one of mine and laid her head against my shoulder. I could feel the heat of her skin; it was so inviting. Her body called to me more now than her blood ever had, even that first day when her scent had been such an assault on my senses and my self-control. Bella's first day of school seemed like a distant memory to me. So much had changed between us. I'd tried so hard to make her stay away from me, and now I desperately needed her closeness.
"What's wrong, Bella?" I asked, as I stroked her cheek softly. I felt the way she reacted to my touch. It was obvious that her flesh desired mine as well. "Don't you trust me, love? You have to know I would never hurt you." I could say that with certainty, now. I thought I had lost her once, and I had no wish to live in a world without Bella. Even though I had no way to gauge my own reaction to sexual contact, as I'd had no previous experience in the area, I'd spent enough time overhearing the thoughts of those around me to make what I felt was a fairly accurate prediction. I had seen the memories of my brothers, unfortunately even sometimes those of my father. I had caught glimpses inside the minds of my Denali female cousins, who had taken human lovers in the past. I'd seen both their successes and failures; the few times they'd gone too far and broken the pelvic bones of adult men. But for the most part, there were no devastating consequences … even when they weren't being especially gentle. Surely I could be more tender with my Bella, the girl I loved, than my cousins had been with partners who had been chosen at random simply to fulfill their physical urges.
"I know that … I'm just afraid. I'm afraid that it will change things between us. That afterwards you won't think the same of me… that you won't respect me. I know it sounds silly, Edward, but please try to understand. Renee taught me that sex is for married people, and she led by example. She never had overnights with any of her boyfriends. Not even Phil, not before their wedding. I love you so much, Edward … but I'm not ready. Not yet."
I pulled her into my arms, holding her tightly. When could I ever refuse her anything? "I will love you forever, Bella Swan, and nothing can change that. But we'll take all the time you need." She mumbled thank you into my chest, and then lifted her head up until her lips found my neck. She kissed her way up, pausing at my jaw for a few seconds, and then continuing until she found my lips. I closed my eyes and took a few cleansing, albeit unnecessary, breaths as I felt my body stiffen, in more ways than one. I responded to her kiss slowly, carefully increasing the contact between our lips. I didn't want to drive myself to insanity, but Bella was making it clear that even though she wasn't going to make love to me, she refused to be satisfied with only a few pecks on the lips.
I applied more pressure to her mouth until she parted her lips and allowed my tongue to meet hers. Her taste swirled all around me. Everything else disappeared; there was only the sweet flavor of Bella. It saturated everything. It was no longer a question, and there was no decision to be made. I had to have more. My tongue was no longer massaging hers gently; I was now exploring every inch of her delectable mouth with greed and passion. Bella moaned into our kiss, and it broke the already weakened string that my self-control had been hanging from.
My hands began roaming over her body and her response to my touch was electrifying. Bella was allowing me an access I'd never had before, as my hands found new curves that I wanted to explore without the confines of her clothes. I slid my fingers under the hem of her shirt, enjoying the warmth and softness of her stomach. Slowly, my hands began to travel higher and higher ... when she stopped me.
"Edward … we just talked about this …"
I thought it would have been impossible to be any more overwhelmed than I was at that moment, with frustration and longing. But I felt another stirring; one that I was sure had been securely contained – the fire in my throat. It threatened to overtake me. It was almost as if my thirst spoke to me, as if it were an entity capable of language and communication. I could feel my sense of reason beginning to erode as it whispered evil words into my mind.
If you can't have her body, take her blood …
Take her blood …
TAKE HER BLOOD …
"No!" I threw myself off of her bed. "I can't do this anymore, Bella!" I jumped out of her window. I could hear her pained voice calling after me, and I knew she was hurting. I couldn't stand the thought of Bella in emotional distress, but it was a small price to pay. Even if she was in pain, at least she was alive. I ran, as fast as I could, as far away from her as I could get. I needed to put some distance between myself and the two yearnings that were threatening to engulf me. Tomorrow morning we would work this out, Bella and I. I just had to ensure that Bella would live that long.
