"BrokenSong"
~ Edward's Point of View ~
Her fragility is made more obvious by the hour, she weakens in front of me and I can't stop this! Each breath she takes sounds strained, painful, something as simple as breathing takes a toll on her when that should not happen. And it's so hard to just stand by not being able to do a damn thing!
This impasse we're in weakens me to an intolerable degree. Her suffering is my suffering and I feel completely debilitated by the pain. What she wants is madness! And all I want is for her to live, for if she dies my existence is over, my life is over. All I'm left with is wishing I could take all of it upon myself and not being able to.
I wish I could run, a part of me wishes to never have to see this, but I can't, and it wouldn't change anything, nor solve anything; I cannot allow myself to be selfish. And yet I am, I want her with me!
Does she know she's acting selfishly? That's surely what it feels like to me, that she's taking herself away from me, from all those who love her, and I can't bear it! Then again, never in all these years have I found someone so incapable of selfishness. So does it really count as that? She's sacrificing herself… for it.
She tries to take our minds from worrying, as if this wasn't anything of consequence. While she's awake she is the one who's trying to make this easier on me. She keeps hiding and denying her own fears –she just won't admit to them, stubborn creature that she is.
But for now she sleeps, a restless sleep with shallow and irregular breaths.
She probably knows it too well, that this is a losing battle, but instead of self-preservation she chooses that thing! She will persistently tell me she can make it, that she'll be fine.
While my eyes rest on her, my fingers tangle themselves in her hair, her beautiful mahogany hair…
A sigh escapes my mouth, and suddenly I feel her eyes on me, how long will she be awake this time? As if answering the question she drifts to sleep again, as quickly as she woke up. My eyes are locked on her, and I find it more unbelievable than ever, in all the time I know her, that even in these circumstances her love is boundless. How can I ever deserve her?
She's my light, my air and my home. She is everything.
