Three young folk sat in a dim corner of a musty library. To an outsider the gathering could best be described as some sort of book club consisting of a woman with a full head of bright red hair dressed as a hippie backpacker. Another woman with generous curly, black locks sporting shiny black boots, a black blouse, and red skinny jeans sat in an armchair next to the redhead. The last companion was a handsome young man with an olive complexion, dark wavy hair, and dark eyes accentuated by a generous amount of guyliner. They were in the middle of discussing Victor Hugo's "The Hunchback of Notre Dame."
"Soooooooooo, who wants to start? I hope everyone actually read it this time." Lilliane eyed her two colleagues suspiciously.
Rob snorted as he cleaned his nails. "I read 'Notre Dame de Paris' when I was twelve."
"Very well, Roberto." Lil rolled her eyes at him. "Then you go first."
"Fine. If you were Esmeralda who would you choose; Phoebus, Frolo, Quasimodo, or Gringoire? Lil, you go first"
"Um. Ok. Interesting question." Lil started "Well, personally I've always been a stickler for those poetic types so probably Gringoire."
"Really?" Rob looked unimpressed "I personally like Frolo's whole be-mine-or-no-one-shall-have-you vibe."
"I too am a lush for sadomasochism." the redhead finally engaged in the conversation. "but what you fail to take into account, Rob, is the fact that Frolo being a man of the cloth is undoubtedly underexperienced in the bedroom. Therefore, I would have to agree with Lil. Gringoire loves her enough to try to save her but you can tell he's been around the block all the same."
"Duly noted, Gwen." Rob's black eyebrows shot to his hairline, no doubt mentally kicking himself. HE was supposed to be the overly sexual companion.
"I really hope Dr. Greyham can't hear this conversation." Lil looked about for the aged librarian.
"If Dr. Greyham was anywhere near us we'd know. Anyone can smell that Chronic from a mile away." Gwen concluded "Besides, Dr. Greyham is one chill chap."
"I do so appreciate the compliment, Ms. Daron." A voice boomed behind the group. Lil gave her companions a look that said I told you so much louder than her voice could have. "I can also assure you that I smoke only tabacco."
At this point the whole group pulled their best riiiiiiiiiiight faces.
"What's up, Dr. Greyham?" Lil piped up. "Why, the ceiling, my dear. And the sky, I suppose. Quite a number of things are up depending on where you're looking from." The group rolled their eyes simultaneously. Dr. Greyham was very fond of making riddles out of everyday questions. "I have a question for you three. Would you care to go on a little adventure?"
"What does that exactly entail?" Lil asked.
"Well, you are aware of the forest behind this building I do trust?"
They all nodded.
"Would you do an old man a favor and gather some mushrooms? I usually do it myself but the damp has made me especially achy this morning. They have tan tops and a spongy-"
"I know the ones Mr. Greyham! We'd be happy to get them for you." Gwen was the resident wild woman. She spent a good deal of her childhood learning about the outdoors from her southern relatives.
"Splendid!"
"I bet this is where he grows his weed." Lil muttered, scanning the ground for any of the tan-topped mushrooms. Dr. Greyham had given them three cloth sacks with which the were to store the mushrooms. "Plastic makes them mold." Gwen had explained.
"LOOK!" Lil practically squealed with excitement. "It's a fairy ring!"
Roberto and Gwen turned their attention to where Lil danced with excitement. Indeed, there next to Lil, was a near perfect circle of mushrooms.
"Looks like our job here is finished." Roberto stated, clearly unimpressed.
"What are you doing!?" Lil nearly cried as Gwen and Rob began ripping the mushrooms out of the ground and placing them into the cloth sacks.
"C'mon, Lil." Rob chided "This is enough mushrooms to last Greyham weeks."
Lil stood by and pouted as Gwen and Roberto cleared up the last of the circle.
"That'll do it. Lets get out of here. Gwen, lead the way!" Rob stared at her expectantly. Gwen stared blankly around her. "I-I don't know which way to go. It looks . . . Different.
"What!? Gwen! You've never been lost in a forest!" Rob exclaimed, panic setting in.
"Well, I don't see you exactly spreading fucking bread crumbs!"
"The birds would eat them anyway!"
"GUYS!" Lil barked.
"Chill. Just chiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllllllllll. This forest isn't very big. The highway runs right behind it so if we keep walking we'll eventually run out of forest. Ok? Lets go." Rob and Gwen obediently trudged behind Lil, muttering insults at each other as they moved through the woods.
Three hours later the group reached the edge of the woods only to find themselves more bewildered then they had been. "Where on Allah's green earth . . .?" Gwen trailed off.
"Where the fuck are we?" Rob voiced what everyone was thinking.
"I mean, where the actual fuck?" Each of them took in the green landscape and rolling hills fairly sure they were no longer in Pennsylvania.
"What is that noise?" Lil asked as what sounded like the clip-clop of hooves drew closer to them.
Soon, a wagon drawn by a single irritated looking donkey came into sight.
"Oh!" Lil exclaimed "How did we end up in Amish country?"
"Excuse me!" Gwen waved her arms as the coach pulled the rains.
"G'day, Miss!"
"Yes. Uh, hi. Would you happen to know where the Orthancy library is?" Lil asked the man.
The man furrowed his brow. "I know where Orthanc is, if that's what you mean. O' course, round here we call it Isenguard. Is that where you're meanin' to go young ones?"
"Uh. Yeah. Ok. Sure. Orthanc, whatever. Can you tell us how to get there?"
"I couldn't get you all the way, but I can start you off! You'll be wantin' to head down this here road. Keep south."
"Thank you, very much. Do you know where I can find a bus station?"
The mans looked bewildered. "A . . . Bus station?" He reiterated slowly.
"Or maybe you know the number of the Taxi service, my Uber app isn't really working right now."
The man's eyebrows disappeared into his hairline.
"Taxi? Uber?"
"Nevermind. Thank you. Bye." Rob grabbed his companions and steered them down the road.
"I don't understand." Lil lamented "Why did he look so confused?"
"Hello!" Rob hissed "Amish! They don't really believe in that kind of thing, do they?"
"I guess." Lil muttered
