Title: Unintended Emotional Crimes
Rating: PG
Summary: Pretending to be Lily's boyfriend for the summer would have been a lot easier if Remus didn't secretly wish it was more than pretend. (Canon-compatible R/L; features Remus, Lily, James, Sirius, Peter, and Snape with cameos by the Blacks)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I wrote this completely for my own amusement and out of love for the series.
Part One: In which Lily asks Remus for a favor, and Remus asks Peter to keep a secret.
"I need you to be my boyfriend."
Remus Lupin choked on the sandwich he'd bitten into. Dropping it to his plate, he started to cough as he grabbed for his water glass. He gulped at the water, the shock of the statement settling into his brain. Those just weren't words anyone would expect to hear when meeting a friend to catch up over lunch, and they especially weren't words he ever thought would be directed at him. After several more gulps of water, he lowered the glass and stared across the table at the redhead who was staring back at him. There was only one good reason to explain what had just been said - clearly, he had heard something wrong. "What?"
She took a deep breath. "I need you to be my boyfriend," she repeated.
Damn. She really had said that, and the look on her face suggested she wasn't just teasing him or playing some silly prank. No, Lily wasn't into pranks. But she couldn't be serious. Although…she could be under some sort of hex or maybe someone slipped her a – he swallowed – love potion. Remus glanced around the outdoor café, looking for anything out of the ordinary. Around them, muggles continued their meals, laughing and sharing stories. There wasn't anything to suggest this was some elaborate joke – or worse, test of friendship – that was being directed towards him. As it was, he was pretty sure that no one even knew he was meeting Lily in London today except for his parents and her sister…which meant she had to be serious.
Slowly, Remus turned back to Lily. He never would have pictured her as someone who would fancy him. Lily was smart and beautiful and funny…she could have any guy she wanted and was more suited to be on the arm of a Sirius Black type than someone ordinary and boring like himself. Why, he wondered, did the one pretty, smart, funny, perfect girl who fancied him have to be off limits? Hell, why did the only girl to fancy him have to be off limits? He sighed. This was definitely a situation he never imagined he'd be in and he had no idea how to proceed. "Uh, Lily, you know, I'm very flattered," he started, "But, well, you know I'm best friends with James, right?"
Her eyes widened. "Oh! Oh, no, Remus, I didn't mean…I wouldn't ask you to…" she sighed. "I'm not very good at this sort of thing."
He wasn't sure what sort of thing she was talking about. If it was asking someone out, he had a feeling that no one was very good at it, except, perhaps Sirius, and that was only because he had more confidence than anyone their age should rightfully possess.
"I don't want to put you in any awkward situation with James Potter," Lily continued. "And I know that you aren't interested in me that way, I just…I was hoping you'd help me out this summer by pretending to be my boyfriend." The words poured out of her mouth rapidly.
Something inside of him knotted up. Well, at least that made sense. Girls like Lily Evans never actually looked at guys like him. But a pretend boyfriend – he supposed he was meant to be the nice, decent bloke who her parents would approve of while she ran off with some handsome bad-boy behind their backs. A bitter feeling rose in his throat and he thought about telling her to shove off. Instead, he managed to get out the word, "Why?"
"Sev. You know what happened at the end of term."
Remus blinked. That wasn't exactly where he'd pictured this conversation going. He'd known Lily was friends with Severus Snape. She'd often talked about him when they were in the midst of their prefect duties. He'd just assumed that they were only friends. "I didn't realize that you two were, err…"
Lily gave him a confused look, then understanding dawned. "We never were and we certainly aren't now." She shook her head, sounding nearly as bitter as he felt. "We used to be best friends. But I just, I can't keep being his friend. Not after…well, you know. I've asked him to stay away from me, but…he keeps trying to apologize."
He wasn't sure what Severus Snape's insults had to do with Lily needing a boyfriend, but friends who let other friends down in very bad ways – that was a topic he knew all too well. While he wasn't exactly fond of Snape, he wasn't quite sure how one horrible word could end what was clearly years of friendship. "Sometimes," Remus tried to be sympathetic, "Friends do really horrible things without thinking." Like involve you in the type of practical joke that could put you in Azkaban for murder.
She shook her head again. "I'm done, Remus. I can't do it anymore. You can only try to help someone so long before giving up." She sighed, looking down at her food. Lily picked at her fries for a few minutes before looking up at him again. "Sev and I always spent the summers together since we live near each other, and ever since school's let out he's tried to come over and talk to me a couple of times…I just think he'll leave me alone if I have a boyfriend hanging around. He's always been really odd about the topic in the past. Last year, when I came back from vacation with my family after a short lived summer romance, he flat out told me that he wouldn't want to be around me if I was involved with someone. He was so mean about it…."
Because Snape liked her. If he had ten galleons to bet, he'd put money on it. Remus shook his head. "You know, you could always ask James to be your fake boyfriend."
"No, I can't," she said firmly. "I can't be in the same room as James without wanting to hex him into the next century. No one would ever believe we'd get together. But you and me, we've been friends for a long time and you haven't mentioned a girlfriend so I thought…just for the summer…we can make a big show of breaking up when we get back to school, and if you want, you can tell James it's all fake if he promises not to tell Sev. Please. You really only would have to hang out with me a couple of times, just put on a show..." her green eyes pleaded with him.
While this wasn't the craziest idea he'd ever heard – Sirius and James were constantly competing for that honor – he wasn't quite sure it would work. In fact, he was pretty sure it wouldn't work. Not to mention that Snape could ruin his life if he chose to do so. And how would James react? Probably not well, even if it was only pretend. He opened his mouth to tell Lily she'd just have to find someone else.
She beat him. "Please, Remus, you're the only friend I can trust to help me with this."
He knew in that moment he couldn't say 'no.'
~*~
Knowing you did something stupid and knowing you cannot possibly fix it are two of the worst bits of knowledge in the world. Keeping that knowledge locked up in your head could easily lead to a mental break down, which is why Remus Lupin found himself banging on the front door of his best friend's house thirty minutes after leaving lunch with Lily Evans.
Peter's mum finally answered the door after two minutes of constant pounding. She looked at him over the top of the reading glasses perched on her nose, an expression of resignation on her face. "Hello, Remus."
"Hi, Mrs. Pettigrew," he dropped his hand to his side and watched as she glanced around the front yard behind him, no doubt looking for James and Sirius. He didn't blame her; the last time the four of them were in the front yard, James had 'accidentally' destroyed her immaculately kept flower gardens. Remus shifted his weight, feeling somewhat guilty for his involvement in the flower incident. "Is Peter home?"
"He's upstairs." She continued to scour the yard, suspicious. As he stepped past her, she asked, "Uh, Remus, dear, are your friends with you today?"
"No." And, he'd decided on his way over, they were never going to know about this. "Just me. James is in Godric's Hollow with his parents, and Sirius…" actually, he had no idea where Sirius was. Probably raising hell amongst his relatives. "Sirius isn't here either," he finished lamely.
Mrs. Pettigrew shut the door behind him and gave him an appraising look. Whatever doubts she had as to whether he was alone must have disappeared, as she leaned over the railing. "Peter?! One of your little friends is here!" With a forced smile, she turned back to him. "You can go ahead on up."
Peter met him at the top of the stairs. "I cannot believe she still calls you guys my little friends." He made a face. "She makes it sound like we're five."
"Well, we have a tendency to act that way," Remus replied. "Look, Pete, are you busy? I have a problem and I know I should have owled first, but…" he sighed. "This is an emergency."
Peter's eyes widened. "What kind of an emergency?"
The kind that most likely would end with someone knocking his block off. Remus winced. "It involves a girl."
He hadn't thought Peter's eyes could get wider, but they did. His friend grabbed his arm, pulled him into the room, and shut the door. "What happened?"
"I just did something really stupid," Remus announced, falling into one of Peter's bright green bean bag chairs. He rubbed his hands over his face, trying to figure out how, exactly, he'd gotten himself into this and whether his friend would think him a backstabbing traitor when he confessed to what he'd done.
"You didn't let Sirius talk you into pursuing Narcissa Black, did you?" Peter asked as he fell onto the other bean bag chair.
Remus gave him the dirtiest look he could muster. One remark when he was trying to comfort Sirius about his messed-up family, and now they were all convinced he was secretly carrying a torch for Narcissa, despite the fact that she was both too old and too crazy for him. "That's not funny," he growled, "And I do not have a thing for Sirius's cousin." Remus straightened in his chair. "Peter, if I tell you something, can you promise me you won't tell James and Sirius?"
That got his attention. Peter froze and stared at him. Finally, he found his voice. "Why not?"
"Because it's also about Snape, and James won't keep it secret from Sirius and Sirius can't keep his big mouth shut when it comes to Snape," Remus told him. He'd found it was easier to have two lists of secrets, one that was "Sirius Approved," i.e. couldn't come back to destroy his life if it got out, and one that was not. Being Lily Evans's boyfriend, albeit a fake one, definitely fell on the "not" list. Actually, these days, most secrets fell on the "not" list.
Peter looked uncomfortable with this declaration. "Sirius can keep a secret…."
"Sure he can. 'Hey, Snape, if you want to know where Remus goes every month, all you have to do is get a really long stick….'" Remus slouched down on his chair, scowled, and crossed his arms.
The desire to know the secret fought against the desire not to hide something from his friends on Peter's face. Knowing the secret won. "Okay, I promise," he agreed.
"I'm serious, Pete. This is a world-ending secret," Remus prompted.
"I am, too." Peter held up his right hand. "I solemnly swear I will not breathe a word of what you tell me to anyone."
Right. Remus felt himself relax a bit. Pete would keep his word. Out of his three friends, Peter was the best at that. He chose a spot on the floor to stare at, took a deep breath, and told the whole story, from meeting Lily and her sister, to going to lunch with Lily while the sister secretly met up with her boyfriend, to Lily's predicament and suggested solution, to his agreement. He didn't leave anything out, and felt worse and worse as he talked. "And then we met back up with her sister at the car – it's a muggle machine used for travel – and they left." Remus finally looked up and over at Peter.
He'd expected to see shock at this blatant betrayal of James's trust. Instead, Peter's face was both impressed and amused. "You get to date Lily Evans?"
"It's pretend." He tried to stress the 'pretend' bit as much as possible. "I would never really date her. James likes her."
"Do you like her?" Peter asked.
"No," Remus insisted. The lie came out easier than he thought. "Of course not. And even if I did, I wouldn't pursue her because James likes her." He paused. "I need to tell James, don't I?"
Peter frowned. "I thought you didn't want Sirius to know."
"I don't."
"You can't tell James, then. He'll tell Sirius, even if you ask him not to, and you know the first chance Sirius has, he'll go up to Snape and say something like, 'hey, Snivellus, you're so pathetic, Lily Evans had to pretend to go out with my friend Remus over there just so you'd stay away from her.'" Peter told him.
And Peter was right. Remus could see the conversation clearly in his mind. "But I couldn't say no to Lily," he rationalized. "And I did already tell her I would do it."
"Course you can't say no," Peter agreed. "She's been a good friend to you."
"And it is just pretend and just for the summer. I can tell James the whole story once we're back at school and it's all over. He'll understand." The rationalization was coming easier. Of course James would understand. It was all just a big prank on Snape, wasn't it? They'd get a laugh about it in the dorm and everything would be fine.
"Yeah, he's always been really understanding," Peter continued to agree with him.
"This is going to be okay," Remus decided. "I can help Lily and it won't bother James." A feeling of relief settled over him and he relaxed. "Thanks, Pete." Everything would be okay; as long as the little charade ended before James found out about it and got the wrong idea, it would all work out. He smiled and stretched, the weight lifted. "Hey, Pete? You mum wouldn't happen to have made those cookies with the chocolate chips again, would she?"
