I was blind

I was blind but now I wish I could see… I wish I could be blind again. Seeing is too much. Hermione's pov, beginning of Year 6.

AN: My muse is coming back! W00T. Started reading HBP for the second time. And bought the book for myself for $20 and I'm happy.


I was blind, but now I see.

That's how the song goes, isn't it?

I see. I see the Thestrals. I see them pulling the carriages up to the school. Every single one of them.

And I wish I didn't.

Seeing them is too much for me.

Last year after Hagrid showed them to us I remember saying 'I wish I could see them.' Harry answered softly, 'do you really.'

How could I've been so stupid as to wish that?

They are magnificent beasts, I grant them that. And if I ever have to fly anywhere using one, at least I'll be able to see where I'm sitting instead of flying on a void of air.

But I'd rather fly that way any day, than have to see them. A constant reminder of what I've seen.

I can understand why they're considered a bad omen. I know that the only reason I can see them is because I saw someone died. Sirius. And I'm not ashamed to say that that is why the scare the hell out of me.

Their blank eyes, their dragonish face, skeletal body and pointed fangs.

I give a shudder, and Ron, who is sitting next to me, asks me if I'm okay.

I whisper, "Can you see them?"

Ron gives a curt shake of the head. "I was in the brain room, remember?" He says with a grimace. "I didn't see Sirius-" he stops uneasily.

"You can", he states.

I nod my head and then turn to look out the window again. A sigh escapes my lips.

I wish with all my heart that I was blind again. Innocent and blind, Sirius alive, never knowing exactly what those Thestrals look like.

Ron grabs my hand and gives it a reassuring stroke, knowing, of course, the subject on my mind. I'm grateful for it. For him. I know I wouldn't be able to bear it if he died.

And yet, I'm not a complete stranger to death. When you're friends with Harry Potter for five years, death is almost an annual thing due to some uncontrollable dark circumstance. Quirrel died, Ginny nearly died, Buckbeack and Sirius, Cedric and the Crouches. For a moment in the infirmary I thought Ron was touch and go. And of course, Sirius …

But now I can see. Now I have seen death and I see the Thestrals.

I once was blind, but now I see

I once was innocent, but now I have worldly wisdom.

And I wish I didn't...