Chapter One
FOUR'S POV:
We pass the abandoned security checkpoint and enter the perimeters of the compound. There's no one in sight. We look around, trying to decide how best to find out what's been going on since we left. Amar repeats his question, "Where IS everyone?" Christina and I glance at each other. Hana and Zeke just seem overwhelmed. I know the feeling.
I turn towards our small party. "It's probably a good idea to split up at this point. Amar," I face my former initiation instructor, my friend. "I think you and George should go see Matthew. There's been a lot happening and he'll know how to explain it to you." Amar rumples his forehead in confusion but thankfully he holds his silence and accepts my command. "Christina, maybe you can take Hana and Zeke to see Uriah," I say softly, not quite able to look Hana in the eye. "I'll get to the Weapons Lab or the control room and see if I can get some news. I'll come update you soon." Christina nods in agreement and we all set off. Soon our ways part and I'm alone walking down a corridor in the compound.
I turn a corner and see Cara walking towards me from the other side. I'm about to open my mouth in greeting, my mind already formulating so many questions, when I really notice the state she's in. She is badly bruised and her head is bandaged, but somehow what catches my attention is the glint of fresh tears rolling down her face as she looks at me. "Tobias, I'm so sorry…"
I stand still. I don't understand her words, though some tiny voice inside me is screaming that they can only have one meaning. I finally manage to breathe in and out. "Cara, what are you talking about?" I'm surprised how calm I sound.
She looks up at me from where she stood with her face buried in her hands, "It's Tris. She took Caleb's place and went into the Weapon's Lab. Somehow she made it past the death serum but David was waiting inside for her and he-" her voice breaks.
"He what?" I say quietly. Dangerously.
"He shot her! Oh, Tobias, I'm so sorry! They're trying everything, but…"" Cara's face is buried in her hands again and she's sobbing now.
My mind races, I try to think past the last few hours before I went into the city. I try to remember our last moments together, try to find some clue in her words or actions, but it all seems a blur to me. Finally, I reach a point where some understanding dawns on me. Of course she took Caleb's place. Of course. That's Tris. That's why I love her. She wouldn't be able to let him go, knowing he was doing it for her, knowing he was doing it to win back her forgiveness. I guess somewhere deep inside me I knew, maybe even more than she herself knew, because she never could see who she truly is. I knew but I wanted to pretend I didn't know because everything was happening so quickly and we just had to decide… It seemed like the right thing for us to do, to split up… One thought abruptly ends this desperate spiral, like slamming into the side of a moving train while trying to hop on.
I never should have left her.
All my other thoughts slowly subside and this becomes my only one. My mind becomes sharp and clear, focused on this one sentence.
I never should have left her. I never should have left her. I never should have left her. I never should have left her. I never should have left her. I never should have left her.
I never should have left her.
Somehow, I know I am breaking under the weight of this single thought. How can one sentence be so heavy? But I am strong and I think it over and over, shouldering the weight I know I cannot bear.
Just before I'm sure I will crumble and perish under this weight, a spark lights timidly within me. I remember – vaguely, distantly – Cara saying something like "they are trying everything." A flame of hope burns deep within my chest, keeping the crushing feeling at bay, for the time.
"Cara, where is she now?" The hope flame flickers anxiously. I fear the answer to this question more than any fear I have ever known.
Cara looks up again, her sobs subsiding. "In- in the hospital wing."
I run.
Upon arriving outside the hospital, I slow down a bit. I push open the doors, breathing through my mouth, trying to calm myself and failing. I see a few people dressed in nurses' or doctors' clothes rushing in a hurried but orderly fashion from one place to another. Here and there a person with a vague look sits in a chair in the waiting section, looking dazed. I choose a hallway branching off the entrance room and no one seems to notice me, or they just don't care that I am here. I pass room after room, turning down the hallways that lead to the intensive care ward. I continue in a brisk pace until I finally find what I'm searching for – a door with Caleb standing outside it.
He's so focused staring at the door in front of me he doesn't notice me until I'm nearly on top of him. He turns towards me suddenly and starts back, as if afraid that I might attack him.
And I might.
Instead I say in the coldest, most no-nonsense tone I can muster "Tell me everything."
Caleb swallows. He brushes his hair from his forehead – I can see he's been crying. He swallows again. "She's been shot."
"I know." I say.
Caleb swallows a third time. "David, he was waiting for her in the Weapon's Lab. He knew… somehow, he knew that something was up." At first he is slow and stumbles over his words, but as he gains momentum he picks up in speed and speaks more clearly, nearly slipping into that Erudite manner he managed to hide for so long. "He shot her three times. She still succeeded in setting off the memory serum somehow and everyone that wasn't inoculated lost their memory. David included. I was outside being held by guards that had caught me as I was…" he falters and looks around, his eyes wild for an instant. "Well, I was supposed to be going into the armory." His eyes find the floor and he continues. "Then, the memory serum hit them and they were pretty clueless, so I ran to the Weapon's Lab. I had heard the shots from outside. I didn't know if the death serum would try to stop me again, but luckily it didn't, the doors were still open, and I got inside. As soon as I saw her I knew she needed help, so I called the hospital and tried to do what I could to staunch the bleeding as I waited. They arrived shortly after and took her into this room. I've been standing here ever since." Caleb finishes in a rush and slouches down a little lower once he's done.
"How long?" I ask.
He searches the hall for a moment until he spots a clock hanging on a wall. He squints at it for a moment. "Four hours."
I suck in a breath. Four hours of torture. Well, now Four is here. I suppress the urge to laugh, knowing it will only lead me to hysteria. I have to hold on to my cool composure, it's all that's keeping me together. I grasp my flame of hope and hold it tight.
"Good, Caleb."
He looks up at me uncertainly.
"You can go if you want. I'll stay here until there's some news." I want to send him away. I want to demand he leave my presence, my sight forever. But I will leave him this choice. It's the only thing I can offer. I cannot, will not offer him consolation – I have none left even for myself, even if I wanted to console him.
Caleb continues looking at me uncertainly. I see something of her in his face and it takes all my strength not to look away. Finally he mutters something I cannot understand under his breath and walks away. The only word I can think of to describe him is defeated.
I take up his place in front of the door. I am not yet defeated. My hope flame flickers fitfully. First, I try not to look at the door, but soon I find I cannot withstand its force of attraction. My eyes return to it of their own accord. After a while I give up trying and just stare at the door. There is no window from the room into the hallway, no sound escapes from behind the heavy grey door and white walls, there is no distinctive mark to set this door apart from all the other ones in this hall. There is just a small white sign next to it with the letters and numbers O-207 written in black.
I stand and stare.
After some time (an hour? a day? a lifetime?), I hear footsteps approaching. I've heard several sounds from down the hall, doors opening and closing, footsteps coming and going, hushed voices. Once I heard a woman cry, one lonely desperate sob. None of it drew my attention away from the door. But this is the first time one of these sounds is coming nearer to me. I finally manage to tear my eyes away from the door to see who it is.
Matthew.
He walks towards me. He's wearing a white lab coat and it seems to be covered in blood stains. His hands are clean and he carries a clipboard in his left hand.
As he nears me he smiles a grim smile in greeting which I do not return.
"Tobias," he says. "I thought I'd find you here." He stands next to me. I return to my silent vigil of the door and grunt in acknowledgement. He also faces the door and clasps his hands behind his back, still clutching the clipboard.
"It's terrible, isn't it?" he says. I note a hint of emotion in his voice which I choose to ignore. "She did it, you know? She got through the death serum – without any protective clothing – which should be impossible, and she managed to set off the memory serum even though she had been shot three times. Tris, she saved the whole plan."
Hearing her name causes an unexpected explosion of pain within me. I close my eyes, hold on tighter to my little flame of hope, feeding it with images of her face, burning her eyes into my memory.
Matthew goes on. "Thank God someone was smart enough to think of inoculating some of the medical personnel. Everyone who was affected by the serum is useless now, but we had a few GD nurses and hospital helpers who were in on the plan and we even a convinced a few doctors. Every single thinking person with any medical experience or capacity in the compound is in this hospital now, caring for the wounded. And Tris is getting as much attention as can be given to her, perhaps even more than that really. They truly are doing all they can, Tobias. But…" he exhales deeply. "I don't know how to say this. It just… it doesn't look good. It really doesn't. I was in there with her in the beginning trying to help, but the doctors sent me away after a while to help elsewhere." He looks over at me nervously and seems to think I need further explanation. "In the beginning they needed as many hands as they could get in there, but now they really need expertise and so only the experts are still in there." I only wonder distantly if that's her blood on his white lab coat. I imagine when I look at it out of the corner of my eye that I can see her beautiful DNA somewhere within those red blotches, like when we looked through those microscopes. That feels so long ago.
"The bullets hit some pretty critical spots," he continues. "The doctors have done what they can for the immediate bleeding and damage, now they have to see what can be repaired, but…" He sighs and places a hand heavily on my shoulder. "Hang in there, Tobias." He looks into my eyes for just a second and I see a pained look I don't quite understand in his own dark eyes, then he squeezes my shoulder and walks away.
My eyes return to the door.
