So I definitely cried writing this one. The quote and lyrics to the two songs below were my inspiration while writing. Check them out if you like! Reviews are always welcome.


"I feel all shadows of the universe multiplied deep inside my skin." -Virginia Woolf

"The Universe" by Gregory Alan Isakov

[the Universe, she's wounded

she's got bruises on her feet

I sat down like I always did,

and tried to calm her down

...

the Universe, she's wounded

but she's still got infinity ahead of her

she's still got you and me

and everybody says that she's beautiful

beautiful

beautiful

beautiful...]

"I Hurt Too" by Katie Herzig

[When you're weary

And haunted

And your life is not what you wanted

When you're trying so hard to find it

When the lies speak the loudest

When your friends are starting to leave

When you're broken by people like me

I hurt too

I hurt too

When an ocean sits right between us

There is no sign that we'll ever cross

You should know now that I feel the loss

I hurt too

I hurt too

Even though you are drowning in valleys of echoes

I believe there is peace in those hills up ahead

You will climb 'til you find places you'll never let go

And I will also be here praying just like I said

I hurt too

I hurt too]


I Hurt Too

Snow couldn't sleep. Everyone had talked it over and thought it best to leave Regina alone, at least until morning. Give her some time to sort things out. As she tossed and turned, Snow tried to figure out what on earth she could possibly say to Regina when she saw her. After all, they were friends of sorts now. It seemed strange, but somehow it felt right all at the same time. With a start, she realized that she was probably Regina's only real friend in this town. The only other person apart from Henry who really cared for her. Maybe some of the others had begun to accept her as an ally or at least as an acquaintance who wasn't out to murder them...but as a friend? Perhaps that was stretching it.

As the night went on, she worried more and more about what Regina might do. She remembered how desperate Regina had been not to feel anything when being separated from Henry was too much for her to bear, even to the point of burying her heart in the forest. Concern gnawed at her own heart until she couldn't take it any longer. She got up, dressed against the untimely frost, kissed little Prince Neal's forehead, and left a note for Charming. She ventured out into the snowy moonlight with only her worried thoughts for company, anxious of what she might find.

She had no idea what state Regina would be in. She was accustomed to Regina's anger, it having been directed at her for nearly her entire life. That she could deal with. What scared her was the other side of Regina that she knew existed but had never really seen. The broken side. The Regina that cried. Because she knew Regina did. Often as a young girl, Snow would pass Regina's chambers and hear muffled sobs. She once made the mistake of mentioning this to her father and asking how they could cheer her up, but he could only give her a sad smile in return.

Now standing on Regina's porch she was reminded of the way she had offered her heart to Regina to crush, overcome by guilt after murdering Cora. She cringed at the memory. That was a Regina that was falling apart. Unpredictable and deranged. Dangerous. And then she remembered the last time she had offered Regina her heart to use in order to save Charming. How she trusted her, even though Regina could have easily taken her heart and crushed it once and for all if she so desired. Allowing herself to relive those painful moments, the memory that struck Snow the most was the concern on Regina's face. The tenderness and the sorrow. How Regina had held her hand so tightly and whispered words of encouragement and comfort, slowly and softly laying her down next to her husband. She was the reason she still had Charming. She had saved them on more than one occasion now. She really was a hero.

Snow was overcome with the conviction that Regina, despite all her past crimes, didn't deserve this hand that had been dealt to her. She deserved to be happy and find love just as much as Snow herself did. And despite everything, she still believed Regina would.

The door was unlocked and she pushed through. Within minutes she was up the stairs on the landing, peering into Regina's bedroom through the cracked door. She could see Regina sitting on the edge of her bed. Shoulders hunched, hugging herself. She hadn't even bothered to change. She was adrift between the sheets and pillows of the huge unmade bed as if at sea. Lost. The only light in the room came from the moonlight streaming in from the open window, bathing Regina and the room in an ethereal glow. Snow pushed the door open and waited in the doorway, unsure of what to do.

"Regina?"

The timid syllables hung in the air between them as the broken Queen slowly turned to face her enemy, her step-daughter, her friend. Despite her red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks he kept her face as neutral as she could as if deciding what to do, and for a few moments they only stared at each other. Brown eyes boring into green. Regina's a mixture of shame, guilt, and loneliness. But most of all, hurt. And encompassing all of that, an unfamiliar vulnerability that she had never let anyone see.

It would be so easy to throw Snow out. To yell and scream and hurl words meant to inflict wounds and incite violence. After all, Snow was the one who told her to not hold back. The one who all but encouraged her to show Robin her feelings. And her infuriating daughter was responsible for what was happening now. She had every right to be angry at both of them, at all of them. It would be so easy to hide behind the walls she had built. But Regina was so tired. She felt it in her bones and in her very soul. She was so tired of hate and anger and being alone. After experiencing love, real love, how could she go back to those ways?

Seeing Snow standing there in the doorway, wide-eyed and hesitant, a distant memory came flooding back to her. Little eight year old Snow standing in the doorway of soon-to-be-crowned-queen Regina's chambers, crying that she missed her mother. Regina hadn't know at this point what Snow had done. She didn't blame her or hate her yet. Regina was just as heartbroken over Daniel as Snow was over her mother. And Regina remembered how she had embraced Snow and comforted her, even while silently bearing her own grief. How she had held her until her tears dried and she drifted to sleep, and how she had quietly carried her back to her bed and tucked her in. She always did have a soft spot for children. How she wished, despite everything, that things had turned out differently between them.

Snow's eyes only showed pity, compassion, and love. She realized that she was seeing Regina, really seeing her for what she truly was, for the first time since Regina had saved her years ago from that runaway horse. But even though Regina was changing her ways, it was still hard to see her as something other than The Evil Queen or the frightening mayor. It was hard to bury past deeds of violence and hate and to swallow the biting words she still felt underneath all of the hurt. But now, like this, she did not see any trace of The Evil Queen in Regina. In fact, all she saw was a girl. A girl who had contributed her fair share of destruction to the world, yes, but also one who, somewhere along the line, had been destroyed by it herself. Wounded. The word echoed in Snow's mind and pulled on her heartstrings like a sad song.

Maybe girls like Regina who felt everything so deeply weren't meant for this world. They were a beautiful and terrible entity all to themselves, capable of much love but also much hatred, who lived in a constant state of affliction. Beings burdened by the conditions of humanity, trapped in emotion by their mortal hearts. And more often than not, labeled with the most unfair moniker, "evil", when they were only misunderstood.

And in this realization, Snow knew that to feel everything so deeply was both a wonderful blessing and also a terrible curse.

Snow stared with surprise as Regina slowly extended her arms towards her as if looking for an embrace, the fear of rejection painfully evident on her face. Snow didn't owe this to her after all the wrongs she had done to her, Regina knew. But she needed a friend, and even though she didn't like to admit it, Snow was her friend and was part of her life now. And maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.

In the span of a second Snow was gripped with conflicting emotions. Shock, yes, that this woman who had once hated her so fiercely was seeking comfort from her. Fear and uneasiness, for she had never seen this broken side of Regina before. And then there was something else. A little voice nagging at the back of her mind. Why should I? Why should I offer this woman comfort who ruined so much of my life and my child's life? Maybe she deserves what she's getting. Her evil ways have finally caught up with her. It would be so easy, so satisfying in a way, to walk away now and leave Regina hanging there heartbroken and alone. She knew that once upon a time, Regina, The Evil Queen, would have done the same and had done the same on several occasions. But these brief malicious thoughts were hushed by the memory of her mother's words. "Be kind."

And the truth was, she had always loved Regina. From the moment she rescued her from that horse she looked up to her with admiration and love. Maybe not as a step-mother, but without a doubt she revered her as an older sister. After all, it was Regina that had first explained to her what love was. Even through everything, Snow cared for her. And she suspected, somewhere deep down within her small dark heart, Regina felt the same all along. Yes, horrible and unspeakable things had taken place between them, but they couldn't keep up with this cycle of blame, revenge, and hurt. It was time to lay this bitter rivalry to rest for good.

Within seconds she crossed the room and was sitting on the edge of the bed hugging Regina. No words were said. None needed to be. Regina was sobbing now, and Snow was alarmed to hear these melodies of heartbreak coming from Regina. She was almost certain that Regina's heart was still inside her chest. How else could she grieve like that? For once, Snow was speechless as she could only hug Regina tight and comfort her the best she could. There were no whispers of hope. No encouragements to have faith. Not because Regina and Robin's situation was hopeless, but because there would be time for talking later. Right now, Snow has happy to just be there for Regina. And Regina, she was certain, felt the same. She didn't know how long they stayed like that. After a while Snow realized that she was crying too. Silent, hot tears. But she didn't mind. Something had changed between them now. Something that had been broken long ago between them was mended by their tears and their courageous, vulnerable hearts. And even if Regina didn't have Robin, Snow would make sure that she was not alone. Regina had Henry and, from now on, she had Snow too.

Regina seemed to have cried herself to sleep on Snow's shoulder. She gently laid Regina down on the bed and tucked her in, smoothing the disheveled hair from her face and wiping away her tears. Looking down at her enemy, her step-mother, her friend, she knew the Queen's mask had finally crumbled. This woman, Regina, was no Evil Queen. Not anymore.

Wiping the tears from her own eyes, Snow decided that it would be best to wait downstairs for Regina to wake up just in case she needed her again or she wanted to talk. Closing the door behind her, she could have sworn she heard a softly whispered, "thank you".