Caretaker.
According to the law, once Edward Elric became a State Alchemist, Roy Mustang became his legal guardian. No one who had met the boy would have told him he needed one, since he was independent enough to take care of himself and his brother, but when it came to papers and details, it was easier for everyone if officially Mustang took responsibility over the boy.
Taking care of Edward Elric proved to be far more stressful, tiring, annoying and generally disastrous than anything else Roy had ever done before and by the time the brat was fifteen, he had sworn to the Gods above that he would never ever, ever have a son, daughter, offspring or anything remotely related.
By the time the annoying brat was twenty, he was handsome, productive, accomplished and mercifully less explosive than when he was younger. He still managed to get under Roy's skin most of the time, but at least Roy had a new powerful weapon against his best alchemist. He could withhold sex – never for long, but it was the threat in itself that mattered – to ensure he didn't have to clean up all those messes Ed was so infamously known for.
Some times, though, even if he wasn't the boy's legal caretaker anymore – and by the Gate, he was thankful for small miracles – he still made sure Ed was fine, and it had nothing to do with the fact he shared his bed with him. Really. Not that much.
"What is that shit?" Ed asked with a strange expression, that Roy had only seen on an owl's face before, when he offered his feverish, snarky charge a cup of herbal tea.
"A cure for your illness," Roy took advantage of the miserable state of his lover, because he dared to add, with a wink, "courtesy of Dr. Roy."
Roy had grown used to the tantrums and the disasters and he even found Ed endearing in that strange way that made him keep the brat around. And Ed had grown from that obnoxious, loud brat into a more or less decent human being with quirks just like everyone else, but which seemed to have a weakness to keep Roy around as well.
It didn't mean things had completely changed, though.
"Shut up, Bastard Colonel."
Because some things never changed, like Roy taking care of Ed, and Ed being a brat about it.
