Listen. Lemme tell you something; being a really famous person can sometimes really suck.

Why, do you ask? Well, here's the deal; since everyone here pretty likes me cause I'm, like, a hero and all, and therefore there's gotta be some people out there that have the hots for you. Be it female, or male.

There. I said it. Even guys can crush on me; it's pretty, uh, weird, actually. Yeah. It's pretty darn awkward when you think about it.

Okay, so here's the thing; what's more awkwarder and weirder is that the person that happens to be crushing on you is a different species. Like, it isn't a human or lumpy person or an alien or something. It's...uh...like, an animal.

Yeah. I said it again; now, I really don't know if an animal can crush on me. I don't know if an animal can crush on anyone. What do you think? Is it possible?

...well, anyway, here's what makes it even worse; what if your secret admirer that was male and an animal happened to be someone you know and hang out with all the time? Like, what if it was a person you knew for practically your whole life?

I know what you're thinking, dude. I know exactly what you're thinking.

You should know who we are already; "a radical boy and his radical dog that go on radical adventures". Yeah, you should know that. Of course you should know that! Anyone who doesn't know probably lives under a rock.

Look, I'm not trying to be a braggart, or a big jerk. I'm just saying. Okay? You get my drift? I sure hope you do.

Can I please now get back on topic? You do not want to push my buttons, you know; I can get...uh...a little annoyed.

Yeah, my secret admirer is a dog. A freaking dog, for God's sake. I was pretty terrified to know this when it came out; I was like, "What? But we're bros! I can't have kids with you or anything!" Or at least I think it went along those lines.

Well, anyway—what was that? Do I hate him now? No; no way, dude; I love my friend with all my heart and stuff, but I was just shocked and a bit scared and angry to learn that. It was a big shocker, for me, my friend. A really big shocker, at that.

"But you already have your girlfriend!" I'd screamed at him, "I thought you liked her! Not me!"

He was trying to make a point to me; I knew it. He'd said, "Look, I just can't help it! You're so cool and rad and...well, I just sorta suddenly liked you!"

He was getting pretty worked up during our fight; I sorta felt like crying, too, when I said that. I really wanted to forgive him; I really did. But I was too prideful and angry to even do that; I was angry at Jake, yes, but—

What? You should've known that! You should've known who that heck my "secret" admirer was! It was him, alright?

Anyway, I felt really horrible after that fight; I felt like a big, stupid jerk that only cares about himself. It was terrible.

Righteous, my foot. I was pretty much far from that during and after the fight; I sat in my bed for a couple of hours, thinking stuff over, and even crying at some points. I was that sad and guilty, man. I really was.

What was that? Oh, I heard you; did we kiss or something?

No—we didn't make out or anything; we just stayed from each other for a couple of days. Both of us were too sad or angry to talk. I had to admit though; I think I was...uh...quite curious about how kissing a...uh...dog felt.

Oh man. Oh man! I think I got some of the details wrong; I think I was crushing

on Jake! I think I was telling the total opposite. Okay, look here, dude. I think I'd better leave now. Oh man, I should've read the label on that dumb bottle! Finn, you idiot, you should've had done that, and I wouldn't have gotten in this mess...