Disclaimer: I don't own anything and you guys know it.

oooOOOooo

You feel sick to your stomach and it's all you can think about.

Not the fact that today should be the happiest day of your life. Not the happy euphoria that normally comes to brides on their wedding day. No, all you can focus on, all you can feel, is how sick this whole thing is making you.

Deep down you know why. Deep down you picture another man's face, think another man's name, feel another man's lips.

But that's deep down. You don't let that through. Not now- you know you couldn't handle it if you did. You'd break. You'd cry. You'd leave and you know that you would never come back.

oooOOOooo

You meet Percy Jackson when you're 12 years old at a camp. Your relationship is a whirlwind from the start and you can't help but think about him all the time. You obsess over his goofy smile, his hair that will never stay flat and tidy. His eyes entrance you; they sparkle and hold so much that you get lost in them constantly.

He says your name, "Annabeth," in a way that is uniquely him. It falls from his lips like a prayer, in reverence. You love to hear it coming from him, love the way it makes his lips move. He enchants you and you don't know why you just let yourself get caught up.

You call him, "Seaweed Brain," in return. He complains, says it's insulting, denies it's accuracy, but you know deep down he thinks its endearing and sweet. He loves it; he identifies himself by it now. It's part of him, that nickname. He wouldn't be Percy Jackson without you calling him by his nickname and you wouldn't be Annabeth Chase without him calling you, "Wise Girl."

You wouldn't be Annabeth Chase without Percy Jackson.

oooOOOooo

Thalia's chattering on beside you. Her voice comes and swirls around in your brain, the words she's saying are fuzzy and don't take shape, don't make sense. You don't understand and when you look up, mind foggy and uncomprehending to see her smiling at you, albeit a bit sadly, you wonder if she's as miserable as you are deep down.

Maybe she sees it, you think. She sees the toll this is taking on you; she knows just how wrong this is. This whole thing, this entire day…. it shouldn't be happening. You know that and you hope Thalia does too because if you were the only one it would kill you a bit inside.

Thalia's seen you with your husband to be, she knows him well. Likes him even, she told you so. But Thalia also saw you with him, the other boy. The one who makes you laugh when no one else can. He can bring out a smile on your worst day and he knows you better than anyone else could ever hope to.

You wonder to yourself, feeling sad and alone and dirty, why it is that you can hardly remember your fiancée's name through you dazed, hazy mind, but Percy Jackson's is always crystal clear.

oooOOOooo

You fall in love with Percy when you're 14.

At least you think that's when. It could have been before that, the moment you met. The moment he first smiled at you or the first time he held you hand. You're not dating but you're best friends and maybe, you think, that's better. There's no pressure, no awkward tension between you two when you're only friends. He's comfortable with you about everything, you know everything. That, you think in a moment of fear, will go away if you start dating. If you tell him you love him. That you're in love with him.

So you don't tell him and when he looks at you with a strange look in his eyes when you tell him you might have a crush on someone- 'a boy from school in San Francisco, you wouldn't know him'- you wonder if the feeling in your chest is regret or disappointment.

oooOOOooo

"I can't believe you're getting married before me," Thalia mused and her words start to make sense, start to have meaning in your brain.

You look down at your dress- pure, soft white material, you picked it out yourself- and you swallow. Maybe she doesn't see how miserable this is making you after all. You don't answer her and she keeps talking, maybe to fill the silence or because she's nervous or-

"I love Mason, you know I do Annabeth, I just always thought you would end up marrying-"

Your head whips up and Thalia doesn't finish her sentence. Instead her mouth hangs slightly open and her eyes are wide, as if she's surprised herself by almost saying what she was going to say.

Mason. His name goes around and around in your mind. Your fiancée. The man you love. Blond hair, white teeth, brown eyes and tan skin… he looks nothing at all like Percy and you wonder, not for the first time, if subconsciously you made sure of that.

You're glad Thalia didn't finish her sentence. You're thinking about Percy enough today already without her adding to it.

oooOOOooo

You kiss him when you're 15.

It's the end of camp- the only time you two ever see each other- and he tells you he might not be allowed to come back.

"Why?" You ask, something cold wrapping around your heart and squeezing so hard it hurts. Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me, your mother's told you that saying 1,000 times and then some.

It's not true, not true, not true; because as you look into his face, meeting his eyes with a fear so gripping and powerful it swallows you whole, you hurt more than you ever have before.

"Money." He says. "We might not have enough-"

You kiss him. For a lot of reasons, you kiss him. Because as he talked you watched him, took in every single little detail. His hair blowing in the wind on Half Blood Hill. His skin, so soft and warm and alive. His teeth, white but slightly crooked and endearing. You look into Percy's eyes and you realize that it will kill you- tear you apart and rip your heart to shreds- if you can never see all of this again. You kiss him because you're in love with him, he's your first love, and now you're hearing you might never see him again. Because you know if he really does not come back you'll regret it every day for the rest of your life if you don't.

You kiss him because he's Percy Jackson and you're Annabeth Chase and you have to.

"Come back, Seaweed Brain," you mutter to him after, right against his lips, before you run away down the hill, feeling his eyes on you and your own racing heart the entire time.

oooOOOooo

"Oh Annabeth," Thalia's eyes are sad when they look at you and when she sits down she holds your gaze and doesn't let you escape like you want to. "I'm so sorry."

For what? You want to ask. Because you almost said my past boyfriend's name? Because of today? Because of my mother? Because Mason will never be Percy and you're dreadfully aware of the fact.

"Annabeth," she leans forward and wipes her thumb under your eye and it's only then that you realize you're crying. Not sobbing, just a few tears gathering in your eyes and falling because you're too powerless to stop them just like you're too powerless to do anything you want to these days. "Stop, you shouldn't be crying." Thalia says softly, tenderly and gently. "Not today."

You close your eyes, wanting her to go away, wanting the tears to go away, wanting everything to go away. You squeeze your eyes shut and you can never remember feeling so sad and alone and disappointed in yourself. The old Annabeth Chase, the one who Percy Jackson was in love with, would never have let this happen.

When you open your eyes nothing's changed. Your still in your bedroom where you got ready. Thalia's still there, you can hear Piper and Hazel's fast approaching voices following the sharp, pointed steps that signal your mother's arrival.

"Every bride cries on their wedding day," you say to her in reply and then you fall quiet once more, not having the strength to say anything else.

oooOOOooo

He comes back and you're so surprised and happy that you can't do anything but stare at him in shock for at least a minute when he walks right up to you, that annoying smile on his face.

Then you go and hug him, right in front of the entire camp but that's okay because he's here, he's back and you feel a year's worth of worry and stress lift from your shoulders.

He doesn't mention the kiss so neither do you and life goes on. A new girl, Rachel Elizabeth Dare, shows up at camp and Percy's in charge of showing her around. It bothers you, it bothers you so much you object to hanging out with her even though Percy asks. You start to pull away from him and you watch as he talks to Rachel more and more.

You don't like her and even though you're pretty sure Percy knows that, he doesn't do anything about it.

You're hurt.

You're angry.

You're confused.

But most of all, without him, you're alone.

oooOOOooo

"Oh Annabeth," hushed silence falls over the room when your mother and two friends enter, crowding around her with Thalia.

"You're gorgeous."

"Breathtaking."

"What's wrong?"

It's your mother who asks and you whip your head up to stare at her, accusation plain in your eyes. Your mother knows, she knows better than anybody what's wrong. You can see the realization settle in and her mouth thins, goes hard at the corners. Disapproval shines in her eyes but you don't care because everything, all of this, is her fault. Her fault, her fault, her fault.

And you hate her for it. You have for a long time now.

oooOOOooo

The same summer that Rachel comes to camp Percy kisses you for the first time.

It was the final week and Rachel had just gotten a boyfriend. Your worries were at ease about her. You realized that without all the Percy drama you even like her. She could be a good friend.

Then you and Percy got to talking. About how scared you were that he wasn't going to come back this summer, about how he was scared he wasn't going to come back. He makes you laugh and you get lost in his eyes again until you finally say, "this year we should at least call each other. Email. That sort of thing. I never want to be left hanging like that again."

He smiles at you, softly, and you know in that moment he understands. "Okay." He agrees. "We'll call."

"Every week," you order, only teasing on the surface.

He grins once more, playful. "You're not making this easy."

You're not sure why that captures you, the way he says the words, the look in his eyes when he says them. You fully understand just how close you came to never seeing him again and it hits you all over your body once more that god dammit, you're in love with him.

So you smile, laugh, wrap your arms around his neck. "I'm never going to make things easy for you, Seaweed Brain. Get used to it."

When you kiss him, it's just like last time. Fireworks going off, heat coursing through you. You feel everything, you kiss him and he kisses you back and it's then that you're finally reassured. You finally know that he does, he's in love with you, he loves you back. He does.

Clarisse, the camp bully who you sort of like, interrupts you along with the other campers. They pick you up and throw you in the canoe lake, you two hold hands the entire time.

Up on their shoulders, hand in hand, you can't stop laughing and blushing and smiling. You stare at Percy and you feel him, memorize this moment so you'll always have it. Because you never want to let this go, ever. This is what happiness feels like. This is victory.

They throw you in the water and that's when Percy kisses you. He can hold his breath for an extremely long time, you discover, but you have to come spluttering back up for air so he follows you and wraps his arms around your waist to kiss you again. The campers are still watching, cat calling, whistling, laughing and joking but you don't mind.

Because this is what happiness feels like and you want to stay here forever.

oooOOOooo

"Come, Annabeth," her mother holds out a hand, ignoring the look of hatred from you. "Let's go to the car."

You ignore the offered hand but you get up anyway because that's what you're expected to do. You've come this far, might as well stick it out right?

You want to laugh and after you laugh you want to cry. Heart wrenching, soul churning sobs because you're miserable, you're absolutely miserable. This isn't what your wedding day is supposed to be like, you're not supposed to hate your mother, be annoyed or upset or even mildly unhappy. You're supposed to look forward to seeing your fiancée on those church steps, look forward to pledging your life to him.

You're not supposed to wish for someone else. But you do anyway.

oooOOOooo

You start to date.

He's your boyfriend, you're his girlfriend. You say it as often as you can without sounding ridiculous because you love it, it makes you happier than anything else. He's yours.

You don't tell your parents.

For a year you're happy. He visits sometimes, visits you in San Francisco anytime he can- which isn't often since he lives in Manhattan, but you make it work. You visit him too. You convince your parents to let you go to Manhattan for Spring Break because you want to do something new, something by yourself. That week you meet his mother and step father, Paul. They bring you in, make you feel like part of the family.

You don't want to leave.

Before that you go back to camp Winter Break and spend all your time together. Catching snowflakes with your tongues, drinking hot chocolate, you read to him in front of a fire. Your friends all tell you two to get a room, to dial down the 'lovey dovey' stuff. Really they're just jealous, wanting what you two have.

Because it's pure, it's fun, it's everything and you never want to lose it. You convince yourself you'll last forever and looking into Percy's green eyes it isn't hard to believe. You think you could marry this man, you really could.

One day, at the end of summer that year, he takes you to his family's cabin at Montauk. You swim and you cook hotdogs and marshmallows over a fire, make smores. You shove chocolate onto his cheek and he kisses it from your lips.

That night you lay on the beach holding hands and looking at the stars. He points out constellations, you tell the myths behind them- Greek myths were always interesting to you- and he listens. He laughs and makes fun of the gods, saying they did stupid things and you just watched him. Memorized the curves of his face, his smell- like ocean and his mother's chocolate chip cookies.

He brings you into the cabin and you realize there's only one bed. He blushes and stutters out something about 'a couch, some spare blankets and pillows, you take the bed-,' before you kiss him senseless and he loses whatever rational thought he had.

You both fall onto the bed, a tangle of limbs, and you keep kissing him. He's a drug and you never want to stop. It was like the first time you kissed him, you think crazily. If you don't do this you'll regret it.

His shirt comes off, then hers. Her jeans, his jeans. It's like a dance, it's like a hug and it's like a kiss.

You're self-conscious when you're finally bare underneath him and his eyes are filled with wonder at the sight. The look heats you to your toes and makes them curl and then you kisses him again and then you two are rolling over and over again and the rest of the night is gentle and loving and tender.

You're filled with so much love that it doesn't even hurt as much as you expects and the way Percy trembles and says your name is a gift in itself, enough to bring you to a whole other place, your own little piece of heaven.

There are no walls between you now. Percy has been your first in everything and he always will be, no matter what happens. You have been his first in everything as well and you both know it, you treasure it and keep it special.

The next morning isn't tender or gentle, it's rough and passionate and just as good. You scream Percy's name and he shudders into your neck, your name falling from his lips like he positively worships you. Then there's the shower and the beach and you ravish one another anytime you want to because you know that you'll have to leave this place and you want to make it count.

You both hurt the next day. But it's worth it.

While you're there you make breakfast. He eats the blue chocolate chip pancakes and compliments you, saying he could get used to waking up to you every morning making breakfast. You laugh and tell him it wouldn't be the worst thing.

You're about to flip another pancake when you suddenly feel him behind you. Then he's wrapping his arms around your waist and turning you around. You're in nothing more than his large shirt and some underwear, him in boxers.

"I am so hopelessly in love with you," he whispers, staring into your eyes. "I would be lost without you."

You place your hands on his shoulders and rest your head on his bare chest, feeling his heart beating fast. "I love you too."

"I can't live without you." He says and you swallow.

"I don't know how I ever did."

oooOOOooo

The car ride is quiet and you stare out the window.

It's raining, you note. Good thing you're getting married in a church.

It's a sign, you think. Rain on your wedding day. You remember you used to love rain. Warm water pelting down on your face, a man's arms wrapping around you to pull you closer, wet lips sliding against wet lips. Seeing Percy in a wet shirt that stuck to him, watching him devour you with his eyes.

Yes, you remember, you used to love rain.

It's different with Mason. You can talk to him, you suppose, laugh with him. But you can lie to him like you could never lie to Percy.

"Have you ever dated anybody else?"

"Once." You reply. "A boy from a camp. I hardly remember him though."

The biggest lie you ever told.

"You don't want to have sex?" Mason asks you another time, and you freeze, thinking quickly.

"I want to wait until marriage," you tell him.

He grins at you. "A virgin."

You don't deny it, even though it's not true. You've done pretty much everything when it comes to sex. You've made love, had sex, role played and much more. But you don't tell him that.

Because the thought of being with another man… it makes you squirm. You don't want Mason, not like you want/wanted Percy. There's no passion, no heat, no spark and you hate yourself every day for not being able to move on, to just feel something for someone other than your first love.

But his face never leaves you. You can't forget.

Idly you wonder, staring out the window of the car at the rain, if he's forgotten you.

oooOOOooo

You're only 19.

Percy proposes and you finally tells your parents.

Your parents have met him before, twice now, and each time they were courteous and polite. Setting good examples, making the right impression. The two play the roles of a happy couple for once in a long time and you wonder how hard it is to put on such an act.

Percy is on his best behaviour and by the end of the visit you father loves him.

Your mother however, isn't quite as pleased.

"Oh Annabeth," she says, looking at you. "I wonder when you're going to grow up sometimes."

You go and cry in your room for an hour.

But when he proposes, you think it'll be okay. You bring him home, the ring a nice plain band that feels perfect on your finger. You show your parents and you expect them to jump up, hug you and kiss you and laugh with you.

Instead they stare at you, even your father. Dumb founded, maybe they think it's a joke.

You take Percy's hand. "We mean it," you say. "We're getting married."

"No." Athena said. "You're not."

"Annabeth, honey," Frederick Chase tried to speak and he just looks confused. "You're only 19."

"Daddy," you say, and you can tell you're pleading. But they're embarrassing you, acting like this in front of Percy. "We love each other."

"Annabeth you don't know what love is."

It's like your mother has slapped you and you flinch, away from her words, her disapproval, into Percy's chest. He's been strangely quiet throughout this meeting but he steadies her, puts his hands on her shoulders to keep her upright.

"Percy." Your mother looks at him and forces a smile. "Could you please give us a moment alone?"

He nods behind you. "Of course." He says, moving to get away, but you grip his hand, not wanting him to leave.

"No," you insist, "he stays-"

"Annabeth." Your father's tone is firm. "Enough. Let Mr. Jackson wait outside a moment."

Percy smiles at you but it's shaky. You want to hug him, comfort him, tell him it's all going to be okay but you can't because for the first time since you started dating you don't know if it's true.

He steps back and then leaves. You watch him.

"Annabeth." Her mom sounds angry and cold. "Really, what are you thinking?"

You turn around and glare. "Mother-"

She holds up a hand. "I want you to stop this. It's gone on long enough. End it with this poor boy, he's obviously gotten the wrong impression."

You gasp in shock. "Excuse me?"

"End it." Your mother repeats. "He is trash Annabeth, trash! Do you hear me? And you're only 19. You want to marry him, of all people-"

"Don't you dare-!"

"Quiet!" Athena snaps. "Don't talk back to me. Annabeth how could you be so young and foolish? You are 19."

"Stop!" You exclaim. "Stop saying that. I am not a child-"

"Then stop acting like one!"

You turn to your father. "Daddy," you plead; tears are starting to form in your eyes. "Please. You know how much I love him. "Please don't let her do this."

He only shakes his head at you. "Annabeth," he tries to be gentle but the words hurt, they hurt you and cut you. "You can't see this boy anymore."

You watch them both, betrayal fresh on your face. "I hate you."

You mean it.

You turn and run out of the room but Percy's gone. You see the open doorway and run out, and when you catch sight of his retreating figure you breathe a sigh of relief. But then you run, god dammit you run like you've never run before because you've never been this close to losing him before. Then you're catching up to him, stopping him, yelling at him.

He yells back and you can see, it's plain on his face, that he heard everything you parents said, or most of it. It hurts you to see him so hurt. You want to cry.

Finally, after yelling, he tells you its over. He doesn't want to do this anymore, you're parents are right. We're too young.

We don't know what love is.

That hurts more than anything and you scream. You scream and you think there's regret in his eyes but then it's gone as fast as it came and you think you imagined it.

You kiss him. He kisses you back and you hope that maybe things will work out, maybe it'll be alright.

You tell him you love him and the look in his eyes is tortured. You're sorry to be the cause of it.

Despite it all, everything you do, he still ends up walking away and the ring slides off your finger when he disappears.

oooOOOooo

You suppose the church is pretty.

It's posh, elegant and expensive. Your mother picked it and it shows. Mason loved it, said it was perfect, but you hate it.

Percy would have known, would have been able to tell. If Percy had been your fiancée, you know, you would have been getting married on a beach and it wouldn't have been raining.

If you had been marrying Percy, you would be happy today instead of feeling like you were cheating on somebody. Instead of feeling disgusted with yourself.

He could be married as well, with Rachel for all you know, but you still hate yourself for doing this because even though there's a huge chance he could have a family and love somebody else, there's an equal chance he hasn't. That he doesn't.

You run in to avoid the rain and when you get inside you feel like you're being suffocated.

oooOOOooo

You call him and Sally answers every time.

Your emails go unanswered.

You write him even though he'll hate you for it, because he's dyslexic. But you're so desperate to talk, to communicate, that you'd do anything at this point.

You even show up one day at his house but Sally answers and says he isn't in. He actually isn't, he's down at Montauk alone, but you don't know that.

You give up.

You betray him and you give up.

You hate yourself for it every day.

oooOOOooo

The wedding march begins to play and you stand in your room in the back of the church. Thalia, Piper and Hazel had already gone and your mother was presumably sitting at the front with your father.

You don't know why you didn't want your father to walk you down the aisle. You suppose it doesn't matter, that nothing matters anymore because this whole day has been a lie.

To your credit you make it to the open doors leading to the aisle before you freeze.

You caught a glimpse. Just a glimpse of inside. People, standing up, heads turned to watch for your entrance. The church was full of people.

Mason's in there, you try to tell yourself.

Instead of stepping forward you step back. You do it again.

You are 21 years old, you think. And if you walk through those doors, you're throwing your life away.

You turn around and you run out of the church, one face in your mind.

oooOOOooo

You run into him in the gardens.

He's exactly how you remember. Tall, dark haired, white teeth, soft lips, bright green eyes.

You had messaged him a week ago, telling him you were getting married here, today. You weren't quite sure why you did it. Maybe you were hoping he'd come? So you could see if he really did have a family or a wife, a girlfriend or just somebody else. Maybe you wanted him to see that you had moved on.

But deep down you know it's because you want him to take you away, to tell you nothing's changed and he still wants you as badly as he did when they were 19. You want him to stop the wedding.

He never answered, you hadn't even known if he'd got the message. Apparently he had.

You don't speak, just run into him, throwing your arms around him. He hugs you close, too close, too tight, you can't breathe but you don't want him to let go so you don't say anything. Your legs shake and you realize it's not just your legs, it's your whole body.

You're finally crying.

You think he's shaking too.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he whispers into your hair and you just hug him tighter because there's no way you're letting him go again.

"Me too." You whisper.

"Don't do it." He says, pulling back, eyes searching yours frantically. "Don't marry him. Please."

You look him dead in the eye, feeling emotions from years ago rise in you, and you realize that you could only ever love this one man.

"Of course not," you whisper to him. "There's only ever been you."

He closes his eyes and takes a deep, shaky breath. "I can't live without you. It's been killing me."

You suck in a breath at his words and now you know, you know you're not the only one who felt this way. You're glad- you thought you were crazy. Obsessive.

You're not. You're just in love.

So you smile. "I don't know how I ever did," you say. Then you lean forward to whisper on his lips, "never again. We're staying together."

He links their fingers and smiles down at their hands with happy surprise when he feels the engagement ring from years ago on her left hand ring finger. "You're not getting away from me."

oooOOOooo

This, Annabeth thinks, is what happiness feels like.

It's nice after all this time.

oooOOOooo

First story ever in second person! Review? Tell me how it was?

Love you all!

Percyjacksonfan3