He usually loved this time of year, parties every night, the sense of anticipation, the few days of work with nothing to do but eat and watch television.

But this Christmas, Jackson Walsh wasn't looking forward to yet more days in front of the TV.

It has been just over 11 weeks since his accident, to be exact 79 days since a stupid row with his boyfriend Aaron ended in such unthinkable tragedy.

Throughout the past few months Jackson has struggled to accept the fact he was unlikely to ever walk again.

He had loved his job as a builder, working outdoors and always being on the go.

But as hard as losing the use of his legs was to deal with, the loss of his hands, his arms was unbearable.

Not being able to feel Aaron's hand on his, not being able to put his arm around him when every instinct in his brain was sceaming at him to do so, was torture.

Jacksons nurse Claire interrupted his thoughts:

'So looks like we're all set now Jackson, Dr. Skyes is happy for you to head home for the holidays. It'll be nice to spend some time at home won't it?'

'Yea sure' he mumbled.

What he really was thinking was he was about to endure three days of seeing the misery, worry and despair on the face of his mother Hazel, not to mention the guilt that Aaron tried-but failed-to hide.

It was that guilt that had forced Jackson to push Aaron away.

He couldn't bear to think that the only reason he stayed with him was to atone for his hand in the crash.

Jackson had once wanted nothing more than to hear Aaron Livesy tell him he loved him, but when it finally happened he just couldn't believe it.

The first time Jackson tried to test Aaron's commitment, the young mechanic had blurted out the three little words in anger.

FLASHBACK

Jackson: 'I don't blame you for what happened so don't feel like you have to make amends. I don't want you staying with me out of pity, I couldn't bear that on top of everything else.'

Aaron: 'What the hell are you on about Jackson, who said anything about pity, I'm here cos I wanna be'

Jackson: 'Aaron, you and I both know that if I'd never crashed that van, you'd have gotten out of this relationship a long time ago. You didn't even want me when I was a fully functioning man, so what bloody good am I now?'

Aaron: 'Don't say stuff like that, that's the sort of crap I usually come out with…

Jackson: 'It's true, so I'm giving you an out, take it, no hard feeling, all the best and all that.'

Aaron: 'I'm not going anywhere…

Jackson: 'Even if I want you to? It's over Aaron so just get out…

Aaron: 'NO'

Jackson; 'I said LEAVE'

Aaron; 'Jackson just shut the hell up right, Im not leaving, I'm staying here with you no matter what happens, so tough you're stuck with me.'

Jackson: 'Why, why are you still here?

Aaron; 'Because I love ya, you stupid git.'

Even now the memory of that conversation left Jackson unfulfilled. He wished he could believe Aaron loved him, God knows he loved him more than he'd ever thought possible. But whenever he looked into his lover's blue eyes, he saw guilt, remorse, pity- not love.

Hazel was due to pick him up at 6pm but it was Christmas Eve so traffic would no doubt delay her.

Jackson sat in his wheelchair looking out the window of his Hotten General room, life happening all around him.

It was only Hazel who had been to see him over the past four weeks. Ever since that day with Aaron, Jackson had refused to see him. Perhaps it was his way of pushing him again, testing how much he really cared or maybe it was just an acceptance of the fact he would never again be happy so what was the point of making everyone else miserable

'you took your time' Jackson spoke as the door behind him opened.'

'Sorry yea traffic as mad.' The voice belonged to a male, certainly not his mother Hazel.

Aaron cautiously made his way to where Jackson's wheelchair sat, he pulled a chair across the room and placed himself in front of the man he so longed to hold once more.

Jackson: 'Why are you here Aaron'

Aaron: 'I've come to take you home.'

Jackson: 'I didn't ask you to come, wheres my mum?'

Aaron: 'I asked her if I could come, she reckons we need to talk, do you?'

Jackson: 'No I said all I needed to , nothings changed.'

Aaron: ' Yea you're right, nothing has changed, you still love me and I still love you so stop feeling sorry for yourself all right!'

Jackson: 'So I'm supposed to just get on with it, right, it's that easy?'

Aaron: 'No, it's not easy but yea you do have to get on with your life Jackson. You survived, don't you realise how amazing that it? We can still be happy, don't give up on us, don't give up on yourself'

With his last plea Aaron gently rested his hand on his lovers, stroking the back of his fingers.

'Aaron', Jackson cried, 'I…I..

Aaron: 'No Jackson I'm not letting you finish us….

Jackson: 'No Aaron, it's not that…I …I can feel your hand.'

Aaron shot to his feet and while racing for the door shouted, 'Nurse, Nurse'