A/N: Hello lovely readers! This idea has been gnawing at me for months and I've been working on it a little bit at a time. Just to give you an idea of what it will be about: It is canon up until Emma and Regina stop the diamond. Then, it no longer follows the show and I start telling my story of what would have happened if Tamara and Greg hadn't taken Henry to Neverland, and if instead, Emma stole back the magic bean Tamara had and they were able to produce more beans from it. This first chapter starts out catching all of you up with how Emma is dealing with living in the Enchanted Forest and how she's feeling about the fact that Regina didn't come with them. The chapters after this one will be about Emma paying a visit to Regina in Storybrooke, but I won't give away what leads to that or what happens because of it ;) So, there's my not-so-good job of giving you a vague idea of the premise of this fic. Hope you all decide to check it out and enjoy! Let me know what you think.
Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon A Time in any way and have only borrowed my favorite characters for some fun and not at all for profit.
Chapter 1: A Whole New World
Darkness flooded the woods around them. The moonlight that shone down from the sky was barely able to penetrate through the tall trees, thick with the leaves that covered them. Emma and Snow sat on their horses making their way almost blindly through the forest; most of their light coming from a torch Emma had enchanted, so it glowed but wouldn't cause the brush around them to catch fire.
"Is there somewhere nearby we could spend the night?" Emma asked her mother, not liking how she couldn't even see ten feet ahead of them. She also couldn't deny that she was sore from riding all day, since they had left the site where the final battle against the ogres had taken place early that morning. The giant creatures had finally been defeated by Snow and Charming's army, along with Emma's magic, and it was time for them to go home.
Snow's face was conflicted as she thought over Emma's question. The shadows dancing over her fair skin only contributed to her haunted look as she seemed to be in a debate with herself about whatever suggestion had popped into her mind.
"What? Is it somewhere horrible? More ogres or dragons or something?" Emma tried to tease, but her mother's face only became more troubled, almost remorseful.
"The castle I grew up in," Snow offered quietly. "It's just beyond the trees and the valley behind them."
That was when Emma understood what had her mother so upset. "That was her castle, right? Regina's?"
Snow gave a solemn nod in reply. "If we head there now, it shouldn't take us more than a half hour."
Emma had every desire to object and continue riding on to their own castle. The war had lasted nearly four months, and she'd left her parent's castle multiple times to help lead their kingdom's army and fight in it. These final three battles, however, felt like the longest two and a half weeks of her life. She'd been away from her new home and her son for way too long now, and she desperately longed to get back, spend some time with Henry, and sleep until she felt like a real person again. Yet, she was beyond exhausted from the previous day's events and all of that day's traveling. At this point, she was barely able to keep herself from sliding off her horse. All she wanted was somewhere comfortable to lie down and rest until the sun came up. But of course, with her luck, it would be Regina's former castle that was closest to them. Still, there were worse possibilities, and right now, even the castle where the Evil Queen had spent her reign, sounded like an answered prayer.
"There's nowhere else around here to stop?"
A quick shake of Snow's head told her daughter no, and Emma let out a less than amused laugh at the irony. "Well, no one should be there. Most of her army was defeated by you, and any that survived were brought over with the curse and forced to remain in Storybrooke."
"It should be empty," Snow breathed with a sad kind of confirmation.
That was when Emma realized that the fact that it would be vacant was what was really bothering both of them. Regina wouldn't be there, sitting on some throne or sauntering around defiantly with her chin held regally high, wearing a dress only the former Evil Queen could pull off.
It was funny to Emma how easily she could picture the woman as her fairy tale self, when she had only ever seen Regina as Henry's mother and the uptight mayor back in Storybrooke. Sure, she had witnessed the Evil Queen poking through the closed off woman, who used sass and sarcasm to keep the upper hand, but it wasn't as though Regina had been traipsing around Storybrooke like she'd jumped right out of Henry's book. Almost thirty years had passed since she'd fully been who she was in the Enchanted Forest, and that want of a happy ending, and later, the will and desire to change, had caused Regina to become someone who was only shadowed by the Evil Queen.
That was what had torn at Emma the most, once they had collected enough beans to return back to the place she had been born. Regina had done her best to begin to change, but very few people had acknowledged it or cared. She'd taken responsibility for her actions and put her life on the line. Regina had been about to sacrifice herself in order to delay the fail-safe from blowing up Storybrooke, so that the inhabitants of the town could escape; so that Henry could leave with the rest of his family and wouldn't have to be alone. Yet, even after knowing that, only Emma and her family had gone back to the mines to try to save Regina. And once Emma and Regina had combined their magic to save their family and the townspeople, the town was grateful but still cold toward the former queen. There were too many years of fear and hate between them for one heroic act to end the anger and distrust toward the woman who had cursed them all to the world that was without magic. It wasn't enough for the changed woman to earn some kind of understanding or true forgiveness from them.
Plus, by the time Regina and Emma had gone on to erase Greg and Tamara's memories of magic and Storybrooke, and gotten them to leave for good, everyone had been too distracted by the knowledge of the last remaining magic bean to care about any more of Regina's good deeds. Almost everyone (aside from the two-hundred or so who remained in Storybrooke, Maine) had been ready to go back to their world, now that the magically-constructed town no longer seemed to be hidden and safe. All anyone could focus on was how long it would take to grow and cultivate enough beans from the shoot that had sprouted from the bean they'd stolen back from Tamara.
Surprisingly, that had taken far less time than anyone had anticipated, thanks to a jump-start from Emma's magic.
One evening about four and a half months later, Snow White had gathered everyone for an emergency town meeting to announce that they'd be returning to their land in two days. There had been some objection because of how rushed it all seemed, but after everything, the majority wasn't willing to take the existence of their way home for granted and had wanted to use the beans as soon as possible.
The urgency to leave had come as a shock to Emma, Regina, and Henry, who hadn't realized the rate at which the beans were growing and being harvested; nor how so many people didn't care about planning their return and only wanted to be back home in the other world. The three of them had been too caught up in their own lives and working on the little family unit they'd become, after Emma and Regina had begun to mend their differences and work on co-parenting Henry. Following a long talk with each other, and ultimately, their son, Henry had moved back in with Regina a week after everything had settled down. Though, they had all mutually agreed that he'd also spend some time with Emma during the week and stay with her every other weekend. However, it wasn't long before that arrangement resulted in Emma going to the mansion at least a few nights a week to visit and have dinner with mother and son, allowing the tentative friendship that had started to form between the two women to really begin to evolve. Soon, weekends were spent mostly together, too, and Emma was more and more an expected presence in the Mills's house. So, finding out that they were leaving Storybrooke immediately had not only shattered the bubble they'd been existing in, it had woken them up to the fact that Regina was still unpopular and even hated by many people in town.
Deciding what to do about the (former) Evil Queen and Rumpelstiltskin had been a huge debate that had started between Snow and David months before, and continued with advice from their council throughout the entire day after their impending departure from Storybrooke had been announced. Rumple had been an easier decision for everyone because they were more afraid he'd do something horrible in Storybrooke before they left, if they told him he wasn't wanted in the other world. They also knew that restoring the other land from the curse would be nearly impossible without him. Emma's magic was strong, but rebuilding everything by herself would drain her. He also had more knowledge of what spells would be most effective in making everything return to the way it was. Therefore, it was decided that he'd be allowed to accompany them to the other land, but only under the conditions that he would help them and would hand the Dark One's dagger over to Snow and David for safe keeping.
Regina was a much more difficult decision. People didn't trust her and still feared her. Many argued that she should have to stay in the town her curse had created. Snow and David were hesitant because they understood their people's feelings on the matter, but also knew how hard she was working to change and that they'd be separating Regina from her son. It wasn't until Emma and Henry had fought for Regina to come back with them, though, that anyone else seemed like they might actually be leaning in the direction of her returning with them. They were persistent, and Henry's disappointed yet determined eyes, were enough to make every adult look down shamefully and reconsider their stance.
The main problem the townspeople had, or so it seemed, was less about their dislike of Regina and more about the idea of her living freely among them in a place where she had had such strong powers. Unlike Rumple, there was no dagger to control her, if need be, and so many people remembered her wrath so vividly that they were terrified by what she might still be capable of. That realization had Emma pushing her parents to come up with some kind of compromise. At one point, she had even suggested to her mother that Regina move into their castle and she would keep an eye on the former queen, while constantly being at risk of fireballs being thrown at her. Snow had considered it, but much of the council felt Emma would be too trusting of Regina to be an effective guard against her. Finally, it was settled that Regina would remain in jail without magic, if she were to go with them.
"We can work on getting them to change their minds, but you have to come with us," Emma had beseeched her later that night when she had gone to the mansion to deliver news of the council's decision to Regina.
Henry had begged to go with her to talk to his mother, but Emma had insisted on seeing Regina alone, promising that she'd bring him to see her first thing in the morning. The two women hadn't discussed any of this at length after Snow's announcement the previous evening, other than Emma noticing how Regina had forced a smile at Henry's excitement about going to the other land, which had Emma later assuring her that everything would be okay and they'd figure it out. Now that Regina's fate had been decided, however, it was clear that the choices they had to make weren't as simple as she'd naively believed they'd be. Not only was Regina going to end up in jail if she went with them, but as her parents had declared at the town meeting yesterday, magic beans would no longer be grown in the Enchanted Forest.
With advisement from the council, it had been agreed upon that portal hopping would be too easy and overly lacking in security, and therefore, the harvesting of the beans needed to stop. That meant that their move would be permanent and traveling between worlds would go back to being nearly impossible. Storybrooke could remain their home or the Enchanted Forest could become it again, but no one could go back and forth. A choice needed to be made.
"I will not be a prisoner. And definitely not in the cell they kept Rumpelstiltskin in! He was insane by the end, Emma! I don't want that," Regina contended emphatically, lowering herself to the sofa behind her, and bringing her hand up in an attempt to rub away the tension she was beginning to feel tightening in the middle of her forehead.
"It'll only be temporary."
"You don't know that."
"There's no way I'm not getting them to let you out of there."
"Even if you're able to, what happens after? At least here your parents made it clear that I was needed for advisement about the town and mayoral duties. There—well, it's obvious I'm not wanted. I'm hated by too many people. I'd be putting Henry's safety at risk. Yours."
"Aren't we already at risk?"
"Not like you would be there. And not in the way you would be after being the reason I'm no longer confined to the dungeons. I can't do that to Henry or to you."
"So, what? You're going to stay here in Storybrooke?" Emma folded her arms across her chest, her eyes searching Regina's for acknowledgement of the decision that Emma had sensed the other woman had resigned herself to well before she'd knocked on the mansion's door.
"The town isn't invisible anymore," Regina reminded, watching as Emma sat down on the opposite end of the sofa. "Your mother and father have seen to it that people from this world start moving in, so it'll remain thriving for anyone who wants to stay here. I could stay on as mayor for now and ensure that it continues to be successful."
"Seems like you've given this a lot of thought," Emma commented as she brought the sharp, accusatory look she could feel in her eyes away from Regina's to glance down at her hands, but not before noticing how Regina's lips had immediately fallen into a deeper frown as hurt flickered in her eyes.
"Well, what did you expect me to do after your parents gleefully announced their plans for an immediate return to the land of rainbow kisses and hopeful happy ever afters? Sit here and wait to accept my inevitable prison sentence?" Regina retorted brusquely.
"No. But I—" Emma began apologetically, lifting her eyes back to the other woman whose fierce gaze silenced her.
"Then, what?" Regina softened slightly, legitimately wanting to know what Emma was thinking.
"I just thought we'd discuss it…together," Emma admitted, the odd sense of hurt she felt becoming hot and tight in the back of her throat, and causing her words to come out heavy and tinged with rejection.
Any frustration and hostility Regina had been feeling a moment ago, dissipated with Emma's tone and the wounded expression that further dimmed the light that usually filled her eyes. "I'm sorry," Regina sighed, after the cold awareness washed over her in an uncomfortable wave that rushed from her head through the rest of her body, extinguishing the hot flush of shame that attempted to rise beneath her skin. "You left with Henry last night, and I couldn't stop thinking. I wasn't expecting this. Not so soon—so fast."
Emma sighed, too, a small, sympathizing smile briefly appearing through the sadness on her face. "Yeah, I know."
"I needed to look at every option. Especially, if we can't easily travel between worlds anymore," Regina continued. "It wasn't my intention to make you feel like I shut you out."
"I get it," Emma offered in understanding. "This is a lot. And you're used to dealing with everything on your own."
"I just want to do what's best for all of us."
"And you think that remaining in Storybrooke is best," Emma wondered, but there wasn't much of a question in her words.
Regina sucked in a breath, her jaw tightening as her gaze fell to the fidgeting hands in her lap. "Yes," she nodded stiffly after a long beat of silence. "I do."
"Okay. Then, I'm staying with you and Henry," Emma responded decisively.
"No," Regina objected with a shake of her head and she saw Emma's eyes widen before her brow furrowed. "The last thing I want to do is disappoint him. He shouldn't have to stay here just because I won't go back there."
"Hold on," Emma ran a hand over her face and turned fully toward Regina. "You want me to take Henry back to the Enchanted Forest? Without you?"
Emma's quizzical look became more disbelieving and unhappy as she continued to stare at Regina. It was evident that she hadn't once considered there'd be a possibility of Regina remaining in Storybrooke without Henry and she was trying to wrap her mind around it.
"Yes," Regina replied in a firm but strangled voice, her eyes squeezing shut as the word tore through her.
The movement of Emma scooting closer to Regina's side of the sofa had Regina's eyes opening again and meeting the agony in Emma's. "I can't do that," Emma objected with a grimace.
"It's not like you've never tried to take him from me before," Regina reminded matter-of-factly, and although Emma knew she was mostly making a point with the truth, she couldn't help but flinch at Regina's words.
"Everything about what I did was awful and wrong. It wasn't my place—"
Regina raised her hand, stopping the other woman. "Emma, I wasn't trying to make you feel like you owed me another apology. I only wanted to make the point that you believed you could take care of Henry by yourself."
"That doesn't mean I still do—that I want to," Emma sighed in exasperation. "He needs you. I—"
The warmth of Regina's skin on hers, interrupted Emma as Regina's hand covered the one that Emma had resting on the sofa. Their touches were still rare and tentative, which made them more noticeable, heavier, and significant. Even now that they'd been spending so much time together, a brush of fingers, a playful nudge, a grateful touch...managed to make everything stop as the air became charged and something warm stirred within them. This one was no different, but there was something so sure and so comforting about it, that Emma lowered her eyes to their hands, watching as she slowly flipped the one beneath Regina's and entwined their fingers.
"You'll be so caught up in your new life, you'll forget that I'm not there with you," Regina told her lowly, her own eyes focused intently on their joined hands.
"Regina—" Emma began, but she paused, unsure of what to say. There were too many thoughts suddenly whirling through her mind and her emotions were at war within her. But then, Regina sniffled and squeezed her hand, stopping the confessions that wanted to tumble past her lips.
"You and Henry will be fine," she reassured as confidently as she could, before carefully pulling away from Emma.
"We're not leaving you here by yourself," Emma argued, the sudden loss of Regina's hand in hers allowing her mind to become clear enough to continue the one fight she still had some hope of winning. "You're his mother. You need each other more than he needs to become a knight or a prince or whatever. He can go horseback riding here. Take fencing lessons. Hell, this house is practically a castle!"
"Emma…"
"No." She ran a hand through her hair. "He shouldn't be taken away from you."
"You're the only one who believes that," Regina exhaled, her eyes meeting Emma's wearily.
"So does he."
"But he wants to live in that world. He's so excited. I can't keep him here when he knows it exists. Besides, they need you there to help rebuild everything that was destroyed with my curse." It was a valid argument, and one that had Emma losing hope of achieving an easy alternative. "He'll resent me if I'm the reason you force him to stay here. You'll resent me. You need to go with your family. We'd end up driving each other crazy. You hate me now, you'd hate me even more after a few weeks."
"You know I don't hate you," Emma said raspingly, her hot, glassy eyes connecting intensely with Regina's.
Warmth coiled in Regina's belly and her heart beat harder as she held Emma's unwavering gaze—the truth of Emma's words boring into her. "You would learn to...again."
"Regina-"
"No. You need to take Henry and go with them."
Emma felt her lips tug downward. She could feel how Regina was attempting to push her out of Storybrooke and her life, but the wide, brown eyes looking at her seemed to only want to pull her back in.
"We won't be able to come back," Emma reminded with a hint of desperation, not knowing what else to say.
Regina looked at her intently, like she was considering something, and stood up. She walked out of the room, returning a few minutes later with a small felt bag. "Here. For you and Henry, in case you ever need them."
Emma stood from where she was sitting on the sofa and took the crimson bag from Regina. She studied it, then hesitantly pulled the ties open before tilting it, so that the three beans inside spilled out into her hand.
"Where-"
"I picked those when I first found where the dwarves were growing them. They were the ones I was going to use to take Henry away with me. Of course one would have been enough for that, but it never hurts to have extra, just in case."
"But-"
"Take them, Emma."
"What if you change your mind?"
Regina's head moved back and forth in answer. "Knowing that my son is safe and has the freedom to leave that place if he ever chooses or needs to is more important. And I won't change my mind," Regina said firmly, and Emma almost believed it.
"Thank you," Emma whispered after a moment, knowing that there was no point in arguing. Regina nodded with the briefest, broken smile; both of them understanding that Emma's gratitude was for so much more than the beans.
Then, she was moving out of the room, silently telling Emma to follow her.
"Please, think it over some more," Emma turned to face Regina, once they were at the door; the knot in her stomach growing at the devastated but resigned look in the deep brown eyes staring back at her. "I really am willing to stay here with Henry or fight like hell for you, if you come with us."
"Emma."
"I just want you to be sure, because the last thing I am right now is sure that any of this is the right decision."
Regina nodded as a heavy breath parted her lips.
"Send Henry tomorrow before you go? I want to give him something and say goodbye."
"Of course," Emma agreed, her eyes lifting from the pouch in her hand to Regina's face. "You know he's not going to like this."
"We don't always like what has to happen in life, do we?"
Emma shook her head. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"Not being able to fight them more on all of this."
"I thought you were going to say for coming to Storybrooke in the first place," Regina forced a smirk but it was too heavy to hold the humor she wanted to convey.
"I can't really apologize for that; I found my family. But if there's one thing I'm sorry about, it's taking yours away from you."
"I suppose I'm just meant to be alone. After all I've done, I can't say I don't deserve it."
"No one should be alone," Emma took a step toward her, noticing the tears that were rising in Regina's eyes.
Emma tentatively brought her hand to Regina's cheek, gently cupping it. Traces of uncertainty flickered through Regina's glassy eyes, but she leaned into the touch.
"Go," Regina breathed, with the smallest of smiles, but Emma looked at her conflicted. "Henry's waiting for you."
"I know," Emma exhaled softly, yet found herself moving closer to Regina, who shifted slightly but didn't step back. Their gazes held each other. So many things that they still weren't sure how to put into words, or even if they should define them at all, were reflected in the other's eyes.
Emma's thumb began to move slowly along Regina's flushed cheek, stroking it tenderly, as her lips lifted in a sad smile. Glassy green eyes lowered in their descent down Regina's face, before Emma's head tilted more towards Regina's, their lips tingling at the barely existent space between them.
Regina trembled, sucking in a breath and swallowing thickly.
"Emma," she whispered in a soft plea as her eyes fluttered shut, before she was lifting a hand to the one resting against her cheek, connecting them and keeping them there.
For a long moment neither moved, lost in the closeness and warmth that encapsulated them as they ached for more, while not doing anything to ruin the intimate moment that neither were taking for granted.
"Regina—" Emma finally breathed several moments later, the hushed sound of her name meeting Regina's lips warmly as it caressed them and moved to touch every part of her body.
A soft, aching sob caught in Regina's throat, sobering her enough to reluctantly lift her head away from Emma's. With a remorseful smile, she squeezed Emma's fingers lightly, then guided both of their hands away from her face and back down to their sides. Slowly, she moved back, stepping out of Emma's space, before either of them could do anything to make this even more difficult.
They were letting go, not holding on, and especially not when doing anything to keep their stories linked would have disrupted everything that had already been decided. Some things just couldn't be, no matter how right they suddenly felt when you were about to walk away from them.
"Take care of my—our son, Emma," Regina said too quietly, just as the other woman reached for the doorknob. Hearing how Regina's voice faltered stopped Emma, and she looked over her shoulder to see how hard Regina was clinging on to what little resolve she still had. Her face was flushed, eyes cast down, and a hand trembled against her stomach.
"You know I will. Always," she vowed unwaveringly, fighting the urge within her to walk back to Regina.
Instead, she cleared her throat and forced her eyes back to the door in front of her, opening it, and leaving the house that had come to be somewhere she felt like she belonged.
"This is it?" Emma wondered almost inaudibly, as if raising her voice any louder would unleash a secret curse or the guards that didn't exist here anymore.
They brought the horses to the stables, giving them food they found there and water from a nearby well. Snow made some off-handed comment about helping the stable hands tend to the horses, but how after her father died, Regina never allowed anyone near them, except for the people she'd hired to take care of them.
They made their way to the entrance of the dark, almost forbidding palace, but the coldness Emma could sense from it was too familiar to inspire any of the foreboding or intimidation that she knew it was meant to. It may not have been the mansion on Mifflin, which was a studio apartment compared to this, but it felt like Regina. Her presence still carried itself through the halls and Emma wasn't surprised how it seemed to have been absorbed by the walls.
"It feels lonely," Emma said without thinking, but it was too true to take back.
She followed her mother past the mirrors on the wall, noticing her wild blonde hair reflected in the glass as it seemed to be fighting hard to stay in the ponytail it had mostly fallen out of. They entered a room with the largest mirror, and Emma recognized the looking glass from a page in Henry's book.
"Sidney's not here," Emma observed when the glass remained a reflection of herself and the room behind her.
"He wouldn't be. Not when she's not here."
"Cursed to look upon her forever." Emma remembered the line from one of the stories she had finally read during her bouts of insomnia the first few nights she'd spent in her parents' castle.
"Follow me. We'll go to where my old room was."
By Snow's urgent tone, she guessed it was too much for her mother to be there, surrounded by Regina's aura, especially when they were in her chambers. Emma walked a few paces behind her and imagined Regina roaming the halls, but not only as the strong, intimidating, fierce monarch she had been. She pictured a Regina similar to the one she had known (just a little younger and less cold) finding her way around the enormous palace when she had first come there.
"Was she ever happy here?" Emma wondered forlornly to herself, but her mother heard the question she had spoken aloud. Snow's head turned sharply, so she could face her daughter. For a moment, Emma regretted her question, desperately wanting to unspeak it, after the violent stare her mother shot at her. But the look in Snow's eyes quickly melted into sadness.
"I don't know." The confession was almost a whisper as Snow's arms crossed over her stomach and she gave a small shiver. "I wanted her to be."
"But that doesn't mean she was."
"No, it doesn't."
They continued walking in silence, their heavy footsteps echoing off the stone floors and walls, but after a few minutes Snow started talking again. It seemed that Emma's question had finally forced her to think about something from a point of view other than the one she had only ever used to justify her actions. "I thought Daniel left her. That's what she had me believe for years," her mother explained in a voice that sounded caught in between the present and the past. Emma made sure they were walking side by side now. "I didn't know Cora killed him. I was a child, and I thought somehow Regina had a change of heart because Daniel had abandoned her. I loved my father and figured she had somehow come to care for him, too."
"She didn't," Emma stated, tasting something as vile as what she felt at the thoughts of Daniel's death and King Leopold. The young princess that Snow White had been when a youthful Regina wed her father may not have pieced together the reality of what that marriage meant for the innocent, quickly breaking, young queen, but Emma did.
"She killed him," Snow confirmed sorrowfully, but Emma also picked up on the lack of resentment or anger toward Regina that she assumed would be communicated in her mother's words.
"Was he ever good to her?"
Snow thought it over. Her face wrinkled in uncertainty. "It seemed he was."
"You can't say for sure," Emma concluded as gently as she could, since bitter frustration that was laced with anger had begun to flare within her.
"I rarely saw them together. In the beginning, before they married, she only seemed slightly more reserved. But she became colder over the years. I tried to…she wasn't the Regina I hugged when she saved me from my horse. Just as beautiful, but inside she was never the same." Emma saw the tears gathering in Snow's eyes, until she looked down remorsefully. There was an ache in her her heart. For Snow. For Regina. For how different all of their lives might have been without other people using them for their own agendas. "I never wanted that to happen to her. And I never meant to take her happiness away from her. I spent so many years hoping she'd find that woman inside of her again."
"Some things change us and we can never go back to being who we were."
"No, we can't. You and Henry were helping her find it, though. The good. You let her know you saw she was capable of change and you believed in her for longer than I ever did."
Emma nodded as they stopped in front of a wooden door. "I understood. I didn't always do a great job of showing I was on her side, but I was. I wanted to be. It just wasn't always easy with everything else going on. But the last few months before we left—those were good. For all of us."
Snow placed a comforting hand on Emma's shoulder. "I'm sorry I couldn't get them to agree to anything but jail for her. After seeing Rumpelstiltskin there, I'd do anything to avoid that."
"She said the same thing," Emma admitted quietly. "But I would have stayed there with her. I swear I would have gotten her out."
"I know," Snow soothed. "Though, I don't think it was only avoiding that jail. This world was a prison for Regina. Magic was the only way she had any control. I don't think it was somewhere she ever truly wanted to come back to."
"Yeah, not even with her family," Emma muttered sourly, which had Snow wrapping her arm around her daughter in a hug.
"We'll take care of Henry. He won't forget her," Snow comforted, the assuring promise clear in her voice.
"It's not just Henry she abandoned." The words were heavy and rushed, but Snow caught them and pulled back from Emma to look at her, obviously trying to decipher what her daughter was feeling. Before she could say anything, though, Emma was shaking her head. "Sorry. Nevermind. Forget it."
"Emma," Snow touched her arm, silently letting her know she could confide in her.
"No, it doesn't matter now, right?" Emma forced a pathetic attempt at a smile. "Regina made her choice and I followed through with what she thought was best for us to do. We're where Henry wants to be, I'm learning how to live in this world and be a good mom, and I'm sure Regina's fine with the decision she made."
"Emma," Snow repeated, giving her arm a gentle squeeze.
Emma felt her frustration bubbling within her. "I just—why is this so hard? She was the Evil Queen and we were always at each other's throats before the curse broke. It should be easy to forget about her and move on."
"She raised Henry. You saved everyone's lives together. And like you were saying before, you understood who she was trying to be. In some way, that must make you feel connected to someone, no matter who they are, but especially when it's someone you started spending a lot of time with," Snow offered with a thin smile. Emma returned the smile half-heartedly, agreeing with what her mother was saying, but still feeling like there was so much more to it. Knowing that there was. Not that it would make a difference, since there was nothing she could do about it, even if she ended up figuring out the mess her heart and brain seemed to be cluttered with.
"We should get some sleep," Snow decided when it seemed like there was nothing left for either to say. "I think I'll take a bath first, though."
"I'll take one before we leave tomorrow. I'm pretty tired."
"You stay here in my old room. I'll stay in my father's."
"Okay," Emma glanced at the door in front of her, then back at Snow. "And thanks."
"Of course. If you need anything-"
"My mom is right down the hall. Got it."
Snow left Emma as her hand drifted to open the door. She paused until she heard another door shut further down the long corridor and was certain her mother had gone inside the other room. Emma sighed, finding herself still unable to enter the room in front of her. Suddenly, there was too much on her mind for sleep. She turned away and headed back in the direction they had come from.
It wasn't long before she was entering Regina's chambers again. It was still so strange and mind-boggling to Emma how the magic she had performed with Rumpelstiltskin and the fairies had restored everything to exactly the way it had been before the destruction the curse had caused. The furniture, trinkets, and fireplace (that Emma used her magic to light) had her stunned by how perfect and in place they seemed. If she hadn't known better, she would have thought the curse had been a shared nightmare throughout the Enchanted Forest.
Her hand came to rest on one of the knobs to a large wardrobe. Emma opened it to find dresses made from rich materials and decorated with beads and jewels. Emma had discovered that Regina had brought them to Storybrooke and knew that they remained in the mausoleum there, but somehow magic had found a way to duplicate them. She couldn't help but stifle an amused laugh at how revealing some of these dresses were when the Mayor of Storybrooke had almost always been dressed in suits. Maybe the blouses and pencil skirts that Regina wore were tight, but any lower necklines or buttons that remained open to reveal a little skin, had been prim and proper compared to these. She ran a hand over them, feeling soft velvet, smooth leather, and slippery silk. Each garment was unique and made to fit Regina, whose essence she sensed in each one.
For a moment, she tried to imagine Regina in them: the material tight around her hips; her stomach forced to be sucked in at all times; the plunging necklines that intentionally displayed the way her breasts would be purposely lifted and accentuated. Some were open at the back, the material eventually coming together as it lowered to the waist. She ran her hand over a blue velvet one once more, wishing to feel Regina's warm body beneath it, but it hung limp and cold as it moved with her touch.
She closed the doors to the wardrobe and allowed her eyes to drift over the room again.
It must have been her solace; the only place she could just be Regina, if she ever shed her Evil Queen persona. Emma thought back to the conversation she'd had with Snow and the thoughts that rose in her mind during it. She could almost see a relieved Regina asleep, after being summoned to her husband's chambers that night. The thought made her stomach clench, and Emma had to force the mental image away.
It had been different here back then. She was told many times how common arranged marriages between royals were. Even her father had almost taken part in one. But not having grown up where such a thing was the norm, Emma couldn't even begin to process what it must have been like. Marrying someone and not having any say over the matter seemed cruel and horrible, especially, when there was a great age difference. Emma also had an idea of how loveless the marriage must have been if Regina had resorted to murder.
She climbed onto the bed she had instinctively wandered over to and curled up, hugging the feather pillow she rested some of her head on.
"I'm sorry," she breathed into it, and when she inhaled against the soft fabric, she was amazed that the familiar, soothing scent of Regina filled her senses.
All Emma could think of was how they shouldn't have left her alone in Storybrooke. Her insides twisted at the feeling of loss and the thought that she'd never see her again. Then, nervous butterflies filled her as she tried to figure out when caring for Regina had first seemed appealing. She grunted unhappily when she couldn't come up with an exact moment. It seemed like she was always being pulled toward the other woman and at some point she'd stopped minding it as much. There had come a point when she didn't think twice about pushing Regina out of the wraith's path, or realizing the feeling of relief when Henry begged them to return to the mines to try to save his other mom, or happily anticipating the many dinners at the mansion with Henry and Regina that led to a glass of wine and friendly conversation after he'd gone upstairs to bed. Really, so much had changed between them and they'd grown so much closer, especially during the four months it had taken to grow the beans, that she couldn't pinpoint when the shift in their relationship had begun.
Maybe when it had happened wasn't even worth figuring out. Maybe just accepting that it had and that there was nothing she could do about it now, should be enough and she should just let it all go. Except, that thought caused her heart to ache and filled her mind with the all-consuming feeling of her thumb running tentatively against an olive cheek—so smooth, warm, and right—as her lips tingled with the need to meet Regina's. The almost-kiss that still left her longing, wondering, regretting, and hoping five months later.
Emma closed her eyes, expecting to be welcomed into a troubled sleep filled with lots of tossing and turning, but instead, she found the deepest, most refreshing sleep in the darkness beneath her eyelids. Immediately, she had sunken into the best sleep she'd had since leaving Storybrooke all those months ago. Perhaps, it had to do with the woman who had an arm wrapped around her, while they sat on a bench and watched Henry swinging higher and higher at some playground that sleep had used her mind to invent.
"We can do this," Regina spoke from beside her and lowered her head to Emma's shoulder, nestling against her.
For the first time in the months since she'd left Storybrooke, Emma felt peace. She felt complete.
Too bad it was only a dream.
