I don't believe Mario's last name is Mario part 4
A prisoner jailed for numerous murders with a knife has escaped, and as for his next victims, what terrible luck that they were plumbers with incredibly stupid names. Mario Mario and Luigi Mario.
Mario and Luigi are calling the emergency services hotline. In the mushroom kingdom the number to call emergency services is 1000. They are in their bedroom with the door locked.
Luigi was in panic. "The murderer is breaking into our house! Quick Mario! Dial 1000!"
"You don't need to tell me twice! I'm dialing!" cried a terrified Mario.
The phone operator on the other end picked up the phone. "Hello you've reached 1000 emergencies!"
Mario tried to remain calm as he spoke into the phone. "There's a man in our house trying to kill us! Our address is 24 Melmont Road, Mushroom Kingdom."
"May I ask who's speaking?" asked the phone operator.
"My name is Mario Mario." Replied Mario
The Phone Operator made a strange face. "Uh….It's who?"
"It's Mario Mario." He responded.
The phone operator sighed. "Another prank caller." She said quietly to herself and hung up.
Mario was in complete shock. "Oh, you gotta be shitting me!" he yelled "Damn my stupid, lazy uncreative parents!"
Luigi gave a small nervous smile. "Good thing we're video game characters, having more than one life, huh?"
Imagine a hardware store.
Mario and Luigi are at a checkout paying for a new hammer. Mario is holding a cheque book. He is sulking and doesn't look happy.
"God! I can't believe I had to drag my parents all the way to the bank, just so they could say they really gave me the name of Mario Mario and show them proof on my birth certificate!" Mario thought to himself. "It's like me getting my driver's license all over again."
The woman at the checkout looked up from scanning her items. "That's 55 gold coins." She said
"Do you take cheques?" asked Mario.
"We sure do." The woman replied.
Mario wrote a cheque and handed it to the woman.
The woman made a strange face at seeing the cheque. "Sir, you've written your first name twice. I can't accept this." She spoke
Mario was at a loss for words. "But my name is...and..." he struggled "Oh son of a bitch, I'm not even gonna bother!"
In a huff Mario storms out the store without his hammer angry.
The woman at the checkout was in shock. "What's his problem? He just made a simple mistake."
Luigi smiled. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
Ever remember back to the days of Donkey Kong? The very first Mario game? It turns out that the girl you rescued wasn't princess Peach, but Pauline. Ever wondered why they broke up?
This takes place in Mario's apartment New York City Brooklyn. The year is 1981.
"Mario, I can't believe you rescued me from that horrible ape!" cheered Pauline "The way you jumped over those barrels!"
"Hey just call me "Jumpman." Mario grinned.
"By the way, speaking of names, of all the time we've been dating you've never told me what your last name is."
Mario thought it over a bit. "My last name? Same as my first, making my name Mario Mario."
Pauline was rather surprised and rather confused. "Mario Mario!? Who were your parents! A bunch of lazy, weird drugged stoners!?"
"Good guess. Have you met them?" asked Mario.
Pauline shook her head. "I don't believe this. How can you live with that name?"
"It ain't easy believe me. I was bullied a lot in school. Good thing I knew self-defense back then."
Pauline then picked up her purse and sat up from the living room chair. "Er...Mario I gotta go. I got work tomorrow." She then thought to herself "What a weirdo! Chances are he's just as weird and stupid as his parents."
Pauline never called back, making Mario super depressed and hence begun his shroom addiction and making him like his parents, and began his many trips to "the Mushroom Kingdom." Hence the game "Super Mario Brothers" And there you go folks, that's the reason Mario takes drugs. The depression which is given to him by his name , along with it being a family tradition, let's say.
END FOR NOW.
