Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men or any of the characters.

A/N: Warnings: Very angsty, spoilers for X-3. I wrote this sometime last year, but I just now decided to post it. Lemme know what you think.

The Curse of Healing

What could he say to her? How could he make you understand?

He had taken to watching her closely after they had gotten back. It wasn't a creepy watching, he just wanted to make sure it was what she wanted. Not that there was much he could do about it now.

She had wanted to get close to Bobby, he couldn't blame her for that; and they had gotten close. He often saw them kiss as a greeting or farewell, or holding hands in the hall. He was happy for her, really he was.

It was hard, though, to watch and not feel lonely. Especially with Jean dead. He didn't want to be jealous of Rogue, she deserved happiness. After everything that had happened after she had gotten her powers, after all that Magneto had done to her, she deserved to be happy. He just couldn't help it sometimes. When he really thought about it, he was jealous.

It had been a long time since he had allowed himself the luxury of falling in love. He had watched as so many people grew old and died around him, and he had trained himself to stay detached from people so that it wouldn't hurt as much when they were gone.

Finally, he had let people get close to him. First Rogue, now his closest friend. Then Jean, in hopes that she might return the love he felt for her. Only those two had been able to put deep cracks in his wall. And he had been forced to kill Jean.

In a way, it was better that he had killed her. He didn't have to watch her grow old. He didn't have to watch her decay, while he hardly aged at all.

It was the curse of healing.

Rogue was all he had left now. He knew it was selfish, but he was glad that she couldn't go home. The circumstances weren't very pleasing, but having her around was what he wanted. What he needed. He wanted to tell her that he knew how she felt, that he, too, was afraid to get close to someone because of his power.

At least he could touch them.

At least she could die.