For Kim, who wanted me to try writing a vampire story...
With all the things that have been written about vampires over the years, you'd think someone would have gotten it right. From Bram Stoker to Anne Rice to Stephanie Meyer (and the sparkly Edward Cullen in Twilight), there's over a century of literature, movies and television depicting the blood-drinking immortals. I was never a huge fan of the genre myself – at least not the way some girls are. Yeah, I made it a point to see Brad Pitt in Interview with the Vampire, but that's because it was Brad Pitt in his delicious, smokin'-hot prime; not because the movie was about vampires. And I admit to tuning into Buffy the Vampire Slayer on occasion, but it was never Must-See-TV for me. To be honest, I prefer a good police procedural.
But I'm getting off the point. The point is that with all the thousands of works out there featuring vampires, not a single one has managed to get every detail correct. If you've watched more than one vampire show, you'll know exactly what I mean. Some writers have vampires bursting into flames in the sunlight; others allow them to walk freely about during the day. There are vampires who fall into a dead stupor when the sun comes up; and vampires who can never catch a wink of sleep. Vampires who can fly, vampires who turn into bats, vampires who drive fancy cars…you get the idea. There are so many inconsistencies that I can only conclude the writers avoided even minimal research. I suppose they were more interested in putting their stamp of originality on their stories than they were in accuracy.
Hell, even when it comes to drinking blood, the writers can't agree. Admittedly, they all have their vamps drinking blood because – hey – it's kind of the definition, right? But some make it a casual dining experience, while for others it's a feeding frenzy, sure to result in the death of an unfortunate human. You'd like to think they could get this one right, particularly if you're planning on spending any time with vampires. It could mean the difference between bringing a good cabernet to dinner versus arriving with stakes and holy water.
I'm guessing you're wondering why I'm so opinionated on the subject, especially since I just told you that I'm not a fan of the vampire genre. The answer is simple; I'm dating a vampire. No – don't look at me like that, I swear to you I haven't lost my mind. My name is Beth Turner and my boyfriend is a vampire. He's a Los Angeles private detective named Mick St. John, and we met about a year ago when he was investigating a murder that I was covering as a reporter. At the time I had no idea that he was one of LA's undead. He seemed as human as the next guy, apart from having a talent for disappearing the moment I turned my head. It wasn't until a criminal bent on revenge went after him with silver buckshot and a flame-thrower that I learned the truth. I walked in on Mick in his apartment and found him sucking down a bag of A-Positive in an effort to heal his wounds. And if I'd still had doubts after that, the appearance of his fangs had sealed the deal.
It's fair to say that I was pretty wigged out. It took me a couple of weeks to deal with the whole vampires really exist thing, and then I had a list of questions as long as your arm that I wanted Mick to answer. He responded to some and evaded a few, which is about par in my book for any new guy I meet - mortal or immortal. Eventually, I was able to accept that Mick truly is a vampire. I think living in LA helps. After all, if you stop a dozen people on our streets, you'll find at least half of them are on some kind of special diet. There'll be a fruitarian, a lacto-ovo vegetarian and maybe even a kangatarian (yup, it's what you think it is); not to mention several people on a juice cleanse. So subsisting on blood really isn't that far outside the norm here. And Mick has a contact in the city morgue who supplies him with blood in neatly labeled medical bags. There's no neck-biting frenzy and no trail of bodies. It's all very civilized.
My adjustment to Mick's status as a non-human was aided by the fact that I trusted him from the moment I met him. I can't explain why, but being around Mick has always made me feel safe – like having my own private force field. Finding out that he's a vampire didn't change that, even when logic said that it should. Vampirism is simply another facet of Mick St. John, like his wavy brown hair and his dislike of emo music.
Still, we didn't start dating immediately. Mick didn't think relationships between humans and vampires are a good idea and I already had a boyfriend. Our work lives kept intersecting though, and looking back, it seems obvious that Fate had plans for the two of us. We were a good investigative team; we found missing people and solved murders together. And with every case I found myself being more and more drawn to him…and less committed to my boyfriend. Mick is an amazing PI. He's smart, intuitive, and keeps his head when things get crazy. Outside of work, he has a playful sense of humor that he shares only with his closest friends. He's eighty-six years old but looks thirty, and he wears a pair of jeans about as well as any guy out there. He thinks I walk behind him into crime scenes because I want to be safe. The reality is, I'm just taking in the view.
Mick felt the attraction between us, too, but he resisted it for months. Like I said, he didn't think relationships between vampires and humans could work out. Even when I made my feelings clear, he tried to keep his distance. Then, in one of those annoying, rom-com sorts of twists, he finally began coming around romantically at precisely the same moment that I started to have doubts. I'm sure you can guess some of my concerns. There was; what happens when I start to get old and wrinkly and he still looks thirty? Not to mention; he's immortal – so exactly how many women has he been with?
It seemed like the two of us were never going to get in sync relationship-wise, until one emotional afternoon when a series of tragic events in a murder case drove him to tell me that he loved me – most emphatically. He said the only thing that mattered was how we felt about each other and that everything else was unimportant. Then he kissed me long and hard and he took me to bed. It was a dramatic and satisfying conclusion to a year of will we/won't we uncertainty.
I realize this sounds a bit fairy tale-ish...or at least like the happy conclusion to a fangirl's favorite TV ship. You know what I mean; Mulder finally kisses Scully, Jane admits his love to Lisbon, Booth and Bones hook up at long last. And I suppose it sort of is. But I'd be the last person to finish the story with things ending happily ever after. I mean - let's face it; real life doesn't stop because you finally admit your feelings for each other and tumble into bed. At some point you have to get out from under the covers, earn a living, and decide who's going to clean the bathroom and take out the garbage. There are a thousand mundane things that happen every day, and now you have to figure out how you're going to navigate them as a couple. It's an adjustment under normal circumstances. But when half of that couple is human and the other half is a vampire? Then it gets even more complicated.
So, this is the story about what happened after Mick and I declared our love and came up for air. Who knows? If you end up getting involved with a vampire, there could be a few pointers for you here. And before you scoff - there are more of them out there than you might think.
Oh - and for all the writers who aren't sure about the canon for vampire sex? I can tell you from first-hand experience that vampire-human sex is not only possible; it can also be very, very good. Immortality combined with dedicated practice leads to amazing results.
