Disclaimer: I own nothing. S.E Hinton does.

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March first. The day a failure entered the world. I, Johnathan Cade, was that failure.

I wanted to scream, and rip the calender from the wall. No, that would make the old man wake up, I didn't need another beating. I learned from the last time I was too loud.

I wanted to burn the calender, cut it up and never see the date again.

It was probably better to leave the house while I still could without getting smacked. I grabbed my jean jacket and snuck out the front the date, forget the calender. I reeked of booze, and cigarettes.

I was so embarrassed half the time, I just didn't show it. Maybe I could use the shower. I hated the smell of booze, I had to live with the smell all the time.

The walk was short, but difficult. My mind kept wandering. It didn't feel like I was a year older, it didn't even feel like a special day. It felt like a depressing day, and maybe it was.

I was a failure after all.

I liked to keep to myself, I don't think I ever told the gang my birth date. I may have once, but it would be long ago.

I didn't like when people made a big deal about me or made me center of attention. It was pointless really.

Was I even important? My parents didn't think so. The gang always told me I was worth everything, but maybe they're lying to me.

Maybe I'm the friend everyone secretly hates. Just maybe.

I hated living in fear. The fear of Socs, the fear of my parents, the fear of living the way I was.

I made it to the house in one piece and I walked in. It was quiet. No one was home.

I'm stupid. I forgot Ponyboy had school. I didn't bother going anymore, the teachers already thought I was too stupid to learn anything. I'm starting to believe them. Darry and Sodapop had work, Steve too.

I didn't know where Dallas and Two-Bit were.

I decided to take a quick shower, I don't think they'd mind. I turned the shower on, and stripped from my clothing. My skin was dirty, I felt dirty.

The shower was warm, and it felt nice against my cold skin. I quickly scrubbed my body down with the bar of soap and scrubbed my hair with a bit of shampoo.

I finally felt clean.

Once I was all dry and dressed again I walked into the living room. The house was clean, it was always clean. Unless we started rough housing.

Darry liked to keep things clean. I admire him. He's so strong, emotionally and physcially. I could never be like that.

The rumble of a truck came down the road, and then stopped infront of the house. Darry.

I sat on the couch nonchalantly.

The door opened and he came in.

"Hey, Johnny."

I looked at him and nodded.

"..Uhh.. the television isn't on..thought I'd notify you," He pointed out.

I was staring at a blank screen. Way to go Johnny.

"Are you on lunch break?" I asked quietly, trying to hide my embarrassment and change the subject.

"Yeah, you want something to eat?" Darry replied, walking into the kitchen.

I follow him, "Sure."

He checked the cabinets and the fridge, trying to decide on what to make.

"How does grilled cheese sound?" He asked me.

I nodded and sat at the table.

Darry took out the bread,butter, and cheese.

"Is it okay if I crash on the couch tonight?" I said quietly.

He gave me a stern look.

"Johnny, you don't even have to ask, you can always crash here," He turned the stove top on.

"Hell, you can even take my bed as long as you don't go back home or to the lot."

I hated feeling so helpless.

"Johnny, I care about your saftey," Darry continued.

"We all do."

The gang was my family, they made up the love I never got from my parents.

"Thanks, for everything," I smiled lightly.

They cared, someone actually cared about me.

"Hang on, I have to go get something," Darry announced.

He left the room and I stared at my shoes. I was happy for once.

He quickly came back, and put the grilled cheese on plates.

Then he stuck something in one of them.

Darry smirked and turned around. He put the plate infront of me. One candle. It was lit.

He remembered?

"Happy Birthday little brother."

I couldn't help the smile that made it's way on my face. This is why I looked up to Darry.

I quickly blew out the candle and made a wish. I wished that I could be like Darry someday.

/

A/N

Sorry if it's short... it sort of popped into my head while I was out in the snow. Happy Birthday Johnny Cade. :)