The Ghost of You

I never said I'd lie in wait forever.

If I died we'd be together.

I can't always just forget her,

But she could try.


Even in dreams, he haunts me.
Each and every night I am forced to battle with my terrified will, for the torture I receive in my sleep is unavoidable. At least when Warren was alive, I could escape his wrath for a while. There were loopholes in the brutality, loopholes which cease to exist in nightmares.
When he was alive, I had Adam to run to; the person who'd hold me in his comforting arms, feeling my warmth through love rather than lust. I could cry in his grasp without being told to shut up, and when I reclaimed control of my emotions he'd wipe away the tracks my desperate tears had left behind.

In my dreams, there is no saviour for me to run to. It's just me and him,the man who left me in reality only to torment me in a place I cannot escape.

At the end of the world,

Or the last thing I see,

You're never coming home, never coming home...

Could I? Should I?


He hurts me. His punches and his words sting with a vengeance.

Some might say it is impossible to feel physical pain during a dream, but I can honestly say I know different. He'll crash his closed fist into my ribcage and watch me writhe in agony... And yet I do not wake up. He'll continue to beat me and scream insults at me until I force myself awake, sobbing and sweaty and with no one to comfort me.

And why?
Because I'm too afraid to go to anyone. When I see Adam tomorrow, I will tell him what's going on. Is the promise I make to myself every time I wake up after a particularly bad nightmare.
But each time I open my mouth to, an icy grip of terror takes a hold of me, and I retreat. What will he say? Will he think I'm mad? Will he make me talk to someone 'professional'?
Maybe Emergency Department staff being sectioned and dragged off to the psych ward will become more of a regular spectacle. First Ruth, now me...

Ever get the feeling that you're never all alone?

And I remember now, at the top of my lungs in my arms,

She dies.

She dies!


"What's the matter, bitch? You crying 'cause your precious Adam ain't gonna come save you here?" Warren spits out his name as if he were talking about filth. I curl myself up as small as I could as he aims kicks to my body, causing marks that fade within a few seconds. Tears run down my face as he puts all his newly found strength into beating my unmarked body. In this world of dreams, he bears no symptoms of every having Muscular Dystrophy, nor any other ailment. His entire existence, it seems, is to torture my exhausted mind.
I can feel blood slipping down my lip, but when I put my hand to my face, it comes away unblemished. There is nothing there.

And all the wounds that are ever going to scar me,

For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me.

If I fall... If I fall...

Down.


"Stop it!" I sob. He laughs, immune to my cries, my sobs. "Please!"

"Why should I?" He aims a blow to my stomach. "You killed me." Is that why he comes to haunt me still? Because he thinks I pushed him down the stairs?

"I didn't!" I implore, raising my arms in a pitiful attempt to defend myself.

"Why should I believe you?" He yells right in my face. I can feel his warm breath dancing on my cheek. "You always were a good liar, eh Kirst?"

"I'm not lying!" I scream.

"WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE YOU?" He roars. "How else would it have happened?"

"Your illness!" He snorts.

"Yeah, right. Now shut your mouth!" I shut my mouth. He continues to lay into me, causing me to cry out from the pure agony. I know I'll wake up feeling fine, with no remnants of pain left for me to sob about, but right now all I can focus on is the mind numbing pain...

At the end of the world,

Or the last thing I see,

You're never coming home, never coming home...

Could I? Should I?


"A-Adam?" My voice wobbles as I address my colleague. We are alone in the staffroom together for once, and when he flashes me one of his friendliest smiles, it warms my heart.

"Hey, Kirsty. D'you want a coffee?" I shake my head.

"No, thanks. Listen, can I talk to you for a minute?" I ask as I avert my gaze, determined for us not to make eye contact unless absolutely necessary. He lays the teaspoon he was using to stir his instant coffee down on the counter and raises the mug to his lips- but sets it down again after seemingly deciding that gulping down mouthfuls of burning hot liquid isn't such a bright idea after all.

"Of course... Is something the matter?" I shrug.

"Well it's just... I don't know how to tell you..." His brow furrows; whether from confusion or concern I cannot tell.

"Just say it. You know I'm always here for you, right?" I nod, still not meeting his gaze.

"I've... Been having nightmares, Adam. Really bad ones, every night." As the confession leaves my lips, a small wave of relief washes over me. There's no going back now, I'll have to tell him the truth.

"About Warren?" Got it in one.

"Yeah. He keeps... Hurting me. Calling me names, and it actually physically hurts! I'm so scared to go to sleep now, because I know he'll be there!"

"Oh. Right." Silence fills the air between us.

"I'm not mad!" He looks up at me, surprise written all over his face.

"What? Kirsty, I never said anything about you being mad. I don't think you are."

"I'm sorry!" Tears spill down my face despite my resolve not to cry. "I just, I don't know what to do. It feels like I'm going insane..." Adam places a warm hand on my cheek.

"You're just tired. You need a proper night's sleep. Oh Kirst, come here." The moment I break my intention to not look into his pale brown eyes is the moment he wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a protective hug. I cry into his shoulder for a few minutes, before pulling away and allowing him to brush a tear from my stained cheek.

"Sorry." I mumble again. "I'm not usually like this..."

"I know." He replies. "And I also know you're exhausted. You've got a lot to deal with at the moment... Everything must feel so irregular for you. So why don't you let me help you find normality again?" I settled back into his grasp, looking up at him.

"Okay," I whispered. "But how?"

And all the things that you never ever told me,

And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me...

Never coming home, never coming home.

Could I? Should I?


Something is different about this dream. I feel warm, as if some invisible force is protecting me from harm.
But then I turn, and I see Warren standing there, apparently waiting for me to notice him. He strides over to me, a nasty smirk on his face.

"Evenin', Kirsty." He growls, but even though he draws his fist back to land the first punch, it never strikes me. Kirsty. Kirsty.

"Kirsty!" He's shaking me awake. Warren? No, Adam. Relief pours through me as he leans over me, his hand still on my arm. "Are you alright? You were muttering in your sleep." Without speaking, I fling my arms around his neck.

"He didn't hurt me!" I sob. "He didn't hurt me!" Adam smiles, and lays me back down on the bed, pulling me close. I can feel his warmth around me, and I immediately knew that Warren could never hurt me again while he was by my side.
And so, it was without a single negative feeling that I closed my eyes, the traces of a smile still fluttering on my lips, and slipped into a welcome and dreamless slumber.

And for the wounds that are ever gonna scar me,

For all the ghosts that are never gonna...


A/N: Slightly shorter then I meant it to be, but never mind. I kinda liked writing that, so I hope you all liked reading it :D Needless (?) to say, the song was 'The Ghost of You' by My Chemical Romance. Beautiful tune.
Just a little one-shot, but I've just started writing another (hopefully multi-chapter) fic on here about Kirsty, and if you have time, I'd be grateful if you could go check it out (: It's called 'Beyond the Grave', and it only has three reviews D: I'm only gonna bother continuing it if people like it though, so make sure you're honest if you do leave me a comment.

Thanks for reading! Keep your eyes open for more Kirsty (and probably with added Adam) one-shots!