Cry-Lite- a Real-life/Twilight Parody

Cry-Lite- a Real-life/Twilight Parody

Once upon a time, somewhere far, far away in the wilderness of the North Pole, there was a little girl called Lusciously Gorgeous, Lush to her friends, (who was rather short for her petite height, and although some do say good things come in small boxes, it does not apply in this case.). Lush though she was soooooo beautiful and gorgeous and pretty and had the most perfect skin and hair, like ever, she was shocked/astounded/appalled to find that the most perfect and wonderful and amazing and incredibly tanned boy did not jump completely all over her at the moment they set eyes on each other See Later in the Tale (that act was reserved for their first date Again, See later).

Before this date, which we shall come to later, Lush's bestest friend in the whole wide wonderful, whimsical world, Jenny White, warned her of this most perfect and wonderful and amazing and incredibly tanned boy; for it was rumoured, that he was not actually human, but instead, A VAMPIRE! Lush, however, thought this was ludicrous/ridiculous/silly and did not pay heed to her friend's warning, although Jenny White knew this mysteriously tanned boy better than most people!

This mysterious, intriguing, fascinating and enthralling (whilst being incredibly tanned) boy, was, in fact, a vampire after all! His name was William Blanc, Willy in short, and Lush thought, upon hearing this name, that is suited him perfectly and that it was amazing how the entire world did not revolve around him and his incredibly tanned skin. "Wait a minute!" She thought very loudly. "The world DOES revolve around him!"

The first encounter When Willy and Lush did meet for the first time, as we heard previously, Lush fell so in love (to be accurate it was lust at the most with a dumper truck load of teenage hormones burying it to a depth of 6ft) that she just HAD to act upon these wonderfully new and exciting emotions, and ignoring all her friends warnings, and the fact that they were rather close by, she did. Whilst they were oblivious to her actions, Lush had managed to weaken poor Willy's resolve, and they were making out passionately in the closet that she had dragged him into and proceeded to announce in the cutsiest and most annoying voice she could muster, 'This closet is awfully dark and dank and damp and dweadfully scary, pwetty pwease can you kiss it away, you mystewious and wonderfully tanned hunk?', and because men don't think with their heads and flattery can get you every where, whilst at the same time make the world go round, (and he wanted to shut that voice up), of course he conceded.

After the incident in the closet, Lush has successfully ensnared her dream bloke-y, and decided a first date was in order, which is where we rejoin this tale of lust and very little romance…