"God! Seriously!? I nearly lost my lunch..." Fin grumbles, as Captain Tucker of IAB, makes his last goodbye to his latest squeeze...
"Seriously it's unnatural! The rat squad being welcomed in here...!?" he continues...
"Fin! Quit it!" Rollins hisses at her partner...
"Are you seriously telling me you don't want to puke, every time you see her with him?" he questions her, his irritation all too clear, in the tone of his voice...
Amanda tries to fix him with a disapproving stare, but as always, her partner just ignores it...
"I try not to make judgments on my colleagues' personal lives, Fin!" she tells him...sharply...
"Well you would say that! Since you still haven't coughed up who Jessie's dad is...and it's worth telling you that the odds are shifting from Amaro, to Carisi being the baby-daddy!"
"They're what?" Amanda roars, as all concern about the occupant of the office hearing their conversation is forgotten...
"C'mon!?" Fin says, "You can't honestly be trying to feign indignation! After all the time you spend with him..."
"You are seriously telling me that you think Carisi is Jessie's father? Well thanks a lot PARTNER! Good to know you have my back!"
"Hey! I didn't say that was where I put my money...and for the record nah, I don't think the kid is Carisi's! And you know I always have your back...that's why I haven't asked..."
The comment alone, makes it very clear that he would be interested in the answer, but when Rollins just sulkily glares back at him, he chooses to let it go...in the interest of something much more pressing...
"Fine! But you never answered the original question...does Liv and the 'Rat-King' not make you sick?"
She debates not answering Fin's question, but she recognizes the threat that her partner will turn the conversation back on her if she doesn't participate...
"Well it's not a pairing I would have considered..." she says, trying really hard, to be diplomatic...even though her and Carisi have spend whole evenings wondering what on earth attracts their stunning Lieutenant to the okay-ish looking, but charmless, and very dull, IAB man...
Fin is still muttering away to himself about the inequality of the partnership, as Carisi comes bounding back into the squad...
"What do you make of Liv and the 'Rat-King'?" Fin asks Carisi, seemingly desperate for someone willing to bemoan his friend's appalling taste in men, with him...
Carisi is happy to be asked for his opinion, and sets about telling Fin how "freaky" the relationship is...
"I mean seriously...what does she see in him?" Carisi agrees with Fin...
"Yeah...right? And you know he not only went after Amaro, but he went after her old partner and even, Liv, on more than one occasion...?" Fin adds...
"What?" Carisi sputters in shock...
Fin having forgotten the child-cop had missed so much...rolls his eyes...
"Oh yeah, it's been common knowledge for years that Tucker had a serious hard-on for SVU..." He then realizes his choice of words and chuckles...Fin never one to let a smart ass comment pass him by, continues undeterred..."Well we didn't realize it was that type of 'hard-on'...who knew he was even capable of it? I thought the rats were all engineered to be immune to sex...probably just as well, cos who in their right mind would touch em? Right?"
Amanda feels the need to try to defend Liv a little..."Hey, maybe he's really different outside of work...?"
Both Carisi and Fin look at her like she's crazy...as Barba strides in the door...
"Counselor!" Fin shouts, calling the frowning man over..."Please tell me you're with me, on Liv and the 'Rat-King'?"
For a moment, Barba looks baffled...
"What?" he demands, his irritation going even beyond his usual base level...but Fin doesn't seem bothered by the prickly lawyer...
"Jesus Barba! Liv and Tucker?"
The lawyer's face clouds over immediately with anger, and Fin knows he has the perfect partner to bitch about Liv's latest, in the parade of her ever increasingly, rotten taste, in men...
Fin can see the DA needs a last little push, to let his feelings on the subject rip...
"I don't even want to consider her fucking him?" he says, with a groan, calculating the mental image of that, will be enough to shake loose the lawyer's acerbic wit...
That does it! Barba seems to let go of his usual care in choosing his words...
"Are you kidding me!? Is there someone here who isn't appalled by Liv and the Tucker Fucker?" He looks around the room...furiously...
"Besides I doubt we have to worry about her fucking him...I doubt he could get it up! In fact I'm pretty sure Liv just got confused by the fact that Tucker is a massive dick! She misheard it and thought someone said he had a massive dick!"
Fin is almost rolling in his chair..."Barba man, finally someone who gets it!"
"I mean, I'm aware that her taste in men, has previously been suspect...but for fucks sake!" Barba groans...
"Yeah I mean Cassidy was a shocker...I was always baffled it lasted so long...but then I suppose the circumstances after Lew..." Barba shoots Fin a death stare, instantly cutting him off...both men knew where that sentence was going...
"Yeah..." Fin relents quietly, seeing the fury and guilt in the other man's eyes...
"And that's not all of it..." Barba teases cryptically...
Fin sizes up the man before him..."No it isn't..." he agrees, the two of them rolling their eyes...
Carisi now can't help himself..."Who else?" he asks looking between the two men, and then over to Amanda, when neither are forthcoming...
Amanda's interest is piqued too..."Who?" she asks softly, her head sorting through the possibilities; surely it wasn't Nick, was it? He would have told her...or Declan! No, again he would have told her, especially after Jessie...but then again, she has a child by a colleague that she still hasn't told anyone about...Maybe she shouldn't be throwing stones?...But the question is too fascinating to drop, even if she won't admit it out loud...It couldn't be Mini-Dodds...cos the boys are talking seriously past tense...God! It couldn't be Daddy Dodds? Could it? Nah, Tucker wouldn't be quite such a shocker after that...
But Fin and Barba are both shaking their heads...Fin miming locking his lips...and throwing away the key...
Rollins makes a mental note to follow up with her partner at a later date...
"The Tucker Fucker...I really like that..." Carisi mutters...
Fin nods his approval too...
Even Amanda has to grudgingly smile at the new moniker...
"What the fuck is going on with her, that she has picked Tucker?" Barba continues to question...
"Fuck knows!" Fin adds... "All I know is it's getting close to intervention time..."
"Too right!" the aggravated lawyer mutters... "She's gorgeous...and thoroughly incredible...she could have anyone...and there she is slumming it with that tool!"
Now that Barba is on-board, Amanda has given up pretending to have no opinion..."I mean, I get that maybe her confidence is low...after all that happened...but not that low...?"
Fin nods eagerly but Barba seems to be considering it carefully...
"Do you really think it could possibly be that!?" the lawyer asks...
Amanda shrugs her shoulders..."Could be..."
"Does that explain you and Carisi too?" Barba asks thoughtfully, as Fin bursts out laughing...
"Fucks sake! I am not doing Carisi! We are friends! Like you are one to talk Barba! Until the Tucker Fucker arrived on the scene, all the smart money was on you and Liv finally getting it together!" Amanda thunders!
Now it's Barba's turn to look shocked... "What? Me and Liv?"
He looks around him as one by one, the detectives all nod...
For once the man, who has an answer to everything, is rendered silent! Shaking his head weakly as a denial...
Fin leans back in his chair, quietly studying the man before him...
"We were a bit freaked out at first by the idea, but I guess it grew on us..." Fin adds... "And now, faced with the Tucker Fucker...well you seem like the ideal man..."
Barba is still silent...
"Even I've noticed how you look at her..." Carisi piles on...
"How come you and Liv aren't together?" Amanda asks... "There's clearly something there...did you try, and it didn't work?"
Now all the detectives are anxiously awaiting Barba's answer...
The lawyer just shakes his head when he realizes there is no way out of this conversation...as he starts his customary strip...discarding the jacket and tie, opening his vest and rolling up his shirt sleeves...
Rollins runs an appreciative eye up his body, paying special attention to his butt, as he leans over to throw his clothes over the briefcase between his feet...
"I mean you're a good looking guy...not my taste...but you and Liv have a chemistry..." she mumbles...
"Definitely a good looking guy..." Carisi echoes as Fin rolls his eyes at younger man...
"Yeah we all know what you think...put your tongue back in your mouth Carisi!" Fin barks...
"What!?" Carisi mutters red faced...
"Maybe I wasn't wrong..." Fin says looking from the lawyer to the closed office..."Nah, I can't sit back and watch it anymore...the Tucker Fucker has to go...We need to stage an intervention!
