Astraphobia

Dean draws because it helps him to forget it all. The long lost father he never knew, the stepfather he loves instead of his biological one and the mother who always slips a little more away from him when it's time to step to the scarlet train. Drawing makes it easier to say goodbye to his little sisters, and while he sketches their faces to the paper over and over again, the cold school feels almost like home, safe and warm.

When he hears the distant voice of the thunderstorm, he sits down and lets the pen slide and lines form his little brother's face, Jake's, who hides under Dean's bed, the poor boy with his astraphobia and thin shoulders, squeezing the old, worn-out sweater of his only brother.

Dean draws Jake's smile in the light of a lightning Jake is so afraid of and forgets that the holiday is as far away from that moment as home is from Hogwarts.

While Dean is hiding from the Death Eaters he realises he is looking up to the bright blue sky just like Jake – afraid of a storm that might or might not come. Finally the storm strikes them and he sits in the tent, fingers curled together, waiting for it to end with lips pressed together. He doesn't draw, can't draw, just closes his eyes and imagines their faces – his parents', sisters', Jake's, Seamus' – everyone's who matters something to him.

A week, maybe two later (it's so hard to tell how many days have passed anymore), he runs like he has never run before, faster and faster, hides and breathes heavily. His brains tell that Ted is dead, but his mind says it simply can't be true. He will return to the camp, not caring if it's safe or not, and sees three bodies, already cold and wet with the rain that's starting to drop from sky. For one moment he allows himself to drown to hate, but then he sees from the corner of his eye a living goblin. All is not lost yet, and Dean turns away from the dead.

The Shell Cottage is a safe place, but that doesn't mean the terror or thunder can't be heard from the world outside. Luna is a great girl and takes his thoughts away from the lightning, but he knows that Hermione and the boys are up to something, something that could make it all better or cause even greater grief. This time he draws, forgets the world and does one of his own to one corner, hoping that Fleur won't ever notice the faint lines that form the lake and sun, the happy days and times.

To walk to the Great Hall and see it filled with death is not the hardest thing he has ever done. In this point it's actually quite easy, and every face he can not recognise is a relief – the ones he cares about are alive somewhere, and that's all that matters. He stumbles across the Hall, holds Parvati's arm and Padma's elbow and Lavender's closed eyelids, and touches Seamus' face to make sure they are alive. Nothing else matters, not the death of You-Know-Who or the celebration and grief of others.

During the following weeks, the days when he sits with Jake for hours, Dean notices that the little brother is tall and handsome and whole, and feels so envious. Finally Jake hands him a paper that Dean accepts. He holds the pen with a shaking hand, and Jake stands behind him like a guardian angel, watches as he slowly draws the lines of Ted Tonks' face. That little drawing remains unfinished for ever, but the next ones he draws, don't.

Dean draws because it helps him to remember.