"What's the matter with you?" She screamed in anger as the girl
stood, staring into space. Katie tried to ignore the screaming, as she
always did. It would be over soon and then she could dream up another
fantasy on her laptop of love and family.
"Nothing." She replied, doing her best to hold back the tears. She
was strong, but yelling always scared her so badly.
"Something's obviously wrong! You never talk to me! You try to keep
everything a big secret all the time, like you're shutting me out!" Her
mother acted as though she were terribly hurt. No words escaped the girl's
clenched jaw as thoughts swirled like a hurricane inside her head.
"You never talk to me!" She thought angrily "How can you say that I
never talk to you? You feel guilty, that's why you're asking. Quit yelling
at me! God, please, just make us a normal family again!"
"Go to your room." Her mother commanded coldly. The girl welcomed the
escape from the needless argument. Once her door was shut, she sobbed hot
tears of anger, bitterness, but most of all, love. She couldn't tell anyone
about these fights, she couldn't let anyone think badly of her family.
Besides, if no one knew the truth, it would be easier to act as though
everything were okay. She didn't need pity.
Though Katie had escaped, the horror continued in the next room.
Another battle over Erin's boyfriend and how she needs a break from Bobby
because she's spending to much to with him. Katie shook with exasperation
as doors slammed and tears fell. Another unsettled battle, another soaked
pillowcase.
"Hey, I'm home." Katie announced as she bounced down the stairs to
her basement, which doubled as a family room. Erin and Bobby lounged
comfortably on the couch watching a movie as the sixteen-year-old plopped
into the computer chair, signing on-line to check her mail.
"Where were you last night?" Erin asked after a moment of normalness.
"I stayed at Tipsy's. Why?" Katie answered, wondering why her sister
would notice her missing, seeing how Erin was never home herself.
"I really needed you last night." Then she turned to Bobby. "She
wasn't even here. She missed the whole thing."
"Why did you need me? What thing?" Katie turned in her chair, a
concerned look attacked her face as she thought of horrible things in her
mind that could have gone on while she was gone. Where was dad? She hadn't
seen him, even though she had just walked in the door.
"Me and Bobby were under the covers in Constance's bed watching a
movie and dad saw us and freaked out. As if we'd do anything..." Erin made
light of the situation not that it was over.
"What happened after that?" Katie ventured.
"He sent Bobby home. Then, we started fighting. I have bruises on my
arms and legs from when he threw me up the stairs. Mom busted my lip." She
pulled out her bottom lip for her sister to look at where the skin had
split. Why did she feel the need to bring this up? It killed Katie that
everyone acted so...normal after a fight.
"How did she manage that?"
"She punched me." Erin said as if Katie should have guessed it.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I called Bobby to come pick me up." Erin turned back to her
movie. Whatever cheer Katie had when she walked in had diminished into pure
pain. Why was there so much hate? Constance hadn't spoken to Erin, her own
sister, in over two months! She dwelled on what Erin had told her until it
made her stomach ache.
That night, when Katie lad her head down to go to sleep, she thought
of the times when they were a real family. Her and her two older sisters
were best friends because they moved often and didn't have time to create
bonds with other kids. She had considered her family close-knit. What
happened? Then, the smiles dispersed and the fights appeared clearly behind
her eyes.
The time she had walked in circles in the driveway, singing "Jesus
Loves Me" to drown out the scream from Constance and her mother inside. The
image of her mother ripping at Constance's hair in a fit of fury, then
hyperventilating from screaming so much. A cup full of ice water flying at
Katie's head from Constance's hand and being thrown in the shower and
having Erin pound her head on the brick wall over and over. She remembered
pulling a knife on Constance and even a gun on Erin. How they turned it
into a joke for kids at school to muse over, as if it were just a once in a
lifetime occurrence.
All those battles, and so many more, drenched Katie's mind with
grief. They were all horrid, only increasing in agony as the years went by.
They were considered the perfect family with the perfect life. Katie always
wore a smile and held her head high, never hinting at her fears. They
housed friends who had awful parents, pretending as if they were different.
What about Katie? Where could she hide? Who could she tell? Nowhere, no
one.
Only last week Constance and Erin had battled about how Constance
wouldn't acknowledge Erin's existence and Erin didn't respect Constance's
rights. Katie had sat in the living room, after Constance had stormed out
of the house and sped away, listening to Erin sob in the shower because her
oldest sister had disowned her, unaware that she could be heard.
The last memory that flashed before her eyes was, by far, the most
painful. Her mom kicking her out of the house and then her reply, which she
still regretted more than anything.
"You don't love me anyway!" She had screamed. That was it, her dad
came stomping in her room after her, like a mad man. He threw her onto her
bed.
"Don't ever say that! I've given my whole life for you!" He breathed
with such anger, Katie had never felt his fury so much. She covered her
face, praying for it to go away, to wake up. "Don't act like I'm beating
you!" She remained clenched up in pure horror. A shower of closed fists
rained over her body as she begged her mother, God, everyone, for mercy.
"Mom! Please, make him stop! Stop!" Her repeated pleas left
unanswered. She was left alone, curled up in a ball on her bed, as her
parents went up stairs to finish another argument with Constance.
"Go to bed." He said quietly, inside ashamed to be seen. He hadn't
meant to hurt her, she had hurt him. He loved her. Katie understood. Katie
kept quiet.
"What are you thinking?" Constance exclaimed, not letting it drop.
"You just beat my little sister!" Katie covered her head with a
pillow, blocking out the turmoil that persisted above her. She gasped for
breath, overwhelmed by tears and pain and a broken heart. She vowed she
would never snitch on her family that night as she heard soft cries and the
darkened silence of grief that filled their house after midnight.
Tears now warmed her reddened cheeks as she lay in bed, reminiscing.
She was tired of it. She was sick of the pain, the yelling, the constant
war. She fell asleep mid-thought, a thought of finally telling her best
friend the truth.
