DISCLAIMER: STEPHENIE MEYER OWNS ALL THINGS TWILIGHT!
The Beauty in Therapy, summary: When Charlie convinces her to go, therapy is the last thing Bella Swan wants to do. She doesn't want to think about her difficult past, let alone talk about it to a complete stranger. But what about her therapist makes her want to do exactly that?
Chapter 1:Wanting to Leave it Behind
B.P.O.V
I could hear the soft patter on the roof as I lay in bed, tears running softly down my face. My emotions seemed to match the weather perfectly.
The emotional pain and guilt was enough to make my body go numb, but not numb enough to take the pain away. It was more like it numbed just my body. It took away the need to move anywhere, to get up and do something rather than just lay here. So all I could do was let the feelings and memories flow through me.
I wanted to go back and remember the good times I had throughout my twenty years of life. But I just couldn't seem to remember any of them. Everything that had happened the past two years was as clear as stone. I could remember everything I felt in every memory. Everything I thought as the reality of it all hit me. The last thing I wanted to remember.
The pain you seemed to get used too. The painful throbbing in your chest, like you couldn't breathe as properly as you should. That all seemed to become part of you after a while. I think I was finally strong enough to deal with that.
The guilt for me was the worst. You couldn't help what you felt. There wasn't a switch for you to turn off or on when you pleased. Just to get rid of all the thoughts and memories that went along with it. The exact thing I wished did exist, if only just for a day.
I looked over at my bedside table and looked at my clock, realizing that it was already three o'clock in the morning. I sighed and wiped away my tears, turning on my side and positioning myself into a comfortable ball. My knees tucked in and my arms wrapped around my chest and stomach.
I traced patterns on my wall as I waited for sleep to come. I had to attend school in the morning and I would function well enough if I at least got five hours of sleep. Otherwise, I was literally a walking zombie.
I didn't dare close my eyes in fear that everything would play out in my head like it always did. I only did when the sleep was too overwhelming and I couldn't keep my eyes open for another second. From there, I just hoped the hours passed by quick, because the memory of it all also turned into a nightmare.
"Dad?" I called as I closed the house door behind me. I hadn't seen my dad for about a week so I thought it would be a good idea if I stopped by before school. He always worried if he didn't see me for long periods of time. Not that I blamed him…
"Bella?" he called back, surprised. I heard the scraping of a chair against the wooden floor and guessed he was probably in the kitchen having breakfast, a cup of coffee in one hand like he did every morning. I smiled at the memory and walked in further to the living room.
I stared at his chest as I walked toward him, noting that he was already in his police uniform, his chief of police badge placed nicely on his shirt pocket, his name written nicely underneath that.
"How have you been?" he asked, pulling me in for a hug. I hugged him back tightly and sighed.
I shrugged. "Good. School's been…time consuming so that's kept me busy." I filled him in as we walked back into the kitchen. I scrunched my nose up as I smelt something burning, or burnt I should say. I looked over at a pan on the stove and noticed a completely black pancake in it.
Charlie caught me looking and gave a light chuckle. "I tried my hand at cooking this morning and thought it wouldn't be so hard to make those delicious pancakes you used to make for me. Little did I know that you're not supposed to leave it on one side to cook." He laughed again.
I gave a laugh of my own. Weak and small and not at all how I wanted it to sound.
I heard him sigh loudly and turned to see him running a face over his face. I looked away again and instead examined the kitchen. It looked like it could use a little cleaning so I'm sure I could come by after school and wash it down a bit. It would keep me busy for a while…
"Are you hungry? There's some strawberry Pop Tarts in the cupboard if you want one." He suggested.
"Umm no thanks. I ate some breakfast in the morning." I lied. I knew he would be upset if I had said the truth, but food just didn't sound appetizing right now.
"Bella." Charlie said sternly. He sounded tired and worried, the exact opposite of what I wanted my dad to sound like.
I turned my head toward him and slowly lifted my eyes to meet his. Even in his eyes I could see the worry and stress that I knew was my fault. Yet that couldn't seem to be enough to make my own pain go away.
"When was the last time you had any sleep, or ate something?" he said.
I shook my head and closed my eyes. "Dad, I sleep and eat every day-"
"When was the last time you had at least nine hours of sleep? Not just a couple hours here and there to give you at least some energy the next morning."
I was well aware of the bruise-like bags under my eyes, but I didn't know they were that noticeable. Although, with my pale skin, I'm sure you could see them very clearly.
I only looked down and stayed quiet. Like a child being chastised, which I guess was exactly what was happening. There was no use in trying to lie again. I'm sure he would see through me very quickly.
"You're much thinner than I remember you every being. You don't even go out with anyone anymore."
I had lost a couple pounds the past few months, but it wasn't anything to be worried about! And I didn't have time to go out with anyone. Between working and school my day was just too busy.
I had wanted to say all this out loud, to Charlie. But I knew that making excuses wasn't going to work anymore. It may have worked before but now, it just sounded pathetic and something he's heard one too many times.
"This has to stop Bella. I can't bare to see you like this anymore. It's been almost two years, and you're still in the same condition as the day we found out. She wouldn't want you to be living like this Bells." He pleaded.
Tears gathered in my eyes and I swallowed hard. "I really am trying dad. It's just hard to think about even trying to be happy without her here. If I wouldn't have been so stubborn she-"
"She wouldn't want you to live like this Isabella," He repeated again, a little scornfully. "You barely eat anything. I'm sure you don't sleep at all by the way your face looks. You don't do anything other than go to school and go back home. You don't smile as much as you used to. You don't do the things you used to love anymore. You're just, not yourself. I just…I don't know what to do anymore." He said exasperatedly.
At this I grew a little angry. I knew he was dealing with his own sadness, in his own way. But I just didn't know how to take all this yet! Just because it had been a long time didn't mean everything was going to get better!
"I'm trying the best I can Charlie! But this isn't going to go away as quickly as it happened. I just…need some time to…" I trailed off, not knowing what I needed time for exactly.
"I set up an appointment for you with a therapist." he said suddenly.
I opened my mouth to answer but all I could do was stare.
"Dr. Cullen knows him and recommended him to me." He finished off.
I didn't know what was more embarrassing, the fact that Charlie actually told him the therapist was for me, or that he was actually making me go to one.
"Dr. Culllen recommended him?" I asked again slowly.
My dad nodded and sat down at the kitchen table. "And I think you should go."
I shook my head stubbornly and let out a dry laugh. "I am not going to a therapist," I stated. "There's nothing wrong with me dad. I'm just dealing with this a little differently then you are."
"I don't call locking yourself up with everything bottled up inside you dealing with it," He said a little angrily. He sighed again and I wiped away a tear. "Bella, just please do this for me. Just one time and if you don't see it going anywhere then you can stop."
I sniffed and bit my lip. I really didn't want to do it. What was worse than having to talk about your problems and what you were feeling to a complete stranger? It just wasn't something I wanted to do.
But then I looked up at my dad's face. He looked tired too. Not in the literal way but more like tired of seeing me act this way. He wanted me to be happy, so the least I could do to bring him some happiness is go along with this.
"Ok. I'll go." I agreed.
He gave out a relieved laugh and walked over to me. He gave me a hug and sighed. "But I'm not making any promises of going back after the first time." I warned.
He pulled back and smiled. "That's fine. I'm just glad you agreed to do it once. You get your stubbornness from me you know?" He joked.
I laughed again, a little more sincerely this time. "I know."
He chuckled and walked towards the front door, getting ready to go to work. I only watched as he moved around the house, lost in my own thoughts.
My dad was right; I wanted to try and leave all the sad memories behind. It was a good thing for me to try and be happy, to try and be how I used to be.
I grimaced as I had a new thought: Just why did I have to do it in therapy?
E.P.O.V
"Edward?" Carlisle called as he entered the kitchen.
I grabbed the carton of orange juice I was looking for and walked over to the island.
"Yes?" I asked as I reached for a glass.
"I was talking to Mr. Hawkins and I was telling him about a possible new client that he might have. And he actually told me if you were interested in taking this one."
I looked up quickly, in shock. "But I can't do that. I'm no where near finishing school and I don't have a degree." I was only in my third year of psychology school and I was sure that I couldn't do something like this. But what an experience it would be to actually have a chance like this.
"I mentioned that to him, but he thinks this new client would be much more comfortable with you. She's around your age and she's reluctant to go, so I'm sure having someone like you would make her much more comfortable."
"But wouldn't she be mad about the fact that I don't have a degree?" I asked once again. I'd never heard of something like this happening so I was worried about what she would think. I really wanted to give it a try though.
"Well we can see at the first meeting. And if she doesn't feel comfortable or vice versa, Mr. Hawkins can take over."
I nodded. "Do you think I should take it?" I asked my uncle, not exactly sure if it was the best decision. Mr. Hawkins was a great teacher to me. Other than the classes I would take at school, he would make sure I understood all that I had learned. He was like a mentor and if he was suggesting this, it was because he believed I could this.
"It's a great opportunity Edward. If you think you can do it and it's something you think will benefit you, then I think you should."
I only nodded again and smiled. "I think I'll do it. And if I do feel like I can't then I'll tell him and I'm sure he'll take over."
Carlisle smiled and grabbed his own glass of orange juice. "I'm glad you are." He was about to leave back into the living room when I thought of a question.
"Carlisle wait. Do you know her name?" I asked, curious. This was Forks, Washington. Maybe I had seen her before.
"Isabella Swan." He replied simply, going back to watch TV.
"Isabella." I repeated quietly to myself. Already the name seemed very interesting to me.
A/N: Soo I had this idea while I was sleeping. Can't exactly tell you what it was because then it'll ruin the whole story, but I decided to give it a shot! I know that you can't really be a psychologist without a degree but it will be allowed in this story! Haha! So for those of you who read it, hit or miss?
-Edward Is My Lullaby
