Hello readers, this is (insert name here), and before you go getting the wrong idea, I DO NOT share the same views as my main character. If I did, I would not be writing this story in the first place.

When done correctly, a PMD fic can be great, for example my new discoveries, "PMD: Ripples of Consequence" by "ArchShadow24" and "La Noire Dans Lumiere" by "Deadaleta" (Theirs are REALLY good, be sure to check them out when your done here). However, you do have to admit…most of them aren't much to look at. So, although I make fun of them constantly in this chapter, I am NOT a troll.

Disclaimer: I do not own pokémon, if I did…well…I honestly don't know what I'd do.

I sat on my bed with my laptop in my…well…lap. Scrolling down, I found yet another PMD fic. Being that there was only a "I'm new here, please read :D" as a description, I wasn't very hopeful, but it had about as good a chance as everything else I had read today.

Taking an overdramatic deep breath, I opened the story.

I began playing my new pokémon mystery dungeon game with my best friend, Kayla, looking over my shoulder. All of the sudden, lightning strikes my house and I black out.

The next thing I know, all I can see is a bunch of swirling colors, and a deep voice comes out of nowhere.

"Alien invaders are attacking, what will you do?"

"Fight."

"You fight valiantly, but you are defeated, the alien leader approaches you and says 'you have fought bravely, join forces with us.' What will you do?"

"Refuse."

"You seem to be the brave type, you will be the pokémon Riolu."

Before I know what hit me, I wake up in a field and as the voice said, I am a riolu. There is a vulpix sitting next to me.

"Kayla, is that you?"

"Yeah. Where are we?"

"I think we're in the game."

All of the sudden a mightyena came charging out of nowhere and I used an aura sphere and knocked it out.

Kayla ran up and pounced me to the ground. "Luke that was awesome."

"Thanks Kayla, but we should try and find the guild and become a rescue team."

"Ok."

OMG, we're in the pokémon universe. What will happen next? Leave good reviews so I can update. Kay, bye ^_^.

At that point, I slammed my laptop shut and began to rub my eyes. I'm used to bad PMD fics by now, but that one was just horrible. My eyes, quite literally, were burning and only one question was running through my mind.

…why?

Why is it that every time someone has a chance to write a great PMD fic, they have to ruin it with…well…THAT?

Normally, I don't mind sitting through all that crap. In fact, it makes for a good laugh every now and then. But I was seriously pissed off right now.

How can there not be one good PMD fic, NOT ONE!

They were all the same, every single one of them. I mean, sure, some details were different, but all of them centered around the same mistakes. Actually, I made a list of what not to do that I considered the "PMD Commandments".

Why do I call them that? Well, if anyone breaks them I'll be giving them such a bad flame that it'll feel like they're living in hell. Let's review them, shall we?

1. Thou shalt not be sucked into thy video game.

2. Thou shalt not use moves that your species can't normally use.

3. Thou shalt not be the most powerful fucking thing in the universe.

4. Thou shalt not make a mockery of the aura testing quiz.

5. Thou shalt not know how to use attacks right away, as thou art not that intelligent.

6. Thou shalt not call a paragraph, a "Chapter", for there are others who actually put effort into their stories.

It may be because I was in a particularly bad mood, or the fact that this…THING…had violated every rule faster then a catholic priest in a roomful of altar boys, but I didn't even have the heart to write a good flame.

Still, being the cynical asshole that I am, I forced myself to at least leave something, and simply typed.

Try again, dumbass.

Now, I know I seem like an asshole, and I shouldn't be criticizing people on fanfiction, because…well…it's fanfiction. Even so, it's kind of become a habit by now.

My name is Logan Garvert, and I work for a local newspaper here in the small town of Woodridge IL. As you might have guessed, I'm a critic. Movies, books, music, anything that can be berated, it's my job to do so.

Don't get me wrong, I don't ONLY make bad reviews, however, for every masterpiece, there are at least 1,000 pieces of crap, so my chance of getting something good wasn't ideal.

Now, you may be wondering why a nineteen year old college drop out is reading pokemon fanfiction at one in the morning…well…

It doesn't matter anyways. Seeing how all of my hope has been diminished for the evening, I set my laptop on the floor and climbed under the covers. I wasn't really all that tired, but I really couldn't think of anything else to do.

Surprisingly though, I found my eyes growing heavy the minute I laid down, and soon enough, I was asleep.

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was that I wasn't in my bed…nor any recognizable environment. As far as I could tell, I was laying down in a pitch black room.

Actually, that's not entirely true. I could still see myself, so it couldn't have been pitch black. There was just nothing...

I really don't know how else to explain it. I was laying in the center of an endless black abyss.

I stood up and looked around. Not that it made a difference, as I still couldn't see anything.

Aat the risk of sounding like a cliché horror movie, I called out. "Is anyone there?"

My voice echoed back to me even though there wasn't anything for the sound to bounce off of, so I came to the most logical conclusion. I was most definitely dreaming. No problem at all, I knew exactly how to handle this.

Doing the only logical thing when in this situation…I slapped myself. But, the funny thing is, it actually hurt.

"…ok…OWWWW!"

I held the side of my face where I had injured myself, trying my best to shake it off. But, what the fuck just happened? Normally I would have woken up, made a sandwich, and gone back to bed. Why didn't-

"Greetings." A voice came out of nowhere. As soon as it spoke, my surroundings turned into the background of a music video in the 60's. Seriously, like, acid trip times tens.

So…I was either insane…or EXTREMELY high…God I hope it's the second one.

"Relax, human, you are not insane and you are most certainly not inebriated."

I snapped my head around, looking for the source of the voice, but couldn't find anyone. However, I didn't worry too much about it. After all, the fact that I couldn't see him made about as much sense as the fact that he could read my mind. "Well that's it for any of my theories, then. Wait…you called me a human…OH MY GOD I'VE BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!

"…Well…I suppose that is closer to the truth."

"I KNEW IT! Now what do you want?"

"In order for us to proceed, you must answer the following questions."

I thought about it for a second. I was kidnapped in my sleep and placed inside a room designed by Austin Powers…to answer questions? I wasn't buying it. Still, was there any point in saying no?

"Ok, fine whatever."

"Excellent. Now, be sure to answer each question honestly."

I rolled my eyes, not caring whatsoever. "Yeah, yeah, just get on with it."

"Very well, grab any digit on your right hand."

"…wait, that's not a question."

"Just do it."

"But it's not a-"

"Fine, can you grab any digit on your left hand?"

"No."

"…and why not?"

"Because it's stupid. How do you get any information whatsoever by having me grab a finger?"

"Forget it, you're not taking this seriously."

"You're damn right I'm not, and why don't you talk to me face to face instead of hiding like a pussy."

This time the voice came from directly behind me. "Fine, happy now."

I whirled around, making a startled yelp. My jaw practically hit the floor as I was face to face with my kidnapper.

The thing standing in front of me was a figure I knew all too well, an oversized blue jackal that stood on two legs.

I blinked in disbelief. "Ok…I'll bite…where's Sir Aaron?"

It didn't answer, but instead slammed its paw into my stomach, knocking the wind out of me and sending me stumbling to the ground.

As I was curled up in a ball on the ground, he stepped forward, placed the same paw on my forehead, and closed his eyes.

His body glowed for a few seconds, and then in a bright flash, he disappeared.

"H-HEY!" I gasped still trying to regain my breath, "W-where d-d-did y-you go?"

Ignoring my question completely, he went off into a rant that seemed to be completely unrelated.

"You seem to be the cynical type. You always overanalyze everything, just looking for a flaw. You can find faults with anything, even if there is nothing necessarily wrong with it. You also seem to be sarcastic and try to connect with people through wit."

"No shit Sherlock! Figure that out on your own?" I screamed, seriously pissed off at this point. He still completely ignored me, though.

"However, you don't criticize because you are a pessimist, you do it because you view yourself as a failure."

My eyes went wide at his sudden accusation. "WHAT?"

Something in my head snapped at his last comment. I had been called a failure a lot in my life, whether it be enemies, friends, or family. I tried not to let it get to me too much, but it always managed to raise my blood pressure when someone brings it up.

One thing was for sure, this lucario was heading into dangerous territory.

He continued. "You've never been satisfied with your life, wishing you've been given better opportunities whilst denying the ones that have been given to you."

"Shut up!"

"...and the reason you criticize others so harshly is because you feel better about yourself if you can convince yourself that others have failed as well. It's also why you try to make a joke out of everything. You fear that others will think less of you if they know about your choices in life, so you hide yourself behind your sense of humor, hoping to win them over."

"GOD DAMN IT, I SAID SHUT UP!"

"However, you must learn to look past this, because if people never see the real you, they are befriending a lie."

A shockwave shot through the abyss, bringing me to my knees once again. My vision went blurry as I started to sink into unconsciousness.

"A cynical person like you should be…"

I blacked out before he finished the sentence.

I woke up, yet again, in a place that I did not recognize at all. Not that I looked around for that long, because as soon as I opened my eyes I was completely blinded by the sun. Still from the few seconds I had my eyes open, it seemed like I was in some sort of forest.

I got up on my hands and knees, only to find that that was as far as I could go. I tried pushing up onto my legs, but only succeded in falling back onto the ground. As i got up for the second time, I felt something tap my side.

I was completely startled, but still a little glad someone was there. "Hello, whoever's there, can you help me?"

…no answer.

I was a bit confused, but then something hit me again, this time on the other side of my body.

"Whoever is doing that, it's not funny."

Once again there was no answer, followed by another tap on my side. Fed up with it, I disregarded the blinding sun and snapped my eyes open, looking over my shoulder to see who was annoying me. What I saw was…a tail.

…not just any tail…MY tail…I had a fucking tail…why do I have a fucking tail?

It was covered in black fur and the tip had a star on the end of it. Following it to the rest of my body, the back half of my body was also covered in a layer of black fur and the front was a light blue.

I looked down at my paws and…wait, I have fucking paws too…GOD DAMN IT!

Whatever…my paws had yellow bands around the forelegs.

I didn't recognize what I was, but considering the lucario and that dream world...I had good hunch.

As much as it killed me to say it…I was pokémon.

"…FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

Ok, first chapter, not much so far, just a bit of a prologue and a intro to the main character. More to come soon.