WARNING: self-harm. Angsty/fluffy/hurt comforty but hopeful, promise. Oh, and established Thallen.

When Eddie got back to their apartment Barry was sitting on the couch, legs folded under him. His phone was in his hands, going back and forth between his fingers, but he wasn't looking at it. He was staring into space, just sitting there. Eddie took in a long breath.

He didn't look up when Eddie walked in, didn't seem to even notice him.

"Bar," he said softly, "everything alright?"

Barry blinked, looked over. "Yeah, I'm fine," he said.

Eddie walked over, carefully sat down next to him, put a hand on his shoulder. "You sure?"

Barry looked down.

"You want to talk about it?"

Barry fumbled with his phone some more, fingers twisting back and forth.

"Did you do something stupid?"

Barry froze, then gave a jerky nod.

"Can I see?"

He shook his head. Eddie took in a long breath.

"You clean it up?"

Another nod.

"Good? You sure? Disinfectant?"

Nod.

Eddie sighed, pulled Barry closer to him.

"Can you talk to me, Bar, please?"

"I was upset."

"About what?"

"I dunno."

Eddie waited. Barry fumbled some more.

"Panicked."

"Panic attack?"

Barry nodded, head moving in a shaky fashion. He wouldn't look up.

"Are you alright now?"

Barry paused, slowed. Then slowly shook his head no.

Eddie pulled him in tighter. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Can't breathe."

"OK. In and out, right. Take a nice long breath. You can do it, I'll count." Eddie counted it out, made Barry breathe with him, nice and slow. "That's it," Eddie said. He kissed the top of his head. Barry was leaning against his chest now, his back to him, breathing in steadily.

Eddie sighed. "You can't keep doing this, babe," he said softly, giving him another kiss. Barry stiffened in his arms.

"I didn't – I don't mean to," he said, his voice coming out tiny.

"That's not good enough, Bar," Eddie said. His voice was gentle though. He kissed his forehead, another down the side, close to his ear. "You have to talk to me."

"I'm sorry."

"I know, Bar," he said, sighing, "but you need to tell me these things before it happens." He took Barry's wrist, pulled it up even as Barry made a protesting noise. He slipped his hand under the sweatshirt sleeve, ran his fingers along the bandages there. "Before, Barry." He turned towards him, shifted him so that Barry was forced to look him in the eyes. "You can't keep doing this."

Barry looked down, bit his lip. "I know."

"But you keep doing it," Eddie said, firmly. Barry's face reddened a little bit. He tried to tug his wrist away. "You get upset," Eddie kept going, his voice gentle, but firm, "and you cut, and then you tell me your sorry, and want me to comfort you and cuddle with you."

"I – I don't mean it like –"

"I know," Eddie said softly, and he paused to kiss Barry lightly, on his lips this time. "I know you don't mean it like that, but you have to stop. I'll help you however you want, Barry – I'll sit with you and cuddle and hold you and do whatever you want, but before Barry, before you go off and do something stupid."

"OK," Barry said, his voice quiet.

"This is the last time, Barry," Eddie said, his voice back to firm, "Bar, look at me."

Barry's eyes raised slowly. He looked embarrassed, ashamed and guilty – and still very upset, still with that fragile look, and that hint of chaos that made Eddie's blood run cold every time he saw it.

"This is the last time," he repeated, sliding his hand away from Barry's wrist, up to his shoulder instead, "you talk to me before." He waited until Barry nodded, and then took a deep breath. "I'm not going to comfort you anymore after you cut."

Barry's eyes widened a little bit. He pulled away. "But – Eddie –"

Eddie shook his head. "Talk to me before," he said, "no more, Barry. I won't want you keep hurting yourself and then coming to me afterwards."

"But – but it's not like that," Barry said, his voice strained, "I don't – it's not like –"

"I know you don't mean to," Eddie said, gently again, rubbing one hand up his arm tenderly, "I know you don't mean to, Bar, but you're using me as a crutch. You know I'll always be there afterwards and you know I'll hold you if you cut yourself so you –"

"That's not why I do it," Barry burst out, and there was some anger in his expression now, and some hurt too, betrayal. "I don't – I don't do it to get your attention, Eddie, I don't –"

"Barry, I didn't say that," Eddie said quickly, "I know you don't – I'm not saying you do it for attention, Barry, I know that – I know that's not why, Barry. I just meant – you use it unconsciously – I'm there afterwards, and you've learned that, and I won't – there has to be some consequence to this and there isn't one right now, and I wanted to help, God, Barry I still want to help, I want to help you so much – so I tried to and I think I made it worse, Bar, and no, I know that's not why you do it but I didn't really give you a reason to stop either."

Barry was quiet for a minute. "You don't get mad at me," he said quietly. "Joe… Joe and Iris would get mad, so I stopped telling them. You don't… I like that you don't get mad, Eddie, please, that won't help – it doesn't – I just stop talking about it, it doesn't make me –"

"I'm not mad," Eddie said. He let his hands trail to Barry's back, and he started rubbing circles there. "This isn't your fault. I'm not mad, Bar, I'll never be mad at you for it – I just… I'm reinforcing the behavior, and I won't do it anymore. I won't get mad, and I'll still be here, but I'm not doing this any longer. You tell me before, and we'll talk it out and I'll do whatever you need me to, but you tell me afterwards and you're not getting it anymore, Barry. I still want to know – I won't get mad, I promise – but I'm not going to sit with you and hold you anymore."

Barry shrank inward, and Eddie could see himself losing him and leaned forward to kiss him again. "I'll still be here," Eddie said, "I'll still be there if you need to talk – if you're not OK – but I won't be… I'm enabling you. There's no consequences when you cut, and I'm not saying – I'm not saying you should be punished or anything, because it's not your fault, Bar, but I want you to… I want you to talk to me first. You get me if you talk to me before, not after. From now on, OK, Barry?"

Barry nodded against him, but he didn't look happy at all. Eddie hugged him tighter a little bit, and kissed the top of his head. "This is the last time," Eddie said, "OK? You don't need to do this to yourself. I know it's bad, and I know you get overwhelmed, and it's instinctual at this point, but you don't need to do this to yourself. Talk to me instead. You know you can always talk to me, Bar." He kissed him again, felt Barry shudder in his arms. "And this is the last time, alright? Last time cutting. Don't make me do this again, Bar. You don't need to. I know you don't, and I know you can do it. So let's just forget about this whole conversation, because you're not going to do it again anyway, OK?"

Barry nodded. "I'm trying," he said, the words strained.

"I know," Eddie said, "and I'm proud of you. But I need you to talk to me when it starts getting too hard. When you know you can't stop yourself, OK? I know, you think just one more time, but this is the third time this month, Bar. It's gotta stop. I know you can do it, babe."

Barry took in a long breath, and nodded. "OK," he said quietly, "OK, last time." Eddie tightened his hold on him.

"Last time," Eddie said.

So I've got an idea for maybe one or two more chapters, you guys should let me know what you thought of this and if I should continue it or not :) All reviews are immensely appreciated!