Crack, as usual. Slight out of character-ness
This is an old story that I've only just finished… For some reason, it was hard to conclude. Hope it makes up in part for not posting anything for so long!
The Talk of Youth
Tenten watched her teammates sparring with each other, her own training going unnoticed as she daydreamed. Her randomly thrown kunai still made every target as Gai-sensei operated the moving mechanisms from the bike he had somehow connected to the device. She felt kind of guilty for not paying attention, since he was pedaling so fiercely, but her mind was more focused on watching her handsome teammate block his opponents' attacks.
"Tenten!" her teacher gasped. She looked at him.
"Yes?"
"Y–you missed!" he said, clearly astonished at this occurrence.
Tenten looked to where he was staring and saw that her last three kunai had landed three millimeters away from the bulls' eyes, and a fourth had been knocked away by one of the device's flailing limbs. She was shocked also. She must be really distracted by her thoughts if she had missed.
Tenten looked up at her teacher apologetically. "I'm sorry, Gai-sensei. I'm just…distracted."
He looked at her understandingly and said, "It is okay, beautiful student. Would you like to discuss it?" Gai hopped from the bike and walked over to her.
She thought for a second. Should I tell him what I was thinking? Will he make fun of me? She glanced at her teacher, then over at her teammates, and blushed. I have to tell someone sometime, she thought. I was hoping it could be him first, or one of the girls to give me encouragement, but…Gai-sensei can help. She nodded at him, then, "Can we talk over there?" she asked, pointing to a spot in the forest a few hundred yards away, where Lee and Neji would not be able to hear what she said.
Gai led the way, and she looked quickly at her teammates who had begun sparring again, although both gave her their own version of a concerned look before shifting their attention to each other.
Gai waited under the trees for her to start talking, and did not try to fill the silence with inane chatter, which she was grateful for. Her teacher might love youth and all that stuff, but he did know when the situation required calmness and quiet.
Tenten took a deep breath and began. "I…have to confess something, Gai-sensei." She was staring at the ground. "I am in love with one of my teammates."
She did not hear Gai-sensei gasp or do anything of the sort and she looked up at him questioningly. "Gai-sensei?" she asked him, wondering if something was wrong.
He looked at her for a moment thoughtfully, then said, "I always suspected that you did. Are you planning to tell him?" he asked. "I think you will make a good couple," he added.
Tenten's mouth dropped open. Gai-sensei knew? How? she demanded in her thoughts. "Is it that obvious?" she asked aloud, fearfully thinking: What if he knows?
"Not obvious, no. But one in touch with the Springtime of Youth can sense when a young beautiful blossom is in love with a youthful man, and I picked up on all the signs."
Ah, of course. The Springtime of Youth helped him. I should have known. "Wait," she said, as her brain registered the other thing her teacher had said, "You think we will be a good match? Really?" she asked hopefully.
Gai-sensei laughed and nodded. "Of course you will be a good match. He has liked you since the beginning of your genin days."
Tenten beamed, excited at the news. "Well," she began shyly, "now that you know…will you help me tell him?"
Gai beamed back at her, but she was used to the bright flash of his teeth and did not wince or squint. "Of course I will assist you in this most youthful declaration of love between two of my most youthful students!" Gai said excitedly.
"Um, okay," Tenten agreed, having not really understood half that statement, but getting the general idea that, yes, Gai-sensei would assist her. "But I don't really want him to know yet…. so let's keep it from the boys."
Gai nodded, then said "Of course" again. It was weird hearing him use the same phrase so many times in one row when it had absolutely nothing to do with youthfulness.
"So... what are we going to do?" she asked.
Neji and Lee stopped training for a short break, sweating heavily. Lee took his flask up from the ground and took a big swig of water. Neji was staring at the trees where Gai and Tenten were having a long conversation. He could not hear what they were saying, but obviously it was important because they had been gone for an hour.
"Neji, shall we resume our fighting?" Lee asked.
Neji looked back at him and said, "Oh, yes, of course. I want to work on my defense against weapons sometime today but Tenten appears to be busy." He was hoping Lee would say something about what Gai and Tenten were doing but he did not know any more than Neji did.
"I would be honored to help you with my own skills, Neji!" Lee beamed.
Neji nodded, and the two set back to work.
"You think that will work, Gai-sensei?" Tenten asked once Gai had finished explaining his plan.
Gai nodded confidently. "Of course, beautiful, youthful student. He will be in love with you in no time and you two will make off into the sweet sunset of youth and happiness-"
Tenten cut him off before he went into graphic details. "Um, thanks, Gai-sensei."
Tenten let Gai go back to the training ground ahead of her, to begin laying the foundations for the plan to work.
"Neji," Gai-sensei said, "I wish to speak with you for a moment."
Neji looked at his teacher questioningly but followed the man anyway. "Yes, Gai-sensei?" he asked when they were in another clearing, away from Lee.
"Neji, it is time you have the talk. The Talk of Youthfulness."
"..."
"You see, Neji, when a man loves a woman, things happen that are odd but still very youthful. You should not be worried about these changes but you should make sure that you are being, um, youthful with the right person. And if that person is your teammate, that is okay," Gai said.
"...Gai-sensei?" Neji said, unsure of what his teacher was telling him. Who exactly wants to get 'youthful' with me?
Gai smiled at him. "When the person confesses to you their deep love, you cannot get youthful right away, of course. You must first treat them honorably." Gai's gaze hardened and his smile left. If it was possible, his expression turned evil. "Or else," he added menacingly.
Neji stared. "Gai-sensei, why are you telling me this? Hiashi-sama has already discussed with me the, er, activities people conduct when they are together," he said hesitantly. Gai-sensei is scary!
Tenten saw Gai take Neji to another clearing, and frowned. That's not part of the plan, she thought. Oh well, it does give me a chance to make my move.
She walked out of the forest to Lee, who was frowning in confusion in the general direction of Gai and Neji. He turned when she left the cover of the trees, and said, "Ah, Tenten, perhaps you can enlighten me as to what is going on?"
Tenten squirmed. "Um, well, you see, Lee, I, um, well," she tried to say.
Alas, Lee was distracted by a shout from Neji. "I don't want to hear about that!" they heard their teammate yell.
"Neji, this is important! You must soak up all the knowledge you can so you do not let your youthful woman down in the Passion of Youth!" they heard their sensei shout back.
"AAAH!" Neji screamed. "THE IMAGES! GET THEM OUT OF MY HEAD!" Neji barreled out of the forest, and collapsed to the ground, clutching his head.
Tenten and Lee stared, neither one sure at to what the heck was going on. "Neji?" Tenten questioned.
"Aaah!" came the reply. He got up and ran away, still screaming. "I never want to see or hear another woman again!"
Tenten and Lee stared after him.
Gai ran out of the forest, looking around for Neji. "Wait, I haven't discussed Youthful Protection with you yet!" He ran after Neji.
"Ew," Tenten said, realizing what exactly the two had been talking about in the forest.
Lee looked at her. "Do you know what is going on?" he asked.
Tenten looked at him, then quickly averted her eyes, hoping he would not notice the blush climbing her face. Oh kami, oh kami, oh kami! she thought. If Gai-sensei is talking to Neji aboutthat…What the heck happened to the plan? she thought, outraged.
She ran after Gai and Neji without answering Lee's question. I'm going to pound him!
"Tenten, wait!" Lee called, still sounding confused.
Neji hid in Yamanaka Flower Shop, hoping Gai would not look for him here.
"Neji!" Ino's voice said, sounding surprised. "Why are you here?"
"I'm hiding!" he said urgently, trying to find a good way to hide behind a display of tulips. He crouched behind a vase, hoping that would suffice.
The vase was only eight inches tall, and very, very slender.
Ino looked around. "From whom?" she asked.
"Gai-sensei!" he whispered back.
Ino looked around again. "Oh," she said. "Why? I mean, I know he's bad, but I thought you could handle him a bit? Especially with Tenten there," she said innocently.
Neji winced. "I DO NOT LIKE TENTEN!" he shouted.
Gai walked in the door. "Ah, there you are, Neji. I see you are buying a flower for your youthful love. You catch on fast."
Ino watched this interaction with interest, although she had no idea what was going on.
Neji jumped up and tried running again, but Gai was still in the doorway. So Neji did what any logically thinking Hyuuga would do. He tried breaking a window with the flowers close by. "Dagnammit," he said when it didn't work.
"Dynamic ENTRY!" someone shouted loudly as they smashed through the window Neji was standing next to, foot first. Neji was hit by shards of glass and knocked unconscious, something he would be extremely grateful for later when he could pretend all this was a very, very bad dream.
"Oh, hi, Gai-sensei," Lee said. "Could you explain what is occurring?"
Ino stared.
Gai turned to his favorite student and said, "Not now, Lee, I will tell you when you are older."
Lee frowned. "You told Neji, and he is the same age as me," Lee pointed out. "His birthday is only a few months before mine."
Gai looked at him. "Well, Lee, I would love to tell you now but I have an important matter to take care of with Neji first." Gai felt extremely guilty for not telling his favorite student what was going on, but he could not break his confidence to Tenten and he knew he must finish his discussion with Neji first.
Thinking this, Gai-sensei looked around for his other student, and saw him lying on the floor of the flower shop. He appeared to be completely out of it. Gai sighed, then said, "Ino, can you assist me with him?"
Ino walked out from behind the counter cautiously and looked at Neji. "He's just unconscious," she said. "He should wake up soon on his own."
Gai nodded and Lee continued to frown. Lee moved to block the doorway.
"Gai-sensei, I demand an explanation at once! This lying and running away is most unyouthful and I will not stand for it!"
Normally, Gai would be immensely proud of his student and would have started crying, but he had to finish telling Neji the important Facts of Life: Youthful Version 3.0 for the plan to work. Well, technically it wasn't a part of the plan but Gai felt it was his duty anyway.
Before Gai had a chance to vocalize any of this, however, Tenten tried to burst into the door from the street, but Lee was still in the way. So she followed Neji's plan and did what any logically thinking kunoichi would do. She kicked his back, and he fell to the ground, also unconscious.
Ino blinked. "You just kicked Lee!" she yelled.
Tenten blanched and a huge sweatdrop appeared on the side of her head. "I did?" she screamed. "Oh, no!" She knelt quickly by his side and examined him but she wasn't a medic so she had no idea if he was in a bad condition or not. She looked at Ino, who sighed, but gave Lee a quick examination as well.
"He's fine," she said.
Tenten breathed again. "Good. I would hate to be responsible for killing my teammate." There was a pause. "Why," she yelled, as she grabbed the closest object nearby—another small vase—and hurled it at Gai-sensei, "were you giving Neji the Talk of Youth?"
Gai ducked as the vase flew at him but didn't have a chance to answer.
"That wasn't part of the plan!" Tenten screamed, wishing she hadn't left her scrolls in the training field. I don't have any of my weapons; what can I do?Think like Shikamaru! she yelled at herself. Getting an idea, Tenten, jumped up and flipped over, sticking to the roof by sending her chakra to her feet.
Gai looked up at her, confusion written onto his face. "Tenten, what are you do—"
He was cut off by a tile from the ceiling flying at him. Tenten yanked another one out of the roof.
"Gai-sensei," she growled, "you are supposed to be helping me!"
Gai was afraid now. He jumped and dodged the two tiles, and, with one last panicked and fearful look at his angry student, he dived back out the door and charged up the street.
Tenten, however, still wasn't done and she wasn't about to let him get away.
"Wait," Ino called. "What's going on? You can't just destroy my shop and leave!" she yelled.
Tenten stopped. She turned around guiltily, and looked at the store. "Yikes," she winced. "Please tell me I didn't do all that alone?" she said to Ino.
Ino shook her head. "Lee did some of it too. But you killed the roof!"
"Sorry!" Tenten quickly apologized. "It's just…" She looked at her two unconscious teammates still lying on the flower shop floor. She wondered how much she should reveal to Ino. It might be a bad idea to get any more people involved in this…but I have no idea what Gai-sensei is doing, and I need all the help I can get.
Tenten made her decision. "Gai-sensei was helping me out, but apparently, he forgot the plan and gave Neji the Talk of Youth and Neji freaked out and…"
She explained the situation to Ino, who listened with wide eyes.
Ten minutes later, the two girls left the store, Ino locking the door and placing a genjutsu over the window so that no one would break in and steal the valuable merchandise.
Valuable merchandise? From a flower shop?
Lee sat up, rubbing his aching head. "Ow!" he cried out as he moved his arm. The action sent spikes of pain through his sore body. Once it had dulled a bit, he looked around. Why am I lying on the floor with flowers around me? he asked himself. He wondered if he was still dreaming because it was odd to wake up in an area with flowers unless one had gone to sleep in a field or was not fully awake.
He heard a groan from somewhere nearby, and he turned his head slightly to see Neji curled into a tight ball by the window. Why is Neji lying by the window? Where am I? Lee questioned again.
Sitting slowly and carefully up, Lee took a better look at the surrounding area. He was in a store. A flower store. Yamanaka Flower Shop. Of course, Lee was again asking himself what he was doing there.
He saw shards of glass on the floor and carefully crawled over to Neji to see if he was okay. His teammate was in the middle of the glass.
Frowning up at the window, Lee wondered where the glass had come from. The window was still in one piece, and the only things that were broken were a few pottery vases. Lee didn't think pottery could turn into glass when broken but perhaps it was just special glass.
"Ugh," Neji groaned again. He tightened in on himself, almost as if he was awake but refused to admit it.
"Neji?" Lee said.
"Ugghlebleh," Neji replied. He promptly shifted out of his fetal position, and rolled over, away from Lee.
Lee crawled forward a bit more, and lightly tapped his teammate's shoulder.
"Aagh!" Neji said loudly. His eyes flew open and he sat up, a scared expression on his face, as if he had just woken up from a horrible nightmare. "Where's Gai?"
Lee frowned at the lack of honorifics, but answered the question anyway. "He is not here. You must have been dreaming."
Neji relaxed a little, and looked around. "…why are we in Yamanaka Flower Shop?" he asked Lee. "And why is there a genjutsu on the window?"
Well, that explained why the shards were glass rather than clay.
"I do not know why we are in the flower shop and I assume the genjutsu is there so that we do not realize the window is broken," Lee said.
Neji looked at him. "But we can see that it's a genjutsu. Why would they try to hide that from us?"
Lee sniffed uncharacteristically, still irritated that everyone else knew what was going on but no one was bothering to tell him. "I cannot see that it is a genjutsu. And who are 'they'?" Lee replied.
Neji looked sheepish. "Sorry, Lee, I forgot about that." Lee nodded, showing he accepted the apology. "And as for who 'they' are, I have no idea. I was knocked out by whoever kicked the window in." Neji pointed at the window behind him.
A small sweatdrop appeared on the side of Lee's head. He desperately fought to control it. "Ah, yes," he said hurriedly, hoping Neji wouldn't remember that it was Lee who had kicked the window, "'they' are Tenten, Ino and Gai-sensei."
Neji's expression turned dark. Lee panicked, thinking Neji remembered just who had "Dynamic Entry-ed" through the window.
He stood up quickly and said, "Let us pursue them," and then jumped through the window. He didn't hear any glass shatter, so he knew Neji had been right about the illusion technique.
He ran quickly down the road, though he wasn't sure where he was heading. He was more focused on getting away from Neji, who he was worried was going to hurt him.
Neji stared after Lee, looking at the huge dust-trail his friend had made in his haste to find Ino, Tenten, and Gai. I wonder if Gai tried to give him the talk, too? Neji thought, unable to think of any other reason for Lee wanting to catch up to them so badly. Oh well, at least I don't have to go find Gai, too. Lee will just think I went the wrong way or got lost or something. Neji was very pleased by this thought and he smiled happily and skipped away.
Everyone stared. What was Neji doing?
"Leave me alone!" he yelled at them. "I'm happy because I don't have to listen to Gai-sensei talk about the Passion of Youth anymore!" He glowered for a second but then his smile returned.
The citizens of Konoha nodded sympathetically. Many of them remembered the day when Maito Gai was giving his Youthful Passion lessons in the park, where they had innocently strayed, and they shuddered involuntarily, and looked at Neji with newfound respect. He was able to walk so soon after going through that?
Tenten and Ino had their own plan. Tenten wasn't sure when, why, or how, but somewhere along the line, she knew the plan she had formed with Gai-sensei that morning had gone out the window. Now, she was left with no choice but to confide in Ino and try to confess her love while she still had the courage.
And that meant she had to act fast because she was getting more and more convinced that this was a bad idea and that she should just give up now, while she still had some of her pride.
"Come on," Ino whispered now.
Tenten nodded, and the two jumped gracefully down from the side of the building, landing neatly on the ground in a crouch.
They crept along the back of the buildings in Konoha's main street, using all the stealth their shinobi training had taught them.
The two kunoichi heard a terrible noise, and they stopped to peek in through a window in one of Konoha's bars.
Their eyes widened.
Neji stood on the stage of the bar, a bottle in one hand and a microphone in the other. His mouth was wide open and they suddenly realize the droning noise they had been hearing for a while was coming from here. Coming from Neji.
His hips swung and he dipped his back down as he hit a part of the song requiring dramatic dancing. He flung himself back up and pushed the last note out of his lungs, this time dipping forward to the floor of the stage. He bowed when he had finished and the amused bar clapped and cat-called and dog-whistled. Neji took a large swig from the bottle, but refused to get off the stage or relinquish the microphone.
He began to sing without any backup from the karaoke machine.
"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII GOOT A-WAY FROM GAI-SENSEEEEEIII! IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO HIM ANY-MOOOOOOOOOOOOORE WHEN HE TALKS ABOUT , I'M GONE IN A FLASH! I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN ANY-MMOOOOOORE!"
The girls blinked. Someone in the bar threw a peanut at Neji. He caught it, frowned at it, then shrugged and ate it.
This prompted another song.
"I am eaaaating a peeeeeanut, a peeeeeanut, a peeeeeeanut."
The kunoichi looked at one another, nodded, then dove through the window, and tackled Neji on the way.
He tried to keep singing but blacked out, a surprised look on his face even as he was unconscious.
The crowd clapped loudly.
The girls ignored them.
Tenten lifted Neji over her shoulder and left through the window again. Ino jumped out after her.
The bar was quiet for a moment, then normal bar chatter began. The girls sighed in relief, and Tenten left Neji on the ground as they moved to carry out their plan.
Lee was determined to get an explanation of what had been going on today if it took him until the morning. Or the end of the week. Or the end of the month. Or the end of the year. Either way, he wanted to know.
He hurried in the direction he thought his sensei must have gone, but something distracted him as he passed through the market. What is that terrible noise? he asked himself.
Pausing, he closed his eyes and listened to the sound, and allowed his ninja senses to guide him in the right direction. He was getting very close to the noise now and he opened his eyes to see he was standing outside one of the main bars the shinobi of Konoha frequented.
One of our ninjas is drunk? Lee was surprised. He was about to go in, figuring he could stop the noise and see if anyone had seen Gai-sensei, when the noise was suddenly gone. Well, not suddenly. First there was a loud crash, followed by loud clapping, whistles and shouts, then there was silence.
Lee rushed in, fearing the worst.
The window on the far side of the bar was smashed in and there was a broken bottle and a microphone on the stage. There was no one in sight who appeared to be singing. Lee frowned, then walked over to the window.
His eyes widened even more than usual in surprise. "Neji?" he said. "What are you doing there?"
Neji was slumped against a trash can and appeared to be completely out of it. Lee jumped through the window and crouched next to his friend. He waved a hand in front of the Hyuuga's eyes.
"Uuuuuuuunk-shoooooo," Neji snored loudly.
Lee's eyes narrowed slightly, making him look more normal for a brief second. "Neji, have you passed out drunk?"
There was no answer aside from a loud snort.
Lee sighed, then lifted his teammate onto his back, deciding to postpone his mission until he took Neji safely home. Neji was a shinobi, which technically guaranteed his safety from any enemy that might be dumb enough to attack the city, but a drunken ninja couldn't really do much.
Hinata, Hiashi, and Hanabi walked into the home from the Hyuuga training area. Hiashi trotted off to his bedroom but Hinata decided a quick flop on the couch wouldn't hurt anyone.
Hanabi trailed behind her sister, thinking she would do the same.
Both girls stopped in their tracks when they reached the living room door.
Neji looked up from the bowl on his lap and waved stupidly. "Hi, Hi~na~ta!" he said in a voice that did not sound like his own at all. "Guess what?" he asked with a stupid grin on his face. "I'm drink!" he exclaimed cheerfully. Then he frowned. "I mean, I'm runked. No, rinked. Drinked. Drunked." He continued frowning and trying to get the word.
"Drunk?" Hanabi offered, eyeing her cousin warily.
Neji's smile returned. "That's right!" he shouted. "I'm a durnk! Durnk, durnk, durnk!" he chanted. Then he went back to eating his popcorn and watching Looney Tunes.
Hinata flopped where she was. Hanabi followed suit.
Lee was back in the city now, looking around for Gai-sensei or Tenten and Ino. He rather hoped he would find Gai, however, because he really wanted to know what the man had said to Neji and he didn't think Tenten would tell him. After all, he'd already asked once.
He wasn't sure where to look, though.
"Shh!" he heard someone say. They were close by, maybe down that alley?
"Ouch! Let go of my hair!" a voice that sounded like Ino's said.
"Are you going to help me or what?" a voice that was most definitely Tenten's responded testily.
Lee walked over to the alley way. "Shimatta!" Tenten said.
"Run!" Ino cried.
"Wait!" Lee said to the voices. The figures the voices belonged to stopped in their tracks. They turned. "Ino, Tenten, what are you doing?"
The girls exchanged a guilty glance.
Gai chose this moment to pounce. "DYNAMIC ENTRY!" he screamed as he leapt onto the startled Lee.
…who was pushed away by Tenten, who promptly got knocked out.
"Dammit!" Ino screamed. "Stop kicking each other in the head, for crying out loud!"
Lee looked at her in surprise. "But that's our normal greeting!"
"Um, yeah," Ino said exasperatedly.
"But what is going on?" Lee asked.
Ino sighed, then figured she might as well get on with the plan, even if Tenten was unconscious. "Well, Tenten wanted my help saying something important to someone…"
Gai chose this moment to speak up, feeling a little annoyed that his youthful entry's affects were receiving more notice than he was. "Ino, don't say any more! Tenten and I have a plan!"
Ino glanced at him and frowned. "Gai-sensei, Tenten told me that you were not following the plan. She thought it had been scrapped."
Gai's expression turned sheepish. "Well, yes, I must admit I digressed a little bit from the planned pathway. But I had to inform Neji of Life's Youthfulness!"
Ino and Lee stared. "Well, why didn't you tell me?" Lee demanded.
Gai looked away. "I'm sorry, Lee, but I couldn't. I can't break Tenten's confidence and I just do not think you are ready to hear this. Though I perhaps could have discussed the matters with both of you at once…"
Gai went deep in thought considering the Youthfulness of his students.
Ino turned to Lee. "Anyway," she said loudly, "Tenten wants me to help her tell the person she likes that she loves him."
Lee blinked. Tenten loves someone? Besides her weapons? "Who does she love?"
"You are really slow. In fact, you're slower than Naruto."
Lee took offense at that. "I am not slower than Naruto." He paused. "But I must confess I am not sure what we are talking about any more."
"Gah!" Ino screamed in frustration. "Tenten likes you, you moron!"
"Me? Oh," Lee said.
Tenten sat up, and caught the last part of this conversation. If she was Hinata, this would have caused her to faint again, but instead, she stood up and waited for Lee to say something… a little more encouraging.
"You like me, Tenten?" he said.
She nodded slowly.
"Oh," was all he replied.
"Oh, dear kami, will you just say you like her, too, already?" Ino demanded.
"Wait," Gai suddenly interjected. "I thought Tenten liked Neji."
Tenten and Ino gave him horrified looks. "No," Tenten vehemently denied.
"Oh… but then you were referring to... Lee?"
Tenten nodded.
"Oh… so I gave Neji the Talk of Youth for no reason?"
Tenten nodded.
"Oh…"
"What's the Talk of Youth about?" Lee asked innocently.
Ino and Tenten paled. "You guys should go get some dango," Ino said, pushing them away, while glaring at Gai.
Gai smiled sheepishly. "Another time, Lee!"
"Yosh, Gai-sensei!"
"Lee!"
"Gai—"
"Go! Otherwise, I'll make you cover the damage to my Tousan's shop!"
Tenten quickly dragged Lee away. The damage would cost a lot and she wanted dango.
"But seriously, Tenten-chan, what was Gai-sensei telling Neji?" Lee asked as they walked away.
"Another time," she said, blushing.
