Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect, BioWare does. And they do a damn good job of it, too. I also do not own anything I reference or joke about in this tale.

Yeah, I originally had no desire to do a self-insert story in anything. Ever. But, after reading a few good ones (credit to iNf3ctioNZ, Herr Wozzeck, and CPunchMaster for their great stories, you guys ROCK!), I felt compelled to write this. So, yeah, let's get on with it.

Also, I must warn you, this is gonna be VERY different from other ME self-inserts. How, you may ask? Well, wait and see. But, here's a heads-up: Tali is NOT the main love interest in this story. So there you go.

Warning: Story may contain horrendous language and excessive violence. It's a SI fic, what else did you expect?


"This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good." - Unknown

"There is no fate but what we make." - Sarah Connor, Terminator series

"Destiny's a bitch, huh?" - Prophet, Crysis 2


Matt

I'm sitting back and relaxing on my bed at my dad's apartment, fighting my way through another match of Mortal Kombat with some good old Godsmack blaring from my iPod stand. As I'm watching Johnny Cage chop Reptile's head in half with an epic fatality, my cell phone begins vibrating.

"Perfect timing," I muttered as I reached over to my bedside table and picked up my Sidekick, showing I had a text from Scott. Shrugging to myself, I opened the keyboard to see what he sent me, hitting the pause button on my iPod as an after-thought.

"Yo, just recruited tali on haestrom."

I smirked to myself. Scott was a good friend of mine, and a fellow avid gamer. The only problem was that he had never heard of Mass Effect until I got into it. So, I decided to introduce him to the series by letting him borrow the first one. He fell in love instantly. After letting him borrow it for a few days, I swapped it and let him borrow the second one yesterday. He was making good progress, apparently. My thumbs danced across the phone's keyboard as I responded.

"Nice work. U still playing as FemShep?"

As I waited for him to respond, I started another match on MK, choosing Raiden as my character and Stryker as my opponent. As a side note, it's almost impossible for me to take Stryker seriously anymore. Why? Because IGN posted all the fatalities of the 2011 Mortal Kombat characters on Youtube, and 90 percent of the time, Stryker was the guy getting the most gruesome deaths. You know, like getting thrown through Scorpion's death-portals. Or getting his spined removed courtesy of Sub-Zero. Or the helicopter-like limb slicing that Baraka does. Fuck, he even suffered at the hands of his own fatality of getting a grenade slammed into his chest! And, if that wasn't enough, his battle cry is "Police brutality, coming up!" Yeah, kinda awkward when he's fighting Jax...

Scott's text arrived right in the middle of Raiden's X-ray move, which I let continue before pausing and seeing what Scott wrote.

"Hellz yeah! Jennifer hale makes shepard come alive!"

I couldn't disagree with him there, especially considering the fact that I used to have a huge fancrush on Jennifer Hale when I was younger. She was such an integral part of my childhood, how coul I not? But I couldn't let Scott know that.

So, I rolled my eyes and typed back: "Please, ur just hoping u can romance garrus. That's what FANGIRLS do."

I sent the message, and the reply came in almost immediately. "Not true! I'm keeping liara 4 LOTSB."

Ah. Wise move.

"Well, she does become a major badass. Guess u can't go wrong there."

"Shame u couldn't romance miranda as femshep :)"

I snorted at that. "U originally could, but bioware pulled that feature. The files r still hidden in the pc version."

I could literally feel Scott's outrage through the vibrations as I received his response to the information. "Canadian bastards!"

"Relax, dude. U can probly do it in ME3."

":)"

I sighed once more, even though I was smiling. Thinking about Mass Effect 3 always cheered me up. It was the one thing that kept me sane, especially with college coming up. Knowing my luck, I'm gonna get some douchebag roommate with a goddamn superiority complex like that guy Pritchard from Deus Ex: Human Revolution. Oh, the joys that will bring. Whoops, my mood's beginning to sour. Shit.

"So, what do u think of the new characters?"

"Love jack, grunt, miranda. Hate jacob. Dunno about mordin yet. And everyone loves garrus."

I let out a yawn. Time to wrap this up.

"True nuff. Well keep at it. I'm probably gonna fall asleep in a few minutes."

"Peace, bro."

"Peace"

I pulled off my glasses, placing them and my phone on the nightstand before turning off the TV while it was still stuck on the MK pause screen. Raiden would have to finish off Stryker in the morning. So, without further ado, I drift off into sleep.


I was standing in the middle of a forest, the yawning mouth of a cave right smack in front of me. Utter blackness seemed to pierce into my soul as I gazed into the lifeless opening.

Looking down at myself, I saw that I was wearing black boots, jeans, a red shirt and a black jacket. Definitely NOT what I was wearing when I fell asleep. Well, this is a dream, after all, changes are to be expected. At least, I hope its a dream. Otherwise that meant I had changed my clothes and walked a big-ass distance while fast asleep. And I highly doubt that's what happened.

But my attention was again drawn to the cave, completely ignoring the vast forest behind me and stepping one foot into the maw of the abyss.

"Wish I had a light," I muttered, my voice echoing slightly off the walls.

Then some crazy shit happened.

What looked like a glowing ball of light, maybe the size of a baseball, suddenly appeared out of nowhere, floating a few inches above my head and illuminating the entrance of the cave. My jaw, understandably, dropped like an anchor. What the FUCK just happened?

"Uh, okay..." I said quietly. And, even though I was standing in a forest, with a floating ball of light hovering nearby and a creepy cave that looked like something you'd see out of a cheesy horror flick sitting in front of me, I just couldn't pass this opportunity up. I grinned mischievously as I spoke again.

"Wish I had Sonya Blade standing here in a very revealing two-piece!"

...

Nothing.

Shit. Well, it was worth a shot.

Sighing, I turned and glanced back at the forest before turning back to the ominous darkness of the cave. I figured that I had few options, and took a few more steps into the cave, allowing the glowing ball to follow me. It was being useful now, but the second I heard a little voice say 'Hey, listen!', I was gonna fulfill every gamer's fantasy and kill that fucking fairy.

Anyway, I begin walking slowly through the cave, making note of the single direction I seem to be going, my gamer gut screaming how some Resident Evil-type shit was gonna pop up and attack me. Knowing my luck, there was a very real possibility that some freaky mutated dog with a head that split open was gonna show up.

After a few more minutes of walking, the cave seemed to expand. The small, somewhat claustrophobic space begin to grow into what appeared to be a large, spherical cavern. For a split second, I thought I was standing in the goddamn Batcave. But, y'know, without the bats.

And then I saw it, on the other side of the room. An emerald glow that looked oddly familiar. Shit, my photographic memory was apparently handicapped when it came to dreams. Giving an annoyed grunt, I stalked forward, the little floating lightbulb-thing following me every step of the way.

It's only when I'm a few feet away from the glowing object that I see what it it. And boy, did I remember it now.

It was a Prothean beacon, just like the one in Mass Effect.

But this one seemed different, somehow. Less mysterious and more... intimidating. Does that even make sense? Then again, this is the dreamworld of an eighteen-year-old video game geek with shitty eyesight and a short temper. Things that made absolutely no sense were to be expected. But my thoughts were interrupted by a strange feeling in my body. A feeling of weightlessness...

...

Oh shit.

My body moves instantly, trying to pull me away while the beacon's powerful gravitational force lured me in.

"SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!" I began yelling. That fucking fairy-thing just hovered there without a care in the world. Yeah, fuck you too Navi!

No matter how much I struggled, however, this thing was as strong as the Hulk, and before I knew it, I was in the air, steeling myself for the inevitable mind-fuck the beacon was undoubtedly about to give me.

And there it is.

FUCK!

My body began screaming in agony, my entire being feeling like it was on fire. Everything from my feet, to the tips of my fingers, to my fucking HAIR hurt like hell! Shepard was right about this vision being burned into him/her; this felt like the pits of hell were flowing through my veins.

And then the images sweeped in. I saw all of it. Organics being butchered and annihilated, synthetics wreaking havoc on anything that moved, entire civilizations being wiped out in a short manner of time. I saw flesh being ripped from bone, fires engulfing entire cities, death itself raining down on the Protheans. Wait, was that a Collector...? Then the strange aliens seemed to morph, transforming into humans. Jesus Christ, what the hell was this?

Then I saw the galactic core, recognizing it from the final battle in ME2. I seemed to fly into the heart of the black sphere, and I see it. A Reaper, squid-like body writhing about, tentacles whipping around, it's many golden eyes seeming to lock onto me as I approached. And then I heard the voice.

"WE ARE REBELLION. WE ARE PENANCE. WE ARE ISCARIOT. OUT OF CHAOS COMES ORDER, OUT OF DESPAIR COMES HOPE. UNITY IS THE KEY. WE GIVE YOU THESE GIFTS IN ANTICIPATION OF OUR BROTHERS' ARRIVAL. USE THEM WELL, MATTHEW."

I don't know what stunned me more, the fact that a Reaper was talking to me, or that it actually said my name. I didn't have time to ponder what I had just experienced, as my pain seemed to intensify and focus on a single point at the back of my skull, my mouth opening and a scream of unspoken horror bellowing from my lips. My vision went blood-red, and then all was black once more.


My eyes cracked open, and my head almost instantaneously seemed to split from pain. I let out a groan as my hands flew up to clutch my temples, hoping to alleviate the pain in any way possible. For God's sake, was my room always this bright? Fortunately I was lying on my back in the same position as I was when I fell asleep. Guess all that was a crazy dream after all.

As I contemplate reaching for my Xbox controller and chucking it at the painful light source, a shadow stood over me and helped block that fucking bulb.

"Oh, good, you're awake," I heard a woman speak, her voice thick with an accent I didn't recognize. But, then again, I didn't even recognize the voice, period. That fact alone made my eyes shoot open fully, even though I couldn't recognize shit without my glasses... Wait a second. My eyesight, it wasn't blurry! I could see everything so clearly, and I wasn't wearing glasses! Oh shit, is this a miracle? I don't even believe in miracles. My God, maybe that freaky vision did something to help me!

But, I wasn't even in the apartment anymore. Was I in the hospital? Did I have some sort of seizure that caused me to hallucinate those weird visions and somehow fix my eyes?

I glanced over at the woman who had spoken, taking in whatever details I could about her with my new eyesight. Fiery red hair, somewhat pretty features, wearing a labcoat. She wasn't wearing a nametag, which seemed pretty unprofessional, in my opinion. Then I noticed my surroundings, and froze. The pure white walls, the somewhat futuristic look of the beds and floor...

It all looked so familiar...

...

Oh, God no...

"Where the hell am I?"

Oh, nice one, Matt, you rude prick. You were raised better than that!

But the doctor (at least, the woman I hoped was a doctor) seemed to take it all in stride. "You're in my Med Clinic. I'm Doctor Chloe Michel."

...

Wait a second.

Wait one goddamned second!

Okay, reign in the paranoid imagination, Matt! There's got to be some rational explanation! People have the same name as video game characters all the time, right? Chloe and Michel were pretty common names back on Earth in 2011. That's all it's gotta be. There is no chance in heaven or hell that you have somehow been sucked into a video game!

"And, uh, where exactly is this Med Clinic, doc?" I ask carefully, my heart hammering in my chest as I await her answer. Please say Florida, please say Florida...

She cocked her head to the side, looking at me as if I had grown a monkey out of my shoulder. Answer the fucking question already! I'm from the South, our patience is very limited down here! Or there! Whatever the fucking grammatically correct term is!

"On the Citadel, of course," she responded, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. And for her, it probably is. She actually lives here, in a world that I thought existed in a game...

Please let this be a cruel prank, please let Ashton Kutcher pop out of nowhere laughing so I can yell at him and kick him in the balls.

"Like, the home of the Council? With the annoying ads and C-Sec and the Presidium?" I question her, dedicating every ounce of my willpower to not freaking out. However, I can feel my fingers twitching, a nervous tick for me. Keep cool, man. Control your breathing, just like they taught you in kickboxing. In and out, in and out... Ah, fuck, this shit isn't working!

"The very same," Dr. Michel responded. "Why would you need to ask such a question? You did check yourself into the clinic, correct?"

I shot up instantly, wincing as my spine cracked in three different places. The doctor jumped in surprise at my speed, looking alarmed. Shit, make something up!

"I can't remember, to be honest," I groan, twisting my body and allowing my feet to land on the floor. Looking down, I almost yelped in surprise at what I saw. I was wearing the exact same clothes from the dream, minus the jacket. But the red shirt, jeans, and combat boots were still there. Okay, not an episode of Punk'd...

Whatever remains, however inplausible, must be the truth, right?

Well, fuck you and your fucking logic, Spock.

Glancing around the Med Clinic, I saw that it was a little different than what I saw in Mass Effect. Multiple beds for patients, a desk that I assume was the doctor's, and a pair of doors at the end of this small hallway-like clinic that I guessed were bathrooms or storage closets. Behind me was the familiar wall with the large hole in it, and the door that indicated the exit. The same place Shepard walks in to find Garrus saving the doctor from Fist's thugs...

I shake my head quickly, snapping myself out of those thoughts. If I really am in the ME universe, and I'm still very speculative about that fact, then Shepard and the gang must be here too...

I turned and indicated the doctor with my newly-rejuvenated eyes.

"And what year is it?" I ask.

Now the doctor seemed to be getting worried. "2183. Have you been experiencing frequent memory loss, Mr. *******?"

Oh shit, she knew my last name! Guess she was telling the truth about me being checked in.

Hm, gotta think up a convincing lie. If this is anything like those self-insert fanfics I would always read, I had to come up with a fake background and history. Fortunately, making up lies on the spot is one of my greatest talents.

"I'm not sure. I think I might have had too much to drink with my friends last night," I begin, allowing a brilliant lie to pop into my head almost instantaneously. Put your acting face on, and...

"Oh, shit, what if they left without me?" I yelled, filling my voice with just the right amount of panic. It's ironic really; I can't act for shit when it comes to plays or film clips, but when it comes to lies and fabrications, I'm Jack fucking Nicholson.

The doctor's eyebrows rose. "Left without you?"

I nod. "Yeah, we were celebrating my friend Jacob getting married, and we went out for drinks, and we were supposed to take a shuttle back to Earth the day after!"

Dr. Michel looked concerned. "Oh, dear. Is there anyone on the Citadel you can contact for help?"

I shake my head and grip the sides of my hair. "No, and I think I lost all my credits playing Quasar last night." Facepalm myself for dramatic effect. "Dumbass!"

Now bring me my goddamn Oscar.

I look over at Dr. Michel again, who's staring at the back of my head with a contemplative look.

"Are you part of the Alliance, Mr. *******?" she asked.

I blink in surprise. Not the question I was expecting. "No, why?"

"You have what appears to be a biotic amp on the back of your skull."

...

My rational thought process just flew out the window.

With a shaking right hand, I reach up and into my short black hair, my fingers probing at the back of my head, hoping against hope that a screw or bolt got stuck in my hair, and that was it...

No such luck.

There it is. A piece of metal attached to the very back of my head, and I knew it was wired directly into my skull. I don't know how or why, but that Prothean beacon and/or Reaper had just turned me into a motherfucking biotic.

In the words of Gabriel Iglesias...

Oh hell no.


Yeah, so that's the first chapter. As for the biotic amp? Well, I wanted my fic to be a little different from all the other SIs out there. Had to spice things up a bit, do you know what I am saying?

Also, as for the main love interest? I'm keeping that a surprise for now. Keep checking back if you wanna find out who it is.

Well, anyway, reviews and criticisms appreciated. Big thanks to my friend KroganThrashballer83 for helping me out with this fic. You're the best, dude!