I lay in bed with my eyes closed, my head pounding, my stomach in knots. My mind goes back to the bath I took Christian back when I was still his… whatever I was.

"I like you tied up in knots."

"Well you'd love to see me know Grey" I groan internally. "I'm a total mess, and it's all your fault."

"But is it really?" my subconscious snarls. "You knew what you were getting yourself into."

It's true, I knew, but I guess I didn't realize how much this would all hurt. I didn't realize how invested I'd get, how much I'd fall for him. I love him. I really do. I'm crazy, head over heels, totally gone in love with this man. This enigma of a man. This man who wants to hurt me.

I can't do it though. I can't be what he needs. He was right. I'm a bad submissive, if that's even what I ever really was.

Damn it though, I miss him. I miss his smell, his touch. To think that I'll never be with him again, that I'll never make love to him again…

"It's not going to happen, so you might as well get over it" my subconscious chimes in once again.

I have no idea what time it is, so I turn to gaze at my alarm clock. 7:00. As I open my eyes, the light causes my head to pound even harder. What the hell happened last night? I look on the floor of my bedroom and see an empty bottle of wine. I don't even remember buying wine. Man, I must have gotten wasted.

I should get up, there are things I need to do today. I should find a job, and get set up in my new apartment. But, Holy Crap am I hung over.

I take a deep breath as I struggle to sit up, but feel an arm reach out to pull me back.

What the hell!? Someone's in my bed. Oh fuck, did I… Did I take Christian back? Is that where the wine came from? Did he talk his way back into bed with me? Oh no, this doesn't change anything. Things are the same between us. Nothing's changed. He still wants a sub, and I'm still not willing to do that.

I struggle out of his arms.

"Where are you going gorgeous?" a familiar voice replies huskily.

His voice is familiar, but it isn't Christian's. Oh my God, what have I done?

"Paul?" I gape horrified.

"Hey" he says as he runs his finger down my arm.

"What- What happened?" I ask shakily.

"You don't remember?" he asks, a wide grin spreading across his face.

I shake my head.

"Well you were pretty plastered" he laughs.

"We got drunk together?" I ask skeptically.

"Yeah" he answers. "But, I mean, you were already drunk when I got here."

"Really?" I cringe.

"Yeah, you drunk dialed me."

My mind instantly goes back to the last time I drunk dialed someone- Christian. God, why couldn't it have been Christian I called this time. Why did it have to be- Oh God, what have I done? No more alcohol for me…ever.

"Paul, I am so sorry" I mutter as I scramble to find my clothes.

"Sorry for what?" he laughs.

"I didn't mean to- I don't."

"Oh Ana, it's cool" he shrugs. "I didn't like think you were in love with me or anything."

My subconscious has her arms folded and is shaking her head at me. "Sleeping with yet another man that doesn't love you, you're on a roll Steele."

"Yeah, well I don't really have a lot here for breakfast" I say nervously as I throw a robe on, trying to give him the hint that I want him to leave.

"I'm not hungry" he replies grinning widely. Oh God, he doesn't think we're going to do it again, does he?

"Well, I have a lot to do today so…"

"You want me to go?" he asks sounding dejected.

I nod as I stare at the floor. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine" he says nonchalantly.

He gets out of bed and stands to his feet as he collects his clothes, and Holy crap! He's naked. Of course he'd be naked, he's naked because we had sex. This is so surreal.

"I had fun" he says as he kisses the top of my head. "Feel better."

"Thanks" I say softly as he walks out.

I take a deep breath and sit on the edge of my bed. What have I done, and why? Why the hell would I call Paul of all people for emotional support. This whole thing just makes no sense. I hardly even recognize myself anymore. This isn't me. I don't do this. I don't get wasted and sleep around. I'm more responsible than that. What has Christian done to me?

"Don't blame him!" my subconscious snaps. "This one's all on you."

I pick up the bottle of wine and stare at it. There is a little bit left. Maybe a little hair of the dog that bit me would help. As I take a swig but am interrupted when the doorbell rings. I look myself over in the mirror and sigh. I really hope it isn't someone I know at the door my hair's a mess, my makeups smeared, I'm wearing a raggedy old bathrobe. The least I can do is put the bottle of wine down so I don't make it entirely obvious that I'm hung-over.

"Who is it?" I ask hoarsely as I walk to the door. There's no answer. "Hello?" I repeat. "Who's there?"

I fling the door open and my jaw drops when I see who's standing there.

"Christian?" I ask as I rub my eyes.

"What the hell Anastasia?" he yells, and he sounds so furious.

"Please" I beg as my head responds with a resounding pound. "Please don't scream."

"You slept with that fucker from the hardware store?"

"How do you know that?" I gasp.

"That doesn't matter" he says as he runs his hands through his hair. "You are mine" he says in a lower voice, his eyes darkening.

"Not anymore" I mutter.

"Why?" he asks as his voice breaks.

"Why what?"

"Why did you do this!? You never did this before you met me, now we're apart for five days and you… Why!? We're you trying to make me jealous!?"

"No" I reply angrily as I cross my hands over my chest.

"Then why?" he hisses.

"I don't really remember" I mutter as I stare at the floor.

"What?" he asks through gritted teeth.

"I don't remember it Christian! I don't remember any of it I was wasted."

"So he got you drunk?" he asks rubbing his forehead.

"No, apparently I did that on my own, and then drunk dialed him" I explain ashamed.

"So he took advantage of you?" he asks his eyes darkening further.

"No" I argue. "No, Paul wouldn't have done that. That isn't what happened."

"From what you just told me it sounds like that's exactly what happened!" he yells. "Son of a bitch! How'd I let this happen."

"You didn't let anything happen, for God's sakes we aren't even together!"

He stares at me sadly for a moment and then storms out the door.

"Where are you going?" I call out.

"I'm going to find him" he spits back angrily.

Oh shit. "Christian" I call out as I run after him, but it's too late, he's already out of site.

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