Hello there, this is my first attempt at a Pharmercy fic, I tried to keep as many things canon as possible but since it is a fic, it'll have some of my head canons too. Hope you enjoy :3
They had lied to her.
The afternoon sun was slipping behind the horizon as the evening sky morphed from day to night. Fareeha stood in silence. The dust desert breeze did nothing to cool off Fareeha. The sun's warmth envelops her and threatens to suffocate her if she stays here too long. Sweat slides down her neck and gathers on her forehead. Looking down at the simple stone slab, she thinks how those closest to her would say things would get easier or how she would eventually come to terms with her loss.
It had all been a lie.
Fareeha did not feel any better knowing her mother was gone, she had not come to terms and things definitely did not feel easier. She knelt down to rub off some dirt from the hollow words staring back at her.
Ana Amari
Courageous Soldier-Loyal Friend-Loving Mother.
Fareeha shaker her head, trying to free herself of the memories that flash through her mind of her mother and her. How her mother had shown her Overwatch, showed her fighting moves, told her of her missions and introduced her to Jack and Gabriel. She remembers how her mother had taught her to make tea and when the two shared a pot, it became Fareeha's favorite thing to do with her mother. They were the happier days of her childhood where her mother Ana would spend the day showing her pictures from all around the world or tell her about the mission she had just returned home from.
Fareeha's throat tightens as her heart squeezes in her chest, the unmistakable burning in her eyes. She can't decide if it's from the memories she longs for again or for the sheer fact at how few she has to recall with her mother.
She was always off fighting in her war.
Fareeha stands and wipes away the tears gathering at her eyes. She clears her throat before walking away from the grave. She's lost count how many times she's come to visit in the decade it has been since her mother was taken from her. Each time telling herself she would stop coming so often, only to say the same false promise the next time around. Fareeha walks towards her motorcycle, engine roaring to life as she looks back towards the grave once more.
I wish we could have tea once more, 'ami.
"Fareeha? Are you coming to bed, liebling?"
Fareeha is awoken from her thoughts as she hears Angela. Her vision clears and returns to the skyline. She sighs looking back towards the city of Giza, the lights glimmering in the night. The city moving to the bustle and sounds of the bizarre below, the cool night air dances around Fareeha but she does not feel the cold. Instead she feels numb as she looks to the city she once called home.
Overwatch had sent them here on a mission to do some recon on Talon forces moving into the area. So far the team had found nothing out of the ordinary, and planned on returning to HQ tomorrow. The team had set up shop in one of the many safe houses in Giza for the past few days. With the situation being so calm, most had chosen to go into town for the day to do some shopping. Jack had told Fareeha he had a lead he wanted to follow up on at her old job with the Defense Force and had been gone since early morning. Winston stayed back to work on his newest invention with Reinhardt staying to keep him company. and Tracer had dragged Lucio out to go exploring the city, one saying she wanted to see the sights while the other said she needed her monthly sunshine time.
Fareeha had gone to see her mother.
Angela had offered to accompany her, not wanting her to be alone but Fareeha had respectfully declined, stating it was something she wanted to do on her own. Angela had reluctantly accepted the answer and took the opportunity to visit the local aid centers run by Overwatch. Fareeha smiled as Angela had walked out of the house this morning. She couldn't burden Angela with her sadness, Angela had lost Ana too. All of Overwatch had lost a comrade, a friend, and a family member.
She'd given everything for her war.
Now with the day spent, Fareeha slouched out on the balcony while Angela got ready for bed. Memories of Ana continued to flood her mind. The day Angela had come to her, told what had happened and how her world seemed to have closed in around her. Fareeha grinds her teeth thinking of the Talon assassin Widowmaker, and what she would do with her rockets should the opportunity to take down the Talon agent present itself. She thinks of the funeral, of the Overwatch members solemn and silent, of Angela holding her hand through the entire service and how in the years that followed she had grown up faster then she wanted to. The years had changed her.
They had changed Overwatch.
Reinhardt, Jack and Gabriel had given raising Fareeha their best shot. Until Gabriel too was lost to them, Jack did the best he could but he was a soldier. Tracer had become almost like a sister to Fareeha with them both being so young, but Lena had helped her smile and showed how to laugh again. And Angela, well they had gotten close over the last few years.
Fareeha had tried to not notice how the good doctor's nose would wrinkle slightly when she would laugh or how even after an intense battle the doctor could still look so beautiful. Fareeha fought the urge to sustain injuries just so she would have an excuse to go to the med bay to get patched up. She had grown up watching the doctor work day in and day out and she had never seen someone so beautiful but not realized how beautiful they were. The thick waves of her hair, or how her eyes shined so brightly some days they seemed to outshine the sky.
Of course Fareeha was a flirting disaster but after joining the Egyptian Army and growing up some more, she was soon making the doctor blush and laugh. Eventually Dr. Ziegler caught onto the fake injuries or questionable request, it was very obvious since Fareeha was in perfect health and took very, very good care of her physique. Angela would have lied to herself if she tried to say she ignored how Fareeha had grown into a very attractive woman. She marveled at how noble and strong she looked in her Raptora suit, flying through the skies and making Angela feel butterflies when the soldier would let out a laugh. Fareeha grins at the memory of the doctor asking when she could expect to be asked out on a date and how Fareeha had turned into a stuttering mess.
The night sky reminds Fareeha of the view from Angela's bedroom, how the lights cascade and blend together to mirror the stars above. She sighs, letting out a breath in an attempt to relieve the pressure she feels stuck inside her chest. Though the memories were happy, she could not shake her feelings from the grave visit today. These emotions strangled her and she desperately needed to break this grip over her. Fareeha jumps slightly as two very warm hands wrap around her center and she feels someone's forehead press in between her shoulder blades. Fareeha relaxes into the touch and places her right hand over Angela's left, holding it there, making sure this was all still real. That Angela was real, and her affections were too.
"Don't leave me, come back to this world." Angela murmurs against Fareeha's spine, making her shudder slightly. Angela squeezes the taller woman, breathing in the honey and spices that hug Fareeha. That smell had become home the past few months as the two had continued to get closer. The Doctor had tried to keep things professional, just as the soldier had but time had matured the young Egyptian into a beautiful woman. And after their first date, Fareeha spilling her glass wine all over Angela but giving her jacket to wear home Angela was sold. Angela was not blind to her physical appearance either, but Fareeha was kind, hopelessly romantic and when it was just the two of them a real goofball. That had been the deciding factor, Fareeha's nature was always gentle and made Angela warm.
Fareeha takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she grabs Angela's arm gently, pulling the woman into her front so she could look at her. Angela smiles up at her warmly before she sees Fareeha's eyes, filled with a sadness no one else would see. Fareeha wouldn't let them. Angela was the one exception. There was a trust between that Fareeha shared with no one else but Angela. She reaches up her hands, one resting on Fareeha's collar bone while the other touched her cheek. Fareeha continued to stare forward, putting together the right words. Angela on her part does not rush Fareeha. They've known each other for so long that Angela knows Fareeha will speak when she's ready. She calculates her every word and action before executing, the perfect soldier through and through.
"How is it possible I miss someone I never really knew?"
Whatever words Angela had expected, those were nothing she was prepared to talk about. The truth was Angela did not have an answer, but Fareeha knew that when it came to her mother, no one really did. Not even her girlfriend.
"She was your mother Fareeha, nothing can ever change that." Angela responds, running her thumb over those high cheek bones she loved to kiss. "She's a part of you, she'll always be inside and you love unconditionally. In that aspect you are truly an Amari."
"She never acted like a mother." Fareeha grunts, shaking her head and Angela sees the slight flash of hurt cross her love's face. Fareeha had never felt good enough for Ana, never important enough and certainly never felt like a priority in her mother's life. Fareeha became the perfect soldier in hopes it would fill the hole in her heart that her mother had put there, only to find that if anything it had made it bigger.
I had to compete for her attention.
"Fareeha Amari." Angela's tone changes into a serious one, grabbing Fareeha's chin in her hand to make the soldier look down at her. "You listen here, she loved you. And you have made her so incredibly proud. She just never wanted her life to become yours, she wanted something better. A life for you away from all this turmoil and chaos was her biggest dream. Never doubt that she was always thinking of you."
"You say that like she told you that herself." Fareeha mocks slightly, but she's grinning already. Her arms snake around the other woman's waist, pulling her closer and her chest rumbles with laughter.
"I know it to be true Fareeha, anyone could tell you." Angela replies with a grin. "I just hope with us being as close as we are you might actually believe me."
Fareeha can only return the smile before bending down to put her forehead to Angela's. These simple things, the few words spoken were all Fareeha needed from Angela to bring her peace. She closes the space and lays a gentle kiss on Angela's waiting lips. Then another and one more before picking Angela up and lifting her over shoulder as she turns away from the city below. Angela literally, and uncharacteristically, lets out a squeal of laughter as she squirms to get back on solid ground. Fareeha will have nothing of it and tightens her grip on the woman's waist as she heads inside to their bedroom.
With as much grace as one can being thrown to the bed, Angela recovers and looks up at Fareeha, fighting back her laughter. Fareeha smiles down at the doctor, mischief in her eyes before she falls forward crushing Angela who laughs and tries to get her off of her. Fareeha pokes at Angela's side and the smaller woman immediately starts laughing harder, commanding her to stop but the tears starting to form on her face only make Fareeha tickle more.
"Fareeha I can't breathe!" Angela gasps in between her spurts of laughter. Fareeha sits up so quickly Angela fears something is wrong and looks up with concern only to see mock hurt in the soldier's eyes.
"Did you just call me fat Dr. Ziegler?" Fareeha huffs before burying herself into Angela's neck, blowing a raspberry and sending her back into a giggling mess. Fareeha stops when Angela starts to wheeze and slowly wraps her arms around Angela pulling her close. Fareeha enjoys the warm feeling that envelops them both, letting Angela's heartbeat slow as she listens to it gently as Angela rubs random patterns on her back.
I miss her.
The thought is so simple but it brings with it the raw emotion from earlier today, Fareeha's throat growing thick once again.
"I miss her too."
Fareeha sits up, propping herself on her elbows to look down into Angela's eyes. Angela could always read her mind, Fareeha had asked about her super power only to have Angela laugh and say just knew her well enough. She searches for the pity the other team members gave Fareeha anytime Ana was mentioned. She found none, she only found Angela staring back at her with complete understanding and something more. Fareeha trusted Angela with her deeper and at times darker feelings; she cared deeply for Angela and would gladly give her life for the blonde haired doctor. She trusted her life to this woman, both figuratively and literally. She was all she needed. And it was times like this, where Angela knew just what to say that Fareeha was reminded of all that.
Angela had lost Ana too; Fareeha was quick to forget Angela had been but a teenager when Ana had died. But they had been close. Fareeha nods in response, taking in what Angela's words mean. They both grieved her after all, both had been heartbroken but had both tried to move forward from it all.
Angela smiles at Fareeha, leaning upward to kiss her on the nose. Fareeha gives her a lopsided grin before leaning forward to kiss her in return. Fareeha then kisses her nose, her cheek, her forehead and then gently kisses Angela's right temple. A secret shared between them about that certain spot. Angela lets out a loving yawn before rolling over to have her back against Fareeha's front. Fareeha moves off of Angela and to her side allowing her girlfriend to get comfortable, making sure she got the bigger pillow and that it was of course, flipped to the cooler side. She had even let Angela get the side closer to the AC so she would be able to sleep like she did back home, cold as ever.
"Good night, Angela." Fareeha says with a simple kiss to Angela's shoulder, settling into her pillow before pulling Angela close to her. Angela hums softly before snuggling backward into Fareeha and yawning again. The sleepiness surrounding them both as the day comes to a close. The trip back tomorrow would be a long flight but they would be returning home.
"Good night, Fareeha."
It was safe to say that most of the team were not morning people. The small group assembled on the helicopter pad at 0700 the next morning as per orders from Jack. The flight back to HQ would take off as soon as everyone was accounted for. Yet Jack was nowhere to be seen. The morning fog still covered the city, the sun just starting to peak over the skyline and the spell of sleepiness certainly had not left anyone yet.
"Typical. Tells us to be up before the sun and is late." Lucio jokes with , who at the moment is trying her hardest to stay awake. "Reinhardt where's Jack?"
"Excellent question!" Reinhardt bellows, laughing his deep belly laugh before looking back with a blank stare. "I have no idea. Winston?"
"Don't look at me. I'm a scientist not a baby sitter." Winston huffed, opening a jar of peanut butter as he sat down on the runway. Reinhardt was probably the most awake, or was just always loud.
Lucio just shrugs his shoulders before putting his headphones back on, enjoying his energy drink and listening to his newest song listening for anything that needs to be tweaked or changed. has fallen back asleep along with Tracer who stayed up all night gaming with the gamer girl. Tracer snores softly against as the younger girl giggles at her screen, something about her being a gremlin was on the web and she found it to be adorable. Fareeha looks to Angela who simply shakes her head. No one had heard from Jack since he went out on his own yesterday. The fog begins to lift as the team awaits their leader, Winston talking to Athena through his headset about the global news. Angela snuggling up to Fareeha's arm while they continued to wait. The minutes tick by and the team slowly starts falling back asleep where they sit while Angela, Fareeha and Reinhardt stay standing trying to fight hard to stay awake. Lucio has since sat back down with laying her head in his lap, sound asleep with Tracer lying across her stomach. Angela looks out to the other end of the runway and motions to two figures walking up to the group. Winston nudges Tracer awake, Lucio kissing 's forehead to wake her up as well.
Fareeha looks down at her watch to read 0839 and then towards the figures and sees one is Jack, carrying his bags but the other figure she doesn't recognize. It's a female, she can tell by her body shape. She walks confidently, prideful and is talking to Jack but she can't make out what they are saying. The female has on a mask and as they get closer, Fareeha notices she starts to slow down as the pair got closer.
"Sorry I'm late everyone. Got a little side tracked with an old friend." Jack motions towards the woman standing back a few feet. Jack sets down his bags and walks up to the group before looking back to the woman. Numerous emotions fly across his face, Fareeha is about to ask what his problem his but Angela beats her to it.
"Jack. What is it?" Angela steps towards Jack but doesn't take her eyes off the stranger. The team looks between Jack and the woman, waiting for an answer. Everyone is on their feet now, sizing up this stranger by force of habit. Fareeha feels a tension in the air between her team members and this stranger standing before them.
"Well, uhm, you see-"
"I'll take it from here, Jack." The stranger speaks up, moving towards the group. She reaches up to remove her mask. With the mask removed, a long grey, braided ponytail falls over the woman's shoulder. Her eyes are calculating and a piercing brown, well the one eye that can be seen anyway. The eye shows years of experience, calculating and cunning. The other is hidden behind an eye patch. But what stands out most of all is the tattoo beneath her eye.
"Holy-"
"Yo that's-"
"Ana!"
Lucio nearly spits his drink while D. Va can't believe her eyes, as they recognize the famed original member of Overwatch. Tracer barely has anytime to take it in before she blinks forward to get a closer look, Angela gasps and grips Fareeha's arm tighter. Reinhardt bellows in excitement and moves toward Ana. Tracer wraps her arms around the older Egyptian woman with Reinhardt picking them both up in a crushing bear hug. Winston has dropped his jar of peanut butter and bounds over to touch Ana's shoulder, as if making sure she's actually there.
Angela has her eyes set on Fareeha, searching the soldier for any kind of emotional reaction. Fareeha glances at Angela, who gives her a small smile as she touches her shoulder. She opens her mouth to say something but quickly closes it, changing her mind at the last minute. Something flashes across her eyes as she moves away from Fareeha towards Ana to stand next to her. Ana greets her by nodding her head gently. Fareeha was thrown by the reaction but she looks to try and search Angela's face again for an explanation but instead finds the stare of another. Ana isn't looking at anyone except Fareeha who now can't look away.
Oh, shit.
"Hello my little bird." Ana states, voice strong and confident but her eye betrays her showing how nervous she truly is. She takes a step towards her daughter, but Fareeha in turn takes a step back. Ana stops and lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "It's me habibti, won't you give your own mother a hug? You aren't afraid of an old woman are you Captain Amari?"
The gently spoken words break the spell that Fareeha had been in, her body finally back under control. She takes a hesitant step forward and before she knows it she's collided with Ana in a crushing hug. Ana chuckles and wraps her arms around her daughter's waist and Fareeha buries her head into her mother's shoulder, hands filled with fistfuls of Ana's cloak.
"You've gotten so tall. And strong too." Ana strains her voice and jokes before taking a step back to look her daughter up and down. "My my, you've grown up so much Fareeha."
Fareeha doesn't say anything but instead looks down at her mother's smile. Her eyes are filled with such sadness, polar opposite of the forced smile she's wearing. Fareeha knows something is off; her mother had always been a terrible liar. And wore her emotions on her shoulder just like she did but this wasn't the place to get into the whirlwind of emotions consuming her. She would ask what was wrong later. As if reading her mind Angela clears her throat and motions for Jack to speak up.
"Yes, well we obviously have a lot to discuss but we must get back to HQ and report our findings." Jack, as professional as ever picks up his bag and motions toward the aircraft.
"More like lack of reports." mutters under her breath as she pops her bubble gum and follows Jack. Lucio falls in step with her as Reinhardt helps Winston find the top to his peanut butter jar before grabbing their belongings as well. Angela grabs her bag and touches Fareeha and Ana's shoulders, waiting for them to move. Fareeha steps back awkwardly and grabs her bag before turning heading to the bird at a break neck speed. She doesn't know what is wrong with her. She has not said a word to her mother and now she's walking away faster than what could be anything but normal. She looks back and Ana is simply smiling and heading in the same direction. Fareeha stops to wait for her but feels a familiar touch on her arm. Angela.
"Breath. Not that I mind but I rather not give you CPR in front of anyone." Angela whispers. Fareeha looks down to meet Angela's warm gaze and instantly relaxes in her touch. She nods and Angela smiles, gently pulling on her sleeve to get her moving again. "They'll be time to talk when we get home yes? I know it's a lot."
Fareeha can do nothing but nod and move forward, her body numb and her mind calculating. Her observation made thousands of questions fly across her mind, picking up on everyone's reactions to seeing Ana and how Ana had been hiding something. Why had Angela looked at her like she had something to say? And how the hell was Angela staying so calm through all of this? Though Fareeha knew it was more than just the fact of her being alive, the feeling in her gut wasn't sitting right and Fareeha stayed silent. Moving with Angela but never taking her eyes off her mother's back.
Ana, back from the grave, would have a lot of explaining to do.
Fareeha was being childish. The second the aircraft had landed back at Overwatch HQ she had bolted like a bat out of hell, leaving behind both a stunned Angela and a surprised Ana
Ana.
She had been all she had thought about but she never imagined seeing her again, let alone sitting next to her for the past few hours as they flew home. Not one word had been spoken by the soldier or to her. Ana had been swarmed with questions by the team about where she'd been, what she had been doing but mostly she had told war stories to the younger adults about her old days in Overwatch. Ana had not spoken to Fareeha at all. Both either not sure what to say or just didn't want to be the first to speak.
That had been three days ago, now Fareeha had been heading to lunch when she had seen Ana walking toward her. She was talking to Tracer, when they both saw Fareeha they had waved her over but Fareeha had only raised her hand in an awkward half salute half wave before turning away.
Fareeha reached her barracks room and all but kicked in the door.
"Breathe. Just breathe." Fareeha said aloud, trying to calm her mind and her body. She had dreamed of her mother being alive, of what she would say if they were ever reunited and how she would tell Ana how much she had missed her. She had played this out this scenario in her head more times than she liked to admit. And yet now that it had finally happen Fareeha found she unable to even look her mother in the eye. She lets out a shaky breath as she sits on the edge of her bed, face falling into her hands. One of her hands run through her hair, her knee bobs up and down desperately trying to calm her thundering heart rate.
What would she say to Ana? What should she say?
"Glad you're not dead?" Fareeha says with sarcasm. She shakes her head and groans, falling backward onto the bed. What did you say to a woman that had been dead to the world for nearly a decade and then some? Fareeha would have to speak to her eventually, she knew that but she was sad to say she wasn't looking forward to it. As if speaking to her mother was not what she had been wanting all these years. After all why had she...?
Fareeha bolts up. A thought sneaking into her mind and clearing every other thought or idea from her mind.
Why hadn't she told me she was alive? She could of reached out to her, wrote her a letter or been discreet somehow. Could have sent someone to deliver a message, sent a damn pigeon something.
Anything.
Anger began to creep into Fareeha's mind, how could she do that to her? What kind of mother would just leave her only daughter behind to believe she was dead? How could she? A bitter taste consumes Fareeha's mouth as she stands from her bed in a huff, fists tightening as thousands of what if questions flood her mind but the bottom line was this: Ana had lied to her. To everyone. She ran away and left her family to believe a lie.
"Why. Why would you do this us? To me?" Fareeha snarls. Fareeha would demand answers from her mother but first she needed to let out some of these emotions swirling inside. Going in guns blazing was never her style and it would never work against her mother. She was scared to talk to her but at the same time she needed answers, she needed to compose herself.
Angela.
She would go see Angela first, gather her thoughts and then confront her mother. Fareeha changed out of her uniform into joggers and a simple sweatshirt she was sure was Angela's. The smell of citrus hung to the sweatshirt and Fareeha took comfort in the smell of her girlfriend's shampoo. Fareeha left her room and turned down the hallway toward the Med Bay. She knew this path by heart and could find her way with her eyes close. Many a night she would sneak away from her bedroom to join another in a bedroom with better company. Or sneaking back to her room. Fareeha grins slyly at the memory of the first time she snuck back from an eventful night with Angela and how Tracer asked if she had been punched in the neck. She pushes the up button for the elevator and taps her foot impatiently, pressing the button again and again.
This doesn't help but come on.
Fareeha enters the elevator and presses the button on a reflex, waiting impatiently as the elevator creaks upward. Exiting she turns the final corner and goes through the sliding door into the medical bay, Angela's workspace and at times prison. Fareeha spent entirely too much time here either from injuries she sustained or simply to be near the head doctor. Angela never told her to leave though, she liked having company and it was all the better if the company was Fareeha. Fareeha heads to Angela's office in the back of the bay but stops short when she sees Angela examining a patient's arm.
"Really Ana, you all of people know how dangerous hesitation can be. You should have gotten this wound checked immediately, it's nearly infected." Angela lectures the sniper as she applies a disinfectant spray to the wound on Ana's forearm. Ana simply chuckles, saying something that earns her a stern look and smile from Angela. The doctor wraps the arm before grabbing her tools and cleaning up the space. She moves to the sink and begins washing her hand. "Clean it before you go to bed and change the dressing if it starts to leak. If the swelling doesn't go down come back and see me and I'll give you a muscle relaxant to-"
"Thank you Angela." Ana remarks as she stands up, rubbing at her arm and stretching it out. She winces at the tenderness before beaming at Angela. "Truly thank you."
"Ana I'm a doctor. And your wound is nothing major-"
"Angela I'm not talking about the wound. I'm thanking you for the burden I put on you all those years ago." Ana explains. Angela closes her mouth and pauses washing her hands to turn to face Ana. Anger flashes across Angela's features but is soon replaced with bitterness as Angela lets out a deep breath of annoyance.
Fareeha stares at her mother in confusion but stays hidden behind the curtains of the adjacent examination room. What burden? The burden she put on everyone? Angela is never one to be harsh but Angela turns away from Ana and goes back to her sink, finishing up she dries her hands and gives Ana a look.
"Don't you do that. Don't you thank me for the horrible things I've done." Angela responds harshly, her eyes burning into Ana. Fareeha jumps at the venom in her tone. The doctor had always been so gentle and soft spoken to everyone, rarely ever raising her voice except in the swing of the battlefield. But this wasn't anger; this was distaste for something Ana had done.
Or had made Angela do.
"Don't you thank me for not telling them."
"Angela I had to go ghost. I had to disappear." Ana turns away as she says this. Crossing her arms in frustration, the older Egyptian woman looks over her shoulder with disapproval in her voice. "I thought you understood why I made the choices I did. You of all people should understand what it meant being a soldier, fighting the war we were and having to make sacrifices."
"I'll never understand why you had me lie to everyone about your death Ana." Angela strikes back.
Ana turns back towards her with slight anger in her tone, motioning with her hands and rolling her eye when Angela has an immediate retort. Both women begin to argue but their words fall upon deaf ears. Fareeha stares at the two women but the world blurs around her. She can't hear anything and her entire body goes numb as the realization of her mother's words sink in. But more importantly the words Angela, her Angela just said.
I'll never understand why you had me lie to everyone about your death…
Angela had known all along that Ana had been alive. Angela had lied to Fareeha all those years.
That was why Angela had looked to Fareeha first, not to Ana. Why Angela had not looked as bewildered as everyone else but had looked like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. It had been guilt in her eyes, as she had moved away from Fareeha to greet Angela. The way Ana had the look of hiding something and maybe why she had been hesitant to approach Fareeha at all.
Fareeha takes a step back, choking back a scream and the gut wrenching feeling of betrayal oozing its way into her chest. All those sleepless nights, the nightmares, that had haunted Fareeha and had shared with Angela over her mother's death. The visit to her mother's grave, where Angela had stood silent as she stared down at the ground where she thought her mother laid. Those long talks of Angela telling her it takes time to heal when she knew that Ana was somewhere alive.
Hell, last night even.
Those memories once brought her such happiness; they showed how much Angela had cared for her and how close they had gotten. But it had all been a lie.
She's proud of you…I know it to be true.
Anger swells in Fareeha as her hands contort into fists, as those words now registered completely different. The double meaning behind those soft spoken words making Fareeha sick to her stomach, feeling like a slap to her face. All of it, it made Fareeha's heart twist in pain from the dishonesty from the honest doctor but the sadness was drowning in the sea of fury that consumed her mind. Fareeha turns to leave and bumps into a cart with some examining tools on top, knocking them to the floor with a metallic clatter. She freezes and looks back to see the two women staring right at her. Ana's usual stoic demeanor is quick to change into shock as she turns towards Fareeha, taking a small step towards her. Angela covers her mouth in a gasp as she looks directly as Fareeha, those loving blue eyes rip deep into Fareeha's soul. Almost begging, demanding for Fareeha to stop looking at her like that.
Like a stranger.
"Fareeha!" Angela calls after her. But Fareeha is already running. She sprints down the halls of HQ in a blind haze, jostled by the demons closing in around her heart. She can't accept that Angela would do that to her. After all the battles, heart to hearts, late nights together how could Fareeha look into those familiar eyes and not recognize the Angela staring back at her.
She hears footsteps behind her and knows the sound of heels on tile well enough to know who is chasing her. Fareeha rounds a corner but her shoulder collides with the sharp wall. Fareeha sucks in a breath as she stumbles. Falling to the ground she sits up in time to see Angela round the corner. Out of breath the doctor bends over, hands to her knees as she catches her breath.
Fareeha is on her feet in the blink of an eye, turning to leave this unraveling spell behind her but Angela shouts her name. She keeps her back to her as she hears hesitant footsteps come up behind her.
Fareeha glances back in time to see Angela reaching out towards her arm. Fareeha turns roughly away, now half facing Angela. Angela jumps at the rejection, noticing how hard Fareeha is breathing and realizes it isn't from her running away but from the anger surging through her body. It grips her, her muscles tight and fists squeezed so tight her knuckles are turning white. Fareeha looks back at the doctor with her jaw set and a scowl with such fury Angela has never seen before. It scares Angela. The look of hatred in those eyes was reserved for the enemy. Not for her. Not from her Fareeha.
"Fareeha let me explain, please-"
"Silence." Fareeha yells and Angela physically flinches and looks away. She holds up her hand to silence Angela. She turns away from the doctor again to collect herself as best she can.
No amount of calculating was going to fix this. The demons were at the gate inside Fareeha and are trying desperately to come out but Fareeha tries to hold it back. She was raised to be composed at all times and she would be damn if her mother or even Angela would cause her to break that streak. But damn it all, she needed to say something. Fareeha tries to steady her breathing but her eyes are blurring, this was getting bad. Fareeha hated tears, but the anger was making her stoic armor come apart. Cracking at the seams and it was taking everything to keep the raging river from breaking free from within her.
"Fareeha please, it isn't how it looks liebling." Angela whispers.
Liar.
The final barrier inside Fareeha breaks away at this. She wasn't going to be lied to again, not by Angela of all people. Not anymore. Fareeha turns to Angela, taking one step forward which causes Angela to stumble back two as she raises her hand to point directly at the doctor's chest.
"Wrong. This is exactly how it looks. You lied to me. For years. For years Angela. And all I did was trust you blindly, I believed you when you came and told me she was truly gone. I believed you when you said I would heal over time, how you missed Ana too and how my mother was dead. But it was nothing more than lies!" Fareeha wasn't holding back anymore. The demons set free were standing beside her now, egging her on as she let her words fill with venom.
"Fareeha I was just trying to-" Angela begins, her eyes shine bright as tears form at their base.
"Trying to what? Heal me? By lying to me about her death? For making me believe she was gone? Angela you stood beside me at her funeral! I had to mourn my mother. I had to learn to live without her and you said nothing. All those days I begged for her to show me what it meant to be an Amari. The days I wished for tea with her…You lied, telling me how I made her so damn proud. What else have you lied to me about? Did you lie about how you felt about us? About me?"
Have I been nothing but a lie to you?
"Fareeha that's not fair." Angela retorts, the slight anger in her voice only makes the soldier grit her teeth in frustration. Fareeha knows it isn't, none of this was fair.
"No what's not fair is you keeping this from me. What's not fair is a little girl having to be without her mother, without someone to teach her how to grow up and live in this unforgiving world. What's not fair is spending Mother's Day looking down at a grave instead on into the eyes of the woman who could have raised me. What's not fair is the sheer fact that you got to know that she was alive while I thought I'd never see her again!" Fareeha fires back. She shakes her head and takes a step back. "Is there any other secrets I need to know? Or would you prefer to tell me 10 years from now?"
Fareeha lets the words fill the space between them, the anger swirling around her and blurring her vision as she stares at Angela. As soon as the harsh comments leave her mouth, Angela's eyes flash with hurt. Angela feels like she's been slapped the way her face falls, physically shaking as Fareeha's anger bleeds into her heart. She looks down at the ground and simply shaker her head at Fareeha's bombardment of questions.
Say something Angela. Please.
Fareeha wants to continue, to let out all of the toxic emotions that she feels. She almost wants the guilty woman to be angry and to yell back. To hurt her, to make her feel anything but this sickness that controls her. She wants Angela to hurt her more, to justify the demons that are snarling in her chest. Fareeha looks away and turns away from the doctor. She waits. Expecting, no daring, Angela to have a retort or to try to explain her actions but all Fareeha gets is a deafening silence that threatens to suffocate them both.
"Nothing to say Dr. Ziegler? Seems you have a habit of not telling me anything." Fareeha walks away. Leaving Angela alone in the hallway, never looking back as she feels the tears drip off her chin. She presses the button and hears the groaning of the elevator rising to take her far away from the doctor. The ding echoes through the halls, as Fareeha steps on she presses the button for the basement. Glancing up just as the doors slide shut she see Angela looking at the floor, broken.
Fareeha is long gone by the time Ana finds Angela standing in an empty hallway. Unmoving and shaking Angela doesn't move as Ana walks up, Angela staring down the hallway as if there is someone coming. The blue eyes are searching the hallway, as if searching for an answer that doesn't exist.
"Angela?" Ana whispers, gently trying to pull the doctor back into reality. It does the trick and Angela blinks before focusing on the person standing in front of her, not knowing that she had been standing there in the hallway for so long. Ana is taken back at the tears rolling down her cheeks. Angela had held it in for as long as she could, Fareeha always hated to see her favorite doctor cry but now Angela wasn't so sure. She deserved every word Fareeha had thrown at her. All of that built sadness had darkened into fury and it was well earned. Angela had lied. No denying that. Ana reaches out to touch Angela's shoulder but the doctor flinches away, shaking her head as she wipes at the tears pouring from her eyes.
Fareeha had always been the strong one of the two. Angela could cry and be emotional, rant about the mission and sob when they lost soldiers. But this time was different. Now it was Fareeha who had let out everything she was feeling and it was Angela who had to stand and take it. It was her time to be stoic and hide her emotions, but her strength was nothing compared to Fareeha's. Her throat was growing thick, her eyes burned and her shoulders jumped with the sob that was pushing to escape. Angela had held it in as long as she could but seeing her Fareeha, her soldier walk away from her with such hostility was all she could bear. She focuses on Ana once more before turning and walking away from the older woman. Angela buries her face in her hand as she turns the opposite direction of Fareeha; ashamed of what she had done to the one woman she cared for the most. How could she face her? There was nothing to be said, the guilt would eat her alive like it had as she looked at Fareeha when she had yelled at her. Her pace quickens as she rounds the corner, disappearing from Ana's sight.
Ana stands there, watching the doctor link away. Over her years Ana had seen the grief stricken faces of many people, across battlefields and in cities plagued by war. The eyes were the window to a person's soul and Angela's had been shattered, her eyes were drowning in sorrow. Love was a painful thing, and Ana had seen the love between them the second she and Jack had walked up but this was new to her. Something Ana had never seen in the usually confident and collected doctor. She was heartbroken. Ana shakes her head and turns the opposite direction of the doctor. She shakes out her shoulders, taking a deep breath as she heads out to find the only person capable of restoring Angela: her daughter.
Ana starts with Fareeha's personal room, next she checks the courtyard, the library, and just about any other quiet place Ana can think of that someone in a rage would go to. It hits Ana hard, just how much she truly doesn't know about her daughter. She is walking through a corridor outside when she sees a muscular woman with pink hair sitting at a table underneath a towering tree. She's in deep conversation with another woman, much smaller and who is wearing a very thick coat. The smaller woman fiddles with her glasses as she explains something, motioning with her hands to her counterpart. Ana sweats just looking at her coat but walks up to the two women.
"Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt." Ana says curtly, trying to sound as professional as possible to these two strangers.
"It's no problem, vhat can we do for you Ms. Amari?" The taller woman responds, her accent making it obvious to Ana the woman is from Russia. Ana smiles knowingly, putting two and two together and realizes she's speaking to Aleksandra Zaryanova, "Zarya" a soldier from the Russian Defense Force. A remarkable soldier Ana had hoped to meet under better circumstances.
"Have you seen Fareeha?" Ana is blunt and gets straight to the point. Observing the scar above Zarya's right eye and how fiercely her green eyes shine.
"Da, she was heading to the gym on the elevator bout and hour or so ago. Looked mighty angry too. Very uncommon for Fareeha to show such emotion." Zarya answered, she looked over at the other woman. Concern evident in her eyes as the smaller woman touched her hand gently. "It is over by the briefing room, in basement."
Ana nodded and turned on her heel, leaving the two women to get back to their conversation. She would introduce herself properly later. She was intrigued to know more about this Antarctica project the other woman began talking about. Ana made her way quickly to the western corner of the HQ building, taking the elevator down to the basement.
When the doors opened, she was greeted with walls made from windows, revealing a giant assortment of weight machines, treadmills, a pool, a track and a few assorted courts for different sports. However, the sporadic figure in the far right corner caught her eye immediately. As she approached, the figure could be seen laying into a punching bag, landing combination after combination but the form was sloppy at best. Not something Ana expected of her daughter, however the intent of this workout wasn't form but to let out steam. The bag was taking a brutal beating, swinging back and forth as Fareeha kicked at it, landed a right hook, combination, uppercut, followed with another hard kick, this one a roundhouse landing dead center and causing the chains holding the bag to strain against the force. Fareeha if she noticed Ana's presence said nothing but continued her uncoordinated yet unmistakably powerful attacks on the bag.
"Your form is suffering my little bird." Ana chastises.
Fareeha stops momentarily before letting out a yell and kicking the bag once more, the hit landing dead center again but with enough momentum to bring the chains to the breaking point. The chains crack and snap, the bag falling to the floor with a thud as Fareeha turns around to face her audience.
"If I didn't want to speak to Angela, what gives you the idea you would be any better?" Fareeha spits. The first words she's spoken to her mother since her disappearance and Fareeha hates to see that they are filled with anything besides happiness. Or relief.
"Come now. When have you ever wanted to talk to me?" Ana simply says back, she sits on one of the benches. "If I remember correctly I always had to be the one to start the conversation Fareeha. You were never much of a talker."
Well then it's time we talked.
Fareeha stares back at this woman, at her mother and makes the decision that she won't be silent anymore. These past few days had been torture for her. Not knowing what to say or how to even begin, yet Fareeha was filled with the confidence to say everything she needed to. Though the confidence was fueled by anger, it was confidence none the less.
"Surprised you remember. I would have thought you wouldn't, being gone so much how would you know anything about me 'ami?" Fareeha sneers, she removes the tape from her fingers and wipes at the sweat on her face and neck.
"I did the best I could Fareeha, a better life was all I ever wanted for you-"
"Don't you do that." Fareeha interrupts, throwing the towel down and taking strides toward Ana. "Don't you sit there and tell me you wanted a better life for me, that the few memories I have with you meant the world to you."
"Fareeha Amari. You would do well to watch that tone of yours." Ana warns, her eyes reflecting the fire Fareeha was playing with. "Regardless of your current mental and emotional state, I did what was best for you. You don't realize that now, you may never realize what it meant when Overwatch fell. I did what I had to do to ensure your safety. Angela did not deserve your anger and here I thought you had matured into an adult who could see beyond her own personal emotions to see the big picture. I thought I raised you better."
I was not raised by you.
Fareeha opened her mouth but found there were no words. She stared at her mother completely in awe. How could a woman be so blinded that she thought had done her a favor by disappearing? The truth was Ana was still thinking bigger then Fareeha, Ana was calculating just like her daughter. Taking into account every possibility before making a decision, but Ana had only thought how her disappearance would affect herself. How it would affect Overwatch and her mission, her war she had been fighting in.
I'm still not your priority.
"Why couldn't you just stay dead." Fareeha whispers.
"Don't mumble Fareeha, it makes it impossible for someone to-"
"I said why couldn't you have just stayed dead!" Fareeha roars. Ana, as stoic as her expression had been up until now was now replaced with utter shock. Her mouth slightly open, Ana stared back at Fareeha with curiosity and mild surprise in her eyes. And had Fareeha not been staring so intensely, she would have missed the hurt that flashed across her mother's body. "I had accepted that you were gone. It would have been so much easier if you'd just stayed dead. I wouldn't have this rock in my stomach, I wouldn't have been unable to sleep, I wouldn't have yelled at Angela but most of all I wouldn't have had to have you back in my life just to realize why I had never been a big part of yours."
Ana said nothing, she simply continued to sit and stare as Fareeha continued to let out years and years of hidden away emotions. Ana was many things. Intentionally cruel had never been one of them. Not to her daughter and after all this time, Fareeha was entitled to speak her mind. And though Ana would never admit it, she had always wanted Fareeha to speak out, to be assertive with her emotions and to be brutally blunt and honest like Ana had always been. So Ana remained silent, waiting for whatever language and raw emotion Fareeha was going to douse her in.
"Do go on little bird, tell me what you are truly thinking." Ana challenged and she braced for it, she was going to let Fareeha speak her mind finally.
"I buried you. I mourned you! I had to learn so much from the people you left behind. Jack left soon after you disappeared, Gabriel was lost to Talon and all I had left was the scattered remains of the team you left behind to deal with your death. How dare you say you did this for me, you did it for yourself. All those years I grew up fighting, competing with the mission and your war to try and mean something to you. For you to never tell me, to make me go on believing that I had lost you…no mother does that. No human does that…I needed you. When I failed a test, when we lost a soldier, when I found Reaper…I needed you. But you weren't here." Fareeha was fighting to keep her voice steady, but it was cracking and her voice grew thick with emotion. She began to shake, all this time she had wanted her mother back. But now that she had her back, she held nothing but anger towards her.
"I fell apart over you as you ran away…"
I don't want to hate you.
"All the missed birthdays, the visits to your grave…you left me behind. But you know the worst part? I was so upset with myself, because how could I miss someone I barely knew? Why couldn't I hate you for what you had made me feel, how I had to fight for your love and attention. Why I was never good enough. I wanted to hate you but I could never, never bring myself to even say it aloud. All I could do was miss you…I have missed you so much it would ache. Always. I just wanted my mom back, I wanted you back…"
Ana stood then, moving towards Fareeha to grab her shoulders and pull her into a fierce hug. Fareeha reacted immediately, wrapping her arms around her mother's waist, pulling her as close as she could. Fareeha felt the gentle drops of tears on her shoulder, she was sure she was leaving her tears on Ana's shoulder as well.
"Fareeha, I never meant for you to feel that way." Ana pulls back to grip her daughter's face fiercely, wiping away the tears with the back of her hand. "That day when I finally got to see you, I couldn't believe who I was looking at. You had grown up so much, gotten so big and I didn't recognize my own daughter. The guilt from my lie consumed me, and you noticed it but understand this: You never needed to compete for my love, for my attention, for anything. And I was a fool for not seeing what I was doing to you. For what I was turning you into. You were my pride and joy Fareeha, you still are."
Fareeha, for the first time in years, smiled back at her mother. Ana smiled, ruffling her hair as she continued.
"I am a soldier Fareeha, and my secretive habits are something I have to learn to do without. Old habits die hard you know, but I am not the woman I was when I left you. I'll try to be better. I won't leave you again, I don't think my heart could bare it again. Not knowing how much it hurt you the first time I left. But please don't be angry with Angela."
Fareeha's heart sank as Ana said those words, the demons threatening to consumer her once more but sadness engulfed her this time. Regret wrapped around her heart, the words she had said to Angela. Her anger had gotten the best of her, and she had acted foolishly.
"Angela wanted me to tell you Fareeha, she begged me to come to your promotions. She'd tell me about how wonderful you were doing with the Egyptian Army, how many lives you saved and how you protected the innocent. But I made her carry my burden. She wanted me to tell you, or for me to let her tell you but…I wouldn't let her. You must believe me when I say Angela never wanted to hurt you. She wanted you to be happy. That's all she's ever wanted."
Fareeha stared into her mother's eyes, searching for deception but finally, she saw nothing but sincerity shining brightly in her those hazel eyes. She could only nod before ducking her head back down to hug her mother tightly.
"Don't let my mistakes be the reason you two fall apart Fareeha." Fareeha's eyes shot open as she took a step back to look down at her mother. Ana only smiled simply, a coy look in her eye as she taps her daughter's nose. "You can't fool these eyes little bird, I see the way the doctor looks at you. And the gaze you give her in return. I approve. You two contradict one another, having what the other does not, and two sides of the same sword."
Fareeha blushes harshly but hopes her intense workout and even more intense venting session mask it. Leave it to her mother to not pick up on her bottled up emotions but be able to figure out there was something going on between the two women. It had taken even a Lena a good month to figure it out.
"However, in that hallway I saw something that scared me. I saw great pain habibti." Ana says softly. "Angela is strong when it comes to war, to patients and to death but, when it comes to you Fareeha, you are her weakness. You must go to her. We will talk more another day. When we both are calmer, and perhaps over some tea yes?"
Like old times.
"Agreed." Fareeha nods, her heart soaring at the thought of having tea with her mother once again. She wipes at her face and quickly moves towards the exit before looking back her mother. She turns just in time to catch something, looking into her hands she doesn't really know what it is but she examines it. It's some sort of device but there isn't time to idle and seh puts the object in her pocket as she looks back to her mother. Ana has her back to her as she stares down at the punching bag that lays on the floor still.
Shit. Broke another punching bag, Aleksandra is gonna kill me.
"I'll fix that by the way. What did you just toss me?"
"Remind me to never get into a sparring match with you." Ana winks as she looks over her shoulder. If she heard the question she ignores and waves her hand at Fareeha in a move along motion. "Now go, Angela will surely be hiding away in her med bay study if my memory serves me well."
Fareeha stares at Ana for a moment before dashing to the elevator, a small grin on her lips as she maker her way to the very room Ana had mentioned. Fareeha lets a chuckle escape her lips as she pushes the button for the medical floor.
Old habits die hard indeed.
As soon as the bell goes off, indicating Fareeha has reached her destination her confidence leaves her entirely. She stares at the elevators door, frantically hoping her confidence returns but all she starts to feel is the guilt. Her heart clenches at the harsh words she had said, no yelled at Angela.
"This is gonna be rough." Fareeha sighs. The elevator doors slide open and Fareeha takes a step forward, although it feels like she's taking a dive off a skyscraper without her Raptora suit.
There's an almost eerie silence as she enters the medical bay, a few of the nurses are going about their business with paperwork or helping some recovering soldiers through physical therapy. Fareeha walks past the rooms and medical machines, their soft humming and the smell of bleach are almost comforting to the dark skinned woman. She had come to look forward to her visits here to see a certain doctor, but the certain doctor was most definitely not out in the bay. Taking a deep breath Fareeha turns to her right and heads to Angela's private study towards the rear of the ward. The door is shut which meant to most Overwatch members that Angela was not to be bothered. Fareeha wasn't most people however and stopped just shy of the door. Her hand shaking slightly as it reached for the door with sudden nervousness and Fareeha felt a chill go down her spine.
It's only Angela, stop being such a coward.
Fareeha took one last deep breath before knocking gently on the door, not knowing if just going in would be the answer. Her knock seems to echo within her, as if she's knocking of her own chest trying to see if anyone is still in there. Silence is the only answer at the door, no shuffling of papers or a warm welcome, nothing to indicate that the doctor is in or wants to see anyone.
"It's me."
Fareeha is worried to have said anything, maybe Angela might have opened the door if it were someone else but now that she knows it's her, she may keep the door shut. Fareeha strains her ears to hear anything, and she hears the slightest clicking of heels on tile, moving closer to the door. The sound of a deadbolt being unlocked is unmistakable but the door does not open, Fareeha takes this as the best shot of an invitation she's going to get and opens the door slowly. Coming face to face with a red eyed, puffy faced Angela. Her hair is in a messy bun and her glasses hanging loosely on her grey t-shirt collar, her lab coat is thrown haphazardly on the floor and Angela's arms are crossed. However her body language isn't angry or annoyed, it's subconsciously scared and heartbreakingly sad.
"How can I help you Captain Amari?" Angela's voice surprises them both with how weak it is. Her broken voice sounding foreign to Fareeha's ears. She hadn't expected such a professional statement, let alone to be asked a question so. Fareeha raises her hand to rub at her neck, a nervous habit of hers and Angela's eyes look up to make eye contact. Fareeha's heart bursts at the emotions raging inside those blue eyes, she sees sadness, longing, love but most of all she sees unbridled guilt staring back at her.
Longing for forgiveness.
Angela looks for only a second before glancing at Fareeha's hand on her neck and her face contorting to one of concern. "Mein gott, Fareeha, your hand…"
Fareeha's eyes widen curiously as she moves her hand from her the back of her neck to look at it. Sure enough her knuckles were red; some cracking and there was a small amount of blood smeared on the backs of her hands. No sooner has she checked her hands Angela has moved into Fareeha's space and grabbed both hands gently. The contact makes Fareeha blush, but Angela is in her doctor mode and does not seem to notice how dangerously close she is to Fareeha. Quickly using her keen eye to scan every bump and scratch on the woman's hands.
"They're inflamed, the cracking is from the skin drying out and the blood is no doubt from the impact of your hits on the bag's leather. How long were you down there?" Angela mumbles, talking so fast most never understand her when she's examining anyone but Fareeha was well trained in Angela fast paced tone. "Come here I'll fix it up."
Angela grips Fareeha's wrist, pulling her out of the study back into the med bay. Fareeha, not knowing any better follows behind with a hidden grin. Angela was a doctor through and through, no matter what turmoil her emotions may be in, no matter what personal struggles she was going through she could focus on others at the drop of a hat. It was like she had switch between worrying about herself and worrying about those around her. Fareeha had become one of the proud few who could help the combat experienced medic back into the loving, shy woman she knew Angela to be.
"Sit."
Fareeha complies and sits on the edge of an examination table, holding her hands out palms down as Angela applies a spray. Sitting on the table she was a good foot taller than Angela as the doctor worked on removing the dried on blood. Fareeha leans forward to get closer but in no time Angela is wrapping Fareeha's hands in thin gauze. Angela is so close that Fareeha can smell her favorite citrus shampoo; she looks down at the doctor whose attention is completely on treating her patient. Her hands are achingly warm as she wraps around Fareeha's palm, their fingers gliding across one another. The gentle touch does nothing to help Fareeha focus. She's supposed to be apologizing.
"Angela…" Fareeha whispers, gently taking the doctor's hands in her own, stopping her from wrapping. Angela looks up in confusion, and as if finally remembering their last encounter and how close she was to Fareeha stiffened and took a step back to put a space between them.
"Fareeha, you need time to cool down and to forgive-"
"I already have." Fareeha says soothingly, leaning down slightly to put her face level with Angela's. Angela tries and fails to hid the shock that envelopes her body, going rigid she shakes her head, looking away from the gaze of those warm chocolate eyes. "Angela, look at me."
Fareeha lets go of one of Angela's hand to gently grab her chin between her thumb moving her face up to look back. Angela still does not make eye contact, forcing herself to blink harder, the fresh tears making those ocean eyes shine brighter.
"I lied to you." Angela's voice betrays her attempt to sound more put together then she feels. "You had every right to feel betrayed and upset, and I was wrong to keep it from you and I have no excuse. I know I can never make this up to you, or to Ana or to anyone. It wasn't my place to keep Ana out of your life. You have no reason to, but Fareeha please believe me when I say I wanted to tell you."
"I believe you."
"I know you don't and it's-" Angela stutters as she closes her mouth and finally, finally looks up at Fareeha. Staring back at her is the woman she's come to care for not the harsh soldier that had yelled at her hours earlier. This was her Fareeha, a knowing and somehow warm smile graces her face.
"I believe you Angela. I was upset yes but, Ana came and talked to me. Well, kinda." Fareeha explains a bit embarrassed as she remembers yelling for most of her talk with her mother. "She told me about you Angela. How you wanted to tell me."
"Mein gott I did." Angela lets out in a cry, her head falling forward into Fareeha's and her hands. Holding them to her forehead at her right temple she sniffled in a shaky breath. "Fareeha, even if I had, had the courage to tell you. Even if I had gone back on my word how could I have ever looked you in your eyes again? How could I look at you and tell you she was alive? I couldn't do that to you, you had worked so, so hard your entire life to make her proud…me telling she was alive would of."
Fareeha realized at that moment what Angela was saying, what her words meant and why she had stayed silent all those years.
"It would have made me think I would never be good enough. That I wasn't good enough to know she was alive, to be trusted by her, that I still was not her mission in life. It would have made me feel that her war would always be at the front her mind…that she could walk away from me but not from the war."
Angela nods slowly, raising her head with tears in her eyes and the first few running down her cheeks. She raises one hand to touch Fareeha's cheek, taking a deep breath Angela nods again.
"I couldn't do that. I couldn't cause you that pain, so I just accepted that this was how it was going to be. I accepted the pain I had. I would bare it, I would stand by and watch you grow up and become the woman you were while she couldn't. I would have bared it forever if I had to, so that you could be at peace knowing your mother was so incredibly proud of you."
"I'm sorry I yelled at you, it was not you I was angry with. Her past decisions were not yours to pay for, and for that I am deeply embarrassed and sorry." Fareeha bows her head now, looking down at the floor.
Angela raises her other hand to hold Fareeha's face gently, moving forward to kiss her forehead. Fareeha looks up and presses her forehead to Angela's, hesitating only a moment before raising her finger to touch Angela's right temple. Whenever Angela got very upset, and cried for a long time, she would get a headache directly at her right temple. When Fareeha had found out, she thought the doctor was kidding but like clockwork, the headache would annoy Angela at the exact spot every time. It soon became habit of the soldier to place kisses there whenever the opportunity presented itself. Whenever Angela was upset. Fareeha moves her lips to place a ghost of a kiss there, Angela grinning as she accepted the affectionate touch.
"You cried because of me." Fareeha whispers, leaning back to look at Angela. "I also deeply regret, and apologize for this as well doctor."
"Meine geliebte, you are human. You get angry but seldom show it, you put others before yourself but have never hesitated to show me the other side to the mysterious Captain Amari." Angela responds back warmly. "And that is why I care so deeply about you. But please, do not take it out of the punching bag so much. You've broken so many already."
"Add another to the list I'm afraid habibti." Fareeha chuckles as she admits her newest victim to her, smiling down at her Angela while she grabs her wrist to pull her into her for a hug. "But I promise not to hide my emotions so much from you, and you must promise to try the same."
"Agreed. Remind me to never get you upset with me, you are chilling when you're temper shows it's demonic face." Angela squeezes Fareeha, taking in her warmth and that spice smell that welcomes her back. She feels something in Fareeha's pocket and leans back enough to look down and poke at the object. "What do you have?"
"Oh, Ana gave it to me as I was leaving." Fareeha remembers as she pulls out the small device. "I'm not sure what it is actually."
Angela takes the small contraption into her hands and examines it closely; she gasps and gives Fareeha a knowing smile. Fareeha can only look back in confusion as the doctor presses a small button she hadn't noticed. The machine whirls to life, small blue lights flickering on and the mechanism opens slightly before presenting a hologram. The hologram is of a small girl, very young with hair dark as the night sky in braids on either side of her cheeks. The braids are held by golden pendants, the little girl is looking up at whoever took the shot and smiles a goofy grin before laughing although there is no audio to be heard.
"That's…"
"It is. That would be you, meine schone." Angela giggles as she recalls the memory of Ana showing her this same device a decade ago. How Ana would brag about her daughter to everyone, how proud she was of her "…strong little bird…" and how much she loved Fareeha. How she missed her so when she was away, and how she wanted so much for the little girl. "Your mother would show you off wherever we went. Bragged even, always telling people you were going to take this world by storm."
"I had no idea." Fareeha's voice is soft, in awe as she stares at the hologram loop through the loving look her younger self gives and the innocent laugh that follows over and over.
"Ana told everyone how proud she was of you, and how she loved you more than anything. She just forgot to tell you, but she always carried you with her Fareeha. I told you, she thought of you always. No matter where she went." Angela hands Fareeha back the device and smiles at the child like smile that is on her girlfriend.
Fareeha closes the lid and the hologram dissipates, the machine humming quietly before shutting down and going silent. Fareeha looks back to Angela and cannot stop the smile that spreads across her face. Angela had not told her of her mother's secret but she had done something more. She had made sure Fareeha was loved, that Fareeha never turned to hatred when it came to Ana and most of all made sure that Fareeha knew how much pride she brought her mother. Her happiness hadn't come from the gentle words Angela would say on bad days but from the words she would tell her on the good days.
Your mother would be so proud. I'm so proud of you Fareeha.
That's her little bird, good job meine schone. Well done, there's my little bird.
You're truly an Amari.
All those times Angela had complimented her, Fareeha had just thought those words had come from her but now she knew, they had come from them both. From Angela and her mother alike, living on in her life together as if nothing had ever changed and guiding her along. And maybe things hadn't.
"You were giving me messages all along…" Fareeha says aloud as she realizes the thought.
Angela only nods before going on her tip toes to kiss Fareeha gently. Fareeha smiles at the contact, moving in to kiss her again. Angela giggles as Fareeha tightens her grip on her waist, tickling her slightly.
"Now what have I told you about tickling Fareeha Amari?" Angela gives her best stern look but her laugh throws off her intended effect. She looks up coyly at the smug grin of her soldier, before leaning in to kiss the tattoo under her eye. Fareeha closes her eyes gently; waiting for Angela to kiss her again but when she doesn't Fareeha opens her eyes to see Angela staring up at her with worry.
"What?"
"Ana is going to kill me."
Fareeha lets out a hearty laugh and can only kiss Angela again as she pulls the smaller woman in for a hug. Angela insists she is going to receive another Amari wrath but Fareeha will tell her later that they have nothing to worry about. That Ana already knew and that she had welcomed the idea. Maybe they would talk with Ana about how they ended up together and catch up for the lost time these past years. Fareeha kissed Angela again, glad they had made up. Glad Angela had taken care of her all these years and so happy she could return the favor and care for the good doctor. There was a lot to talk about, a lot to look forward to and a lot of hardships ahead of them but they'd make it through. She'd have a sit down with her mother and Angela and finally, would be able to talk things out.
All over a nice hot cup of tea.
FIN.
P.S. Pharmercy is so much fun to write XD
