*crappy motel in the
middle of nowhere, with Sam sobbing uncontrollably while lying on a
bed* Sam: Oh, Dean! I miss you sooooo much. I'm gonna save
you from Hell if it's the last thing I do…even if I have to use
evil, boy-king making demonic powers. *knock, knock. Sam gets
up from the bed and answers the door * Sam: Who are
you? Kristy: The name's Kristy and I'm here to make sure
you become the most feared puppy-dog-eyed half-demon king
around! Sam: You mean there's more then one? Kristy:
Silence! Now, we shall begin your training, Mister. It got
interrupted before. Sam: Ruby? I thought you were sent back
to Hell? Kristy: I go by my new body's name now, which is
Kristy. It's a way for me to start over. Turn a new leaf, you know?
Oh, and I brought help, to channel your powers. *puts hand
behind back and magically pulls out Bela* Sam: You! What are
you doing outta Hell? Kristy/Ruby: I got her out of Hell. She
needed saving. Bela: Hello darling! Aren't you glad to see
me and my lovely British ass? I have came back unburned. And I
brought a souvenir! *holds out hellhound puppy composed of
masses of shrieking souls* Bela: Isn't it cute? Sam:
Cute? CUTE! It's part of the spawn that helped kill Dean! And RUBY,
I mean Kristy! You were in Hell, you saved Bela, but you didn't
save Dean! How could you? Kristy/Ruby: He was enjoying his
time there… **************************************************
********************** *Dean in Hell hanging from his wrists
on meat hooks with demons lashing his fully clothed back and bare
feet* Dean: Oh, somebody. Anybody. Please save me! Sammy,
Bobby, where are you? Help me! *shimmery lights emerge from
the greenish glow of Hell* Figure: Bippty, Boppity, Boo! I'm
your Fairy Godmother dear. Dean: *confused look on face*
Fairy….God…Mother? Ok, at this point I'll believe anything! Can
you help me? Please! Get me outta here!!!! Fairy Godmother:
Where? Here? Hell? Oh, no, my union contract says that I can't have
any dealings with demons. Paragraph C of subsection i of the "Manual
on Mythical Benign Creatures and Beings" says that people who are
here are to stay here. Dean: So…what the hell are you doing
here then? What can you do? Fairy Godmother: I'm glad you
asked! Bippty, Boppity, Boo! *suddenly Dean is still hanging
from meat hooks in his wrists, still being tortured by demons. Only
now he is in a glittery ball gown. Complete with tiara and glass high
heels* Dean: What th…? What'd you do to me? Fairy
Godmother: Sorry. It's all I'm able to do…unless you wanna be a
pumpkin? Dean: No! Get outta here, bitch! You've caused
enough damage for one day. *she disappears* Dean: Why
did I think that it couldn't get any
worse? ************************************************** Sam:
You're sure that Dean is happy in Hell? Kristy/Ruby: Oh yes,
very happy. You know how he fit right in at the prison? Same
thing! Bela: Exactly. But since I have style it just wasn't
the place for me. Sam: Ok. Fine, I'll let him be. But I'm
sure gonna miss him! ************************************************** Sam: Wow, you girls are amazing! Bela:
Wait 'til the cast of Gossip Girl Girl's show up! Then it'll be
really smokin'. Kristy/Ruby: Yeah, Sam. Just you wait. Since
they are all underage it's even better because it's statutory
rape. Sam: *drunk* Bring it on! *has sloppy smile on
face* ************************************************** Dean: Must…find…Sammy!
He'll…know…what…to…do! *Dean is drawn somehow to the
hotel room Sam is in* Dean: Sam! What are you doing with those
two evil bitches? You're supposed to be saving me and you're
hooking up with them? I thought better of you, brother! Sam:
Dean? I thought you were enjoying it in Hell. That's what Kirby, I
mean, Ruisty, I mean Kristy slash Ruby, said. Dean: You
believed her? Sam, demons LIE! Sam: And why should I believe
you? You've been in Hell for four months. Dean: I haven't
got a memory of it. Except that these chains here *shakes wrists with
chains and hooks still in them* those chains in Hell were to protect
Hell from me! Because Dean scares the hell outta Hell! Sam:
You're talking in the third person? Dean: It's more
effective that way. Anyway. You must redeem yourself, Sammy. Sam:
Fine. Girls, you are now to join the cast of Gossip Girl. Have
fun. *Kristy/Ruby and Bela have excited looks on their
faces* Bela: Perfect, I think that it'll be much better
there. Just think! Designer labels and explicit scenes! Kristy/Ruby: It'll be perfect! *girls giggle off
into the night, leaving little hellhound puppy behind* Dean:
Oh, how cute. A hellhound pup! *Dean reaches for the puppy and
it grabs one of his chains and yanks him back toward Hell* Dean:
Not again!!!! Sam, save me! Sam: I'll think of something
Dean. I promise. *Dean disappears* Sam: Come on Sam,
think! What can I do? Well, I know that Dean wouldn't like it…but
he'd fix it in the end. But I don't have my Latin book with me!
Hmmm… *crickets chirp* Sam: Dang, didn't work. *silence* Sam:
Still nothing. Well, how about: *poof* CRD: Yeah, yeah, what'd ya
want? Sam: To make a deal to save my brother. CRD:
Fine. *waves hands around* *poof Sam's dead* Dean:
Sammy you did it! I'm alive, I can tell. I'm a real boy again! *looks down* Dean: Nooooooooooooooooo Sammy! *turns to
cross roads demon* I wanna make a deal. CRD: Huh? What do
I look like, Howie Mandel? Dean: You heard me! CRD:
OK, fine. *poof! Dean's dead* Sam: I knew I shoulda
made a clause not to have him trade! So, let's try this again. CRD:
You've GOT to be kidding me? *100 trades later with the
cross road demon finds both Sam and Dean sitting on lawn chairs
roasting marshmallows over a fire* Dean: This is the life
Sammy. Sam: We sure showed that demon. Dean: Yep. CRD:
*standing behind Sam and Dean shaking her head* Yep, two morons in
Hell for the price of one....
*hours
later in a hotel room off the beach in Mexico Sam, Bela, and Ruby are
having a three-some*
*a
dark figure washes up on shore, with chains in it's wrists having
found his way to Sam through the magic of Kripke's script and
obvious plot holes*
